jen_r Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I feel very overwhelmed with the fact that I will (not any time soon) have to sleep with someone else. It gives me a mild anxiety attack. When I met my ex I was so open and carefree and "ok" with hooking up with people. Now, thats all changed. While I was with him my views changed drastically. I hate the idea of "hooking up" with guys. I don't want anyone else to have me except my ex, I only want his hands on me and blah blah blah. Do you understand where I'm coming from? Anyone feel like this or am I crazy? The idea of hooking up with another man makes me sick to my stomach. :-( I'm never going to let go, am I? This f**king sucks.
homebrew Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 When you are over your EX (Be patient... It takes time!)... You will meet someone, fall in love and you will want his hands all over you and vice versa! You need to worry about Step 1 and not Step 34. Step 1 - Get "You" Back
LoveBug1989 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I am going through this right now as well Jen. While there is still perhaps a chance of my ex boyfriend and I getting back together (I dearly hope ) I have been incredibly fearful of thoughts of sleeping/having sex with another man maybe sometime in my future. My ex was the first guy I ever had sex with and he was gentle and understanding it in approaching it, and asked me if I was ready. Now I feel like I'm back to square one, which I assume is similar to how you feel...I can't even imagine being in bed with another man right now. The only thing that gives me *slight* comfort is the fact that most human beings have had more than one sexual partner and turned out fine...I hope this is the same case for you as well as myself. Take care Jen
bestrong Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Agree with homebrew. You are feeling this way because you aren't over ex. Wait till you are moved on, I bet you will find it disgusting by just thinking your ex hands are all over you.
J0N Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Not trying to sound like a perv, but since I've broken up with my ex I feel like I'm never going to have sex again. This is driving me bonkers. I think about this all the time, but with my ex. I guess once I'm fully over her I will persue another relationship with somebody else. This is quite scary to me now.
Author jen_r Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Ah, thanks for the replies. I know I have to start slowly. These thoughts just consume me. I know I'm not over him - and I don't see that happening any time soon. I just want....him. I hope there is someone out there who is more right for me :-/
dng Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I think this is a normal "getting dumped" reaction. The opposite seems to be true as well, the person leaving you cannot wait to get someone's hands all over them. In my case, she was with a guy weeks after she left and told me she loved having him sleep over and it made her feel much better. I was so hurt by this, it was horrible, felt like I would never get over it. She told me in october and that's when I stopped wanting her back and also when she declared herself ready to come back. I wavered for a week but never saw her again and had none of it. When she left, I had that limit set in my mind: I promised myself I wouldn't take her back if she did something like that. When I told her that, she said it was stupid and if I saw things like that, she would never come back. Today, I feel bad about it somewhat but mostly I don't care because now I see it differently. To me, it was a moment of weakness on her part, it showed the weakness of her character, which should not have been a surprise, seeing that she left. I told her to be careful because I knew she was very vulnerable at the time. The price to pay for both of us was high, however. I'm happy that I got to tell her that I hoped it was worth the price we paid for her to have that rebound thing. In my first breakup years ago, I was the same, I couldnt fathom sleeping with someone else. It took about a year to shake that feeling off, altought I distinctly remember it took another very long while before sex felt good with anyone. Nowadays, I really don't feel like that. I'm cool with it if it happens and if not, its ok too.
dng Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 If I may, I want to add a little bit more. In the end, it actually helped me move on. When she told me she had met someone, it was actually already over or close to over. At the time, she told me nothing had happened, but it wasn't true. The week after, I asked if she was still seeing him and she said no, but no details. I asked if she dumped him or something but she said "no need, nothing ever happened and it was nothing". She was completely avoiding that dicussion. I also want to add that the whole time this happened she was calling me all the time about getting back together but changed her mind every time. Reading on LS, I see this all the time, guys and girls, "but nothing happened". I dont think it's ever true. But I digress. Months later, she told me she wanted to come back but decided to tell me she had a thing because she didnt want us to get back together, me finding out later and have the whole thing explode on us. There was a 2 months period between when she told me she "met" someone, and told me what actually happened and in that period, I gave myself permission to start dating again. So I had a couple of flings and such. When she had the "get back together" chat she asked me if I had seen other people and I said yes and was more than willing to volunteer any details, sordid or not, to her. Partly to show my honesty, but also partly because I wanted her to have that bitter, cold taste in her mouth. What happened then is that she didn't care at all. She told me it didnt affect her, I gave her some details and she said whatever and was completely unhurt and unaffected by it. Then it all dawned on me: she didn't love me anymore. And then started the whole process that allows me to write about this today with some level of detachment. Just another proof that time heals anything...
Feelin Frisky Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 jen_r, I reccomend trying to be careful what you keep telling yourself about other men. If you focus on that you will just be reinforcing a feeling that could and probably should fade with time. If you're not over your ex, it's not unreasonable for you to think about him. Just becareful about the other message because it's projection of something which is not tangible and real right this minute for you. The longer you reinforce that digust with the idea of other men, the more you will forestall your recovery from the loss you're suffering. Be well. No one's rushing you--so don't rush yourself.
goldenrainbow Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Although I was the one who ended the relationship, I feel exactly like you. I am still very in love with him and cannot imagine any other man touching me. However, I am sure time will help. I love sex too much to even imagine my life without it, and I hope shortly I will find someone who I feel comfortable with touching me. Hope to feel the "butterflies in my stomach" again YOU WILL too!
paleblue Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 i remember feeling that way. it sucked. sorry, but i do understand where you're coming from. i didn't want to get with another woman after my ex for quite awhile. i even turned down no strings opportunities. i don't feel that way anymore. i promise you wont feel that way forever. i have definitely met way better people for me than my ex. which, in retrospect, probably isn't that hard to do.
creighton0123 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 What you're experiencing is normal breakup anxiety. Still, you wrote one thing of concern: "I don't want anyone else to have me except my ex" You should correct your mindset. When you have sex with someone, they don't 'have you'. You share yourself with them. I'd recommend taking some time to take care of yourself for a little while. Clean things up, practice living your life alone without being lonely, work towards letting him go and finding yourself again. *hug*
Author jen_r Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Thanks for all the replies! It makes me feel sooo much better knowing I'm not crazy and that you guys feel/have felt the same. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you guys, I was in a car accident and broke my wrist - its like god is kicking me when im already down. Shouldn't karma be after my ex...not me? lol
paleblue Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Thanks for all the replies! It makes me feel sooo much better knowing I'm not crazy and that you guys feel/have felt the same. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you guys, I was in a car accident and broke my wrist - its like god is kicking me when im already down. Shouldn't karma be after my ex...not me? lol ouch! glad nothing more serious happened. they say when it rains it pours. you are not crazy. hang in there! Merry Christmas
Author jen_r Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 ouch! glad nothing more serious happened. they say when it rains it pours. you are not crazy. hang in there! Merry Christmas merry christmas to you too!! Im gonna try to make the best of tomorrow =)
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