fiat500 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I want to scream. Feeling downtrodden. It's been over 30 days NC which I initiated right after he called to confirm the breakup over the phone. I do not EVER want to contact him so this isn't the problem. So why don't I feel triumphant??? WHY. I've made it this far but I still lose??? He doesn't give a flying f##k about me yet I still care for him. Been trying to think of him as garbage for the past month like he's done with me but it's not working. Why do I still care for someone who thinks I am nothing. I'm so dumb. Stupid, stupid me. He didn't even care about the friendship we had. I don't mean a damn thing. Never cheated on him but I feel like the way he ended things, he treated me like I did. What did I do that was so wrong? Holidays are making it 100x worse. Holidays never affected me like this before. Was single for every one of them for the past three years. Never bothered me. I found reasons to be happy. Was not looking for a relationship when he came to me. Do not need a bf to validate myself but feeling so helpless right now. No urge to rebound or run into the arms of a man. But the absence of being wanted sucks. Why do I still care when he thinks I'm worthless.
january2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 It's okay, fiat. On some days, I feel exactly the same way. Unfortunately, there is no fast-forward button and we have to run through these rollercoaster emotions. If you need to scream into your pillow, do it.
Author fiat500 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I offered him a few dignified outs on a silver platter. I told him I would drive up to his university so he could do it face to face on his day off. But no. He was too busy and did not care. He not only finished it over the phone but through facebook messenger the night before. I am the scum beneath his feet. I treated him with nothing but respect and he spit on me. I f###ing feel awful. I think what's worse is that I still give a damn.
mikeey Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Holidays are difficult...but just think...if you can make it for the next 10 odd days or so....you would have made it! You will have survived perhaps arguably your biggest test. Weak little you! You're not as weak as you think.....Don't let him win!
Author fiat500 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Thanks, mikeey. I'm really determined to not let him win. I already feel he has a one up against me because of the way he ended things disrespectfully I still care though and that's what bothers me. I guess because I wasn't expecting him to do what he did and end it the way he did. He was telling me before we even went out that he was "honorable" and when things ended with past girlfriends he would make an effort to do it face to face. He was the one to usually get dumped though. Guess he was a liar or he really changed while he went away to college. He said some pretty cruel things too that really go deep when I still think about it. He's made it clear that he hates me and I don't know why.
Am4Real Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Rejection is tough for anyone let alone the cowardly way this person went about it with GarbageBook, I mean FaceBook and so on. Really with such a classless disposition can you imagine a life or longer term with him? I think working on you and making the best of it will pay you back dividends in self confidence why Joe Wacko or whatever we call him, spends his life running from responsibility and respectful communication. Seriously…he sounds pretty immature, how old is he, by-the-way?
Author fiat500 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 We're both 24.. I just don't understand why he would act like the kids that attend his college once he started living there. What's so hard about a respectful parting of ways. He did with his other exes..why am I the one that gets treated like scum?
Am4Real Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 We're both 24.. I just don't understand why he would act like the kids that attend his college once he started living there. What's so hard about a respectful parting of ways. He did with his other exes..why am I the one that gets treated like scum? Sorry if I missed it but how long were you two an item? When did he leave town? How far apart are you from each other now geographically?
Author fiat500 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 (edited) Not very long. But it was long for him anyway. He gets dumped at the five month mark by females. We were seeing each other since march. It ended November. He's an hour away. He left for college in September. I met him last summer when we both hung out with a mutual friend. Edited December 22, 2010 by fiat500
andrew23 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Fiat, you sound like a lovely and sweet girl. Just forget about him. He doesn't deserve your love!!! You will find someone who does and will laugh at this situation in the very near future. Trust me!
Am4Real Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Not very long. But it was long for him anyway. He gets dumped at the five month mark by females. We were seeing each other since march. It ended November. He's an hour away. He left for college in September. I met him last summer when we both hung out with a mutual friend. Well his history might play a part but so will college. It’s a big part of growing back and often pre-college relationships fail when lives go in separate directions. I go with my earlier comment of how classless his communication methods were. It’s not likely he “hates you” as you mention. It’s more likely he is a coward of sorts and when it comes to parting and is now embarrassed about the way it all came about. His distance keeps him in a good position to not cross paths and no communication means he cannot face the embarrassment. I’d move on and forget him by working on you. The sooner you get healthier in the heart the faster new doors will open for you.
Author fiat500 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 (edited) He deserves to face that embarrassment. Not only that. I shot him down a few times due to the fact he was going away to college. I laid out what would happen if he dated me while he was away. He would become frustrated and take it out on me because there's a lot of opportunity there. But he insisted he wouldn't be going through any changes since he wasn't 19. I was right. Everything I said would happen, happened. It doesn't feel good to be right in this case. When I was 19 I kept a relationship with my first boyfriend for 2.5 years despite being far away from him. I'm a rare case and don't expect people to be like me. I shot this new guy down so many times I lost count. I took a stupid chance since he was so persistent. I'm the only one suffering. Edited December 22, 2010 by fiat500
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