totallyunsure Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 do most start with being friends with somebody for an ammount of time and hanging out together and then one of the people deicde they want to take it further? or do most start with meeting someone in a place you go often and regularly chatting with them until someone asks the other person for a phone number/date? or do alot of relationships start by meeting someone in a club or night out or in day to day life someone approaches someone,flirts with them and asks them out and a relationship starts that way? as many opinions as possible please.thanks
nice-easy-day Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I've never had a relationship go from friends to lovers. I have had it go from lovers to friends though lol.
samspade Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Friends to lovers is difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. I think there has to be some indication of attraction early on. It can be a slow cook or an immediate boil. But there should be some sexual tension between the two people. Usually seduction is about playing not to lose, rather than attaining, a partner. The attraction portion happens immediately and you can either F it up or build on it.
nice-easy-day Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I think there has to be some indication of attraction early on. It can be a slow cook or an immediate boil. But there should be some sexual tension between the two people. Second that. Even if I hooked up with a girl I became friends with I assure you at some point in our friendship there was sexual tension.
Madgick1 Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 All my relationships started through work or school. I've never had one start in a bar (never had a ONS actually, and don't miss it), never had one start at a party, never had one start online (altho my mother found her current husband of 22 years through a newspaper ad, a pre-online option), never had one start with a neighbor or a friend of a friend. Not that the other ways are wrong or problematic, it just so happened all mine started through work or school with one starting through a group I volunteered for (unpaid work). None of them started with an immediate sharp attraction. Mostly the guy started hanging around and was pleasant, interesting, amusing and charming and I liked him, then liked him a lot, then got hooked. One guy, the first time I saw him, the thought popped in my head: "He's trouble". I had no reason to think so, but once he started hanging around, I liked him well enough from the first conversation (and he did end up being trouble). The volunteer guy I barely noticed for a long time, but when I started interacting with him I liked him right off. The relationships developed doing things side by side, interacting with work/activities/studies, then we started splitting off to be alone, and it grew. There's talk on LS about sex too early. Everyone agrees it's bad, but no one can define it. I've thought back over my relationships and tried to pinpoint which date I first had sex and can't. When's the first 'date' when a work relationship merges into a romantic one? The first time you go off somewhere alone to talk business? Or the first time you are alone and don't talk business? I would guess I had sex the second or third date when I didn't talk business. But I'd spent so much time with them, and we had so much interaction, so many people in common and ties that player-type activity that 'used' the other person would have had unpleasant rebound effects. None of these relationships were friends at the beginning; there was always a romantic interest/spark, but for me it started off so mild, it could have looked like friendship to everyone else, and if a LTR had not developed it could have muted into a sort of secondary friendship. I have one of these developing now. There are only two times I had an immediate (within 30 minutes of an initial conversation) attraction to a man. One he didn't feel the same and didn't even know, so it went no where. And the other is the guy I've written about here, who's been out of town 45 out of the last 60 days; I know he's attracted back, but don't know if he feels enough attraction to pursue. I've never been a pursuer; the guy has always brought himself to my attention and nudged it along. A mild attraction on my part has grown to a fierce loyal one over the course of 90-120 days. But here I am in my 40s and single--so you know none of those worked out for more than 14 years. I'm sure this is all different for everyone and successful healthy LTRs come about in a multitude of ways.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 do most start with being friends with somebody for an ammount of time and hanging out together and then one of the people deicde they want to take it further? or do most start with meeting someone in a place you go often and regularly chatting with them until someone asks the other person for a phone number/date? or do alot of relationships start by meeting someone in a club or night out or in day to day life someone approaches someone,flirts with them and asks them out and a relationship starts that way? as many opinions as possible please.thanks "Most relationships" start as the result of people who for other reasons were caused to be in the same place/group/office at the same time. Getting familiar with as many other people as you can in a non-pressurized setting is the best way to meet new prospects. And if those people aren't suitable candidates then they surely have brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, uncles, and friends who may be.
somedude81 Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 All my relationships started through work or school. I've never had one start in a bar (never had a ONS actually, and don't miss it), never had one start at a party, never had one start online (altho my mother found her current husband of 22 years through a newspaper ad, a pre-online option), never had one start with a neighbor or a friend of a friend. Not that the other ways are wrong or problematic, it just so happened all mine started through work or school with one starting through a group I volunteered for (unpaid work). None of them started with an immediate sharp attraction. Mostly the guy started hanging around and was pleasant, interesting, amusing and charming and I liked him, then liked him a lot, then got hooked. Interesting that you said that all your relationships started with people you met at work or school. Those are the places where I've been trying to form relationships but nothing ever happens. I'm starting to wonder if I'm looking in the wrong places. About the bolded part, what made you start liking them? How does a guy from being a stranger to somebody you want to date?
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