STUNNED & devastated to the core!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[IfiKnewThen]

i cant talk now i am DEVASTAtED. i just found out her got married last night. this after breaking up with me 7 months ago after being together for 10 years.

 

not ONLY that he just made a serious pass to me on the phone last wednesday. how does he justtify this. i cant breath or type. i am stunned.

 

i am soooooooooo soooooooooo stunned.

 

asking for prayers from anyone who prays. please ask God to give me answers and help me. i cant explain story now. i want to crawl into a ball and disappear.

[IfiKnewThen]

i meant HE GOT MARRIED

[Feelin Frisky]

Hugs. No advice. Just hugs.

[alwayshoping]

Hugs from me too x

[shocked_confused]

I'm so soo sorry...hugs from me too xoxo.

[SimonSerenade]

Try looking at this from another angle, He's just walked away from a 10 year relationship no doubt due to commitment issues and he is now married and believe me, The marriage wont last cause once the commitment catches up to him then he's completely buggered and once the realisation of MISTAKE seeps in and believe me it will he'll come crawling back and after a mistake that big, Hopefully you'll think twice about taking him back.

[mgene15]

man....... hugs from me as well. may God bless you

[Shadowburn]

I've prayed for you - not to get answers as God knows his own ways and expects you to just trust him - but for you to accept the things just the ways they are and to find peace with it.

 

Remember, whatever happens with you is the part of the plan, and there is a bigger picture that you may not see at the moment. Have faith and trust in God, there are better things ahead of you - when you're feeling low and weak just know you're not alone, you just never are. Wishing you love and peace xoxo

[IfiKnewThen]

thank you all for the hugs and words. i am dead. i am alive but i am dead.

 

feels so unreal. am i dreaming? someone please wake me up

[Leandro]

I'm so sorry IfiKnewThen. That's terrible news . I will pray for you. Hugs.

[wicar1]

i cant talk now i am DEVASTAtED. i just found out her got married last night. this after breaking up with me 7 months ago after being together for 10 years.

 

not ONLY that he just made a serious pass to me on the phone last wednesday. how does he justtify this. i cant breath or type. i am stunned.

 

i am soooooooooo soooooooooo stunned.

 

asking for prayers from anyone who prays. please ask God to give me answers and help me. i cant explain story now. i want to crawl into a ball and disappear.

 

if I am right...you are talking about OM.

 

I am not being sarcastic.... but

I am surprised.... you are stunned hearing OM's justifications, while there are no justifications for having a relationship with OM in the first place.

[tobydog]

Sending hugs and prayers to you too xx Take care, this pain does and will pass....

[IfiKnewThen]

thank you leandro, tobydog, shadowburn, simon, mgene, shocked, always shopping , feeling frisky, everyone

 

just to merely come to this PC and see the hugs and care and concern..meant something. seriously i wished i could have hugged you back. thank u for your human compassion. i was and am touched by it. and it does matter.

 

and i didnt NOT know, have any idea...or saw this coming..because he didnt speak of it and as i said..made a serious advance to me...on the phone just 6 days ago, which i had to stop him from. and did.

 

 

this while he was engaged and to be wed just 3 days after we spoke and no no mention of it and the pass...and no he wasnt drunk. he was at work it was the afternoon. none of this upcoming marriage was known to me.

 

i knew he had a long distance love interest which i found out about in august. he broke up with me in june. but that she was a zillion miles away in mexico and had only met her for the first time in august..as he swore to God....i had no idea. just 6 months ago he said he was "in love" with me....he now gets married? i mean....so soon...i am in shock. 6 months ago in love with me but didnt think it could work..lots of water under the bridge, etc. only thing he said to me 4 months ago in August sheesh was (we talked after that too...but it was different as you all know...how it gets distant and cold in their tone...and how you become afraid to talk to them..dont know what to say) he would have to really date her first and get to know her because he didnt want to RUSH into anything. so being she lived in mexico him in the usa, and this marriage as of sunday, was only supposedly the 3rd time he saw her....(the first in august...the second time in oct and third time while getting married) i am in shock and brokenhearted. and that coupled with i loving him is a bomb dropped.

