Movingthrough Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Hey guys, Would rather be posting here instead of breaking NC, so I have been thinking of a few things lately. Like in some of my other posts, things have become a lot more "clearer" to me lately. Doesnt mean I dont have my bad days, but my head has been in a better place. The last week or so have been up and down for me, like I posted in the other thread, it was my bday and I got a message from my ex. I also had a friend come up after, that is friends with her and I wont lie every time I see my friend it kind of reminds me about the past with my ex etc. So the past few days I have been thinking of the ex again. The difference is every time I think of her I know now in my head that I could not trust her again, and that realistically there were a lot of problems and I want someone that wants me. BUT the things that keep making me think of her has all to do with her new guy, the pictures and the plans. That friend that came up made a comment about how my ex was planning things next year her new guy. That stuck with me for days, and still is on my mind. Through out all of this my main issue has been that she could move on so fast, be happy making plans, post pictures all over and just not "like me" anymore. There would be times where she would message me saying how she feels this and that and I would feel great for days, never had this feeling of I want her back so bad, just more of a show me you like me more then someone else. It makes me think that most of my problem is an ego thing, like I just want to know I'm important to her. When most seem to be saying all I want is her back, Im just annoyed that she is moved on, and I have these thoughts of her messaging me saying I miss you or something. If you asked me right now what I would want to happen in my situation (being realistic) I would wish that she would wake up one day, think of me so much that she would message me telling me that, not even us getting back together....what is up with that? Anyone know what I mean?
carhill Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Yeah, you're replaceable and unimportant. So am I. So is she. Acceptance is key.
Capital P Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 which is why NC is so important Show her that you can move on without her and make her doubt her importance to you,
mikeey Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Yes I do. I have come to see that ego is a huge deal. Even though you don't ask (I hope!) you're always wondering "what's he got that I don't". Tough...very tough to come to terms with. My ex even had the audacity to tell me that her current bf reminds her of me in many ways. Tough pill to swallow. What I'm coming to realize is that well...if you've got a well developed ego, it comes back from a bruising pretty quickly....especially when you see your ex with her new bf on facebook...and he doesn't compare in the looks department....and you notice that her look has taken a beating since you last saw her.
Fern Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 It's not just men. I'm exactly the same about my ex and his new girl. I'm just hoping it passes quickly. *sigh* which is why NC is so important Show her that you can move on without her and make her doubt her importance to you I like this a LOT, Capital P...
PuertoRican Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I am in your same boat except I am female. My ex kissed another girl 4 days after we broke up and she was in our circle of friends yet neither of us were really close to her. What I'm trying to say is it hurts even worse when it's someone you kinda know. It hurts and it sucks. I am in the same position as you, I don't understand how they can move on so quickly or how we become nothing to them but trust me, you are not alone. I feel the pain almost every moment of everyday. It has been 3 weeks already and it is still tough. Be strong and we will make it through this!
Author Movingthrough Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Thanks for the response's. Its bittersweet because my number one issue through out all of this has been the fact that she can move on so quickly. Like I said in my other post, I feel that all of this is very simple, someone looses feelings for whatever reason, something better comes along and they go for it, thats what most human being will do, go for what makes them happy. BUT I have always been very selective with my words and if I dont see someone in my future then I wont drop the L bomb or whatever. There was literally times that she would say to me, write to me and "prove" to me that she would always be there, it wasnt weird but she went balls to the wall to show me. So when something ends your brain is like ahhh what?? All I kept replaying in my mind was how my friend was saying that she was making plans months in advance with her new guy, its like wow you are really that moved on?
ByMyselfForNow Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 While I'm reading your post I have the strange feeling I'm looking in the mirror. After we had a fight, my ex and I did not talk for two weeks. When I wanted apologize said she needed some time alone. After I confronted her she admitted that she had met someone else and she "feels the sparkle" and wants to see if that works out. I was devastated but also perplexed about the fact that she has moved on so quickly and she didn't want to invest in our relationship. Now, after 2 weeks of NC I'm starting to think clearly and I believe that the fight was just a pretext for her. I must admit it that the healing process It's really hard for me especially because we work together. I mostly try to bury myself into work cause it helps not to think about her. I feel betrayed and I'm still refusing to think that I was just another guy in her life, but I've learned allot from this breakup and even though I still want her back I know that this is not possible. Like carhill said we're all replaceable, we just have to accept it in order to move on.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Doesn't have anything to do with ego, it's just human nature to want a feeling or gesture reciprocated. You're just human. If a person in passing says "hello, how are you doing," it's human nature to expect the other person to say "fine, how about yourself?" In a similar way, you're just desiring to have your ex reciprocate your feelings. That's normal. Doesn't sound like it's too realistic of an expectation, from what you've explained, though.
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