SmileFace Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 So when it comes to dating. I mean like when you are now getting to know a guy or gal. When is it appropriate to mention the type of relationship you are looking for?
Gypsy_Soul Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I'm not sure, but I always tell my dates before I accept a date with them what I'm looking for. Don't know if that helps. I think being upfront saves everyone involved a lot of trouble.
Author SmileFace Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 I'm not sure, but I always tell my dates before I accept a date with them what I'm looking for. Don't know if that helps. I think being upfront saves everyone involved a lot of trouble. It does help - thanks for the reply. But when you say you tell your dates. What exactly are you telling them?
Gypsy_Soul Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I tell them that at this point in my life I'm into serious dating with marriage minded men only. That's what I want, and I don't just hang out or make friends for the heck of it. Most of them respect my honesty from the get go. Some agree to a date after that and some just say well I"m not ready for all that and we both go our own ways.
creighton0123 Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 So when it comes to dating. I mean like when you are now getting to know a guy or gal. When is it appropriate to mention the type of relationship you are looking for? I agree with GG. While it might not be first date material, if you go on a second, you might want to go to a more quiet, romantic place and get to talking about what you're looking for in dating. If you ask him first, his response will tell you quite a bit. If he asks you, just be honest and say that you're interested in long term, monogamous relationships.
Author SmileFace Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 I agree with GG. While it might not be first date material, if you go on a second, you might want to go to a more quiet, romantic place and get to talking about what you're looking for in dating. If you ask him first, his response will tell you quite a bit. If he asks you, just be honest and say that you're interested in long term, monogamous relationships. What happens when I am not looking for this? How do I tell a guy I am just looking to date. Something short term - casual. No I don't mean just a **** buddy or FWB. I just mean a simple relationship, when marriage - kids or living together is not the goal. How do I explain this to guys ? With out them thinking I want to date around or multi-date? I don't know, what do I call this type of relationship.
Gypsy_Soul Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 What happens when I am not looking for this? How do I tell a guy I am just looking to date. Something short term - casual. No I don't mean just a **** buddy or FWB. I just mean a simple relationship, when marriage - kids or living together is not the goal. How do I explain this to guys ? With out them thinking I want to date around or multi-date? I don't know, what do I call this type of relationship. My example was based on what I say to guys just to give you an idea of how I do it. That may not work for everyone though. I think (other's can correct me if I'm wrong here) the label you're looking for is casual dating but nothing serious with an exclusive person lol. I'm pretty new to this dating stuff too, but I like to be very direct and honest from the get go. Maybe you can just say hey I want to date you exclusively and lets see where it goes? I'm surprised no one else is pitching in ideas.
youngskywalker Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 The sooner the better. Nothing wrong with telling someone you're not looking for a half baked relationship or another friend. Everytime I take things slow I either loose the girl or get friend zoned. The ones that I go all in right from the start seem to work out a lot better. I just lost one recently because I went to slow. I'm really kicking myself big-time. For it.
runner Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 What happens when I am not looking for this? How do I tell a guy I am just looking to date. Something short term - casual. No I don't mean just a **** buddy or FWB. I just mean a simple relationship, when marriage - kids or living together is not the goal. How do I explain this to guys ? With out them thinking I want to date around or multi-date? I don't know, what do I call this type of relationship. sounds like what my friend is involved in- which i've conceptualised to be a sort of 'exclusive FWB' arrangement. it's kind of like being bf/gf, but not. they're not officially bf/gf, but they're also not sleeping around with others. they truly do enjoy each others company and consider each other true friends outside of the bedroom; but unfortunately, her guy isn't looking to get into a committed relationship just yet, and my friend is looking for a man who wants something more longterm (and yes she is actively looking, still). to answer your question, the only way to set this up is through honest discussion. you both just need to lay your cards on the table, be honest about what you're both looking for, and negotiate. the real trouble is finding that guy for you who also wants to be in a short-term 'exclusive FWB' arrangement. good luck with that.
creighton0123 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 So when it comes to dating. I mean like when you are now getting to know a guy or gal. When is it appropriate to mention the type of relationship you are looking for? If the first date takes place in a romantic setting, it's always a good time to raise the question. It can be pretty straightforward. "Are you interested in having fun, short term dating, or long term relationships?" Of course, if you're using some sort of online dating service, these questions should be taken care of. At the end of a first date is also a good time. Something like "I most definitely want to see you again, but want to know what you're looking for in a relationship at this point in time. Casual, short term, or long term?" Hell, if you don't want a second date, my policy has always been to be honest. I've turned down a few guys very directly... "Sorry, I didn't have a good time tonight and am not interested in a second date. Thanks for coffee/dinner/your time though."
