Can't stop crying

[siuys]

21 days NC. two emails from xMM which I ignored. seeing therapist tomorrow. had a few drinks with my sister and her COMMITTED mm (divorcing next year). i think it's the alcohol but i cannot stop crying. i miss xMM, i want to reach out, i want to contact him, but i know i can't. i am sad, listening to my songs and feeling sorry for myself. after 3 weeks, it feels like i got nowhere. i just feel weak and vulnerable. i wish xMM would just tell me he is never going to divorce and that i can forget everything. but he can't coz he is a mess and he would never be able to tell me for sure what is going to happen. i still have hope. i wish i didn't. i know i have to move forward but i can't right now. i just feel overwhelming sadness. i love him but the situation is hopeless. been crying since dinner. you know how you get to the point where you don't care anymore if anyone looks at you with tears streaming down your face. you just sob, let your tears roll down your face. it doesn't matter anymore. you don't care about being embarrassed. you're sad and that is it. i don't feel pain, i just feel sad. i don't know what relationships mean anymore. i don't know what anything means anymore.

[calliope]

I know this feeling exactly. I've felt it many times thru the whole 16-mth A, not just this last time. I'm at Day 11 NC/LC and it's killing me to maintain. Tonight I'm going out of town for 2 wks. Hopefully distance and distraction will make it a little easier for me.

 

However sad you feel now, I think you're still doing ok. Sometimes you just need to cry it out and let as many tears come as need to come. It will help you ultimately express and deal with your pain.

 

I know it hurts, I'm sharing that feeling with you - different A, different location, same pain. Even though it doesn't seem like it now, I'm sure it will get better - for both of us.

 

You're stronger than you think you are You haven't responded to his e's, I would've caved immediately. I almost wish in my heart that my MM would break contact.... I still haven't been able to bring myself to use "x" when referring to him... Stay strong and take care, we'll get through this. Hugs.

[ItsNeverForever]

had a few drinks with my sister and her COMMITTED mm...

 

THIS is why you're upset. You were sitting right in the midst of an A that looks like it's going to work out, wishing that yours would, too. Feeling like it's just not fair.

 

i wish xMM would just tell me he is never going to divorce and that i can forget everything. but he can't coz he is a mess and he would never be able to tell me for sure what is going to happen. i still have hope. i wish i didn't.

 

I wish this myself every single d@mned day. He's not even married to the girl, and STILL, even as of a couple days ago, is adamant that they will never be together again (bc they're broken up, don't you know - and I'm sure she doesn't know it or at least thinks there's hope for reconciliation and, to be honest, why SHOULDN'T she think that???) and it's just a logistical issue. *siiiigh* Listen, I'm too smart to fall for this crap anymore. If he REALLY wanted to just be with me, he'd work it out somehow. So what I'm left with is that he just must not love me or care for me as much as I think he does. Or at all. And if that's the case, why can't he just TELL ME he doesn't really want me. It would be so much easier if he would just "dump" me and make it so B&W. I've even asked him to tell me this very thing or something like it, and he's just adamant that it's not the case so he won't do it. So, like you say, this just means he's a MESS of a person, and can never tell me anything I need to know or hear. And so, I too still have hope and wish with ever fiber of my being that I didn't.

 

you know how you get to the point where you don't care anymore if anyone looks at you with tears streaming down your face. you just sob, let your tears roll down your face. it doesn't matter anymore. you don't care about being embarrassed. you're sad and that is it. i don't feel pain, i just feel sad. i don't know what relationships mean anymore. i don't know what anything means anymore.

 

All the time. I'll hear a song in the grocery store and the tears just roll. Don't care. Sitting in traffic, see a car like his, tears just roll. Don't care. Even at the "gym", where everyone knows what's going on between us, when he's not there and they play one of our songs, tears just roll. Really just don't care. Can't control it, and if anyone dared to be bothered by the fact that my life is so sad right now, I'm sure they know they'd be sorry for asking. So, don't care. It used to be so palpable, the pain, but I don't feel it anymore, either. Just sadness and grief. I actually told one of my friends the other day that I don't know if I'll ever be able to give my heart away again, bc it seems like everything I thought I knew about love and relationships is so far off base that I can't even trust my own instincts anymore. Because I have this profoundly numb "I dont' even know wtf is happening to me" feeling, nothing has meaning anymore. Right there with you.

