OceanGirl Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I figure I should start one. I am using OKC as a source of finding dates. I am not on any other dating sites. Tomorrow I am having a date with this Polish guy (I will refer to him as guy #2). He is a bit mysterious - didn't really reveal too much about himself but I will get a better feel for him when we meet. We have no plans of what to do when we meet. We are meeting on the corner of 2 streets in the evening. I confirmed that we are still on yesterday and he responded that we are. Guy #1 who is into hard drugs and is most likely not a viable LTR option has been put on the back burner for now. I canceled the second date with him yesterday and he said that he will be busy until after New Year when he will give me a call. I am not buying that but I haven't completely written him off in case I get desperate enough to reconsider a short term fling. I have a date with guy#3 on Friday (Christmas eve). Guy#3 is a bit too clingy right now. He likes to text multiple times a day and I don't feel as passionately about him at this point in time. I could do without multiple daily texts..but feel obliged to return them. We are seeing a movie "Love and other drugs" and having lunch. I opted for an early day date because I am spending Christmas eve with my family. He is cute but my main concerns are his clinginess and that he is not smart enough for me. My goal is to find an exclusive relationship and multi-dating is a time efficient way to do that. Multi-dating is so stresfull that I have found out that I have lost 5lbs. Nice.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Ditch Guy #1. Have fun with Guy #2- do something spontaneous. Do not cancel on Guy #3 until after the date and you truly find him annoying beyond a doubt. Have fun multidating. Also don't stress.
tigressA Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I echo Paper. I'm looking forward to hearing about the date with Guy #2! Also, it's good you're numbering them. Easier to keep track.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I've found numbering or nicknaming is a great way to detach yourself emotionally from them too!
Author OceanGirl Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 Ditch Guy #1. Have fun with Guy #2- do something spontaneous. Do not cancel on Guy #3 until after the date and you truly find him annoying beyond a doubt. Have fun multidating. Also don't stress. I am thinking the same about guy number 3. He may only come across as annoying online. He says that he is a big romantic and wants a LTR so we will see, I think that warrants a meeting in person.
Kamille Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Unless he unequivocally sends a text that requires a response, stop feeling like you have to respond to guy number 3's texts. It is your responsibility to act in ways that feel right to you. By responding to his texts, you're encouraging him to keep texting. If, subsequently, responding to his texts makes you like him less, that's on you, not him. Stop dating #1. He has proven in more ways than one he isn't worth your time. Have fun on date #2. Stop leading by asking for "confirmation". Let your dates take charge. Act as though you have way too much going on in your life to have time to worry about date confirmations.
fishtaco Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I've found numbering or nicknaming is a great way to detach yourself emotionally from them too! That's interesting... maybe that's why I give them code names. But good luck OceanGirl, I say drop the first one too. But seems like you would only consider him for short term fun anyway, so I'm sure you'll make the right decisions.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I am back from a date with the Polish guy (#2) OMG that sucked. I knew within first 5 seconds that I don't want to see him again. He is incredibly smart as in his IQ is very high. But he is so robotic and weird. You guys should see his mannerisms. The whole date he wanted to dissect my PhD thesis. It was not fun for me at all. He also knows so many random facts, he is like a walking encyclopedia. His kind of smart is not really what I want. He has no sense of humor. He is just WEIRD. Imagine Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory? Well he is EXACTLY like him. We had dinner and after 2 hours I felt like I have put in enough time so I told him that I have to go home as I have some work to do His face fell and he looked really disappointed. He gave me an awkward hug....and that was that. This guy is 93% match with me on OKC. Maybe I am more weird than I thought? Or maybe their matching system doesn't work very well. On the way home, I was so down that I have to confess - I texted druggie - guy#1. I mean compared to this, me and druggie got on famously. I texted him: I am really sorry about canceling yesterday, I would really like to see you some time before new year if you have few hours to spare!.... He didn't respond. He also hasn't been online at all since my cancellation yesterday (suggesting that he has blocked me from IM). He is done with me. He doesn't even want sex at this point. He never wants to see me again
