she is trying to destroy me

[swfc_77]

she has tried ringing me today yet again, i have ignored.

 

i'v come home and my dad has told me she has rung him, she wants to come round tomorrow to give the cat a present.

 

i'v just lost my mind with my dad for answering her call and even thinking about letting her in this house, to see a cat she never paid for.

 

i have just rung her back and she rung me after not answering, i told her that i didn't want her in our house and that my dad doesn't want her in the house which really he doesn't but has lost his balls at the time i needed him.

 

i also told her that i didn't want anything in the house of hers, she started f**kin and name calling so before i got mad i hung up.

 

i'v also just recieved a tx off her saying -

 

i just want to c my cat, i see your still a monster

 

i'v ignored.

 

i have also spoke to my friend tonight and have found out that the guy she went off with first time was sat in my local last night after another friend brought him down. WTF

 

this supposed friend has just tx me askin if im out tonight i replied -

 

dont know depends if your takin xxxxx down, prick. some mate.

 

i know i'v been asking a lot of advice, but i feel like im going to go mad with rage. i feel like going out tonight and biting my friends nose off, i feel like ringin my ex and opening up with a barrage off reasons why i dont want her here. if i saw the kid she went off with before we got back together i dont think i'd hold it together, seriously i wouldn't be able to stop when he goes down.

 

i'v re-decorated the whole house nearly to get the memories and utter stink off her out.

 

i still love her a lot but i dont want to be near her ever again, im shaking with anger as i wright this and im scared i'll end up doing some thing stupid like i'v done in the past.

 

why is everything building up against me, why cant i just be left alone for the few weeks/months i'll be left in this country to spend time with my family and the few friends i do have.

 

i owe nobody nothing why do they still come and take what little i have left in the tank.

 

i use to be a really disruptive youngster, and would start a fight with my own shadow.

 

i'v broke my step dads jaw and shin after years of mental torture on me and my mum / i'v walked into pubs and started fights with gangs off kids while i was alone / i'v physically fought with my dad, uncle and brother braking my brothers arm its not school boy stuff / i'v even jumped on a moving taxi because he short changed me an shattered the windscreen, he ran me over after

 

when i met her i calmed down,i stopped the fights and dugs straight away and sorted my self out, i even walked away from a fight which i am still proud of to this day. i sorted my self out really well in the last 3 years and she knows this, why is she determined to drag me back to what i was. a monster.

 

why are suppose friends, taking the f...ucking piss by bringin him to the 1 place i drink.

 

im going f..uckin mad with rage and dont know where to turn

Edited December 20, 2010 by swfc_77

[dng]

Dont feed the monster! The monster is violence and don't feed it.

 

Accept your reaction and your anger and live thru it, breath it in and breath it out.

 

You are a human being and you have emotions, don't deny them but realize they come from inside you, not outside.

 

Breath and calm down, continue lifting yourself above the stupid crowd, like you've been doing for 3 years.

 

Perhaps she helped you start it, but in the end, it came from you.

[alwayshoping]

dude keep ignoring her. Let your anger go. I knew she would pull another stunt, she's getting desperate that she has lost the best thing in her life. Either that or have one last civilised chat about why she needs to stay away, although I think you may have done that already so just keep up with the NC your doing so well.

[TaraMaiden]

Calm

 

Down.

 

Breathe deeply.

I'm serous.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, hold it, and let it out as slowly and evenly as you can, without faltering on it.

 

Now do it again, twice more.

 

 

Please understand that if you are angry with someone - anyone - to the point of doing something violent - You are giving your power away.

You lessen your grip on your own control, and you in effect become weaker.

 

This is the point of self-control.

It means that as you have control of yourself, nobody else can have that.

The other shocker is that you are responsible for yourself, and therefore, if you think others are making you angry - it's because you're letting them do so.

The opposite to Love, is not Hate.

The opposite to Love - is Indifference.