 

I understand you 100%, siuys. And while I'm kind of relieved to know I'm not the only one, my heart really is hurting for you. Please know that you should NEVER be ashamed of your feelings or for expressing them. It's part of healing, and if you need it, you need it. Let the emotions come in whatever form they do, process them and learn. I'm curious, do you ever feel better after one of these crying jags?

 

I also just have to say again...siuys, you are SO STRONG. When I read your posts, I'm just so completely envious of your strength and your resolve. I wish I could be like you! You have to know how amazing you are, way better a woman than I. It's true, and I'll say it a million times if I have to.

 

{{{gajillions of hugs}}}

[ItsNeverForever]

You're stronger than you think you are You haven't responded to his e's, I would've caved immediately. I almost wish in my heart that my MM would break contact.... I still haven't been able to bring myself to use "x" when referring to him... Stay strong and take care, we'll get through this. Hugs.

 

Calli, me too, and me too. *sigh* One o' these days...

[fellhard4u]

Siyus, my heart goes out to you. I KNOW that pain...I call it soul pain. It's unlike any other pain that I've experienced before.

 

When I was in that same stage of grieving, I found it helped me to avoid listening to songs that reminded me of the feelings that I had during/after the A. I just couldn't handle it and there are, to this day, certain songs that I'm unable to listen to.

 

I also found that drinking alcohol during a time of extreme emotional pain would invariably result in my feeling worse about the whole situation and would open the floodgates of emotions.

 

Please keep posting and sharing your feelings...you'll get through this.

[2themoon&back]

21 days NC. two emails from xMM which I ignored. seeing therapist tomorrow. had a few drinks with my sister and her COMMITTED mm (divorcing next year). i think it's the alcohol but i cannot stop crying. i miss xMM, i want to reach out, i want to contact him, but i know i can't. i am sad, listening to my songs and feeling sorry for myself. after 3 weeks, it feels like i got nowhere. i just feel weak and vulnerable. i wish xMM would just tell me he is never going to divorce and that i can forget everything. but he can't coz he is a mess and he would never be able to tell me for sure what is going to happen. i still have hope. i wish i didn't. i know i have to move forward but i can't right now. i just feel overwhelming sadness. i love him but the situation is hopeless. been crying since dinner. you know how you get to the point where you don't care anymore if anyone looks at you with tears streaming down your face. you just sob, let your tears roll down your face. it doesn't matter anymore. you don't care about being embarrassed. you're sad and that is it. i don't feel pain, i just feel sad. i don't know what relationships mean anymore. i don't know what anything means anymore.

 

(((((((Oh siuys)))))))))

 

I wish I did not relate as well as I do…. As you know I have been NC for almost 5 months and moved forward at a very slow pace.

 

I cried a lot and still do at times, I have withdrawn from the world, I barley leave my house, I am having some tuff anxiety today because I have to go shopping and I never do this alone, I feel sick! But to get back on point (sorry), I know what you are feeling and it feels like something in you broke, I know and hopefully soon you will start to feel a little disconnected (numb).

 

I am not sure this is a bad thing until you can get a handle on the pain and grief you are feeling. I am still grieving but it is at my own hand now, not his, I removed all options to contact me, unless he drives up to my house and he wont do that at this time.

 

He decided to fix his marriage and I decided he should do just that get to fixing it then and do not allow me to distract you from your “true desire”.

 

He is my true desire I am not his anymore and because I do love this man, I will respect his decision and not allow him to fall weak or myself. I never want to see him fail.

 

I say cry and cry a lot that way it does not sneak up on you later and knock you out. You will get back on your feet when you are ready … I have seen you do it before and you have given me hope, so I know you have it in you.

 

I have made a choice to stay away from alcohol until I trust myself better and not to do anything more damage to myself in anyway. Also to feel things as they really are.

 

Please hang on and steadfast, this moment will pass and another will take its place, I promise !

