solrnrg Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Hi all, I may be going over oft discussed territory here, but I feel the need to tell my story and get anyone's opinion on what's going on. Several months ago I meet this girl through a mutual friend. She is the quiet type and she seems cool, so I ask for her #. It turns out that she looks me up on facebook and asks me if I wanted to get dinner and play pool, to which I said yes. This was a casual date where we got to learn a bit about each other. So for several weeks we meet up a few times like this and hang out. After awhile we started chatting online, texting, and talking on the phone for hours. Eventually it came to the point where we would spend time together almost everyday of the week. She is spending xmas and NYE with me. Physically nothing has happened, except the occasional hug. We do flirt in person/online/txts and we feed off each other really well. She has always been accessible and not hard to get a hold off. Even told me she is really thankful to have met me and really respects me. I'm not sure if that is enough, however. She doesn't have too many friends in the area, so maybe she just enjoys passing the time with me. These kinds of doubts have been lingering in my head, even though things look good on the surface. I know I should talk to her about this and get some clarity or make a major move, but I can't seem to do it. I'm afraid I might not like what I hear. This is even after my female friends have given me the thumbs up to make a move. Reason for my doubts is that I had a similar situation with another girl where things were going good and one day I asked if she needed a ride to the airport. Apparently that freaked her out so she told me that she is not looking for a relationship at the moment. She basically sensed my intentions. Needless to say, this was pretty disheartening because we even had a physical connection. Ever since then, I've been holding myself back. So I implore the LS community to help me figure all this out. I may be overthinking this, but I've seen this movie before and I don't like how it ends.
Gypsy_Soul Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I guess I take a different approach to all of this. When a guy asks me out, I usually ask him if this is a date or are we just hangin out. At this point in my life I'm not interested in just hanging out, so I let them know. I would go ahead and ask her next time if it's a date or just hangin out. Good luck.
Author solrnrg Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 Thanks. She is not as upfront so I wouldn't expect her to ask that question; leaving it up to me. I have made passing comments about us being a couple and her response has been positive. But next time, I will be more specific.
Author solrnrg Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 Well turns out she brought it up herself! So as of this xmas eve, we are official! =D
carhill Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 After awhile we started chatting online, texting, and talking on the phone for hours. Eventually it came to the point where we would spend time together almost everyday of the week. This is what friends do. Not to be coarse, but reserve the endless chats for the woman you're banging. Essentially, she's having 'sex' with you and you're getting nothing out of the deal. You need to learn how women assign value to personal interaction. The reverse would be you banging her and going off and doing your own thing and not spending any other time with her. You got your orgasm and she's left wanting more. Physically nothing has happened, except the occasional hug This is your sign. I've even had the progression to kisses and 'I love you'. Bla, bla. Remember why you spend time with her rather than with your buddies drinking beer. Why you chat for hours. If you can do this with the full acceptance that it's not going to go anywhere, then proceed. If other, be mindful of an unhealthy path of attachment. Good luck
paleblue Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Couldnt have said it better than carhill. I've had the un-pleasant experience of finding myself in one of these confusing situations before. Mine actually led me on telling me she was interested. My point of view now is, if there is no physical involvement relatively soon, 2 or 3 months max, than its just friends. You are way past that point. If she was interested in something romantic she surely would have given you more signs by now. But she has not, so I would agree also, it's just friends. She is not testing you either. Just keep going about your business as usual. Try not to let yourself get stuck on this one. You are not hanging out with her this much because you just want to be her "friend".
Yer_Blues Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Well turns out she brought it up herself! So as of this xmas eve, we are official! =D Goes to show you that advice is not infallible even if it is the best possible advice with given information. Congrats
paleblue Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Well turns out she brought it up herself! So as of this xmas eve, we are official! =D I guess she really takes her time! congrats & good luck!
carhill Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Unless your culture embraces celibacy and limited physical interaction *and* you both subscribe to that convention, 'making it official' is just words. I could be *official* with my cat, using those parameters, and he sleeps with me. Just be careful regarding investing your emotions into something where your needs aren't being met, if that's the case. I had this occur a lot back when I was a virgin and it was, ostensibly, a large part of why I was a virgin so long. Wasted a lot of time.
paleblue Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 Good point... its just words so far. Nothing has changed yet. OP, I hope for your sake she acts on those words. I remember hearing words like " You're wrong, im interested", a number of times. If she starts taking things to the next level she is probably real. Just be cautious if nothing really seems to change. Actions, not words is what counts.
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