To everyone in an Affair

January 2, 2011

I understand your attempt and it one of the main reasons this is no my main infidelity forum as I get tired of the anti-OP comments.

What I love? I love the look of love in his eyes, I love that he is there when I need him and I love how he shows me every day how much he absolutely loves me. I have never had anyone put so much energy into loving me.

He is very special.

January 2, 2011

There is a thread in the M&LP section which specifically states "no OW/mistresses or OM please" when it comes to responses. So far that request seems to be respected.

I'm curious to see if it's possible to have similar results here, in terms of people respecting such a request.

So ladies and gents - those who find themselves "involved with a committed partner" - name one thing you absolutely adore about your partner (no BS or individuals who have never experienced being in an A please).

I'll start -
I love the way we're always laughing with each other, especially all the inside jokes we share together that nobody else is privy to!

I WAS an OW and I loved how he sent me texts even in the middle of an important meeting with a client ( he is a lawyer) or when he was in court and one of the first things he did when there was a break was to call or send me a text letting me know he was thinking of me... so sweet...

I also loved the way he would scoop me up and hold me tight when we were walking.......it's good to be petite...

January 3, 2011

I understand your attempt and it one of the main reasons this is no my main infidelity forum as I get tired of the anti-OP comments.

What I love? I love the look of love in his eyes, I love that he is there when I need him and I love how he shows me every day how much he absolutely loves me. I have never had anyone put so much energy into loving me.

He is very special.

OMG - you too????? Isn't it the most incredible thing?!

And while it gets kinda old having random internet people tell you how "it isn't real" (or whatever else they repeatedly say) I know what's real and true in my life. And it sounds like you do too.

P.S. What's up with the anti-OP comments when this is an OW/OM section?

January 3, 2011

This is really interesting. First of all, the OP did not make any demands. she requested that only those who were in an affair (participants in an affair) respond...I mean, seriously, with a question like that, what would be a BS's response? So why even participate?

Second, why is this such a big deal? If you cannot respond to the OP then move along...go to another thread. Is your life so boring that you need to create drama here?

Third, the "INFIDELITY" forum is not only for betrayed spouses...psst...it says this: "In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.":rolleyes:

and really, Jwi71, I wuv ya but you need to start your own thread, why are you giving this OP a third degree?

January 3, 2011

So ladies and gents - those who find themselves "involved with a committed partner" - name one thing you absolutely adore about your partner (no BS or individuals who have never experienced being in an A please).

Hi new here. I am a current OW. I love the way my MM makes me feel cherished and loved. That I am taken care of and he knows how to make me laugh like no other.

January 3, 2011

If the mod(s) don't set up a forum as protected to where that aspect is regulated then anybody can be on so the peanut gallery adds their two cents.

Oh it is an amazing heady feeling and I am thrilled to say my face still lights up whenever I see him and we are now going on 4 years. He is scrumptious!

And in regards to real, well, if I am not in touch with reality, in a fog, etc I hope to never float back down.

January 3, 2011

I also loved the way he would scoop me up and hold me tight when we were walking.......it's good to be petite...

I'm not petite, I'm tall & he's really tall! Loved that he could lift me up, not many men can do that. The look in his eyes when he looks at me & smiles.

Stupid little things really, I adored him, still do. Respecting his wishes to stop.

January 3, 2011

This is really interesting. First of all, the OP did not make any demands. she requested that only those who were in an affair (participants in an affair) respond...I mean, seriously, with a question like that, what would be a BS's response? So why even participate?

Second, why is this such a big deal? If you cannot respond to the OP then move along...go to another thread. Is your life so boring that you need to create drama here?

Third, the "INFIDELITY" forum is not only for betrayed spouses...psst...it says this: "In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.":rolleyes:

and really, Jwi71, I wuv ya but you need to start your own thread, why are you giving this OP a third degree?

Arigato Tami-chan, for the above post!

January 3, 2011

10 characters

Edited January 3, 2011 by thomasb
Just not worth it!

