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To everyone in an Affair

AngeletteX

By AngeletteX
in The Other Man / Woman

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donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

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Affront at the concept of happiness as a result of someone else's emotional devestation is hardly surprising...why does it surprise you?
Is it, perhaps, that some folks have a hard time considering someone else's pain in deference to what they want? :confused:
NoIDidn't Established Member

NoIDidn't

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"Happy people are happy for others"?

 

SMH

NoIDidn't Established Member

NoIDidn't

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Happy people are happy for people who aren't stomping on others to get theirs. :)

 

But she's not really happy. She's shocked and dismayed that people aren't happy for her.

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AngeletteX Established Member

AngeletteX

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But I was honest with them in that they knew I had other lovers beside them. Were I to have discovered that they were not honest with me about other lovers besides myself, that would have transgressed the terms of the agreement, and they'd have been dumped instantly. It would have had nothing to do with the OOW - it would have had to do with their breach of honesty.

 

My point exactly.

woinlove Established Member

woinlove

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What I'm getting from the responses is this: Having happy, wonderful, amazing moments with those we love is somehow is an affront to some.

 

I'm curious - what's love got to do with it? Do you distinguish between the OW/OM who love their MM/MW and those who don't? Is the unapologetic OW who sometimes posts here, and who usually has 2 or 3 MM at any time, somehow in a different category to you than an OW who feels she has met her one true soulmate? She certainly sounds happy with her arrangement, but it doesn't have anything to do with love. And what about the first few weeks of an affair where one can feel really happy but one doesn't know their MM/MW well enough to truly love them? Or what about OW/OM who think they are in love, but later come to view it as not true love after all?

 

I'm curious why you think "with those we love" is so important and/or relevant to being happy as an OW/OM that you even bolded it? My observation is that the OW/OM who love the least are the ones who are happiest with affairs. Ones who love the most often want more than a secret affair gives them.

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AngeletteX Established Member

AngeletteX

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Perhaps it's unfamiliar to you, but many MMs and OWs do all of that stuff together during an A. Certainly we did - we lived together for extended periods during the A doing normal coupley things, including bills, kids, shopping and other chores. I'd guess that the "moonlight and roses" As are by far the minority - those would be more likely to be brief flings, IMO.

 

OWoman, maybe it's just that it's easier to digest? Especially to those who have never experienced it? Perhaps it's oh-so-much-better to think it's JUST "stolen moments" of hurried fumbling s-e-x?

 

Sorry - that's not how it goes.

 

It's DEFINITELY "normal couple-y things" - making breakfast together and eating it in bed, spending lazy weekend afternoons watching movies, shopping at the farmer's market, kissing on the park bench and taking out the garbage.

 

Maybe that's why people are so interested in this thread.

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

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I'm curious - what's love got to do with it? Do you distinguish between the OW/OM who love their MM/MW and those who don't? Is the unapologetic OW who sometimes posts here, and who usually has 2 or 3 MM at any time, somehow in a different category to you than an OW who feels she has met her one true soulmate? She certainly sounds happy with her arrangement, but it doesn't have anything to do with love. And what about the first few weeks of an affair where one can feel really happy but one doesn't know their MM/MW well enough to truly love them? Or what about OW/OM who think they are in love, but later come to view it as not true love after all?

 

I'm curious why you think "with those we love" is so important and/or relevant to being happy as an OW/OM that you even bolded it? My observation is that the OW/OM who love the least are the ones who are happiest with affairs. Ones who love the most often want more than a secret affair gives them.

Wow. Great points! :bunny:
thomasb Established Member

thomasb

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OWoman, maybe it's just that it's easier to digest? Especially to those who have never experienced it? Perhaps it's oh-so-much-better to think it's JUST "stolen moments" of hurried fumbling s-e-x?

 

Sorry - that's not how it goes.

 

It's DEFINITELY "normal couple-y things" - making breakfast together and eating it in bed, spending lazy weekend afternoons watching movies, shopping at the farmer's market, kissing on the park bench and taking out the garbage.

 

Maybe that's why people are so interested in this thread.

 

 

Coming from a very FMM, you are the one who is wrong in my opinion. It was only hurried, fumbling s-e-x. Never to be compared to making love with my DW. You may not like that, but in my situation, it was the truth.

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

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making breakfast together and eating it in bed, spending lazy weekend afternoons watching movies, shopping at the farmer's market, kissing on the park bench and taking out the garbage.
But those things happen only when the MM/MW has some sort of excuse for that much time away such as a business trip.

 

I get mine 24/7, with the exception of work. A much better arrangement, IMO. :love:

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AngeletteX Established Member

AngeletteX

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I'm sad too that any attempts at positivity are so threatening to some people that they feel the need to sabotage them. I hope that they're able to claw some peace out of somewhere in their lives to move on...

