I need her back. .. ...

[Vloom]

I am in one of the worst conditions i've ever been in. I am missing my ex girlfriend on a ridiculous level. I suppose i should i should tell the story before I start asking for a bunch of advice though.

 

Two years (almost to the date) ago i worked with this sweet soft spoken girl and it was instant romance when we started talking. We started dating not too long after we talked. And before we knew it we were both out of our freaking minds in love. Nothing else mattered. It was me and her and we were ready to take on the whole world... Until... I decided i was too young to start settling down (you see i've always been a bit of a player). So without really thinking about it, i ended and broke her heart. The worst mistake i've ever made. Ever.

 

Well. A few months down the road, i start missing her terribly. I get in contact with her and start trying to convince her to take me back. After being understandably reluctant she ends up coming back. And it was good again... Until... She caught me in lies about what i did when we weren't together. Idk what my problem was... I feel so stupid for all of it now.

 

So we argued for what seemed like forever. So much so that ended up breaking up again. I looked at it as a mutual thing, but it definitely wasn't. I had done it to her again. I had broken her heart once again.

 

So once again, a few months down the road i woke up with a pretty much epiphany. I realized that she was the only thing in the world that really matters to me and i had to find a way for us to be together again. So i set out. First step was to change. To change the player side of me. To change the way i was more concerned with other girls when i had the only one that matters right in front of me. And i did. I changed my entire lifestyle for this girl. Then i had the adventure of showing her how i'd changed.. which was difficult. But in the end she actually ended up coming back. And we were happy for a short time but then...

 

We argued so much. Constant. At the time i found it annoying and stupid. This was because i didn't realize why we argued so much. It was me. All me. Always was me. I didn't realize how much i took her for granted. I always did whatever i wanted to do. Didn't even consider her most of the time. She would have done literally anything for me. She treated me better than anybody ever has. And i returned the favor by treating her like complete trash. I hate that it has taken me so long to realize this.

 

We ended up breaking up again. This time for good. We both agreed it was probably for the best. But now i realize how different everything could have been if i had just acted the way i should have. If i wouldn't have taken her for granted so damn much we would still be together today. Hell we might be engaged or married.

 

Everyone i ask about this always says it's too late... And honestly that makes sense... It stupid for me to come at this point and try and change. I should've done it ages ago. But i never realized it. Until now. And i have to get her back. I have to show her how different everything can be. How much better i can be.

 

I know she still cares about me. She told that. And i know that i love her more than anything. Ever. I can't handle the fact that it might be too late. I have to try everything i can to get her back.

 

I have to show her that i've changed, but she won't meet me anywhere or hangout or anything. She will barely talk on the phone. (i don't blame her. After all the stupid crap i've put her through)

 

Please... somebody give me some advice. Tell me what i should do. I'm losing my mind. How do i show someone that i'm different if they won't agree to see me?

 

And please i don't need to hear anymore "move on". Because that's not an option. At least not yet. Not until i've tried everything...

 

Please. Some one help me. I'm desperate.

[drmrid13]

It s really hard when you lose someone's trust. The things you are saying on here sound REALLY similar to what my ex has been telling me for the past few months. It s really hard, if you are coming from her perspective, to go through all the emotions that come with being lied to and being treated like trash. I would have done ANYTHING for my ex, and sadly I still would. But he can't change his ways, I don't think it s something u force, it happens when things like your current breakup happen. And maybe not just once, but many times. It s crazy how clarity comes when you look back on all of your mistakes. As far as it being too late for you, if you honestly feel you have changed, you should keep trying for her love. U don't have anything to lose, maybe ask her if you can take her to coffee so you can talk everything over. Tell her you understand her fear, but that you love her so much you never want to hurt her again. ONLY if you honestly feel that way. She's most likely just sick of getting lied to, tell her you want to PROVE to her you are worthy of the effort!

[WTRanger]

Fool her once, shame on you. Fool her twice, shame on her. I really don't think there will be a third/fourth time, unless she has serious self esteem issues.

 

You haven't changed. You'll screw up again. You have made surface changes, but your core still remains the same. You need years to make the changes you have claimed to make, not just mere months.

 

Go find someone new and try out your new self. Prove to YOURSELF that you've really changed.

[oczplayer]

[Well, for starters, you need to avoid any activity that will make your ex think less of you. If youre not certain what these activities are, a good rule of thumb is to avoid anything that you would be embarrassed to tell your friends.

Next, you need to give your ex some space. During this time, dont contact your ex at all. Now, this may go against everything you feel right now, but its the best thing for both of you. It will give your ex time to get over negative feelings they have for your right now, and it will give you time to come up with an effective plan to get your ex back.

If you have a hard time staying away from your ex, you may want to get your friends to help you. Find ways to distract yourself. Go out and have a little fun. This will give you a new outlook on your past relationship and make sure that its actually worth saving. Youll also feel better about yourself, which will make you more attractive to your ex.

Edited December 22, 2010 by oczplayer

[Vloom]

Ok. So I am giving her space. I haven't said anything to her and I don't plan on it. But I'm still actively finding ways to show her that I'm 1. Unbelivably sorry and 2. Still love her more than anything.

 

Sunday, I woke up and randomly decided to drive to cincinatti (from me that's about a three hour drive) to go to urban outfitters and pick up this painting that she has always wanted. I brought it home, wrapped it and took it over to her house. I didn't actually see her or talk to her at all in the process. With the painting was a note saying I was sorry and for her to please call me... Well. She did. She called me later that night and we talked for a few hours. Some about the past and some just small talk "how ya been, how's work, etc."

 

Essentially she tells me that she has given up and doesn't expect much from my efforts because she doesn't think anything could be different. And honestly I can't blame her. But I know they can be different. I know that they can be so much better. I told her that and told her I wasn't going to give up until I've tried everything to convince her how serious I am about this. How I know for a fact that we can be together again and be soo happy.

 

Well I realize I still need to step it up. I asked her to meet me yesterday so we could just hangout and catch up. But she said "no. I don't think that's a good idea". I kinda expected that, but still, it kinda sucked.

 

Well today I haven't said anything to her but I did make another attempt at showing her the way I feel. She works third shift so I waited until I knew she was at work, went and bought some white roses (white are suppose to symbolize a new begginning) and I put one in the handle of her door. No note or anything. Just that. She'll find it here in a couple hours when she gets off. I think I'm gonna try and get the rest of these roses to her in a creative way, just don't know how. Any ideas?

 

And after this idk what I'll do. I might try and go talk to her friends. I figure if I can convince them that things can be different then convincing her the same won't be nearly as difficult.

 

I have never been more serious about anything in my life, everybody. Me and this girl are meant to be together and Idc how cliche that sounds. I love her more than anything and there is nothing more important to me than her. I want to marry this girl, and if things work out the way I hope they do, I will be proposing as soon as possible. Id do it now, but I don't want to scare her off.

 

If anyone has any other ideas, please share.

[IfiKnewThen]

wow you did a lot. i am impressed. you might get a lot of people on here going 'whoa" slow down.

 

but heres what i want to say. the next time you speak to her. ask her what you could do better. i dont think its that she needs more flowers or painting. some guys think this is romance. it helps. BUTTTTTTTTTT the thing is we woman (most of) want to feel safe with you. that you dont say one thing..do another...or that we are talking to a wall. says yes...doesnt listen , back to old habits. someone too clingy or too absent. absence sux. loyal and a great listener. <----

 

so my point is...its the person you are. thats what it comes down to. what bugged her about you? i am NOT saying it was your fault. she could be taking you for granted here. but i am saying ..ask...listen...find out and work on THAT.

 

good luck