whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 thanks all for the support, kind words, hugs and encouragement. i have no more answers today, and no more strength at present. am utterly exhausted and will stay away from the alcohol. i just want a break. but can't seem to get one. i know what i have to do, but just don't have strength today. i feel wrecked, defeated, ****ed-over. but i am on day 22. it's a slip. so i will pick myself up again. soon. thanks to all again. What's a slip? That you're having a bad day and crying? Let yourself have those days..It's an emotional release you have to have, cry it out.. Sleep and listen to your body..Tomorrow is another and hopefully a better one. You miss him and are grieving, its' going to take time so don't beat yourself up for having bad days. Just know that better days are going to happen, and you build upon those good days. Hugs, and have a good nights sleep.
calliope Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 What's a slip? That you're having a bad day and crying? Let yourself have those days..It's an emotional release you have to have, cry it out.. Sleep and listen to your body..Tomorrow is another and hopefully a better one. You miss him and are grieving, its' going to take time so don't beat yourself up for having bad days. Just know that better days are going to happen, and you build upon those good days. Hugs, and have a good nights sleep. So true! This isn't a slip, it's just another step in the process...
Fieldsofgold Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 So true! This isn't a slip, it's just another step in the process... And a step in the right direction, at that. After you sleep, and eat something, go for a walk in the park, if you can. Be reminded that there is life and beauty all around you. It is there for you, too. Hugs to everyone here who is grieving. You are some strong ladies. You have much good ahead of you.
Fieldsofgold Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 FOG... I am speechless! You are an amazing person! To address everyone's surprise - Nah. I'm just a compassionate b#tch! Just don't any of you get stoopid on me, and put yourself back into the emotional abuse. Like jthorne said, sometimes I just want to shake people and say, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF! But not you ladies. You are a strong lot, or you wouldn't have gotten this far. You are hurting, and of course it's not easy, but you know what you have to do, and you're doing it!
half_ofa_heart Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 To address everyone's surprise - Nah. I'm just a compassionate b#tch! Just don't any of you get stoopid on me, and put yourself back into the emotional abuse. Like jthorne said, sometimes I just want to shake people and say, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF! But not you ladies. You are a strong lot, or you wouldn't have gotten this far. You are hurting, and of course it's not easy, but you know what you have to do, and you're doing it! Thanks for the occasional virtual slap FoG. Sometimes we need to snap outta of it
Author siuys Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Got back from therapy. Good session. She explained addictive relationships, why I chose xMM at this point in my life, what some of my issues are, how broken xMM is and how far he is from being able to be in a healthy R, how he just needed his fix by emailing me, how ignoring him was the best thing I could have done, what I need to focus on now etc etc... I came out of the session realising I have no choice but to write him out of my life. That I need to accept how bad the situation actually is, and despite how hard it is, I must do it otherwise I'd be spiralling downwards and will be miserable for a long time. Well, that i knew already. So I am continuing my journey. And I will stay away from excessive drinking which made me weak, overly emotional and make me lose perspective. I will focus on myself and grieve the loss at the same time. Yes, the emails did set me back and when it happens again, I will again be that bit stronger. I am exhausted and it's a tough, tough lesson to learn. And an even tougher situation to walk away from. I was saying to a friend I'd much rather run a marathon than do this. But then I realise running a marathon also requires a lot of mental strength, determination and positive self-talk. You may fall, but you pick yourself up. So I will apply those principles to this situation and with a bit of luck, I will succeed.
East7 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 What's a slip? That you're having a bad day and crying? Let yourself have those days..It's an emotional release you have to have, cry it out.. Sleep and listen to your body..Tomorrow is another and hopefully a better one. You miss him and are grieving, its' going to take time so don't beat yourself up for having bad days. Just know that better days are going to happen, and you build upon those good days. Hugs, and have a good nights sleep. Well said ! This is how the grieving process works. You have to go throw grieving as we go when we loose any relationship. Let your body and emotions do their work. Don't try to suppress your pain, let it flow and you will be surprised to see how much relieved you'll be when you let it go. Build-up some resentment. Remember how he has betrayed you and your love. Was it a decent love ? Remember that he has no integrity to play with two woman and what a coward he is to throw you under the bus and have the nerve to come back again. Remember your past relationships, when you mourned the loss and you felt like you couldn't be living without that person. Life showed you that no matter how much you loved him you could move on with your life and be able to find happiness and love again. My xMW went back to her H, broke NC after 21 days (exactly like you) and is e-mailing me everyday that she needs me and blah blah....It doesn't make me grieve, it makes me hate her even more to see how selfish and cake-eater she is. Hugs to you.
Hazyhead Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Got back from therapy. Good session. She explained addictive relationships, why I chose xMM at this point in my life, what some of my issues are, how broken xMM is and how far he is from being able to be in a healthy R, how he just needed his fix by emailing me, how ignoring him was the best thing I could have done, what I need to focus on now etc etc... I came out of the session realising I have no choice but to write him out of my life. That I need to accept how bad the situation actually is, and despite how hard it is, I must do it otherwise I'd be spiralling downwards and will be miserable for a long time. Well, that i knew already. So I am continuing my journey. And I will stay away from excessive drinking which made me weak, overly emotional and make me lose perspective. I will focus on myself and grieve the loss at the same time. Yes, the emails did set me back and when it happens again, I will again be that bit stronger. I am exhausted and it's a tough, tough lesson to learn. And an even tougher situation to walk away from. I was saying to a friend I'd much rather run a marathon than do this. But then I realise running a marathon also requires a lot of mental strength, determination and positive self-talk. You may fall, but you pick yourself up. So I will apply those principles to this situation and with a bit of luck, I will succeed. Siuys, your therapist sounds fab. Seriously. So many, when spoken about by posters here, seem to come off as far too understanding, if that makes sense, they can let people wallow too much. Anyway, you're finished work now. Well done for getting to this point. Now, dust yourself off from the last few days and go out and enjoy your Christmas holidays - have some fun. In a way, it's good that you got the self-pity stage over with just before; it'd be a real sucker if it wrecked your holidays. You can do this. Think how amazingly strong you've been so far! I do agree that you have to cleanse your life from him. Every day that you manage NC, will be a day closer to being completely freeeeeeeeeeeeee! Oh, and I ran the London Marathon last year... or was it the year before... anyway, point is, this bloody getting over the affair process is way harder , but doable;)
ItsNeverForever Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Siuys, I just wanted to send you some hugs today and tell you that I care about you, and I marvel at your progress.
Author siuys Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Thank you all. Have a fab Xmas and hope we will all be in a much better space in 2011.
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