 

"I really don't care" is a wonderful mantra to recite to yourself, until it resonates and feels completely True.

 

And when you reach the point of "I really don't care" - you will find nothing can affect you in the same way, ever again.

 

Because he who cares the least, controls the most.

 

Edit note: dng said the same thing really. So you see, there are solutions....

[swfc_77]

i really dont care anymore though thats whats annoying me.

 

she keeps coming back for more and more, i owe her nothing why cant she leave me be, i bother nobody.

 

i work hard, come home, go to 1 pub in the village, a quiet 1 at that and keep myself to myself.

 

i need to start looking after me and im doing that but i feel im being backed into a corner, and will lash out if it doesn't stop. she is txting me abusing me, telling me i'v suceeded in hurting her and well done. wtf.

 

i dont want to hurt her, i dont want to love her i want her to go away and leave me in peace, its not too much to ask.

 

why the f..uck wont see just go away

[swfc_77]

so sad little man

 

just the latest line of txts

[dng]

Because she is a crazy person. Its hard to believe in that, right?

 

A normal person doesn't act like that, a normal person respects you and your limits.

 

She doesn't see your limits or doesnt feel the need to respect them.

 

NC is the only way.

[Wilie]

If she is texting or calling a cell phone.. you can block those, i did that to my EX, home phone, change the phone number, OR, get caller ID and you can buy machines that can block certain numbers.. for email, get a new one, and start changing to new email address.. I did these things to my EX, now the only way she could ever contact me is to show up on my doorstep, and if she does that, then i will file a RO on her Evil arse.. You can do it...

 

Will

[swfc_77]

well i went to the pub and gave my mate a ear-ful i told him i if i had walked in last night i would have flipped and gone for all of them 7, 17 or 70 i would have gone, him included. he was taken back and someone said not to bite, so i told my mate to step outside and i'll show him what biting was.

 

he came up to me later and apologised, i know i was in the wrong but its been a tough drawn out day, with her txting and him in my local. i think he understood what was going off in my mind a little.

 

i just want to spend the last few weeks i have in this country thinking about my family and friends and spend as much time with them as possible, not playing these stupid games, she really pulled a number tonight by contacting my dad, she shouldn't have his number anymore why she still has it i dont know....

 

will i cant change my number or email address, these lines of contact generate me £0000's of pounds a work every months, cutting them would be financial/business suicide.

 

but im off soon so i wont need that number as i wont be in england anymore, i can get a dutch number and have some control who contacts me, which will be heaven if im honest.

 

we exhanged a few tx tonight, she was asking if i ever really loved her, and telling me a load of BS tbh, i just told her to leave me alone several times and to stop asking stupid questions as they no longer mattered.

 

honestly i really want the whole thing to STOP right now, im tired, i'v had enough. hopefully i wont hear from her again EVER, but here's hoping

[swfc_77]

ps-

 

i had to break NC today which im rally gutted about, but it was either that or her coming to my house tomorrow.

 

i made the right choice by telling her not to come over, right?

[alwayshoping]

Whilst you have broken it and feel so strongly about not wanting her back why don't you just see her, talk to her calmly and tell her you need to move on. Don't just ignore her for the sake of NC if you feel so strongly about never wanting to be with her again! Afterall that's the objective of Nc and it will help her see it's really over. Or continue an stick to NC but expect her to try contact you again.

 

Either way you need her to see your serious about NC.

[swfc_77]

i dont want to see her, she will want to come here and its not going to happen.

 

the last tx i sent last night was -

 

im sorry, i really am but you cannot see the cat,

this needs to stop, so we can go our seperate ways.

 

she tx back but i cant remember what it said, some soppy BS.

 

if i saw her it wouldn't be about the cat, it wold turn into a show on how well she's doing, and who she's met and how life is great, i dont want to waste my time listening to that.

 

like i said i owe her nothing at all, no meetings, no tx, no explanations for anything.

