vandelay Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 36 hours NC. Not too difficult considering she's on a freakin ski trip in the mountains... But I guess its something. I'm so unsure and nervous about whats gonna happen when she gets back to town. Our cell phones are all on the same account. My roommate pays her to clean our house once a week. All of our friends are mutual. We go to college together. I seriously need to disengage from her, but it must be amicable. She is under the impression that everythings cool and we are gonna be friends, but that ain't gonna happen. Sure, everything can be cool, but I don't want to see or hear about her wonderful life right now. I need to block her from facebook because if I am going to kick-start my social life I need to communicate with people, and I don't even have people's phone numbers. How to do that without seeming weak and without pissing her off? If I explain too much, I sound weak. If I don't say enough, I sound like a d*ck. No, not a duck. I can't afford to weaken my position one little bit right now, cuz I majorly ****ed up the post-breakup period by whining and acting like a puss. Not feeling like a puss anymore, but I need to stay away if I'm gonna get better. On a happy note, I went out last night and got drunk. It was fun. I went alone, talked to a couple dudes for a few minutes, and even that little bit of bro time was nice. I was also standing in line behind three young hotties at the parking pay station and they asked for help, I helped and made a joke, and as they walked away they were laughing and one girl repeated my line. It was awesome! Also, today I hit on two hot chicks who I have had my eye on. One was all dressed up and I complimented her on her appearance, and followed up with a few minutes of conversation. The other is a checkout girl at the health food store who I adore, even though I dont really know her. I walked up to her register and said, "I'm really glad you're here today, I just love your smile." She said I had a nice one, too. Ahhh... It does pay to shower, put on a nice shirt, and walk around town with my shoulders back and a smile on my face. Small thing I guess. Now I'm just cleaning out my room and throwing away a whole ton of stuff. All kinds of things. Some things that I will probably regret throwing out later, but I don't care right now. Just trying to unburden myself from the things that seem to be suffocating me, I guess. And I'm just so damn pissed at her right now.
Author vandelay Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 giving her space giving myself space giving her space giving myself space giving her space giving myself space giving her space giving myself space giving her space giving myself space yeah i just noticed how ****ed up it is, she broke my heart and I'm still the one giving, giving , giving
Leandro Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Well that's good that you know how to talk to the ladies and you show that you have confidence. Just stick to NC and it will get better with time.
Author vandelay Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Thanks man, i appreciate the support. 2 days NC
BlindRage Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Thanks man, i appreciate the support. 2 days NC Nice, I'm going on my first day of NC today. It seems like every time I reach the third day I get weak and call my ex and if by luck she answers she has her cold voice on. I figured out why I'm still being obsessed though, shes a taker, and I'm a giver. Like you said too your a "giver" you should find someone that is also a giver so you both give in the relationship. That's something I'm really looking into. I don't think I'm personally ready for a relationship first I need a lot of healing to do but when I am ready I'll look for a giver.
Leandro Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Thanks man, i appreciate the support. 2 days NC It's a start man. Soon it will be 2 weeks, than 2 months.
Author vandelay Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 It's a start man. Soon it will be 2 weeks, than 2 months. 72 hours now! Feels really good. Still thinking about her but the sting is not as strong and the feelings pass a lot quicker. Its kind of weird. She's on vacation right now and I pretty much know her schedule over the next week or so. I'm not sure if that is making it easier or harder. Probably easier, because I'm not wondering where she is. But also harder, because I know that she is partying in the city... I'm working on a new business idea which could generate some much-needed extra income for me. So far, looks promising, and its been a great distraction over the last few days.
Leandro Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'm working on a new business idea which could generate some much-needed extra income for me. So far, looks promising, and its been a great distraction over the last few days. Focus on this!! It will take your mine off her and help you a lot.
