Ex is contacting me but its probably too late. Need guidance.

[Chance_taker]

Together over 3 years and out of the blue she leaves and doesn't really have a genuine reason. She just said she doesn't expect me to understand. I didn't stand in her way even though I was completely floored. She left and I went immediate NC and she would occasionally reach out and I would ignore all of her attempts. Well after 2 months she gets me by calling from an unknown number. She asks me to meet her for lunch. I agreed and things were amazing and she ended up spending the weekend. Well this went on for a few more weeks and then she up and disappears on me. In between this time she broke down and admitted she made a huge mistake and wanted to try us again. Of course I still loved this girl and I told her I wanted to take things very slow because of how she burned me and I wasn't going to let her come back that easy. Well anyways after that she flat out ignores me and becomes a ghost. Well a few weeks later she calls me and breaks the news that she is involved with someone else but wanted me in her life. I was completely heart broken again but I didn't let it show and wished her the best and hung up. Well that was over a month ago I have gone complete NC again and well today she texts me" Hey ____ I hope you're doing well and the holidays have really been making me miss you" Next text was "can we get together sometime?" My dilema here is in between now and last month I have chosen to enlist in the army and have received notice that I will be shipping out to Basic on Feb 7th! Do I tell her or just continue to ignore her for all that she has done to me? I know that if I completely ignore her she will show up at doorstep. I still love her but I cant take anymore heartache from this girl. She has no idea Im leaving so what Im thinking of doing is instead of meeting up with her to just send her an email explaining that Im leaving and wish her all the best? What do you guys think?

[Capital P]

This girl is seriously ****ing you around.

Tbh dude, i dont think the army is the answer to this but you need to focus on yourself.

She dumped you , messed you about, told you she is ****ing someone else, and you want to send her love letters?

Come on, think about this logically, this is poor treatment and if you accept it she loses all attraction

[WTRanger]

Keep ignoring her. If you respond, she'll just disappear on you again. She's done it multiple times now so you know it's her actual behavior and not some random occurrence.

 

She doesn't deserve to know you are leaving and once you leave, you won't have time to even think or contact her. At least that was the case when I went into the Marines many, many, years ago. They should keep you quite busy, and in my case I could only write hand written letters to my immediate family. No friends, no girlfriends, nothing.

 

If you joined the military for yourself, then good on ya. If you did it for her or to get away from her, it'll be 4 years of pure hell for you. All too many people I served with did that and it was the biggest mistake of their life. Nothing like being in some sh*thole of a country, getting shot at, and not wanting to be there.

[homebrew]

Keep your self-respect and dignity... You have not done ONE THING WRONG up to this point.

 

Now that she has shared with you what is going on and what she wants (which is not what you want).... Go read my thread called "The Definitive Guide If You Were Dumped (Pocket Edition)"

 

Everything you need to know is in there...

 

NOTE: WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY ONLY APPLIES TO CHANCE TAKER AND CHANCE TAKER ONLY! NO, IT DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU OR YOUR SITUATION!!!!!!

 

In your situation since she broke up in a normal manner (was open and honest and didn't lie or cheat) and since she made a request to you for friendship after the break up I would via email as to your response to her request... This letter should say...

 

1. That you agree with her decision (Sends your EX for a loop because it makes the question wonder what they are doing and what the heck you are doing and how you are able to agree with them.

 

2. Why you are going no contact...

 

That's it! GreenPolicy is AWESOME at these types of letters.... I suggest you get a draft down and use his letter (which I am sure he would supply) as a template.

 

Do not send the email until you have the blessing from one of the following:

 

GreenPolicy

Homebrew

Don Juan

SimonSerenade

b_rouse

Capital P

bl22

 

There are a few others I would trust... (you know who you are, sorry I forgot to add you)

 

These people are professionals... and will help you out and not let you make a fool of yourself!

[Chance_taker]

Keep ignoring her. If you respond, she'll just disappear on you again. She's done it multiple times now so you know it's her actual behavior and not some random occurrence.