 

(((((hugs))))))

[jthorne]

21 days NC. two emails from xMM which I ignored. seeing therapist tomorrow. had a few drinks with my sister and her COMMITTED mm (divorcing next year). i think it's the alcohol but i cannot stop crying.

Her affair is not your affair. Never will be.

i miss xMM, i want to reach out, i want to contact him, but i know i can't. i am sad, listening to my songs and feeling sorry for myself.

Sorry, but feeling sorry for yourself and self-medicating with alcohol and sappy songs will get you nowhere but where you are. Did you expect it to make you feel better? Probably not. You can stop the pity party whenever you wish.

after 3 weeks, it feels like i got nowhere.

What did you expect NC to do? Make him realize that he just can't live without you, and come running into your arms? That's not what NC is for.

i just feel weak and vulnerable. i wish xMM would just tell me he is never going to divorce and that i can forget everything.

Not likely either, sorry. That's typically not in the MM playbook- that requires compassion, of which most MM have none.

but he can't coz he is a mess and he would never be able to tell me for sure what is going to happen.

And you know he's a "mess" how? Make no mistake, he is not sitting around crying and listening to sad songs like you are. He is continuing with his life. Probably getting ready to enjoy his holiday with his family. Call him up and tell him you accept your role as an OW with no expectations- bet he's not the "mess" you think he is then. (no, I don't want you to do that really.)

i still have hope. i wish i didn't. i know i have to move forward but i can't right now. i just feel overwhelming sadness. i love him but the situation is hopeless. been crying since dinner. you know how you get to the point where you don't care anymore if anyone looks at you with tears streaming down your face. you just sob, let your tears roll down your face. it doesn't matter anymore. you don't care about being embarrassed. you're sad and that is it. i don't feel pain, i just feel sad. i don't know what relationships mean anymore. i don't know what anything means anymore.

I'm sorry that you are hurting. Losing someone that you love hurts, no matter the situation. But perhaps at some point, you will see the inequality in your relationship, and not wish to stand for it. At that point, maybe you can begin to heal. Hopefully a year from now, you will be in a different place and look back and wonder why you spent your holiday crying over a married man.

[2themoon&back]

Not likely either, sorry. That's typically not in the MM playbook- that requires compassion, of which most MM have none.

 

and neither do ROW's from this post.

 

And you know he's a "mess" how? Make no mistake, he is not sitting around crying and listening to sad songs like you are. He is continuing with his life. Probably getting ready to enjoy his holiday with his family. Call him up and tell him you accept your role as an OW with no expectations- bet he's not the "mess" you think he is then. (no, I don't want you to do that really.) [/Quote]

 

This IMO, has no point? What do you know about her MM, that gives you a better idea of what he is doing, you were not involved with him, I would guess that she knows him far better than anyone here unless your his wife.

 

 

I'm sorry that you are hurting. Losing someone that you love hurts, no matter the situation. But perhaps at some point, you will see the inequality in your relationship, and not wish to stand for it. At that point, maybe you can begin to heal. Hopefully a year from now, you will be in a different place and look back and wonder why you spent your holiday crying over a married man.

 

Are you really sorry she is hurting or did you just want to take this opportunity to let her know what "you" think about her hurting and what a waste of tears?

 

She may or may not get there by next year, but she wont get there being bulled into doing so, she will when she feels she can and only then.

[jthorne]

This IMO, has no point? What do you know about her MM, that gives you a better idea of what he is doing, you were not involved with him, I would guess that she knows him far better than anyone here unless your his wife.

Of course it has a point. The point was to indicate the obvious inequality that exists in the A. As soon as the OP decide she will not accept the inequality or wish it were something else, she can move beyond the sad songs and heal.

[2themoon&back]

Of course it has a point. The point was to indicate the obvious inequality that exists in the A. As soon as the OP decide she will not accept the inequality or wish it were something else, she can move beyond the sad songs and heal.

 

She will move, but at the moment she is in the "sad song" stage.

[calliope]

She will move, but at the moment she is in the "sad song" stage.

It's true, and she'll move when she's ready to move. Right now, she's not. We all have a different time line for dealing with things and shouldn't try to impose our own time line on someone else. We all know ourselves far better than anyone else ever could.