 

i just want the whole thing to stop, so i can continue to move on and look to the future.

 

what would you do always, or anyone for that matter.

[swfc_77]

ps -

 

she has never said she wants to get back, she just goes on about the cat 80% of the time.

 

but she keeps dragging the past up, asking if i loved her and why i did this and that if i loved her so much.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm sorry, you're just playing into the drama.

 

It takes two to tango, you know.

 

Unless you can quit everything you're doing - she won't either.

Why should she?

She gets a response from you every time.

No matter what it is, you let it get to you.

And that's what she wants.

 

She keeps throwing you lines, you keep biting and responding.

As I see it here, you're just as bad as she is.

[swfc_77]

tara maiden - i have to disagree. i was NC for about 3 weeks, i am desperately trying to move on, i have ignored several texts over the last few weeks.

 

but the truth is what else was i suppose to do, you tell me what you would have done.

 

i HAD to step in when she started contacting my family.

 

i have quit everything, i have not initiated contact with her for about 4 - 6 weeks.

 

i am ignoring her tx, ignoring her call, going out with my friends and im movin on really well. what more am i expected to do?

 

tell me please, i really want to know.

 

as for the tango thing, thats BS - im sorry, but it is.

 

the girl keeps contacting me, calling me, i cannot change my mobile as i have thousands upon thousands of business cards with that number on, in circulation for maybe 100 miles in each direction.

 

believe me, i would have changed my number long ago if i could have.

 

the choice's of the matter where

 

1. do nothing and ignore it, and then have her work on my parents to come round here

 

2. step in and say something, tell her straight. that i dont want her here and to leave me alone. which is what i have done.

 

im still getting txts and missed calls from her on her mob & private numbers (which might actually be a job).

 

i think your judgement is telling you i actually want this, when the truth is i dont. i long to be left in peace, i am actually jealous of guys on here that do not here from there ex's anymore, i would swap places in a flash.

 

its the quickest, easiest and best way to move on.

[swfc_77]

the next step is the police and harrasment, but i would rather save the embarrassment for both of us.

 

i was asking for advice on how to shake her off, with out going to such extreme measures as stated above.

[homebrew]

The person that is trying to destroy you... IS YOU!

 

We teach people how to treat us. You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't.

This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that you get at the hands of someone else. You shape others' behavior when you teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.

[swfc_77]

homebrew,

 

i do not need a lesson in respect thank you, i needed advice on how to stop someone pestering me and annoying my family and bends the rule of NC, causing as little comotion as possible.

 

the question is not whether she respects me or not. i have my self respect and i am pretty happy with the way my life is going, i have the respect of family and friends.

 

i know the girl shows me no respect, the question is i want her to stop ringing and calling me and have tried to explain this in the easiest way possible, but she wont.

 

tbh the girl has never shown much respect for anything or anyone regardless of how they treat/teach her.

 

the point is if she wants something and cant get it she goes mental.

 

im sorry if this sounds like a soap opera to people but this is my life at the minute and like i'v said im happy and im doing ok, but this calling and txting me and my family needs to stop. its borderline harrasment.

 

i feel like she is trying to force herself back into my life and will pull any trick at any time to get whatever it is she wants ie - cat/me/my time/ego boost, i dont know and i dont care

 

anyway, she has txt me twice today and rung me several times. i'v ignored it all. i hope she has got the message not to keep trying and i can again look forward to a new chapter in my life.

 

thank you for the useful advice i did get from this thread.

[alwayshoping]

If it was me and I had broken NC, then I would just meet her and tell her face to face. She will have to get it when she see's the serious look in your eye. Also it will extinguish the flame for her.

 

Replying to her texts was a mistake but either go complete NC no matter what or just meet her and get it into her thick head.

 

Either way it cannot go on this way swfc. You were doing so well. Trust her to pick the holidays for this crap, like you need anymore depressive scenarios!

