carrie999 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 *sigh* Will I ever learn, people? EVERY SINGLE D@MNED TIME I post on here that my resolve has strengthened, I will NOT contact him, and he's so far doing well at reciprocating, he shows the hell right up. Not an hour ago I was telling you guys how the numbness/indifference has started to set in and I am really feeling like I can stick to NC now, and a text just popped up on my phone. And it is the DUMBEST fishing text I've gotten to date. Some junk about "Solstice" - WTF! He knows I celebrate CHRISTMAS. Maybe he's got me mixed up with some other chick (and I'd be be shocked?). grrrrr. This is the kind of ess-h-eye-tee that just makes me so mad. I am sure he fishes today bc he knows I was irritated with him over the weekend (over our last text string that left me feeling like I was boring him and infringing on his day) and basically I ended with "see ya around". I find it oh so charming that I'm supposed to be happy and content when he ignores me for 7-10 days at a stretch, but if I drop out for 2 days he has to go fishing? Whatever. Maybe he's got me bugged and knows every time I write about it here. Holy carp (fishing pun, there...) - what if he knows about my posts here? Wow. That thought kinda makes me giggle a little. FYI, NO, I'm not responding. I thought about snarkily reminding him that I celebrate Christmas. But blech, waste of my time. He'll just get all butt-hurt and try to butter me up and then he'll have me right back in his clutches. No thanks. p.s. - and I returned his Christmas prezzie to the store. I love this! Just a quick question (not meant to be snarky, just wondering)...what does the solstice have to do with you celebrating Christmas? Are you just assuming he'll mention the solstice and then disappear again over Christmas? Otherwise, I fully understand your aggravation. It's okay for him to be totally unresponsive until you are too. Been there...it's infuriating! I wish I was as strong as you and just plain ignored the fact that he finally reached out, afraid of losing me. The incredibly insecure 15-year-old inside me scolds me every single time I let him think he deserves me!
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 [/b] I love this! Just a quick question (not meant to be snarky, just wondering)...what does the solstice have to do with you celebrating Christmas? Are you just assuming he'll mention the solstice and then disappear again over Christmas? Otherwise, I fully understand your aggravation. It's okay for him to be totally unresponsive until you are too. Been there...it's infuriating! I wish I was as strong as you and just plain ignored the fact that he finally reached out, afraid of losing me. The incredibly insecure 15-year-old inside me scolds me every single time I let him think he deserves me! Carrie, I thought about that after I wrote it, maybe others wouldn't understand...because of his particular religious upbringing (which as an adult he has rejected and no longer practices), it's been a habit to celebrate the Solstice. In his home, when referring to Christmas, it's Christmas/Solstice. Out of habit, I guess. I think it odd, but he embraces both it seems. So, when he mentioned Solstice, it was a sort of holiday wish. Re: bolded above - pfffffffft! Carrie, strong is not a word I would use to describe myself in this situation! LOL It's not been easy by a LONG SHOT to ignore it. I WANT him to want me and pay attention to me. The only thing keeping me in my own corner is the realization that he apparently only wants me when it's convenient for him. And I continue to get scolded by that same 15-year old alllllll daaaaaaay lonnnnnng...I'm nowhere near done with this. He still infiltrates every thought, every minute, every everything. I hate it, but I can't figure out how to trick my mind into changing it yet.
jthorne Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Probably cry. *sigh* But the way I feel right now, I suspect that by the time he drops off the communication wagon, I will hate him so much for doing so that I won't care. I keep trying to remind myself: I am AMAZING, and I have SO MUCH to give to someone - how on EARTH could he just drop me? Honestly, he's not married to her and they're "very much broken up for good" (remember?) so really when you break it all down, he has no GOOD excuse for what he's done. So, when he decides to go away for good, it will be proof that he's mentally retarded. And there's no accounting for that, is there? I guess my revised answer to your question then, should be: probably cry, then use the anger & disgust to heal all the quicker. On the other hand, I instinctively suspect that he won't go away. Aside from the fact that there are several areas of our social and professional lives that are intertwined, I'm not sure how to account for this very strong instinct. But it's there. I just try not to give it any weight in my thoughts anymore because it serves no good purpose. So far, after fishing and flirting yesterday bc he knows I'm upset with him, and getting no response from me, today has been total radio silence. and this makes me a happy girl. I have so much to get done between now and Christmas that I will be literally tearing my hair out, needing a least 30 hours in a day...so I'm counting on forgetting all about it until at least next week. Merry Christmas to ME! LOL (oh! and that reminds me - here's another very-much-expected opportunity for disdain towards him so necessary for my particular healing - I can almost guarantee that he won't even text on Christmas, much less call. And let me tell you, that will have me so HOT...and it will help HEAPS.) oh! And thanks for the compliment, JT. I heart you, too! My hope is that by the time the contact stops, you will not have noticed that it stopped, capice? Because you will have already gone on with your life.
calliope Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 My hope is that by the time the contact stops, you will not have noticed that it stopped, capice? Because you will have already gone on with your life. This does happen! 10yrs ago when my xCL left me for OW, I had a calendar that marked off the days every morning. One day when I went to x the calendar, I noticed that I had forgotten to x the day before. It was then that I realized it didn't matter to me anymore...
Author ItsNeverForever Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 My hope is that by the time the contact stops, you will not have noticed that it stopped, capice? Because you will have already gone on with your life. YES - this is good. This is my hope now, too.
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