QuietSuzi Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 My boyfriend broke up with me at the end of August saying he loved me, but wasn't "in love" anymore...there was another woman involved. He didn't cheat per say (they didn't sleep together) but he did break up with me in order to pursue her--she was a long distance interest and he eventually made her his girlfriend. He actually told me he realized that he didn't love me when he met her... I was initially very upset--did all the things you aren't supposed to do when you break up. I eventually went no contact, but that lasted for a little over a week before he contacted me. Fast forward to now... He says he f'd up, feels lost, doesn't know who he is, tells me I'm his best friend, and that his life wouldn't be complete without me in it... but doesn't want to ever have a romantic relationship with me again because I deserve so much better--he's right of course, but that doesn't mean I don't like him. He also broke up with the other woman--she had a husband. My thoughts are...if he's not going to put his money where his mouth is, I'm not going to have him in my life...at all. I'm not taking the #2 spot. I've already blocked him in various avenues, but he can still text me...for now. Any thoughts? Am I doing the right thing? I love him to pieces, and I suspect he does love me, or he wouldn't need any other reason to not get back together...and I think he knows he made a mistake. But really, if I'm 'that' important to him...what's the hold up? I'd like to get back together with him...but I'm not sure if there's any real chance of that happening. It seems like there should be, given all that he's told me, but then again, what's the hold up?
Fern Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 If you don't want the number 2 spot - don't let him put you there by giving in now. Tell him you have enough friends already, so thanks but no thanks. If he really wants you in his life he'll step up. If he doesn't - you're not putting yourself in the position where you're back at square one. People (especially men) do NOT value things that come too easily. If you want him to value you and not run off the next time some chippie catches his eye, you need to make him CHASE you and work to get this thing back on track. Don't let him use you for an ego boost.
PegNosePete Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 You are doing completely the right thing. Do not accept a downgrade from GF to just friends. Do not be his backup plan, his f-buddy or his doormat. There is only one way you should accept him back, and that is on his belly crawling through broken glass begging for your forgiveness!
dng Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 You are doing completely the right thing. Do not accept a downgrade from GF to just friends. Do not be his backup plan, his f-buddy or his doormat. There is only one way you should accept him back, and that is on his belly crawling through broken glass begging for your forgiveness! And even then, even if they come crawling back, do they really mean it? Its a spur of the moment thing, and the minute they have their head on your pillows the doubts come back to hunt them. Lots of water under the bridge by the time they come back too. They've changed, you've changed. Other people gave them new ideas and new ways of dealing with things and with life, same for you. I don't think it can ever be the same. Be careful QuietSuzi.
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