Funf Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I want to start off by saying that in complete honesty, the guy that I've been dating for almost 2 months has not done anything to make me distrust him, or at least that I'm aware of. Having said that, I'm battling a mental war. The relationships that I had with the last 3 guys that I dated ended because of "a female friend." Needless to say, I feel like I should be twiddling my thumbs and waiting for it to happen again. To complicate matters in my head, my current guy has lots of close female friends, some single and some taken/married. These aren't ex-girlfriends, if that matters. He says that he is happy that he has had these friends because it has helped him become more insightful and respectful to the female gender. I do know that a couple of them have wanted to date him but he's told them no and explained to them his reasons why. I know that because he flat-out told me one day. My friends keep telling me to not fret over it too much in my head because if he wanted to date these friends, he had plenty of years and opportunities to do so. I understand what they're saying but I've been screwed over so many times in the past... What to do?
Knittress Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Maybe counseling? Like everyone else you've got some past-relationship baggage and it's casting a bit of a shadow into your current reality - but you seem like the person who could probably work through this with a reliable paid listener. 'Cause you know that worrying about this (or sensibly trying to be cool with things only to explode at a later time) is only going to make YOU the bad guy, right?
Author Funf Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 Yeah, I know that it's my problem and I should fix it before it gets out of control and ruins things. But how do other people deal with this? I'm sure everyone's SO has at least one friend of the opposite sex. Do you just walk around with confidence? I just don't want to be missing any red flags because I suppose I missed them the past 3 times.
oliviahopkins Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Hello, i've been through the same scenario with my 'SO'. Here's the deal. You are missing out on a lot of good things about yourself and your "SO" if you're constantly looking for red flags. Not that i'm saying ignore red flags, but let them present themselves. When you see them, then you have a chance to decide how to handle the situation. Tell your "SO" how you feel, and if you're feelings and the relationship as whole is important to your "SO", then they will at least compromise. Hopefully, you're willing to return the favor.
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