[swfc_77]

always,

 

i dont want to see her and wont because im worried it will bring up old emotions on both parts, its too easy to make her laugh and smile, i enjoy doing that and she enjoys doing that.

 

she is strange because if something hurts her she tries to hurt you back, twice over. hence the arguements, she's hurting and retaliates by hurting me anyway possible.

 

she cant see that what im doing is the best possible way in the long run.

 

i really hope she realise's this. she has a lot to learn in life as do i and she needs to grow up too.

 

i dont want to hurt her, i dont want to hurt any1.

 

im going no-contact again, for me and her, we have no need to know each others business, its not healthy for either of us.

 

its not a competition to see who does this and who does that, and thats what she can so easily turn it into, call it immaturity, call it what you like, i dont know.

 

im sorry if my aggression upset/offended anyone, but it was tough yesterday.

 

im trying to do the right thing by every1 causing as little pain to any1 involved, but it goes well and i feel free of it and it comes round and hits you in the face.

 

but, today is a new day. im still doing ok and i'll going.

[alwayshoping]

Stay positive matey, things will hopefully get better.

[TaraMaiden]

tara maiden - i have to disagree. i was NC for about 3 weeks, i am desperately trying to move on, i have ignored several texts over the last few weeks.

 

but the truth is what else was i suppose to do, you tell me what you would have done.

Completely ignore, refuse to respond, and not even acknowledge she exists.

tell dad to never talk to her, and never let her in the house.

Give a damn about who goes to which pub, and why. It's a free country, who are you to dictate where others do or don't go?

 

i HAD to step in when she started contacting my family.

Then advise your family what you are doing and ask them to co-operate. but don't increase the drama.

 

i have quit everything, i have not initiated contact with her for about 4 - 6 weeks.

 

i am ignoring her tx, ignoring her call, going out with my friends and im movin on really well. what more am i expected to do?

 

tell me please, i really want to know.

But you have texted her and spoken to her and contacted her, so you haven't done all of this.

No Contact means complete, total and unambiguous silence.

not a peep, not a word, not even a wink.

 

as for the tango thing, thats BS - im sorry, but it is.

No it's not. she's reeled you in, and you keep shuffle-dancing to her tune. So it's not BS. You've contacted her, spoken to her and had a row with her.

 

Why, fer chrissakes? all it would have taken is completely ignoring her, period.

 

 

the girl keeps contacting me, calling me, i cannot change my mobile as i have thousands upon thousands of business cards with that number on, in circulation for maybe 100 miles in each direction.

This is Bull.

I have a business 'phone number.

I've changed my number twice, so far, and never lost one client.... Besides, the 'mobile 'phone is not the only eay of staying in contact with you.

if they're business clients, chances are they also have an e-mail contact for you.

You send out a collective text to everyone, that your number is changing.

And if you're moving country, soon, you'll have to change 'phone anyway, so where's the difficulty, exactly?

 

believe me, i would have changed my number long ago if i could have.

you could have. IOt's not the end of the world....

 

1. do nothing and ignore it, and then have her work on my parents to come round here

What your parents do is their choice, not yours. You just deal with you and suck it up.

you can't dictate terms to people like this. You can ask them to co-operate, but in the end, they have a right to make their own choices....

 

2. step in and say something, tell her straight. that i dont want her here and to leave me alone. which is what i have done.

So much for No Contact. being absolutely silent and not responding would have left her in the air, and wondering... then, if she had just turned up on the doorstep (which I actually doubt she would have done) you could just either ignore the doorbell, or answer the door, tell her to scram, really loudly in her face, and slam the door.

That usually gets through to them....

 

im still getting txts and missed calls from her on her mob & private numbers (which might actually be a job).

So delete her texts and messages even before you read them....once you realise it's her, just get rid of them, and don't reply.

 

i think your judgement is telling you i actually want this, when the truth is i dont. i long to be left in peace, i am actually jealous of guys on here that do not here from there ex's anymore, i would swap places in a flash.