 

She doesn't deserve to know you are leaving and once you leave, you won't have time to even think or contact her. At least that was the case when I went into the Marines many, many, years ago. They should keep you quite busy, and in my case I could only write hand written letters to my immediate family. No friends, no girlfriends, nothing.

 

If you joined the military for yourself, then good on ya. If you did it for her or to get away from her, it'll be 4 years of pure hell for you. All too many people I served with did that and it was the biggest mistake of their life. Nothing like being in some sh*thole of a country, getting shot at, and not wanting to be there.

I have always wanted to serve. I am most definitely not doing because of her or for any other wrong reason. I will have my college loans paid off and get to travel the world. Its a 6 year enlistment but I have very few tie ups back here so leaving it all behind will not be hard. Thanks for your input I will just continue ignoring her. The only outcome of me seeing her would be more head games and I certainly need a clear head going into basic.

[Chance_taker]

Keep your self-respect and dignity... You have not done ONE THING WRONG up to this point.

 

Now that she has shared with you what is going on and what she wants (which is not what you want).... Go read my thread called "The Definitive Guide If You Were Dumped (Pocket Edition)"

 

Everything you need to know is in there...

 

NOTE: WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY ONLY APPLIES TO CHANCE TAKER AND CHANCE TAKER ONLY! NO, IT DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU OR YOUR SITUATION!!!!!!

 

In your situation since she broke up in a normal manner (was open and honest and didn't lie or cheat) and since she made a request to you for friendship after the break up I would via email as to your response to her request... This letter should say...

 

1. That you agree with her decision (Sends your EX for a loop because it makes the question wonder what they are doing and what the heck you are doing and how you are able to agree with them.

 

2. Why you are going no contact...

 

That's it! GreenPolicy is AWESOME at these types of letters.... I suggest you get a draft down and use his letter (which I am sure he would supply) as a template.

 

Do not send the email until you have the blessing from one of the following:

 

GreenPolicy

Homebrew

Don Juan

SimonSerenade

b_rouse

Capital P

bl22

 

There are a few others I would trust... (you know who you are, sorry I forgot to add you)

 

These people are professionals... and will help you out and not let you make a fool of yourself!

So what you're saying is that I should write her an email explaining why I will no longer be contacting her? What if I like WTRanger says and just leave and don't tell her. She will find out from my brother that I left anyways because he sees her every now and then. I have already told her I agree and respect her decision to move on even though I didn't mean it. And you're right she didn't know how to react, however what I am guilty of is being too available to her when she came sniffing back around. I hadn't yet fully healed and seeing her again brought on the rush of feelings I thought I was rid of. I truly believe though that I am almost to the point of indifference with this girl. I just wish she would have waited until after the holidays to contact me. Thanks again to everyone who took the time to reply. Without LS I don't know what I would have done.

[SimonSerenade]

I don't see why you'd want her back after what she's done to you, I regret those words ever coming out of my mouth 4 months back, I'd say contact her one last time with a bit of a goodbye letter, It's for your closure only (not to ease her guilt), Remember that, You need it to state that your not going to be around anymore, Hold back your anger and be the bigger man and agree with the end of the relationship and tell her to take care of her self, Say whatever you need to say just don't come across as too loving or too forgiving or even too needy, She may be saying all this now but people don't change over night, I used to think after one realisation I could edit my flaws for good and geuss what, After 4 months I realised more and more of my flaws and I'm going to continue to learn from them and correct them and I'm pretty sure she will be doing the same, I gave my ex a goodbye letter and a necklace that said "mother" on it, It made me feel good and right now I have no regrets cause everything has been said and everything has been done, I still see my son without the need of seeing her and until I'm 100% over her, I won't be wanting to see her as if a second chance at our relationship was to come, I'd need to know all the bad stuff was truly in the past and over with and right now no amount of words or actions can erase the pass, Only time can, It could take months maybe even years but when you think about your ex being a totally new person to fall in love with again who won't do all this then won't it be worth it? At least that way your pride remains in tact as does your self respect, If you need advice feel free to inbox me mate, Were here for ya, Just remember, Nothing you say or do now will fix anything, Best just to leave it and if she tries harder and harder then she will have proved her self, You'll know in your heart when the time's right to give it another go.