 

they have been talking day and night on the internet. she IS a distant cousin he says he never met till august. its his dads brother's wifes's cousin.

his uncles wife thru marriage has been wanting to "fix them up". i do now believe he must have talked to her on the internet before but then when he met her..said wow, and went with it. she has an 11 year old son as well. divorced. anyway. he swore to GOD he never saw her met her till august.

 

i found out about him getting married, because i saw a twitter post from his best friend saying he was the best man at his wedding. i was shocked. we had an in depth talk on the phone just this past wednesday. prior to this i didnt want to talk about her. i told him this back in august i didnt want to talk about her..after he said "i met someone" because it was too raw. 2 months after the break up. so i understand him not saying anything till now..4 months later. prior we just had small talk about work and his mom being ill. BUT then this wednesday...i told him i am ready to hear anything. that i wanted to be a real friend to him. that i just needed to heal and couldnt be hear anything before about her i asked her name..he said are yoiu sure you want to hear this i said yes. he told me. i asked about her son...i really wanted to give of myself ..accept etc. i strongly feel at that point he caould have said..look are you sitting down..theres something i have to tell you, etc. or said are you sure you can handle it..something big is going on in my life. but he HAD to have known i really was reaching out and sincerely wanting to put this all in persepctive and be friends as we could be. he still doesnt tell me anything about getting married in 3 days...sighs.. then we hung up...friendly. he calls back...and made a pass at me on the phone...and i said..please stop there. (because i knew he was dating her, but if i had any idea he was getting married i would have been even more firm and said what are you doing????) and i nicely said...dont go there, you will regret it and so will i. so please know youre loved as i can love you now in new ways and that i see the human side of everything...so dont worry and take care. he said..yeah i dont know what i was thinking...(in a soft tone). then he and i hung up. i called back to say again..look i am ok...i hope you are ok. no worries. ( i am such a sap) and that was wed. and i havent heard from him since. BUT part of our conversation was i was letting him know i sent him a package for christmas (like i do every year) but that this time it was a small token from my heart that i wanted to give and didnt want a thing in return. he was surprised and did tell me she was coming into town for a "visit" and he was taking 2 weeks vacation time through the holiday. anyway i said (this was all b/4 his pass at me) ok..well i hope it doesnt cause any problem since i had i no idea she was even coming there or even if they were actually still together b/4 our conversation). he said he understood. and i said i will track the package online to make sure it got there ok and he can open it if he wants in a few weeks after she leaves if that would be better and not cause a potential problem . so ....sighs...the pack got lost..(my luck) and then it was found...and tracking said it got to the zip code. but i have been in such a fog lately with 6 months of heartbreak...i started wondering if i didnt write the wrong address on it and maybe it went to correct zip , wrong address. i do things like that i have a disability.

 

so when i saw he got married...i thought maybe his friend is being a clown and its not a "true" statment on twitter. and i wrote a short...sentence and sent it to him saying..."i hope you so and so are doing fine...and your mom is ok too. i want to know if the package made it to you" is there anything else new going on in your life?" ok let me explain this. i see his name on my buddy list everyday. and you can physically see when hes chatting or emailing at the email site we are both on. it shows alerts. and he has literally been on this site day and night like he is talking to her from afar for days. so i thought how could he have gotten married? who talks on the internet on their honeymoon? even late at night?? why chat when you have a partnet next to you? so i need to clear this up. see if he did get married? i mean making a pass, not saying anything, being on internet day and night? thinking maybe this is a joke he friend posted on twitter. so i wrote asking how everyone is and did package arrive and anything new. he hasnt written back. (that was yesterday) but i i kept thinking..it must be real..why would his friend say that. not much of a joke. i cried my heart out and feel asleep last night..

 

so i called city hall today....they said go online its free you can see if he got marriage license. well...he did. its all there. so he is married. i am sad..i am shocked...thats all there is too it...devastated.