January 3, 2011

The way his face lit up when he looked at me. Surprising me at work in the mornings with bacon and coffee. The way he would press me up against the wall at my studio kissing and touching me. The way that he made me feel like a desirable woman, and I made him feel like a man…it was so simple in an animal/primitive sense. We shared so much intense intimacy without doing the deed. We were very into each other and there was much love and heat.

We connected intellectually on so many levels…through our careers, hobbies, and physicality. I have dated many men and I know what I had with him was rare. I know he too, had never experienced what we shared. Though he is with his W (who is not like me at all), I’m sure he misses our way.

Angelette...what is the thread you are refering to on the M/LP forum? I'm curious.

January 3, 2011

This is really interesting. First of all, the OP did not make any demands. she requested that only those who were in an affair (participants in an affair) respond...I mean, seriously, with a question like that, what would be a BS's response? So why even participate?

Second, why is this such a big deal? If you cannot respond to the OP then move along...go to another thread. Is your life so boring that you need to create drama here?

Third, the "INFIDELITY" forum is not only for betrayed spouses...psst...it says this: "In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.":rolleyes:

and really, Jwi71, I wuv ya but you need to start your own thread, why are you giving this OP a third degree?

You know I agree:)

January 3, 2011

The way his face lit up when he looked at me. Surprising me at work in the mornings with bacon and coffee. The way he would press me up against the wall at my studio kissing and touching me. The way that he made me feel like a desirable woman, and I made him feel like a man…it was so simple in an animal/primitive sense. We shared so much intense intimacy without doing the deed. We were very into each other and there was much love and heat.

Mrs Jones - these are the kinds things I wanted to hear about! People who have experienced the wonder of it all. All the little things that only mattered to the two of you and all the big things - the desire and intimacy, love and connection.

We connected intellectually on so many levels…through our careers, hobbies, and physicality. I have dated many men and I know what I had with him was rare. I know he too, had never experienced what we shared. Though he is with his W (who is not like me at all), I’m sure he misses our way.

And THIS is what people who have never experienced it can't possibly understand. But I do. And I think it's beautiful that you can hold those memories without bitterness or regrets (or at least it doesn't come thru in your post). I'm sure he misses it too and cherishes those memories as well.

Angelette...what is the thread you are refering to on the M/LP forum? I'm curious.

I think posting a link to another thread is frowned upon - but just go to the M/LP forum and look for the "Married people (or maybe it said couples)" thread.

January 3, 2011

OMG - you too????? Isn't it the most incredible thing?!

And while it gets kinda old having random internet people tell you how "it isn't real" (or whatever else they repeatedly say) I know what's real and true in my life. And it sounds like you do too.

P.S. What's up with the anti-OP comments when this is an OW/OM section?

The sad thing is that MOST OW/OM find out how "real" it is when the BS discovers the sneaking around that's been going on.

January 3, 2011

The sad thing is that MOST OW/OM find out how "real" it is when the BS discovers the sneaking around that's been going on.

It would appear to be a one-sided for "real", if outside of the M.

Let's hear it for the same as those that would burrow into a M, as would insist on a restricted forum here.

January 3, 2011

People who have experienced the wonder of it all. All the little things that only mattered to the two of you and all the big things - the desire and intimacy, love and connection.

And THIS is what people who have never experienced it can't possibly understand. But I do. And I think it's beautiful that you can hold those memories without bitterness or regrets (or at least it doesn't come thru in your post). I'm sure he misses it too and cherishes those memories as well.

Well, I'm not in an affair ... when I was very young (18 or 19), I messed around with my married boss. So perhaps I am qualified to contribute to this thread.

I think what motivated me to do that at the time was my own low self esteem. Having a man who was "taken" show a lot of interest and desire for me made me feel special. Also, he was a published poet and a professor; I was his TA (and, T & A - haha). He was impressive to me.

I hope to never find myself in that place again.

The reason I was moved to respond in this thread, however, was the part of Anglette's post that is quoted above.

What does "the wonder of it all" have to do with being an OW in an affair with a married man? I am asking sincerely; not to be a "stirrer."