Ariadne Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 He is done with me. He doesn't even want sex at this point. He never wants to see me again Ough! Too bad about date with Polish guy. And talking to guy 1 was more like a knee jerk reaction and he probably doesn't know what to say to you. I doubt you really want to see that guy, more like, oh no! like they say back home: without the cake and without the bread.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Ough! Too bad about date with Polish guy. And talking to guy 1 was more like a knee jerk reaction and he probably doesn't know what to say to you. I doubt you really want to see that guy, more like, oh no! like they say back home: without the cake and without the bread. Yeah it was a knee jerk reaction. I am now glad not to have received a response from him. I deleted him from my phone so that I am not tempted again. I blocked and deleted him from IM too. I am very very close to giving up on dating completely.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I looked in the mirror just now and asked myself "Are you really that desperate OG? You are basically begging for sex with the drugie!!! How low can you go?" One of the things that amuses me is that I am pretty good at picking potential red flags BEFORE I meet those guys in person. Every flag that I have picked was only exaggerated when I met them. I said that guy#2 was too smart. And he is not just too smart - he is IQ 170 level smart. He is - I have zero social skills because I am too smart for everyone smart. As for guy#1, I picked up on certain arrogance and the fact that he is a bit rough and too wild for me...It was only more pronounced in person. Guy #3 is kind of desperate, clingy and dumb - I don't think there is much point in meeting him.
Kamille Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 On to the next batch of men then! Bring on guys 4, 5 and 6. Maybe ask people in your real life networks if they know any eligible bachelors?
Author OceanGirl Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Or maybe it's time to give ti a rest. Obviously this is not working for me....
Star Gazer Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 This guy is 93% match with me on OKC. Maybe I am more weird than I thought? Or maybe their matching system doesn't work very well. I'm convinced it's the latter. I was on that site for all of a week, and the people it matched me with were NOT for me AT ALL. I have no idea how they designed their algorithm, but it's bunk.
tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I'm convinced it's the latter. I was on that site for all of a week, and the people it matched me with were NOT for me AT ALL. I have no idea how they designed their algorithm, but it's bunk. It's worked well for me so far. Hm. I guess it's hit and miss. OG, maybe it is time to give it a rest...forgive me if I'm wrong but you said you would before, and then you changed your mind. Perhaps at least take the holidays for yourself and tackle this again in the new year. New year, new beginning. Sorry the date with Guy #2 didn't go well.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I'm convinced it's the latter. I was on that site for all of a week, and the people it matched me with were NOT for me AT ALL. I have no idea how they designed their algorithm, but it's bunk. Yeah, the worst part is that this guy and me answered over 500 questions each and matched so high. And it was the worst online date I have ever been on. TigressA, perhaps it's time to spend some time with my family and I am actually moving house over holidays which will be lots of work in itself - maybe give it a few weeks break.
Star Gazer Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Yeah, the worst part is that this guy and me answered over 500 questions each and matched so high. And it was the worst online date I have ever been on. I think those questions are almost too political and sexual in nature, at least the 200 or so I answered were. Whether we agree on abortion/gun/gay rights and frequency of sex is important, but there's a lot more than that that goes into compatibility. I was matched with guys who never exercise and live indoors playing online games and have no ambition or sense of humor. That's really not the guy I'm looking for.
waynesworld Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 I knew within first 5 seconds that I don't want to see him again. Are you sure it wasn't just lack of physical attraction then? It's kind of hard to determine those other problems you mentioned in 5 seconds. Oh well, it was just one date. Onwards!