 

I'm still trying to figure out what is so "threatening" about this thread???

 

To return to topic - during the A, I loved how our time together was sacrosanct, and nothing was allowed to intrude. Now that we're together 100% of the time all day every day, we've obviously had to compromise on that, but we do still make times when we completely shut off the rest of the world and just enjoy each other. :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

 

THANK YOU for staying on topic! :laugh:

jthorne Established Member

jthorne

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OWoman, maybe it's just that it's easier to digest? Especially to those who have never experienced it? Perhaps it's oh-so-much-better to think it's JUST "stolen moments" of hurried fumbling s-e-x?

 

Sorry - that's not how it goes.

 

It's DEFINITELY "normal couple-y things" - making breakfast together and eating it in bed, spending lazy weekend afternoons watching movies, shopping at the farmer's market, kissing on the park bench and taking out the garbage.

 

Maybe that's why people are so interested in this thread.

Speaking of stolen moments... how about those stolen moments away from the kids. Ya know, those kids he can't leave his marriage for? How do you reconcile that? Edited by jthorne
NoIDidn't Established Member

NoIDidn't

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I'm curious - what's love got to do with it? Do you distinguish between the OW/OM who love their MM/MW and those who don't? Is the unapologetic OW who sometimes posts here, and who usually has 2 or 3 MM at any time, somehow in a different category to you than an OW who feels she has met her one true soulmate? She certainly sounds happy with her arrangement, but it doesn't have anything to do with love. And what about the first few weeks of an affair where one can feel really happy but one doesn't know their MM/MW well enough to truly love them? Or what about OW/OM who think they are in love, but later come to view it as not true love after all?

 

I'm curious why you think "with those we love" is so important and/or relevant to being happy as an OW/OM that you even bolded it? My observation is that the OW/OM who love the least are the ones who are happiest with affairs. Ones who love the most often want more than a secret affair gives them.

 

Its a very self-centered version of love being mentioned. Like you said, the OW/OM who love the least are often the ones that are "happy" in their affairs. And its because their "love" is based on how the MP makes THEM feel.

 

Which returns back to the beginning of this thread with all the self-validating statements being made. The question was asked to tell the forum what the OP loved about the MP. But the initial responses were ALL about how they themselves felt about the attention.

 

Very telling. Yet again.

jthorne Established Member

jthorne

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Its a very self-centered version of love being mentioned. Like you said, the OW/OM who love the least are often the ones that are "happy" in their affairs. And its because their "love" is based on how the MP makes THEM feel.

 

Which returns back to the beginning of this thread with all the self-validating statements being made. The question was asked to tell the forum what the OP loved about the MP. But the initial responses were ALL about how they themselves felt about the attention.

 

Very telling. Yet again.

I'm curious how these OP's can claim to be heading towards marriage. If they are, I fear they are in for a rude awakening once they get there.
thomasb Established Member

thomasb

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Very true. Rather like the joy a parent gets on Christmas is not about their gift... but the joy in their childrens faces.

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

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Coming from a very FMM, you are the one who is wrong in my opinion. It was only hurried, fumbling s-e-x. Never to be compared to making love with my DW. You may not like that, but in my situation, it was the truth.

Could it be that the MP is the only one with the ability to clearly see the truth of the A? Maybe the AP, who wants so badly for it to be more (with the exception of a VERY few here on LS), convinces themselves that there's more there than the MM/MW thinks there is.

NoIDidn't Established Member

NoIDidn't

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I'm curious how these OP's can claim to be heading towards marriage. If they are, I fear they are in for a rude awakening once they get there.

 

This is the reason that the divorce rate is so high to begin with. People getting married because of how a person makes them feel who are really empty inside.

 

Lots of "rude awakenings" going on. Only continues the cycle.

Ladyblue Established Member

Ladyblue

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OWoman, maybe it's just that it's easier to digest? Especially to those who have never experienced it? Perhaps it's oh-so-much-better to think it's JUST "stolen moments" of hurried fumbling s-e-x?

 

Sorry - that's not how it goes.

 

It's DEFINITELY "normal couple-y things" - making breakfast together and eating it in bed, spending lazy weekend afternoons watching movies, shopping at the farmer's market, kissing on the park bench and taking out the garbage.

 

Maybe that's why people are so interested in this thread.

 

Oh, yeah. And THEN he gets up and goes home to his wife! As I'm sitting here three years later, hurting, and missing the jackass, please remind me what's wonderful about that?

 

And while I'm here, let me just add that yes, I'm angry AND BITTER. Thanks a lot, sister, for making me feel there's something wrong with ME because I feel bitter. Just what am I supposed to feel, when he has promised me the rest of our lives, when he has acted accordingly, and when he still picked his wife?

