hitbyatruck Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 9 months after D-Day and I'm still not healed but getting closer with each month. When you share a child and you have to see your ex twice weekly it truly conflicts your emotions. I hate what she did and her choices which affected me adversely - emotionally, physically, socially & financially - I thought it was going to kill me at some stage. Sometimes I walk away after seeing her, feel good and remember the good times and have to pinch myself that it wasn't all good. It's also tough when she asks how I am or compliments my looks (it happens every 2 or 3 weeks) as sometimes I'm feeling down but have to lie to her to give the impression everything is ok. I recently had a disagreement with her which was really over nothing. She wanted her way and I wanted mine but it didn't really matter who "won" and there was no prize. Basically she didn't want to compromise in an upcoming situation. Her slight compromise would not have put her out but without her cooperation would prevent me from doing something important and enjoyable even though I had offered something back in return. Jealousy? This happened all too often during our relationship and unfortunately was one of the ways we engaged at times. In the last year before she left, I tried to take the pacifist route but usually got sucked into an argument. This worries me: Despite the fact that her affair with OM has turned into an ongoing co-habiting relationship, we can still sometimes appear to be right on the edge of an argument, either in person or electronically. If she had no remaining feelings then surely an argument couldn't be possible, just a steady coolness from her. She has a warm personality naturally and has to "put on" the coolness with me to ensure that she continues what she started this time. I can see through her facade. I also have a standard "cool and calm" act to make sure that we don't fall back into the familiar comfortable way in which we usually communicated for over a decade. It all seems so false sometimes. Part of this post will read like I am still in denial to a degree, and that may be partly true. I have misinterpreted signals before, it is natural. I honestly think that part of me will always love part of her - it is just a question of how much is left and when I get to that point? I wish I knew the answer. I just don't think after sharing so much over ten years, including a beautiful and cherished child, that absolutely all the feelings will go - even after another 10 years.
january2010 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 A link to your latest thread The Ultimate Revenge.
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