Lucky555 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 why can't i enjoy sex is it me or my partner? He was enjoying sex but i felt as though he was all about himself. Initially I thought it was just because we were new with each other but I felt like I was just not really getting anything out of it. I like feeling close to him but it seemed like he was achieving his peak in like 6 minutes! I just feel like this could be a relationship killer. Here i was posting about how he wanted to end this if the sex wasn't great and now I know why..however for him its good but for me I just didn't get anything out of it. The next day I was told he "had to go to stuff" again, so ya he did but i never even had time to dry my hair per usual. I know i have to talk to him about this. However, I just feel disappointed not having a "blissful" connection what so ever.
creighton0123 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 If the sex is bad, it's not going to get better. Acceptable sex is usually caused by both parties. Horrible sex is usually caused by one party. GREAT sex requires both parties. If he's rushing it, chances are he's not aware of how he should treat you in bed, most likely through ignorance. He may be assuming that it's good for you. He may not care whether it's good for you.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 If the sex is bad, it's not going to get better. Acceptable sex is usually caused by both parties. Horrible sex is usually caused by one party. GREAT sex requires both parties. If he's rushing it, chances are he's not aware of how he should treat you in bed, most likely through ignorance. He may be assuming that it's good for you. He may not care whether it's good for you. Ya I think he may have been eager and its like after the whole time I just felt less connected to him. I really felt like he could have taken his time to try to see what pleases me. I feel as though he was like telling me in confidence that he was actually really good and then I'm disappointed because nothing happened for me at all. I feeling not as attached to him. Ya i like other qualities about him but gosh I can't help but feel a bit estranged. Ya i agree its both parties but I guess I got to sort this out. Definitely not going to continue if its this way.
waynebrady Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 You are a woman. So offcourse you don't enjoy sex.
Surrealist Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 "SOMETHING!!" Sorry I shouted. "Something". On another note, the guy in your OP sounds very selfish.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 maybe the guy was selfish some not totally. I am going to think about this some more. Im just so confused about everything now.
Knittress Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 He sounds really inexperienced and young. Or maybe just a selfish a-hole. Either way, you're probably not going to have much fun unless you take charge a little bit. Unfortunately the inexperienced, young, a-holes sometimes get freaked out by this and bail. But then at least you know, right? As a woman I found that the enjoyment of sex was something that I had to 'learn.' It isn't true for everyone, but it seems to be something of a trend.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 He sounds really inexperienced and young. Or maybe just a selfish a-hole. Either way, you're probably not going to have much fun unless you take charge a little bit. Unfortunately the inexperienced, young, a-holes sometimes get freaked out by this and bail. But then at least you know, right? As a woman I found that the enjoyment of sex was something that I had to 'learn.' It isn't true for everyone, but it seems to be something of a trend. ya, I thought at first it was just awkwardness with a new guy. However after a few times I was like seriously...this is boring. I feel bad saying this but he could have tried to please me at the same time that he was pleasing himself. Yes at least I know I'm confused with what i want to do now, only because i know there are ways to improve it but we would have to talk about it ect. Like i said we are new together so doesn't that take some time to find out what the other likes or doesn't like?
Kamille Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 yYes at least I know I'm confused with what i want to do now, only because i know there are ways to improve it but we would have to talk about it ect. Yes. You should give him guidance. As a woman, I can tell you your sex life will improve in all situations once you decide to take charge of your own pleasure. Question: do you know your body well? Do you know which positions are sure to provide you with enjoyment? If something is boring, do you move so that you enjoy it? Don't expect him to know how to please you unless you communicate and, more importantly, don't expect him to do all the work of pleasing you. That being said, the true mark of a gentleman is his propensity to go down on his lady.
fishtaco Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Talk to him about it, nicely. Some guys probably take offense to that just like it's tricky to tell the girlfriend she's getting fat and it's time to eat less cake. If he doesn't want to work on it once you have communicated this to him with tact, then he's selfish. Sometimes it's a good idea to test drive before you buy. I'm just sayin.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 Ya I will have to communicate. I appreciate all the advise before I do something or say anything. I will try to put things tactfully and take more charge
Kamille Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 There are definitely easy ways to guide tactfully. 1) Non-verbal communication: Lead by example: this goes back to knowing your body. If a position doesn't work for you, move around until you're into it. Shift slightly, get on top, change rhythm, grab his hips and guide his movements. 2) Verbal positive guidance : if a position, rhythm, stroke feels good, express pleasure, either through moans or verbal : this feels good. 3) Verbal suggestions: in the lead up to sex, say something like: "I would love to try xyz".
Kamille Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 What else, Kamille? Can't help it. I'm in the Brigade Against Bad Sex. I can actually speak from experience. My ex ex and I had terrible sex and at the time I could have written exactly what Lucky555 wrote here. While ex ex was far from being an expert, I was way too passive about making sure I got to enjoy myself too. The simple reason was that I didn't know my body, was uncomfortable communicating and didn't know how to shift so that I got to enjoy myself. And still, I expected him to miraculously be able to get me off. It took me awhile to figure out there were many many things I could do on my end to improve my enjoyment of sex. I was also way too focused on him. For some reason, it hadn't dawned on me that since his orgasm was pretty much garanteed and mine was pretty elusive, I should center on myself and let him take care of his needs. Surprisingly, once I started focusing on my pleasure, ex ex started paying more attention to me too and our sex life improved. The reason is simple: once I started focusing on myself, ex ex got better guidance as to what worked for me. It also turned him on because he could tell I was enjoying myself. I'm sharing all this in the hopes that some of it will be helpful to Lucky555. The last thing I would recommend is a : "the sex is boring" direct talk or even what I tried at first with ex ex: "We can improve". Few men's ego can recover from that. Most men pride themselves on being good lovers. This is one area where I think it doesn't pay to be too straightforward.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 Thanks kamille for the suggestions. This guy did pride him self on being good on bed. He is great at oral so I thought the sex would be good since he knew the right areas. I think I'll try your suggestions.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Is it possible he is not big enough? The fact is he is!! I wonder if its just he doesn't use it right?? Its just so odd to me how oral works but his penis doesn't?? I'm going with Kamilles advise but i would think in a position where he was more control that the wow factor would happen..but it didn't.
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