makelemonade1974 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 There is absolutely no uncertainty for you. What are you uncertain of? That you cannot be happy without her? - yes, beleive me you can if you want. Or maybe that you will never love again? - beleive me you will, and even stronger. All the things that should bother you, should strictly concern yourself. Answer and think about those uncertainties, that could make you a become a better person. Her life should be out of your interest, since it was her decision to dump you, so let her be uncertain of her decisions. P.S: Move on and concentrate on yourself. Let your heart rest and come back to its place, and since your brain is feeling quite okay, let him lead your thoughts and your life I had a no contact breakdown recently and sent a text message after a month NC. It was a similar attempt to gain "knowledge" as to what my ex was thinking. It did nothing but destroy me for several days. I learned a lesson and won't do it again. I like what the above poster said because the hardest part for me is believing that I will someday love someone else like I loved this man. I think I will, it's just going to take some time. In the meantime, I think the best course of action is to take back control of my own life, and that means not giving him any knowledge about me. My heart no longer belongs to my ex - he said he doesn't want it, so he can't have it! And when I stay in contact with him it just verifies that he can tell me to go away but have control over me because he can call me back whenever he want. That's not going to happen. This is MY life and if he doesn't want me, there are plenty of other men that do and will work really hard to get me. Knowledge is indeed power, but contacting them only gives them knowledge of where YOU are, and such things should be reciprocal. Disappear, be a ghost and let them experience what life is truly like without you.
Billy_Boy Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I guess I am lucky in that, once I breakup with someone I may miss them and grieve for the loss of the relationship, but I honestly dont give a flying flip about where they are or what theyre doing. I usually just slip back into "doing me" mode.
Author GreenPolicy Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 I guess I am lucky in that, once I breakup with someone I may miss them and grieve for the loss of the relationship, but I honestly dont give a flying flip about where they are or what theyre doing. I usually just slip back into "doing me" mode. I wish I could get there. It's hard.
Billy_Boy Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I wish I could get there. It's hard. tbh, I think I trained myself to be that way when I was younger, any energy I would start to invest in thinking about that stuff I would switch up and put into finding someone(s) new. Because when I keep myself busy and active I dont overthink things as much.
Movingthrough Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 And another thing that sucks is that at this time a r/l between us would not work. I don't know how I could trust her again. It would take a lot of couples counseling and some counseling of her own, and she obviously doesn't see that she has a problem. She will date others rather than return to me. I would be walking on eggshells wondering when she'd leave again. The only possible way it would ever work is a couple years or more down the road if she reached out to me and there's a sea change in her emotional wellbeing. But by that time I plan to have healed and hopefully will be with somebody else. The whole thing just sucks. I'll never understand how a person could walk away from what we had. We are very alike I guess because that is exactly how I feel. Even though I'm still pinning on her for some reason, I know for a FACT I could not trust her again and if I ever did, it would be here making the effort and proving she is a changed person years down the road. Even then I don't know if I could. Its crazy because I'm not an overly emotional guy with a background of this and my attitude has always been if they don't love me then screw it. But for some reason this one has stuck on me and it amkes me wonder....why..why this one? Is it like a soulmate thing where I should "fight" to make it work? These are the questions I have and make me still pinn when it comes to my situation.
Melodie Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 One thing I've realized is that I loved her, treated her right and she made me happy, so I have no regrets. That doesn't mean I was a perfect bf and didn't make mistakes, but I have nothing to feel regret about. She, on the other hand, she sat her parents down and told them I was the guy she wanted to marry, different from everybody she'd ever dated before, she introduced me to her biological father after having nothing to do with him for years, she would initiate marriage talk just as much as me. She has to live with her decision to cast aside the greatest guy she'd ever been with (I know she was sincere about that sentiment). I just have to get over the pain and hurt of losing her, and that will come in time. I will never have to look back and feel the pain and guilt of hurting the person who was the greatest love of my life. I feel exactly the same Green Policy. I treated him right. I even bloody supported him when he was doing a traineeship. He's family loved me and our relationship was pretty much the best we have ever had. Till he thought he could not trust me any more. Over something all normal couples go through! In time after the anger and hurt goes away. I hoping he does realise this and see what a good girlfriend I actually was. I kept my promise to stay. I to will never feel the pain and guilt like he will have to of letting go of something that could have been a really wonderful thing. He just runs away and doesn't wanna deal with it.
0hpenelope Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 tbh, I think I trained myself to be that way when I was younger, any energy I would start to invest in thinking about that stuff I would switch up and put into finding someone(s) new. Because when I keep myself busy and active I dont overthink things as much. It's a good attitude to have. I'm starting to do this as well minus the finding someone new part. More like, when I start thinking about stuff, I'd just switch up and find something else to do.
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