 

i do want to talk to him though. and i know i will. because i want to . i am so sad he felt he couldnt even talk to me as a friend. it was the perfect time to tell me. he doesnt know i know now. he didnt have to make this hard core pass to me at all. that seriously boggles my mind. ok i am crying again. i cant type anymore. thank u for your kind words while i am in this dark abiss. as crazy as this sounds too. i want to save any of the friendship that we had in the past. he was very wonderful to me and i never had a better friend before this break up and i wanted to be a friend too. some would say..want to be a friend say goodbye. or why want to be a friend? i do that all there is to it if we can salvage a fraction of it..somehow. i think she went back to mexico already...even tho he said she'd be there for two weeks. thats why hes on the internet day and night. so maybe came here to marry and left. by the way..this is love on his part..not trying to get her into the country..i know THAT much about him. trust me. i see him now on the internet day and night. 3 am 4 am. i see him on when i wake up. and cant belive my eyes. i wish i knew if he were alone right now to talk for 15 mins. but i dont want to interfer and blow any possible friendship. some would ask why do you want to be this guys friend or vice versa. he understood my disability..he was with me when my mom was dying of cancer and comforted her...so so many things. anyway i wanted to thank you for caring. i am sorry for rambling. thank u for any and all prayers. so many good people out there.

 

since i dont want to blow a what friendship we did have..should i write in two weeks or call and ask..why? why didnt you tell me? why make a pass like that. i mean i kinda do know why. and i dont. this has got my brain upside down. but i do want answers. in that...he was always kept things inside and i want him to face this this time and talk to me. and i need closure too. i thought i was getting closure when i spoke to him on wednesday. but to not say youre getting married in 3 days? and to make a pass???? now i need closure for that too. i feel like a messed. double tripple indemity. cant we make any darn progress and he tell me the truth and trust me ever? he knew i was sincerely. OMG. so sad...feel like a peon that he wouldnt even tell me that.

 

please forgive typos... so limp. no energy here. and dazed, hurt, feeling dead inside.

[IfiKnewThen]

i need to talk to him. i wish i knew if she were there or not. i need to open the lines of communication

[abust1]

Well that is pretty crazy to say the least, I am very sorry for your pain. I don't know what stage or mindset you were in towards getting over this person, but I can say that if my ex did something like this I think I would be able to get over her faster. The initial shock may be devastating, but for anyone lacking closure I think the other person getting married would force that door shut much faster than what the agonizingly slow NC process provides.

[IfiKnewThen]

thank you abust1 for reading that long post. i really appreciate it and your words. you would think..marriage..closure. but its worse. theres no hope and what feels worse is how it all went down. not telling me. still not trusting he could. this man is very passive aggressive. or fearful. i would not have reacted. i mean i would have been hurt "INSIDE" BUT i would have said to him. ..ok congratz..etc. and asked how if it were possible to be friends with what if anything remained. its so hard to me to just say...ok bad guy..because he was a good guy.

 

he was there when i had NO ONE and basically i still dont . i lost touch with a lot of friends when b/c i have a disability and then the condition got worse. and no its not a mental condition is physical. just to let you guys know. and my mom and dad are gone . died. he was there for me thru my moms whole fight and bout with cancer. he saw me through with all my daughters troubles and problems...she too has a disability and he helped us with school papers...etc. my daughter is grown now and out of the house. i am a bit older. (and no i dont know better) love hurts at all ages. we used to pray together too. this was a very special relationship. yes it didn't pan out b/c of me...my fears with my disability and i let cumulative stresses get to me. i should have just shown him i knew it would all be ok because i him. anyway that's all over now. i wish we could just be friends. it begins with trust. i want him to know i can be trusted and hopefully something however minor can remain. i know his mom and dad real good too....but we were long distance. so its not like we would be in each others lives all the time. i just want was precious to remain. i keep wondering hat away message i can leave here to ask him to call. but indirectly. i think she went back to her country. i do want things out in the open but i first have to know how he feels about it and dont want to do or say the wrong thing or contact him at the wrong time. i am wondering what away message to leave. i want him to know i know hes got married. i do want to congratulate him.

 

i am thinking of leaving my away message as... "use a name only he knows..say..i know, its ok, please call me anytime you are free". i really mean this in the sense that i want to be friends...and i want him to know..i can be happy for him..but do want to talk to him. i cant write now..he gets message alerts on his phone. if she is there i dont want conflict and misunderstandings. ok i am done . sorry long

[steelknife]

i am so sorry for your pain. but what is the point of contacting him? sorry but he doesnt owe you any explanation. and you dont have a right to ask why he didnt tell you. it was his choice. he had the opportunity to tell you but he didnt.