 

Hell, yeah, I'm bitter. WTF am I supposed to be?

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AngeletteX Established Member

AngeletteX

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It's the selfish "unapologetic" act itself and while hurting others. Others lives are sacrificed whether they are aware of the A or not.

 

And this thread is proof of the blatent flaunting (laughing) while reflecting on the act.

 

When you say "selfish" do you mean -dictionary definition- devoted to or caring for oneself? If so, who isn't? And why shouldn't I put my own happiness first?

 

This thread is proof that MANY beautiful, wonderful things are shared between two people, despite the "A" label.

 

This thread is proof that it's NOT *just* about sex (although no one is disputing fantastic sex is part of what makes it great!) - it's about genuine day-to-day interactions woven into the fabric of day-to-day life.

 

This thread is proof that LOVE exists freely - it is given and received FREELY between two people. Certainly not demanded.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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Oh the joys of being a BS.

 

Nevermind your H spends intimate moments with another woman when you are told he's at work - he comes back to you in the end!

 

(Ermm, no, thank you.)

 

Okay, this just makes the poster sound jealous, bitter (yes, BITTER) and terribly mean spirited.

 

The "joys" of being a person who's lied to and betrayed? I don't think anyone around here thinks that is a joyous role.

 

I will tell you what I think bothers me about some of the "OW" posts.

 

There are a few of the "unapologetic" who don't make my skin crawl at all. I don't think it's "okay" to carry on with somebody's spouse. I would like promises to be kept, and the romantic dream of marriage to be able to be real. I would like my "sisters" to agree to some kind of a code involving hands off of another woman's mate. But, at least if you are going to do it, I appreciate the attitude that says, "I'm doing what I want to do, it pleases me, it works for me, f*** y'all."

 

There have always been "mistresses," there has always been infidelity, and there have always been some cases where the mistress and the unfaithful man go on to live happily as a couple.

 

What DOES make my skin crawl, really badly, is the "true love, lost love, rekindled love, soul soul soul soul soulmate" talk that a different style of the "unapologetic" invariably use. Their affair partner NEVER has sex with his wife. He would NEVER mess around with yet another woman. He IS going to leave his wife for her ... he hasn't yet for two, five, ten years, but he's gonna. Because, it's rekindled soulmate lost love.

 

The magic Cinderella fantasy of romantic love in marriage is difficult enough to reconcile with the reality of sharing ones life with another. Applying the same BS to a "side" relationship is ... more than annoying, and profoundly dishonest.

 

There is plenty of lying in extramarital affairs; I guess the piece that I find the most difficult to stomach is the part where the "back door woman" is so profoundly investing in lying to herself.

 

Or, maybe it's the part where some of the "others" seem to take gleeful pride in their role in betraying another unaware human being.

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AngeletteX Established Member

AngeletteX

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isn't it funny how alleged non-BSs get so riled up on their behalf, even when all someone did was describe the facts of their own situation... :rolleyes:

 

Yes, counselor, alleged. :lmao:

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AngeletteX Established Member

AngeletteX

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Most BS's don't know they're in that situation with their "partner" (and I use the term loosely).

 

If this is the case, what's the problem?

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

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If this is the case, what's the problem?

:eek::eek:WOW!!!:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

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AngeletteX Established Member

AngeletteX

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But she's not really happy. She's shocked and dismayed that people aren't happy for her.

 

Nah - please, aren't you being a wee bit dramatic? Shocked and dismayed? :lmao: No.

 

I just don't understand why this thread is such a hot button. Why shouldn't OW/OM share what's great and wonderful and fantastic about their partners?

 

Such things DO exist in this world, you know. And considering it's a PUBLIC forum......

BenThereDunThat Established Member

BenThereDunThat

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Nah - please, aren't you being a wee bit dramatic? Shocked and dismayed? :lmao: No.

 

I just don't understand why this thread is such a hot button. Why shouldn't OW/OM share what's great and wonderful and fantastic about their partners?

 

Such things DO exist in this world, you know. And considering it's a PUBLIC forum......

 

And considering it's a PUBLIC forum that has NEVER been known to be a place to celebrate illicit affairs in and of themselves why do you insist on trying to make it so? And then get defensive when you find (repeatedly) that it isn't?

NoIDidn't Established Member

NoIDidn't

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Question for OW:

 

How helpful was the beginning of this thread? You know, where posters posted how great the MM made them feel and what they loved about him?

 

Did it make you feel better or worse about being in an affair? Did it make you long for him more or just be grateful for those fleeting moments?

 

Or did you just use your happiness and those moments that you had to intentionally hurt those that would disagree with your reports?

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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