Perplexed81 Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 As the title reads, I broke no contact, i was at 29 days haha. I went out like i've done every day, off work at 5:00 p.m. and head straight to the bar. Now most may think, lay off the booze but, actually when I was with her I actually drank more and not becuase of our relationship. Anyways onto the goodies, instead of going to the bar after work and having my usual 3 beers, going to get something to eat and go home and pass out at 9:00 p.m. I decided to go to a friends bar that recently opened. Ran into couple of friends there and was offered a few shots of Patron along with the 3 beers I had plus the 2 I drank at the new bar, i was well, tipsy. So curiosity got the best of me and I picked up my phone. Here's the convo below. Me: Would it be a bad thing to catch up with you? Her: Huh? Me: I was wanting to talk to you, do you have a min? Her: I guess so. Me: Incase I get any mail over there can you please let me know? Her: You've never had mail come to the house or my PO box. Me: Well I've made a few changes and I forgot my license still shows my old address so if any comes there please let me know. Me: I know you got mad about the comment I made months ago, I've tried making up for it and contacting her (her daughter), but you won't let me, how come? Her: What are you talking about? Me: (her daughters name) Her: I don't feel its in her best interest, she has enough obstacles, and I'm the one left picking up the pieces everytime something goes wrong right now I literally can't take anymore. Me: I understand, I wish you would reconsider, I know things didn't work out with you and me but id really like to be there for her. Me: I've always been a good dad to her and would like to continue that, I don't see how that would be a bad thing. **End of Conversation** No Response Back** I text her around 12:30 a.m. and by her responding back so quickly and keeping a conversation going, its obvious the she's not with someone, or no one is at her house becuase she would not converse with me if she was with someone, I know this from personal experience. Second, she responded very quickly, I personally feel that I was getting somewhere with NC becuase of 1. Her quick response time and 2. I just had a gut feeling had I kept no contact a little while longer I would have heard from her. Now a quick background, this is a woman with old fashion values, she's not the type after a break up to just go whoring around or get into a rebound, she's a tough nut to crack honestly. So what do you guys think, she talked to me right up to the point where I was asking about her daughter again and she quit talking all together, as you see I didn't do the obvious mistakes other than breaking no contact. Can I get all of your opinions as to how this went down?
Lemontang Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 What is it that your trying to achieve? If your not looking at getting back with the ex then I'd go back to NC and move on. I'm assuming by the fact you keep saying her daughter your not the father? In that case dude, sorry but you really need to walk away if your not going to continue the relationship with the mother until she's old enough to make her own decisions (this is just a kid right?). I'm assuming that too as your not saying anything about getting back with the mother. But rather wanting to play a father figure to her daughter. I've learn't this the hard way. I was in a 3 year relationship with a mum who's daughter wasn't mine. I got along with this kid like a house on fire to the extent the mum and her family would often say they wish I actually was the young ones dad. I've always been about kids having strong role models, unfortunately things didn't work out and we went our separate ways. The hardest part was the mother wouldn't even give me the chance to say goodbye and I think she did this more to hurt me than for her actual daughters sake. That and I had no intention of confusing the girl by rocking up on the mums doorstep and argue etc... kids don't need to see that. At the end of the day if it's not your kid, it's simply just not your kid, no matter how different you wish it was or if you felt you not being in the child's life will not enrich them. Regardless of how you feel when it comes to dating or being in a relationship with someone who has a child from another relationship you'll always play 2nd fiddle so it's not your call to ask if you can still play dad. If you are looking at getting back in your ex's life the child is not the way to do it. Children are not to be used as pawns on a chessboard so I hope for everyone sake this is not the case. I know it's hard especially when you've seen them grow up. But if your going to let go of the ex you have to let go of the kid too.
Author Perplexed81 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 No, I'm not using the daughter as a pawn. Her daughter has never met her biological dad, and during our 2 year relationship, her daughter took me on as her dad on her own free will. Of course id like to reconcile, she's not seeing anyone and doesn't seem to be heading in that direction. But I won't reconcile with her if it means handing over my balls because honestly I don't believe it should be that way. I guess I was just testing the waters since its been 3 months since we've seen each other.
Lemontang Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I wasn't meaning no insult either just calling the facts how I saw it. But if this is the case then I'd ask to do a casual meet up but keep the kid out of it. Even bringing this up can be read as some form of pseudo emotional blackmail "But I play the dad role really well" kind of thing. She's not in it to find a father for her daughter she's in it to find a partner for her. But of course it's also not about how you feel either but her. If she wants to reconcile she will, but if you ask and she says 'no' then you just have to accept that and move on. I'm not going to cotton wool it but if she says 'no' and you still try and chase her then you really are then handing your balls to her on a plate.
WTRanger Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Her: I don't feel its in her best interest, she has enough obstacles, and I'm the one left picking up the pieces everytime something goes wrong right now I literally can't take anymore. This quote stood out to me. Your ex is not only tasked with picking up the pieces of her heart, she has to pick up the pieces of her child's heart as well. A child who doesn't understand break ups. She can't let someone bounce in and out of her life and thankfully she realizes that's not healthy for her child. She's putting her child first and rightfully so. I think that by bringing the child up, you pissed her off something fierce. You may not have thought about it at the time, but you were tipsy. You made the classic mistake of the drunk text. If you are going to break NC, next time man up and call her. Though, don't do it drunk and don't expect her to pick up.
Capital P Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 however you relay to us on here dude you clearly are using the kid as leverage to get back with her, and she knows this. She is right, it is a bad idea you going near the kid. TBH, there were no good signs at all from that correspondence. You are going to have to get to grips with this and move on
Author Perplexed81 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 I know you guys are right, at the time I posted this I had one of those moments where I needed to put something down and was hoping maybe something was there that I didn't see.
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