 

can you find it in your heart to salvage whatever little dignity is there? and just swallow and walk away from this all? do you need him to see how shattered, broken and devastated you are?

 

be strong. be strong. all this too shall pass.

[IfiKnewThen]

thank you for writing back and trying to bring out the stronger side of me. i wish i could find that side right now.

 

but you dont think he owed me any explanation? he was practically trying to make me his bachelor party on the phone without telling me he was going to get married and married 3 days later?

[IfiKnewThen]

i need help writing a small note to him...

 

i think she is back in her country and they are talking on computer phone, chat and email. i can see him on the chat address we both have. and one doesnt sit on the computer ALL DAY AND NIGHT on a honeymoon ..so she must have returned. i want to respect their time. but before he get goes back to work (hes off for 2 weeks ) i need to talk to him and get closure.

 

i want to say something like..

 

hi _____

 

i know your married and i wanted to congratulate you. i really want to congratulate you live by phone, so please call me at your earliest convenience before you go back to work. i am certain you're with family now and busy and all i appreciate that. i am hoping and praying that you will make the ample time please, for us to catch up & talk though before you go back to work.

i do have some things to go over with you about some stuff you have & such.... but way more importantly i want us to be friends and be able to say..congratulations. God bless your union, and i know he already has. i pray your mom is on the mend too.

 

 

does that sound alright? i am going to need to talk to him. i NEVER bothered him in the 6 months that he ended this and i only talked to him when he talked to me. and a RARE times i tried to talk to him..was terse. but i actually need time this time..to closure..and talk about his closet full of my things. things i bought on ebay thru his acct....letters....etc. just a whole closet full.

[harrellst]

Hope your doing ok. I read some of this post and sounds like a rocky holiday for you as well. I try not to set still and ponder stuff to much myself. If I am busy I just mask over the inner feelings and go on living the lie like i suppose to. My screen name is my address at gmail. Good luck to you.

[IfiKnewThen]

thank you so much harrellst for writing back .....and for caring. hugs. i will email you at gmail. yes it's more like hollow days not holidays.

 

i just found this song and it really speaks to me..how i cry inside.... but i do try to keep busy. i know what you mean. will be in touch. i will leave a message in the "subject" that says "ME ME ME "so you dont think its spam. will try to get back to you soon. God bless. thanks for writing

 

[Breakupguy12]

Without knowing more about the dynamics of the relationship, all we can offer is support. I'm new to this forum, but just post again about whatever you're going through, we're here and will help anyway possible! I can't imagine what you're going through. Regarding throwing the pass at you last week, I'm a man, and it's likely that he was just trying to see if he could get some sex out of you, since he knows you still have feelings for him. Sometimes us men don't think things out, we act on impulse.

 

I don't know him personally of course, so don't take that verbatim, I'm just speaking from experience.

[IfiKnewThen]

breakupguy12

 

you are absolutely right he was trying to get sex out of me. i just cant believe how sneaky and aweful thjat was ....he knowing he was going to be married 4 days later. this was no shot gun wedding. a full planned wedding. i have come to learn more too and will post it later on this thread.

 

he heard my voice breaking...crying like when we were on the phone and me telling him how wonderful he was to me all those years. he said he missed everything about me....the he made this explicit pass. i just merely thinking he had a girlfriend and wasnt ENGAGED and to be WED in 4 days. said stop right there.. (like a jerk i said) you You will regret this. sighs. i was thinking regret it for his "girlfriend" NOT fiance.

 

 

and he then stopped. he called me from a private place on his job and he sounded real ready to get into it. then he said he was sorry for calling me bak and doing that and didnt know what got into him. damnnnnnnn

 

i am so angry. i have mixed feelings. i cant even explain. please anwser me this. we were together 10 years. he sounded like he changed a lot. did he have absolutely NO repsect for me? was he that much of a horn dog? does he hate me? why did he think i would be his bachelor party?

 

 

i am thinking he hated me. on some level or resented me on some level

[IfiKnewThen]

ok going to update. and post this on 2 threads .

 

will TRY to make this short for your benefit and b/c i am drained.

 

i wrote a note to him and emailed it. I said..congratulations on the marriage. i found out by seeing it on your best mans twitter. i am happy for you both. please call me when youre free and before you go back to work so we can discuss my stuff and such. God bless your union.