 

siuys - you've been doing well up to the past couple of days. You've offered some good advice to others (especially me!) and also asked for help when you've needed it yourself. Maybe this is just a little bump, maybe it's a huge pothole, but either way we'll be here to talk you through....

 

I did the sad song stage many times. I've stayed away from it so far, as well as alcohol b/c I know exactly where it leads for me. I did it many times already over the past 16 mths, so I think I've worn that part out for me. Don't force yourself to stop listening to them, keep doing it until you no longer want to anymore....

[Fieldsofgold]

21 days NC. two emails from xMM which I ignored. seeing therapist tomorrow. had a few drinks with my sister and her COMMITTED mm (divorcing next year). i think it's the alcohol but i cannot stop crying. i miss xMM, i want to reach out, i want to contact him, but i know i can't. i am sad, listening to my songs and feeling sorry for myself. after 3 weeks, it feels like i got nowhere. i just feel weak and vulnerable. i wish xMM would just tell me he is never going to divorce and that i can forget everything. but he can't coz he is a mess and he would never be able to tell me for sure what is going to happen. i still have hope. i wish i didn't. i know i have to move forward but i can't right now. i just feel overwhelming sadness. i love him but the situation is hopeless. been crying since dinner. you know how you get to the point where you don't care anymore if anyone looks at you with tears streaming down your face. you just sob, let your tears roll down your face. it doesn't matter anymore. you don't care about being embarrassed. you're sad and that is it. i don't feel pain, i just feel sad. i don't know what relationships mean anymore. i don't know what anything means oanymore.

 

The sad song stage - yes, I remember it well! Even after all these years! Now, so many years later, I just shake my head. But not at that point in time. I remember sitting in the dark, listening to that one song over and over, and wondered if I was going to live, wondered why I didn't just stop breathing, wondered if I would ever get out of that dark hole it felt like I had been hurled into. Wondered what would become of our child. (fBS here) I remember it all very well, when he left me for his OW, but still wouldn't admit he had an OW! Such a coward he was (among other things!)

 

This is why I hate affairs. Someone always ends up being hurt. Sometimes, everyone ends up being hurt. Doesn't matter which side of the A you're standing on. The pain is an equal-opportunity tormenter.

 

I understand (I think) what you mean about the MM being a mess. He can't make up his mind, can't make a final decision, can't give you something concrete. My H was a mess that way. He couldn't even admit he had the OW! And they m three weeks after the divorce! But then he cheated on her, too. I've now had the benefit of years to see what a jerk he is - had nothing to do with the women he was with. He was just a mess - a train wreck looking for a nice woman to happen to. Probably that is the case with a lot of WS. They hurt nice women coming and going, wives, affair partners, affair partners who become wives, I think for these men, it never ends. At least that was the case for my H. I look back now, and wonder why I ever loved him. What DID I ever see in him? An illusion! I feel foolish for having loved him, but otherwise, I'm free of the pain. One day you will be in that same place. Hopefully sooner than I was.

 

I think Ms. Forever is right. You're sitting there in the middle of your sister's affair, and it's making you feel like why couldn't that be you. The alcohol doesn't help either.

 

I'm sorry for how you are hurting. I hate to see anyone go through that pain. It about kills me every day, but especially during the holidays, what's supposed to be a happy time, and I sign on to LS, and so many people are in pain. Nice people. People who don't deserve it.

 

I just want to tell you from my experience that you will live through it. It will gradually become like a distant memory. My H now seems like a stranger I never knew. (guess in a way he was.) When I think of him, which is never, except when I'm on LS, it amazes me that I had a child with a stranger!

You will get to the same place, probably sooner because of no children entanglements, no divorce to slug through. The marriage, and all that involves, makes it harder, too. He went to a lot of expense and trouble and "show" to "prove" to me he would "love me forever." Be thankful you don't have all that to deal with. Those things just intensify and prolong the pain.

 

I always recommend, and will now drag out, my campaign for volunteerism. LOL! Seriously, though, it's Christmas. Go volunteer at a Children's Hospital, or a children's home, or a homeless shelter, or an animal shelter. It really will help you move in a better direction. And is more beneficial to everyone than drinking and listening to sad songs (although we all do that, too.)