Is not the "wonder of it all" just a part of feeling in love, regardless of whether it's with your husband, your boyfriend, girlfriend, or somebody else's husband?

The choice of words used in the above quote does seem to be aggrandizing the state of being "in an affair" rather than the state of being "in love."

Anglette, when you post that "people who have never experienced it can't possibly understand," are you saying that the depth of love involved when you are feeling it towards someone else's spouse is somehow grander than the love that one can feel in a "sanctioned" relationship? (I hesitate to use that term, "sanctioned," but I can't think of another one ... what I mean is, a relationship with ones significant other that does not involve any subterfuge and dishonesty.)

If that is what you are saying ... why is that? Is it because the "forbidden" and the sneaky aspects of an affair lend so much excitement that the thrills in such a love will always surpass love between partners who are not hiding?

January 4, 2011

The sad thing is that MOST OW/OM find out how "real" it is when the BS discovers the sneaking around that's been going on.

Hmm, really? Not everyone falls into that. Actually I think there are more than people expect, just quite a few EMR never get found out, divorces happen, relationships "develop" while separation/early divorce and voila! Happy second relationships/marriages.

January 4, 2011

What does "the wonder of it all" have to do with being an OW in an affair with a married man? I am asking sincerely; not to be a "stirrer."

Is not the "wonder of it all" just a part of feeling in love, regardless of whether it's with your husband, your boyfriend, girlfriend, or somebody else's husband?

The choice of words used in the above quote does seem to be aggrandizing the state of being "in an affair" rather than the state of being "in love."

Anglette, when you post that "people who have never experienced it can't possibly understand," are you saying that the depth of love involved when you are feeling it towards someone else's spouse is somehow grander than the love that one can feel in a "sanctioned" relationship? (I hesitate to use that term, "sanctioned," but I can't think of another one ... what I mean is, a relationship with ones significant other that does not involve any subterfuge and dishonesty.)

If that is what you are saying ... why is that? Is it because the "forbidden" and the sneaky aspects of an affair lend so much excitement that the thrills in such a love will always surpass love between partners who are not hiding?

Sorry, don't mean to inject myself here, but this is such a great post.

Let's cut the crap, yes? The married man may "love" you (OW, I mean), he may profess his undying love- of course he "loves" OW, she is someone who can manage "saint" status - the patience alone, yes?

Of course the love between OW and MM is fantasy. It will never rival the love between MM and his wife - never. I think most OW will agree here. That said, it may be love, so, judgement isn't my thing.

As they say, let the chips fall where they may.

January 4, 2011

It's not an intent to divide - but let me just say, NOBODY jumped all over the other post in the M&LP section when the same was requested. Why is that? And why should the rules be different here?

Of course, this is a public forum.

Everybody can and will post to whatever thread they feel like. But the original post should still be considered. And what I asked was for ladies and gentlemen who find themselves in a relationship with a committed parter, to impart one thing that they absolutely adore about their partner.

Now if you were an OW, why don't you tell us one thing that you used to adore about him?

Very interesting point.

Those who claim that OP intrude so in their lives don't seem to give credit when their thread is not invaded. Hmm.

Also, had we not gone off topic, we could have gathered all kinds of data that could have possibly proved many (or none) of the claims and inferences made by BS.

What did I adore about my exMM? The way he went gaga every time he looked at me. The way he acted like a little kid at Christmas when he first glanced at me for the day. The way he couldn't take his eyes off of me during and after love-making. I adored the way he adored me, especially in public. He often yelled in public places, (like a fool!), "I love this woman!!!"

January 4, 2011

This is really interesting. First of all, the OP did not make any demands. she requested that only those who were in an affair (participants in an affair) respond...I mean, seriously, with a question like that, what would be a BS's response? So why even participate?

Second, why is this such a big deal? If you cannot respond to the OP then move along...go to another thread. Is your life so boring that you need to create drama here?

Third, the "INFIDELITY" forum is not only for betrayed spouses...psst...it says this: "In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.":rolleyes:

and really, Jwi71, I wuv ya but you need to start your own thread, why are you giving this OP a third degree?

