fleur_de_me Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 So, I've been thinking a lot about the ex lately. He broke up with me two weeks before I went to grad school and said he "couldn't do the distance"- especially since it was for so many years and we would be so far away. I was heartbroken and destroyed, and went NC for a long time. I saw him once in October- but I got super sick when I was at his place and it kind of ruined everything. He took really good care of me, but I was a mess and we didn't talk again after that. I'm back near where he lives for the holidays and want to see him- he texted when he found out I'd be in town and wants to get together and catch up after Christmas when he's back in town. He's a few hours away now helping out in his brother's store for the holidays, he goes there every year. I kind of want to drive up there and surprise him. I feel like maybe a grand gesture might actually mean something to him at this point. Things have always been amicable, and we had a really awesome relationship together until I moved away. And maybe the worst that will happen is that I make a giant mistake, and maybe it will be the pain/proof I need to move on, for real. I've tried everything else and nothing is working (NC, staying busy, dating other people). I want to try something new because even after 6 months, I still find myself thinking about him everyday and still believing he's "the one."
homebrew Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Do not surprise him! Do you want the best possible situation to meet your EX? Well guess what... So do they! Let him know you are back in town and you would like to get together too. Then leave it up to him. He would like to see you so let him be the man (pursue you!) and he will let you know the time, place and what he would like to do. He will plan something that he and you will both enjoy! So he will start off being happy... you will feel good that he pursued you... you will have a great time if you do not talk about the past, the relationship, what went wrong, how sad or angry you were, etc. Act like you agree it was the right thing to do. This will completely confuse your EX (In a good way!). Have a very upbeat attitude and have the feeling that he is the lucky one to be taking you on a date (which is what it will be if you let him make it one). Considering you are trying to control the situation... I do not believe that you have your "mojo" back yet. So you have your work cut out for you before now and then. Let him know you are back... Let him handle the rest! In the meantime, get to a place where you a confident.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 (edited) MAYBE SURPRISE HIM. I have the exact opposite advice than homebrew. My ex/baby mama and I had not seen eachother for 17 month's until one day I just showed up at her house. They were happy to see me. But then she also had our child.... I am guessing though if your ex and you were serious and genuine about your feelings then they will be happy to see you no matter what. We ended up being back together for quite some time after that. In fact it's one of our most cherished memories together. Edited December 21, 2010 by Mrlonelyone
NeNinja Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Surprise him, but not like that. He already wants to see you so let him do it on his terms. Let him pursue you. Let him make a plan. But surprise him. It's the holidays. Give him something...nothing major, jus something personal. I'm sure you can think of a long list of his favorite things. That way you'll let him know you how you see him/think of him still.
WTRanger Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Yes, show up to the store and see him with a new girl you haven't heard about or if you want to be a one night, or Holiday, booty call. Unless you are done with grad school, this 2nd chance will just end back up in the crapper. That's what broke you apart. Guess what?!? It'll break you up again! 2nd chances only ever work when the whole reason you broke up has been completely fixed and not just washed over.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Ranger is right. Unless you get some idea that he can "do long distance"... Sending a small gift or something to let him know you are still on good terms could not hurt.
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