SimonSerenade Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 2 months no contact and I wouldn't be in the place I am now had I remained in her life as "friends", Now I can't really see her as anything in my life anymore, I've accepted most of the relationship is over, Only thing I'm still finding it hard to cope with is the fact that we'll never be together again and the lonely void in my life that she filled with her daily phone calls and weekend visits. Best thing you can do is wish her all the best and hope she gets all she wanted in life and a relationship and move on and find that for yourself, You don't have to settle for friendship of her, Let her know that because she's gone she gets nothing and that was her risk to take and now she's taken it she'll have to live without you, Keep up the good work with no contact.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 36 hours NC. Not too difficult considering she's on a freakin ski trip in the mountains... But I guess its something. I'm so unsure and nervous about whats gonna happen when she gets back to town. Our cell phones are all on the same account. My roommate pays her to clean our house once a week. All of our friends are mutual. We go to college together. I seriously need to disengage from her, but it must be amicable. She is under the impression that everythings cool and we are gonna be friends, but that ain't gonna happen. Sure, everything can be cool, but I don't want to see or hear about her wonderful life right now. I need to block her from facebook because if I am going to kick-start my social life I need to communicate with people, and I don't even have people's phone numbers. How to do that without seeming weak and without pissing her off? If I explain too much, I sound weak. If I don't say enough, I sound like a d*ck. No, not a duck. I can't afford to weaken my position one little bit right now, cuz I majorly ****ed up the post-breakup period by whining and acting like a puss. Not feeling like a puss anymore, but I need to stay away if I'm gonna get better. On a happy note, I went out last night and got drunk. It was fun. I went alone, talked to a couple dudes for a few minutes, and even that little bit of bro time was nice. I was also standing in line behind three young hotties at the parking pay station and they asked for help, I helped and made a joke, and as they walked away they were laughing and one girl repeated my line. It was awesome! Also, today I hit on two hot chicks who I have had my eye on. One was all dressed up and I complimented her on her appearance, and followed up with a few minutes of conversation. The other is a checkout girl at the health food store who I adore, even though I dont really know her. I walked up to her register and said, "I'm really glad you're here today, I just love your smile." She said I had a nice one, too. Ahhh... It does pay to shower, put on a nice shirt, and walk around town with my shoulders back and a smile on my face. Small thing I guess. Now I'm just cleaning out my room and throwing away a whole ton of stuff. All kinds of things. Some things that I will probably regret throwing out later, but I don't care right now. Just trying to unburden myself from the things that seem to be suffocating me, I guess. And I'm just so damn pissed at her right now. Dude, you're hilarious! LOL I caught visuals of you in the store flirting with the chick in the store. LOL You seem to already know the answers, it's just kind of new, so it's going to take some time for you to heal. And asking a chick or two for their number might help as well. Don't do this out of spite for your ex, but talking to a new young lady on the phone here and there could help you move forward with your life. How long were you guys together? In most relationships, one if not both parties compromised who they were a little bit to make it work, so if that's the case with you, try to get some alone time too, and treat yourself. This will help you become more solidified in who you are, and ultimately in what you will or won't stand for in your next relationship. Hope that makes sense.
Author vandelay Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 We were together for 2 1/2 years. Yes, we (mostly me) compromised a lot... What really hurts and is so frustrating for me is that I grew and improved myself SO MUCH during the course of this relationship, and I owe so much of it to her positive influence. I was by no means a loser or trashy person before, but I still grew by leaps and bounds over teh course of the last few years. It hurts because it wasn't enough. I never changed just for her, but she did inspire me to do so many things differently, and I have felt so good about the way my personality and attitude improved. Unfortunately, she also hurt me. I was so impressed with the good and strong aspects of her personality that I put her on this unbelievable, unrealistic pedestal. I never realized how much that hurt me. I never realized that by treating her like a goddess I was stroking her ego too much, and every time I did it I knocked my own worth down a notch in her eyes. In the end she had 100% power, and I had none. I did everything to keep the relationship alive, and she merely tolerated it. So ****ed up!!! Sigh......... What is it, Friday? 4 days NC.
Author vandelay Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 5 days NC.... and its xmas taboot.