 

Just know that it will get better, as long as you keep moving forward, which you are doing, even if you don't feel like it right now! ((((((hugs))))))

[ItsNeverForever]

And you know he's a "mess" how? Make no mistake, he is not sitting around crying and listening to sad songs like you are. He is continuing with his life. Probably getting ready to enjoy his holiday with his family. Call him up and tell him you accept your role as an OW with no expectations- bet he's not the "mess" you think he is then.

 

JT, respectfully, I think what OP meant when referring to her xMM as "a mess" is NOT that he's an emotional mess over losing her/the A; but that in his current state, his mind/heart/soul are a "mess" - he's not able to see which way is up or the difference between right/wrong, which renders him unable to make a decision or move forward for himself (with her in the picture or not).

[2themoon&back]

The sad song stage - yes, I remember it well! Even after all these years! Now, so many years later, I just shake my head. But not at that point in time. I remember sitting in the dark, listening to that one song over and over, and wondered if I was going to live, wondered why I didn't just stop breathing, wondered if I would ever get out of that dark hole it felt like I had been hurled into. Wondered what would become of our child. (fBS here) I remember it all very well, when he left me for his OW, but still wouldn't admit he had an OW! Such a coward he was (among other things!)

 

This is why I hate affairs. Someone always ends up being hurt. Sometimes, everyone ends up being hurt. Doesn't matter which side of the A you're standing on. The pain is an equal-opportunity tormenter.

 

I understand (I think) what you mean about the MM being a mess. He can't make up his mind, can't make a final decision, can't give you something concrete. My H was a mess that way. He couldn't even admit he had the OW! And they m three weeks after the divorce! But then he cheated on her, too. I've now had the benefit of years to see what a jerk he is - had nothing to do with the women he was with. He was just a mess - a train wreck looking for a nice woman to happen to. Probably that is the case with a lot of WS. They hurt nice women coming and going, wives, affair partners, affair partners who become wives, I think for these men, it never ends. At least that was the case for my H. I look back now, and wonder why I ever loved him. What DID I ever see in him? An illusion! I feel foolish for having loved him, but otherwise, I'm free of the pain. One day you will be in that same place. Hopefully sooner than I was.

 

I think Ms. Forever is right. You're sitting there in the middle of your sister's affair, and it's making you feel like why couldn't that be you. The alcohol doesn't help either.

 

I'm sorry for how you are hurting. I hate to see anyone go through that pain. It about kills me every day, but especially during the holidays, what's supposed to be a happy time, and I sign on to LS, and so many people are in pain. Nice people. People who don't deserve it.

 

I just want to tell you from my experience that you will live through it. It will gradually become like a distant memory. My H now seems like a stranger I never knew. (guess in a way he was.) When I think of him, which is never, except when I'm on LS, it amazes me that I had a child with a stranger!

You will get to the same place, probably sooner because of no children entanglements, no divorce to slug through. The marriage, and all that involves, makes it harder, too. He went to a lot of expense and trouble and "show" to "prove" to me he would "love me forever." Be thankful you don't have all that to deal with. Those things just intensify and prolong the pain.

 

I always recommend, and will now drag out, my campaign for volunteerism. LOL! Seriously, though, it's Christmas. Go volunteer at a Children's Hospital, or a children's home, or a homeless shelter, or an animal shelter. It really will help you move in a better direction. And is more beneficial to everyone than drinking and listening to sad songs (although we all do that, too.)

 

Just know that it will get better, as long as you keep moving forward, which you are doing, even if you don't feel like it right now! ((((((hugs))))))

 

You to me have such a beautiful soul!

 

Sorry Siuys, but it I had to say it. Please forgive the offbeat comment.

[Fieldsofgold]

Did I mention that I drank a lot of peppermint schnapps during the sad song phase? I didn't even have good taste in liquor! LoL

[BB07]

Did I mention that I drank a lot of peppermint schnapps during the sad song phase? I didn't even have good taste in liquor! LoL

 

 

Fields you crack me up......at the very least if you are gonna try to drink those blues away, drink a bottle of wine or some good bourbon whiskey, cause that way you feel so sick and rotten the next morning that you are too sick to be sad. :bunny:

I'm kidding you know. Well BTDT a few times, myself.