Well, while you always weaken, give in, respond and send her texts, you have got a fat chance of that....

You have to quit, everything, completely, and go total.

Otherwise, it won't end, because you won't let it end.

 

 

its the quickest, easiest and best way to move on.

Damn sight quicker if you listened to good reason.....

[swfc_77]

This is Bull.

I have a business 'phone number.

I've changed my number twice, so far, and never lost one client.... Besides, the 'mobile 'phone is not the only eay of staying in contact with you.

if they're business clients, chances are they also have an e-mail contact for you.

You send out a collective text to everyone, that your number is changing.

And if you're moving country, soon, you'll have to change 'phone anyway, so where's the difficulty, exactly?

 

tara maiden -

 

right i dont want to go too much into the structure of my business,im not here for that reason.

 

i cannot change my number for the following reasons

 

we have over 1000 headed invoice's in circulation with about 1500 filed away

 

we have over 2000 cards in circulation with roughly 3000 filed away

 

we have 3 signwritten vans out on the road everyday

 

we have over 500 tender applications in circulations with about 500 filed away.

 

jesus, we even have a box in the garage displaying our companys business on hi viz-vests for our sub-contractors

 

all of these display my home - mobile number, i do not know what line of business you are in, but its obviously very, very, very different to ours.

 

the above items cost a a hell of a lot of money, not to mention the advertisements, repeat custom and potential custom.

 

i will and do take some of your advice on board, and appreciate the time you took out to answer my question.

 

changing my phone number is not an option, trust me i know what im talking about it would cost us a hell of a lot of money, and also have a serious knock on effect on my partner and the lads that sub to us.

 

i do not know what line of business you are in and wouldn't dream of giving half arsed advice out when quite frankly i dont have the knowledge in any other field of work apart from construction.

 

i did come on here to ask "how can i stop my girlfriend from contacting me without causing too much stress and comotion"

 

as for your comment on moving away and changing my number, yes i will do, but i hope to keep the old one as i can still earn the business money passing work from A to B running the work through our business over the phone.

 

i can tell you now if i changed that number i would have to rebuild 7 years of work and wouldn't have anything for 6 months regardless of moving away or not

 

so lets be honest with ourselves, it not really BS is it.

 

i have however been in touch with my service provider and i can get her number blocked and not get calls from her phone, but this means changing the model of my phone as my handset does not have the feature of blocking numbers.

 

as for the rest, i have tried ignoring her, she will without doubt turn up on my doorstep sooner or later she has done before, which i will ignore.

 

my family know i do not want to see her, but they are not the type of people to tell her to f**k off which is what she needs to be fair.

 

i do not want to leave her in the air, i want to leave her full stop. i do not wish any bad on her, i want her to know where she's at and to move on and do whatever make her happy.

 

im not trying to dictate who drinks in the same pub as me, i was just slightly pissed that a friend of mine would bring this kid out, but i'v sorted it now, he's apologised. i'v apologised. not for bringing him down but for not considering my feelings as would consider his in a reverse situation.... is that so bad?

 

baically im trying to move on and stop this madness, its not good for any1. all i wanted to know was "how to shake this girl off, so she knows im serious, but to do so without all this s**t.

Edited December 22, 2010 by swfc_77

[homebrew]

homebrew,

 

i do not need a lesson in respect thank you, i needed advice on how to stop someone pestering me and annoying my family and bends the rule of NC, causing as little comotion as possible.

 

the question is not whether she respects me or not. i have my self respect and i am pretty happy with the way my life is going, i have the respect of family and friends.

 

i know the girl shows me no respect, the question is i want her to stop ringing and calling me and have tried to explain this in the easiest way possible, but she wont.

 

tbh the girl has never shown much respect for anything or anyone regardless of how they treat/teach her.

 

the point is if she wants something and cant get it she goes mental.

