Chi townD Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Its normal to feel the way that you do right now. You feel like you failed in some way. And you're gonna feel like hell and have the biggest urge on the planet to call her. Do me a favor (and yourself ) and don't call. I think that the girls at work are wrong, you know as well as I do that she was texting him while she was gone. How many did you get prior to your email? Someone, posted on here earlier that within the month, she'll be dating this guy, I would have to agree.
seibert253 Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 AJ it's time for her to fall off the face of the earth. What does that mean you ask? Here's what you need to do: To you, it's as if space aliens abducted her, and she no longer exists. Block her number from you phone. Delete all computer, email, IM contact info. If she calls, texts, ya ya, never answer. By emailing, texting, or calling, she's still stringing you along and she knows it. She's knows this is killing you inside, and she's doing it for a reason; to hurt you even more than she already has. Is this really the type of woman you wish to invest your time with? I hope not. You can and will do much better next time around. Quickest way to get over ex girlfriend, is you next girlfriend. Peace,
USCGAviator Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 (edited) Nice work. shes bad news Edited December 24, 2010 by USCGAviator
USCGAviator Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 You didn't throw anything away you saved yourself humiliation and your self respect. If you ever exchange words for whatever reason tell her YOU want a gf that doesn't chat and give her attention to her guy friends. Bottom line is you felt jealous and she was too selfish to respect that stop talking to him. Like another poster said...you were supposed to be her backup plan if the grass wasn't greener on the other side.
PegNosePete Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 some of the females at work agreed though that she was probably very honest about it all, and that she probably did nothing, but that much contact with someone from a girl in a relationship was not on. Also that she did cross a line by allowing the flirting to go on. That's probably just females sticking up for each other. That's what they do. Us guys do it too (read this thread, most responders are male). It's just natural. Yes she did absolutely cross the line by allowing the flirting to continue, over 50 texts a day with flirting is an emotional affair. She cheated on you dude. If not physically then mentally, which is just as bad, if not worse. When my gf replied last night with the texts, i mentioned Dude you need to stop that now. Don't reply to her any more. Don't call her, don't email her, don't text her, nothing. Yes she has dropped off the face of the earth, been abducted by aliens. You need to heal from the pain and the best way is No Contact. She will never, ever admit to her affair or any wrongdoing, so it is pointless trying to make her, and pointless trying to get any kind of "closure" from her. She will probably blame you until the day she dies. But you know the truth, that it was her behaviour that was unacceptable, and you weren't prepared to be treated like a doormat any more. I keep thinking what have i thrown away You've thrown away a cheating GF dude. It's like having a tooth pulled... it hurts now but it's for the best in the long run.
Author aj_more Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Great advice again, thanks Pete. Your right, and one of my work friends said the same, women always come out looking the victim. In this case, I've been messed about, threatened several times with ending this, then when I call it, I'm the worst. I honestly think she never thought I would finish it. In July, she called me one day and said, looked I'm being nasty on you and you never stand up to it, I don't wanna hurt you so I'm going to finish this. I let it be, went out and had a few drinks. 2 days later she is calling me saying sorry and can we get back. That was the first time I just showed her I didn't care. She has always told me to man up. That she felt I could never look after her as a man and I was too soft. The reason for that was that she broke me down over the year to the point I was nervous around her that she wouldn't pick something I said wrong or get pissed at me. She is a very independent woman, and it's been forced on her from her previous breakup. Therefore she never looked at me as someone to depend on, yet that's what she wanted??? She puts out a very hard personality but under it is a big softy, and I know she knows what she has done is wrong. That was her reason for a break, to leave me alone for a while. But is it a bad that I don't understand breaks? I mean you wanna be with someone or you don't, or am I completely wrong? I'm a very black or White person, grey does not go down well with me.
PegNosePete Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 In July, she called me one day and said, looked I'm being nasty on you and you never stand up to it Ah the infamous sh*t test. Be ready for it in your future relationships. Most women will do it at some point either consciously or subconsciously. They want a man who will defend them and stick up for them against outside attackers (physically or verbally). No matter how independent she is, she wants her man to fight to defend her. So she tests you by being nasty to you, the theory being that if you stand up against her, you will stand up for her. She's not fighting to win, she's fighting to see your reaction. If you stand up for yourself and fight with her then you pass the test, and will probably get some rather explosive make-up sex. If you avoid a fight or use clever words or tell her she's right and you're wrong, you fail. She's wanting to check your testosterone levels, not your IQ or your devotion. Of course the hard part is telling when it's a sh*t test and when she's genuinely got a complaint - argue at the wrong time and it could have completely the wrong effect!
Author aj_more Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 (edited) Really? Why so bloody complicated!! Well in that case, i just left her to it. But i have lost count the amount of times she has said to me the words, this is not working, or i dont feel the same about this as you, or something is missing, or i don't feel committed to this. Like who says stuff like that? I guess it comes from the fact at the beginning i played right into this but pleading her to not finish it, and she continued doing it. Right now, im gonna spend my time reflecting on what went wrong so it does not happen again, so im gonna keep referring back to various times, sorry, but i just like to hear peoples opinions on this. 3 Saturdays ago, i came back to a party with her and her friends. When i walked in, she looked at me like she didn't want me there. I was laughing along with her mates, but still she was not happy i was getting on with anyone. We hardly spoke. So when we came back to my place, we where brushing our teeth and she was complaining i was making too much noise. We went to bed (oh, we had not touched eachother in 2 months!!!!) and i sat up and said, what the f**k is this all about. She lay there, very calm and after my rant said she does not feel committed to this, she does not know what is wrong as i could be everything she ever wanted, but she does not know why she treats me the way she does. Looking back, that could be my fault for allowing it to happen? I got upset and she went off on one about making her feel bad. It came about that it was over and she could not do this anymore. I went to hug her, and she run away like i was gonna attack her, WTF?? As you all can see, my relationship was amazing! hahahaha Oh, and someone in work made a very valid point that it sounded like she was obliged to be with me as apposed to wanting to be with me, which is something i'd never really thought about before. Edited December 24, 2010 by aj_more
PegNosePete Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Complaining about teeth cleaning noise, that is definitely a sh*t test! She wanted you to tell her to shut up and stop being stupid. But it sounds like by then it was too late anyway. Sounds like she checked out of the relationship a long time ago. But you hadn't done anything "wrong" that she could break up over, and she felt comfortable and it was easier to stay with you, than to split up. Another reason she is angry maybe, that you had the guts to end it whereas she didn't?
Woggle Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Just move on and be glad to have this chick out of your life. What positive qualities does she even bring to the table that makes your life better with her in it? Women like her just suck the life out of men but that is because we let them.
Author aj_more Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Hi all, just posting cuz im really on the brink of trying to call her!!! I know, i know!! DONT!!!! But really, im just being soft, and wanna say sorry. GRRRRRR, why is this so bloody difficult. I really want to make this decision about me for once, but im finding it hard, im not a selfish person. Im just gonna read over all the posts again, cuz they all make sense.
Windsurf66 Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 OP, Your ex, being open and honest, does not mean that she had respected you and the relationship. To continue to be in close contact with a guy that you are uncomfortable with and allowing the guy to flirt with her, is a very big disrespect to you and reflected what kind of personality that she has. Basically, you will never want to such a person with this personality to be your wife. Trust me, you will never trust her and will never be happy with her. NEVER. Painful as it is now, a lot of people will advise you that all you need is time. Again, trust me, you will get over it soon. Just like a diabetic leg that has deteriorated to gangrene, painful as it is to lose a leg, you still must cut it off to save yourself
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