 

Fields it was a beautiful post and you do have a beautiful soul!

 

I'm sorry that you ladies are hurting............sending big hugs and a wish for peace in your hearts.

[ladydesigner]

Jthorne your posts are very to the point and it's funny that at this point in my own healing (and I would say it is complete), I can read your post and agree with every word said, no matter how much it stings. I love that your posts have given me that wake-up call, that WTF am I doing? Snap out of it already. Unfortunately in the early days of grieving it is much harder to look at and accept these points. But I must say I share your point of view of MM and committed men in general.

 

Hang in there (((siuys))) it will get easier and you will become numb to all this one day. There is only so much we can take with grief eventually it becomes too big a burden to carry and we begin to let go.

Edited December 21, 2010 by ladydesigner

[Fieldsofgold]

Fields you crack me up......at the very least if you are gonna try to drink those blues away, drink a bottle of wine or some good bourbon whiskey, cause that way you feel so sick and rotten the next morning that you are too sick to be sad. :bunny:

I'm kidding you know. Well BTDT a few times, myself.

 

Fields it was a beautiful post and you do have a beautiful soul!

 

I'm sorry that you ladies are hurting............sending big hugs and a wish for peace in your hearts.

 

You got that right! To rescue my image at this point, I did learn that scotch or Tequilla were infinitely better choices. If one must drink!

 

As for the rest, I'm just as ornery as the next person. I just hate to see people in pain.

[jthorne]

She will move, but at the moment she is in the "sad song" stage.

And I do hope that's the case. Many stay in the "sad song" stage, or get so tired of the "sad song" stage that they end up accepting less instead of moving forward.

 

JT, respectfully, I think what OP meant when referring to her xMM as "a mess" is NOT that he's an emotional mess over losing her/the A; but that in his current state, his mind/heart/soul are a "mess" - he's not able to see which way is up or the difference between right/wrong, which renders him unable to make a decision or move forward for himself (with her in the picture or not).

I get what you are saying, really. My point was that since she isn't in his household, she really doesn't know. But my bet would be that he isn't feeling so bad about things that he is crying his eyes out, like our dear OP is. If he were that heartbroken, he would be compelled to take action, IMO.

 

It simply angers me to no end to see women here who are so hurt by these selfish cowardly men. And not only hurt by them, they want them back! FoG has mentioned it before where it angered her that many women on this board seem willing to swap their self worth for the hope of a little love and attention. Those women often end up just as OP is right now- crying and devastated. Over what? Over a man who showed a colossal amount of disrespect to his wife and his OW.

 

I have a real b*tch of a headache, bordering upon migraine, so I am very sorry if I came off as a bully or without compassion.

[half_ofa_heart]

You're stronger than you think you are You haven't responded to his e's, I would've caved immediately. I almost wish in my heart that my MM would break contact.... I still haven't been able to bring myself to use "x" when referring to him... Stay strong and take care, we'll get through this. Hugs.

 

I am soooo right there with you on that!!!! I cannot bring myself to hit that letter either when referring to him. My mind is going in 10 different directions at any given moment. The fact that you have been able to be so strong at different times, allow yourself to cry... you've earned it! You've worked hard at being strong and deserve some healing.

 

You will get thru it and come out even stronger.

 

HUGS

[half_ofa_heart]

The sad song stage - yes, I remember it well! Even after all these years! Now, so many years later, I just shake my head. But not at that point in time. I remember sitting in the dark, listening to that one song over and over, and wondered if I was going to live, wondered why I didn't just stop breathing, wondered if I would ever get out of that dark hole it felt like I had been hurled into. Wondered what would become of our child. (fBS here) I remember it all very well, when he left me for his OW, but still wouldn't admit he had an OW! Such a coward he was (among other things!)

 

This is why I hate affairs. Someone always ends up being hurt. Sometimes, everyone ends up being hurt. Doesn't matter which side of the A you're standing on. The pain is an equal-opportunity tormenter.