Everything the lovely Miss Chan said;).

January 4, 2011

Sorry, don't mean to inject myself here, but this is such a great post.

Let's cut the crap, yes? The married man may "love" you (OW, I mean), he may profess his undying love- of course he "loves" OW, she is someone who can manage "saint" status - the patience alone, yes?

Of course the love between OW and MM is fantasy. It will never rival the love between MM and his wife - never. I think most OW will agree here. That said, it may be love, so, judgement isn't my thing.

As they say, let the chips fall where they may.

It doesn't need to rival what is dead in many cases.

January 4, 2011

Very interesting point.

Those who claim that OP intrude so in their lives don't seem to give credit when their thread is not invaded. Hmm.

Also, had we not gone off topic, we could have gathered all kinds of data that could have possibly proved many (or none) of the claims and inferences made by BS.

What did I adore about my exMM? The way he went gaga every time he looked at me. The way he acted like a little kid at Christmas when he first glanced at me for the day. The way he couldn't take his eyes off of me during and after love-making. I adored the way he adored me, especially in public. He often yelled in public places, (like a fool!), "I love this woman!!!"

Just curious. Is there anything that you love about your mm that doesn't have to do with you? I noticed that most of those who answered gave answers based on how the mm makes them feel about themselves. "he makes me feel cherished" "he makes me feel beautiful" "the way he looks at me" etc etc..

In most long term relationships we come to love our partner for who they really are. Their sense of humor, their values, their quirks, their intellect, their principles, their inner and physical beauty, etc. Hardly anyone mentioned anything that would define their MM as an individual, by this thread they all sound like the same guy.

January 4, 2011

Hmm, really? Not everyone falls into that. Actually I think there are more than people expect, just quite a few EMR never get found out, divorces happen, relationships "develop" while separation/early divorce and voila! Happy second relationships/marriages.

Really? Seriously? Read up a little more on the OW/OM forum, and THEN come back and answer again.

January 4, 2011

It doesn't need to rival what is dead in many cases.

If it's "dead" why, in nearly every case, is it ongoing - often for years if not forever?

January 4, 2011

Just curious. Is there anything that you love about your mm that doesn't have to do with you? I noticed that most of those who answered gave answers based on how the mm makes them feel about themselves. "he makes me feel cherished" "he makes me feel beautiful" "the way he looks at me" etc etc..

In most long term relationships we come to love our partner for who they really are. Their sense of humor, their values, their quirks, their intellect, their principles, their inner and physical beauty, etc. Hardly anyone mentioned anything that would define their MM as an individual, by this thread they all sound like the same guy.

You are absolutely correct! He is by far the most loving and caring person I have ever met. I love how honest he is with me ( I know I'm going to hear a ton of grief on this one) sometimes even if he knows it will hurt me. I love how funny he is - he has me laughing thru tears sometimes. I love how much he adores his children (will hear more ridicule here as well). I love that he loves baseball (we both share this love). I love that when he tells me he loves me... he makes sure our eyes are locked.

Are there things about him that I DON'T love??? Sure there are. For one, he's married. But the rest are few and far between. The things that make him HIM are what I love about him but what makes me "in love" with him is how he makes me feel.

Your observation was a good one and it made me think about my original response. On some level, it forced me to look at HIM rather than the relationship. Thank you!

January 4, 2011

Just curious. Is there anything that you love about your mm that doesn't have to do with you? I noticed that most of those who answered gave answers based on how the mm makes them feel about themselves. "he makes me feel cherished" "he makes me feel beautiful" "the way he looks at me" etc etc..

I noticed this too and really didn't want to interject my thoughts into this thread, but I did notice this.

I believe Dr. Shirley Glass called it positive mirroring. "We like how we see ourselves reflected in the other person's eyes. By contrast, in our long-term relationships, our reflection is like a 5X makeup mirror in which our flaws are magnified" - as stated in "Not just friends".

Either way, interesting observation.

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