 

im sorry if this sounds like a soap opera to people but this is my life at the minute and like i'v said im happy and im doing ok, but this calling and txting me and my family needs to stop. its borderline harrasment.

 

i feel like she is trying to force herself back into my life and will pull any trick at any time to get whatever it is she wants ie - cat/me/my time/ego boost, i dont know and i dont care

 

anyway, she has txt me twice today and rung me several times. i'v ignored it all. i hope she has got the message not to keep trying and i can again look forward to a new chapter in my life.

 

thank you for the useful advice i did get from this thread.

 

 

You don't need a lesson in stopping someone from pestering you or your family?

 

The he!! you don't!

 

You have two choices:

 

1. Quit being a sensitive little b!tch and do not respond. (In time, she will grow tired and stop)

 

2. Be a man and do something about it!

 

Coming here on LS to complain about the EX who you CHOOSE to stay with for a considerable amount of time even though you ALLOWED her to treat you like crap does not scream of someone who knows / has self-respect. It's quite the opposite.

 

What you are "experiencing" is self inflected! Because if I was in your shoes...

 

1. My EX contacting me or my family would not affect me or my family to the degree it does you.

 

2. Me and my family would ignore her and not respond. If for some reason she did get either one of us... We would simply say... I do not want to talk or hear from you again and simply hang up. If it took 100 times... so be it.

 

3. The fact that your EX has no problems with continuing the contact with your father and your other family members is because like you... They ALLOW HER TOO! My dad or my family wouldn't have to be coached on how to handle my EX. They already know what is acceptable, appropriate and can fend for themselves!

.

4. I certainty wouldn't have to come on this site to complain about it or ask for help. I am a man after all and I can take care of / solve my own problems with my EX.

 

5. I would not have to get defensive with perfect strangers that are pointing out clearly what you can not see... You are being treated like a little b!itch because you want / allow it to happen.

 

Here is how a confident, self assured, self respecting MAN would handle your situation:

 

1. Not let it affect me and not respond. If she does reach me... simply tell her I do not want her to contact me again and hang up. (Note: Notice I didn't have to tell you what my family should do? I wouldn't have too... They already know and can fend for themselves!)

 

At some point, she will grow tired and stop.

 

2. If after a considerable amount of time past and the above did not work. I would tell my EX that I was in the process of filing a restraining order. If that does not stop them, then I would file a restraining order. If that does not stop them from contacting me or my family, I would report each and every contact to the police until they were arrested.

 

At some point, it would cease... not that it would ever affect me to the point that it does you.

 

I feel sorry for you... The reason that you are having such a hard time with this situation (which on the grand scheme of things is very minor at best.... Waaaah... my EX will not stop calling me!) is not all your fault.

 

The apple does not fall to far from the tree... The fact that your dad can't man up and that he is complete push over when it comes to your EX... it should come as no surprise as to why you can't either!

 

Go watch some movies that have John Wayne and Clint Eastwood in them. That way you will better understand what I am trying to tell / teach you since you had such a poor example to follow growing up.

 

For you, I would watch Gran Torino first... You are the kid in the movie, so keep that in mind as you watch it. I am Clint Eastwood... I am the man that is trying to teach you (the boy) on what it takes and how to be a man!

 

After watching several of those movies, maybe if we are all lucky... you will be able to find enough strength within yourself to pull up that little skirt you are wearing and actually do something about your situation with your EX...

Edited December 22, 2010 by homebrew

[BlindRage]

1. Get the cat.

2. Put it in a box and poke holes in it.

3. Go to her house at a time you know she will be home.

4. Put the box that contains the cat inside on her doorstep.

5. Ring the bell then run like the wind.

6. From afar make sure she gets the cat and brings it in.

7. Enjoy your freedom!

 

What is up with this crazy love for a cat??? Let go of the cat and get a new one. It's just a cat they all are the same. She'll obviously be happy because it seems her world rotates with the affection that this cat gives her. Then you'll be happy no more of her coming around.