 

I understand (I think) what you mean about the MM being a mess. He can't make up his mind, can't make a final decision, can't give you something concrete. My H was a mess that way. He couldn't even admit he had the OW! And they m three weeks after the divorce! But then he cheated on her, too. I've now had the benefit of years to see what a jerk he is - had nothing to do with the women he was with. He was just a mess - a train wreck looking for a nice woman to happen to. Probably that is the case with a lot of WS. They hurt nice women coming and going, wives, affair partners, affair partners who become wives, I think for these men, it never ends. At least that was the case for my H. I look back now, and wonder why I ever loved him. What DID I ever see in him? An illusion! I feel foolish for having loved him, but otherwise, I'm free of the pain. One day you will be in that same place. Hopefully sooner than I was.

 

I think Ms. Forever is right. You're sitting there in the middle of your sister's affair, and it's making you feel like why couldn't that be you. The alcohol doesn't help either.

 

I'm sorry for how you are hurting. I hate to see anyone go through that pain. It about kills me every day, but especially during the holidays, what's supposed to be a happy time, and I sign on to LS, and so many people are in pain. Nice people. People who don't deserve it.

 

I just want to tell you from my experience that you will live through it. It will gradually become like a distant memory. My H now seems like a stranger I never knew. (guess in a way he was.) When I think of him, which is never, except when I'm on LS, it amazes me that I had a child with a stranger!

You will get to the same place, probably sooner because of no children entanglements, no divorce to slug through. The marriage, and all that involves, makes it harder, too. He went to a lot of expense and trouble and "show" to "prove" to me he would "love me forever." Be thankful you don't have all that to deal with. Those things just intensify and prolong the pain.

 

I always recommend, and will now drag out, my campaign for volunteerism. LOL! Seriously, though, it's Christmas. Go volunteer at a Children's Hospital, or a children's home, or a homeless shelter, or an animal shelter. It really will help you move in a better direction. And is more beneficial to everyone than drinking and listening to sad songs (although we all do that, too.)

 

Just know that it will get better, as long as you keep moving forward, which you are doing, even if you don't feel like it right now! ((((((hugs))))))

 

FOG... I am speechless! You are an amazing person!

[2themoon&back]

And I do hope that's the case. Many stay in the "sad song" stage, or get so tired of the "sad song" stage that they end up accepting less instead of moving forward.

 

I get what you are saying, really. My point was that since she isn't in his household, she really doesn't know. But my bet would be that he isn't feeling so bad about things that he is crying his eyes out, like our dear OP is. If he were that heartbroken, he would be compelled to take action, IMO.

 

It simply angers me to no end to see women here who are so hurt by these selfish cowardly men. And not only hurt by them, they want them back! FoG has mentioned it before where it angered her that many women on this board seem willing to swap their self worth for the hope of a little love and attention. Those women often end up just as OP is right now- crying and devastated. Over what? Over a man who showed a colossal amount of disrespect to his wife and his OW.

 

I have a real b*tch of a headache, bordering upon migraine, so I am very sorry if I came off as a bully or without compassion.

 

Thank you for cleaning that up, for me anyway and not because you had to just that you did --- sometimes we do need a shove sometimes I would ask for a slap and a hard one...but I will only except it when I am in the right state of mind too except it any other time I will want to fight.

 

I do believe LD, hit it right

There is only so much we can take with grief eventually it becomes too big a burden to carry and we begin to let go.

 

I think and I can only speak for myself, but I hate to let go of anything that I felt was perfect to me, or good for in some way me even when the good is long gone or can longer be seen, I guess you could say I am an "emotional hoarder" of sorts hence the need for the slap and think I can carry grief it to the grave and if I do not let it go I know I will get to that destination a lot sooner than I may like.

[ItsNeverForever]

JT, sorry to hear about your headache - I suffer from same frequently. I'll pray for ya. <3

[siuys]

thanks all for the support, kind words, hugs and encouragement.

 

i have no more answers today, and no more strength at present. am utterly exhausted and will stay away from the alcohol. i just want a break. but can't seem to get one. i know what i have to do, but just don't have strength today. i feel wrecked, defeated, ****ed-over. but i am on day 22. it's a slip. so i will pick myself up again. soon. thanks to all again.

[Dexter Morgan]

i miss xMM, i want to reach out, i want to contact him

 

he is a cheater