xpaperxcutx Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Yeah, the worst part is that this guy and me answered over 500 questions each and matched so high. And it was the worst online date I have ever been on. TigressA, perhaps it's time to spend some time with my family and I am actually moving house over holidays which will be lots of work in itself - maybe give it a few weeks break. OG sorry to hear about your date. If you feel like taking a break, you should put your profile on hold and just enjoy the holidays. Wait a few weeks or until after the holidays, refresh your mind a little and then jump back into the dating game. Don''t force yourself to go on dates with men you're not interested in.
fishtaco Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Yeah, the worst part is that this guy and me answered over 500 questions each and matched so high. And it was the worst online date I have ever been on. You know those "match algorithms" are all just gimmicks right? Not just on OKC, but every single dating site. 1) Sales & marketing - that's how they can attract new people. 2) It's a way to get people to talk to each other. Other than that, "special" matching algorithms don't do anything. The only way to find out is to go on multiple dates with the person, and spending time together. The problem women face when doing online dating is that they're using artificial and unnatural way of making their selection. It's very removed from actual real life interaction with the person. So while the choices are many, the selection mechanism is suspect. You're basically trying to use logic, as opposed to emotion, to determine if you'll hit if off with the guy or not. So you end up with a lot of bad choices. Online dating gives you more opportunities, but you also have to work harder filtering out men.
Surrealist Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Moving house can be stressful and tiring in and of itself. Perhaps a break from busy active dating / multi-dating might be good for now to rest and rejuvenate as mentioned by others.
Author OceanGirl Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Are you sure it wasn't just lack of physical attraction then? It's kind of hard to determine those other problems you mentioned in 5 seconds. Oh well, it was just one date. Onwards! It was obvious that there was something off with this guy when he said "hi". It's the way he moved/spoke. It didn't matter what he looked like (he is actually reasonably good looking). Soon enough, the way he was reciting random facts about everything around us together with his body language made me think that he has some form of autism.
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 It was obvious that there was something off with this guy when he said "hi". It's the way he moved/spoke. It didn't matter what he looked like (he is actually reasonably good looking). Soon enough, the way he was reciting random facts about everything around us together with his body language made me think that he has some for of autism. Oh my! I can totally visualize that. That's too bad. Maybe Christmas Eve Guy will work out!
Author OceanGirl Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Eh, I decided to go on a date with guy #3 tomorrow. He texted to confirm and technically I have nothing to do tomorrow afternoon anyway. I will just be sitting at home and thinking doom. I am going to stay with my family Christmas eve and few days after. So may as well go through with the date and have some company.
zengirl Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 You know those "match algorithms" are all just gimmicks right? Not just on OKC, but every single dating site. 1) Sales & marketing - that's how they can attract new people. 2) It's a way to get people to talk to each other. Other than that, "special" matching algorithms don't do anything. The only way to find out is to go on multiple dates with the person, and spending time together. The problem women face when doing online dating is that they're using artificial and unnatural way of making their selection. It's very removed from actual real life interaction with the person. So while the choices are many, the selection mechanism is suspect. You're basically trying to use logic, as opposed to emotion, to determine if you'll hit if off with the guy or not. So you end up with a lot of bad choices. Online dating gives you more opportunities, but you also have to work harder filtering out men. Actually, OKC has a pretty kickass matching algorithim (much better than anywhere else) if you answer enough questions and do so honestly. You can't assume everyone is honest, but in my experience, the people were honest enough. My boyfriend was a 96% match with me and is the most compatible male I've ever met. Went out with several fellas in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, and I could tell the difference between 70 and 80 and 80 and 90 really easily. So, I don't disagree with your general idea, but I wouldn't count out that particular algorithim. They also have a pretty cool statistics related blog, so I think they're algorithm nerds as well. I kind of think the "problem" with all dating is that most people don't know what they want and yet they don't want to take the time, energy, and space to work it out before they jump in with both feet. Internet dating just makes that easier and more expedient to do with a variety of men/women. Expediency is a help but also a curse. In those days alone, without anyone else to even hope for or focus on, you figure out who you are and what you want.
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