 

period...that was the note.

 

 

1/2 hour later my phone rang. it was him.

 

i was SHOCKED because, he told me when we last spoke last wednesday, that..he was taking vacation from work. that she was coming to town. that she would be there for 2 weeks. thats all he told me when i asked what was going on. because i sent him a friendly christmas package ..token gifts in the box for him his mom and dad. he lived at home with them. he said he would look at the gift when "she" wasnt around. i thought ok fine. (of course never said he was going to marry in 4 days or any of the following i am about to tell you)

 

so when he called i was in shock because i thought either he would be WITH HER or he would be too busy talking to her online her country, mexico. and i thought maybe he would contact me after he went back to work in 2 weeks to discuss the things of mine that were still at his house.

 

so heres what i learned and got to say. i did congratulate him. i didnt want to get into a fight with him and talk about his pass. i wanted to wrap my head around other things...i have been long wanting to comprehend. and believe it or not i never had a better friend than in him once upon a time. i was speed talking ...

 

i asked him if he got the package. i asked him if he opened it. he got it didnt open it. then i said i wrote down some notes with things i have been wanting to ask him and wanted to say. he said say it now. i wasnt prepared and couldnt find my notes. i said please call back before you go back to work in 2 weeks, i dont want to rush this. he said he was at work . i was dumbfounded. i said i thought you were going on vacation? youre married? are you having a honeymoon? he said i am back to work. he said get everything prepared will call u back.

 

when he called back he told me they got married. he told me who all attended. he said went to justice of the peace, took pictures with a photographer of him bride, mom at the hospital his mom was in, had reception afterwards. now heres the thing. his parents bought them a house. they had the closing and everything. (omg please bare in mind...he met her in august...now has house wife and her child). almost fell off my chair again. shes not going back to mexico. has a visa for here. they already enrolled their son in school. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG they worked fastttttttttttt.

 

and they did it with taste too and nice. not shot gun. real nice. his bosses all there..family friends..the works. i asked stupid questions like what he wore and looked like. i dont know why. . but i do love him... as a person too not just as the person i was in love with. i told him things in my heart. that i am happy he didnt just marry anyone. that her child never had a real father (he was abandon at 1 year old) ..that i was glad that something beautiful could come out of this.

 

i ask him if she saw my e-christmas card. i sent 2 weeks ago and he opened it while i was on the phone with him and had a real good laugh. (it was meant to be funny) it was a homemade e-card from me, with inside jokes we had and he really appreciated it i could tell. pictures of these two dolls i have here at home talking to each other about christmas. made him laugh.. that made me feel good.

 

i had more to say and ask but it didnt go in that direction. but we were on the phone for like 45 mins. he wished me a merry christmas. we hung up and before we did, i asked him not to go A-wall on me again and to not be a stranger and say hi on chat once in a while..etc. he said he would.

 

also, i said why on earth didnt you tell me you were getting married ..couldnt you trust me as a friend ever? he said I told him not to talk about her . i said that was 2 months after you ended with me. of course not it was still so raw ..so painful. i said but that wednesday i TOLD you i was ready to hear about her and all you did was tell me her name. you could have told me THEN. i didnt want to get into a fight...so i stopped there. no i didnt mention his pass. maybe i am losing my mind. but i figured God had mercy on me today and broke the silence and let me talk to him to get some questrions answered. but not about us our past. i thought maybe i will get another chance to ask those questions. so i wanted to forget too. put it behind me. not get angry and speak of that now.

 

ok so they met in august...engaged in oct...he asked her parents permission while there in mex. in oct. ...dec married...house closing december. kid now in school here. oh yeah they move into the house tomorrow. sighs i asked boaut my things. tons of things down there. he says he still has it all...but wants to get it out of his moms house and put my things in his locker at work for now...except for some dolls i have. (I have a small doll collection) he said he didnt know what to do with our pictures and did i want them .........crying a river in my soul right now.....so heartbroken. i said i might and cant think right now..to please hold on to them in his locker till i can think on it....but that yes i am a sentimental fool and will want it, likely.

 

anyway...thats the update. speechless now............

 

 

merry christmas....this is beyond just christmas....i am more afraid of all the tomorrows....than just merely christmas.

[IfiKnewThen]

just merry christmas love shackers.