Author vandelay Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 UH-OH! So i decided to spend xmas doing a nice deep cleaning of my room. I'm talking about moving furniture, under the bed, all that stuff. So during the course of cleaning I gathered a nice pile of her stuff. I decided to take it over to her house and drop it on her porch. She is supposed to be out of town on vacation until next week. But...there she was, sitting in her car, crying. What the freakin **** is going on??? I just don't get it. I mean, I get it, it is 100% her, she is having regrets. But come on now. I wish she hadn't been there. I wish I had stopped my car and backed up out of the driveway when I saw her car. But I didn't, I talked to her. I was pretty cool about it, didn't chit-chat, just told her that I needed to go NC and we couldn't be friends or buddies right now. She was crying. What the hell? She was the one who was so vicious a few weeks ago when she broke my heart. Why did I fall in love with such an unstable woman? UGGHHHHH!!! Although I don't feel bad right now, this is a major setback for me. How to make sense of the fact that the last time I saw her she was on top of the world, enjoying her new-found freedom, and now she's at home crying all alone on xmas day? HUMAN BEINGS ARE CRAZY-ASS PEOPLE!
Author vandelay Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 And by the way, I left her sitting in a pool of her own tears. I did not shed a tear. I wasn't mean at all. I don't really want her to be feeling so sad, but I tell you it was a nice change in dynamics from the last time I talked to her. I have spent the last week worrying that my post-breakup behavior had irrevocably damaged my reputation. Now I see that it is not the case at all. She is blaming herself for everything that went wrong. Thats just fine with me.
Author vandelay Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 This girl is like crack. I wish to god i hadn't seen her today, because now i cant stop thinking about her.
delajoonal Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 vandelay... yep, what u said...me too...i not only crumbled..i caved...
Author vandelay Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 yep, what u said...me too...i not only crumbled..i caved... we are some messed up people
delajoonal Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 we are some messed up people lol...yep, we r...but i am glad i don't have to go it alone...but at the same time, very sad u and everyone else on here R having to go thru this crap too:sick:
Author vandelay Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 I am also SO glad I haven't had to go through this alone. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found LS a couple weeks ago. I already know that its gonna be ok. I lived through the first few weeks of hell...I can live through anything. ****, my stupid ex-wife got addicted to crack and ran off with some gangstas! That sucked! But I survived and found new love. So I guess it could happen again.
anna74 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You'll be fine. I got divorced a few months ago, but we hadn't been a couple for several years. It seems I'm having a much harder time dealing with this guy than I did my husband. It's weird.
delajoonal Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You'll be fine. I got divorced a few months ago, but we hadn't been a couple for several years. It seems I'm having a much harder time dealing with this guy than I did my husband. It's weird. omg! this sounds like me... i was married for 15 yrs, my xh left me for his EA via fb 2 yrs ago... i since hooked up, what the kids say, with a childhood friend...we have been together for 11 months..i broke it off a few weeks ago... now my divorce was a flipping nightmare...i was NOT in love with my XH anymore, so i didnt' blame him for searching for Love elsewhere...but they could have been 'nicer'...i so did not deserve what they did to me, they being my xh and his uhum OW... anyway, i find myself pining for the love i just broke up with...i guess cause i actually love him... he is making SO hard too...emails, vmails..and now tonight, a Merry Christmas email, which i have yet to open... should i?.. i feel like a crazy teenager...with so many hopes and dreams with this one...geesh! vandelay.. OMG! how awful for u...i am so glad u were strong and made it thru that mess and found a new love... so i guess what we all learned tonight....wink, is that we can ALL do this..we can find new love and move on or vice versa, ...u know what i mean right? it's just so sucky to do this again..and my age...ack! i just wanna hunker down in front of a fireplace, up here in the mountains and just 'BE"...with someone i love, no issues...good luck, right..LOL anyway...so glad we all have each other here... thank God for LS..literally...i SO mean that:love:
Author vandelay Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Dammit, just realized that this setback means I'll probably only get about 3 hours of sleep for the next few nights.
delajoonal Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Dammit, just realized that this setback means I'll probably only get about 3 hours of sleep for the next few nights. oh ya, THAT is my fav part...NO sleep...bags and dark circles under eyes, pacing up and down the house, reading HIS emails, looking at pics of happier times, youtube music...face book....crap... well vandelay...C u at 3am..huh..LOL...sorry not funny, u know;) i find working out, walking etc...helps sleep better...but NOT late at nite, for some reason if i work out at night, sleep is harder...
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