Author SmileFace Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 sounds like what my friend is involved in- which i've conceptualised to be a sort of 'exclusive FWB' arrangement. it's kind of like being bf/gf, but not. they're not officially bf/gf, but they're also not sleeping around with others. they truly do enjoy each others company and consider each other true friends outside of the bedroom; but unfortunately, her guy isn't looking to get into a committed relationship just yet, and my friend is looking for a man who wants something more longterm (and yes she is actively looking, still). to answer your question, the only way to set this up is through honest discussion. you both just need to lay your cards on the table, be honest about what you're both looking for, and negotiate. the real trouble is finding that guy for you who also wants to be in a short-term 'exclusive FWB' arrangement. good luck with that. I was in an exclusive FB relationship... well now it is a FWB... but that is a long story. It worked in the beggining. Great sex - saw each other once or twice a week.It worked it was what both of us wanted. I moved away - so end of that. Yet that isn't what I want now. I want someone who wants the same as me. I work 40-60 hours a week. Will be starting back school in a month. I want something easy. I can get sex - so a FB or ONS isn't what I want. But I don't want to move in with someone or be the center of their life. I just don't want anything serious. Yet I can't get this over to guys . They either just want sex now - or a white picket fence, blue shudders and 2.5 kids. Dating is so #$%#^#!! Anyway thanks for the reply. I just don't want to end up dating a guy and he is looking for something serious and I end up leading him own. I really don't want something that will last more than 6- 8 months. Damn, I must have a character flaw.
carhill Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 When is it appropriate to mention the type of relationship you are looking for? I mention it on the first date. 'I was married for ten years and I enjoyed being married. I'd like to be married again someday' And then sit back and watch 'em scatter Seriously...
Ewww Cooties Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 (edited) There was a girl I had asked out once, our first date was amazing. Tons of fun, went really well. While trying to set up a second date she flaked on me a couple of times then said to me, pretty straightforwardly: "I think you're awesome, and you're somebody that I could start to like as more than a friend, but I'm not looking for a relationship with anybody right now and I want to make sure we're on the same page." She obviously felt uncomfortable saying that to me, but I really appreciated how upfront she was about it (fwiw, my interpretation was that she was very hurt in a relatively recent failed relationship, and there was some gossip that supported this). I told her that I was looking for something more long term, and that I appreciated her telling me that, and that I really enjoyed her company. I did not pursue any further dates with her. This was relatively recently (a few months ago). We run into each other frequently now as we are in the same social circle and we are simply becoming friends. So, being on the receiving end of an honest statement like that, I can tell you I really appreciated it. Maybe there's something in the future, who knows, but right I'm enjoying a new friendship and her honesty made that possible. It also set a very positive tone for our friendship. Dunno if that helps but yeah, definitely appreciated the honesty there! :-) Edited December 23, 2010 by Ewww Cooties
waynesworld Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Smileface, I think that anybody who's looking for the same thing you are would appreciate you being upfront; they'd probably be relieved too! So, I'd suggest doing it early on; just make sure it the very first topic of conversation after saying hello!
Feelin Frisky Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'm not sure, but I always tell my dates before I accept a date with them what I'm looking for. Don't know if that helps. I think being upfront saves everyone involved a lot of trouble. Gosh, I wish women were all like you in that regard. That would save a lot of wasted effort.
runner Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I was in an exclusive FB relationship... well now it is a FWB... but that is a long story. It worked in the beggining. Great sex - saw each other once or twice a week.It worked it was what both of us wanted. I moved away - so end of that. Yet that isn't what I want now. I want someone who wants the same as me. I work 40-60 hours a week. Will be starting back school in a month. I want something easy. I can get sex - so a FB or ONS isn't what I want. But I don't want to move in with someone or be the center of their life. I just don't want anything serious. Yet I can't get this over to guys . They either just want sex now - or a white picket fence, blue shudders and 2.5 kids. Dating is so #$%#^#!! Anyway thanks for the reply. I just don't want to end up dating a guy and he is looking for something serious and I end up leading him own. I really don't want something that will last more than 6- 8 months. Damn, I must have a character flaw. if being specific and particular about what you want is a flaw, then i must be the most broken'est person on my block well, considering that you'll be back in school soon, i think that might be the best place to find a guy on the same page as yourself; especially if you find a driven type and couldn't be bothered with children and picket fences. and secondly, you won't be leading a guy on if you've been honest with him from the beginning; and if the guy pulls something on you later, contrary to the boundaries of the relationship, then the flaw is on them, not you.
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