dng Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Hi Folks, I just hope I'm doing the right thing because right now, it feels like I've lost everything. I've been NC for about 2 months. There was one exception, when I started receiving long emails about how she felt like she had lost everything, didnt understand why she left, should never have left, made a huge mistake. She said she would understand if I didnt want to give her another chance but hoped that I would. So I took it to heart, i'm super vulnerable right now. I waited 2 weeks and called her and we ended up video chatting. She wanted to come see me the next day, on the 4pm bus. I started getting red flags right away. She told me her mom had to pay her rent for the past month, that she needed money for the bus if she was to come. She was being generally sketchy about details. At one point her phone rang, she picked it up, started talking, looked at me and closed the lid on her laptop. Called me back a few minutes after and didn't want to explain anything at first, and then said it was her friend and she didn't know why she felt bad and had to cut me off. So we decide we'll call each other in the morning to confirm her visit and then I would send her funds to buy the tickets. I don't hear again until 3h15pm the next, short email that says "I didnt get the money so I expect you don't want me to come." So I call her, she says she just woke up and her cousin is there and she can't talk on the phone. She eventually called again later and it was another set of excuses, I don't even remember what. So I blocked her again on my phone and for the first time in 4 months, sent her a very explicit email with very explicit and angry words - leave me alone, you are so sketchy, live your life and let me live mine. I just hope I did the right thing because right now its like a grenade went off in my life. I'm losing everything, I don't really have good friends anymore, everyone is caught up in their own drama. I feel like an actor in a movie about my life and the movie is playing over and over every day, I just repeat meaningless sequences of actions. I know girls but none of them are returning my calls right now. Its like I have something written down in my face "Dont approach". I'm hanging on but its hard.
Author dng Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 I feel like I should clarify a little bit here. My head is all over the place right now. Its a bit more complicated. We she called back, we had a long conversation about what she wanted from me and I realized how blocked up she was. She couldnt move forward or backwards, only sideways. It also made me realize that I couldn't get over what happened when she left. I don't know if she left me for someone or if she met someone after she left, because I don't feel I can believe anything she tells me. Its a hard thing to admit about myself, this limit. We ended up talking about that story for a good part of the conversation. It has polluted my relationship with her to a degree where I don't think it can be salvaged and I find that very sad. We were on a break, she told me nothing of the sort would happen and that she was coming back for sure. Now she tells me had it not been him, it would have been someone else. Logically, this doesnt connect for me. She's mad at me for not understanding she just needed to put a patch on the problem and that she was trying to move on but it didnt work out. The whole I would get calls and texts all the time about how she messed up. I feel like she used me to get over.. me. I also found myself unable to not lash at her. I told her that I hoped that her thing was good enough to justify it having destroyed any chance of us getting back together. So we decided she would come spend the weekend and I found myself so nervous about it that I couldn't do it. I called her 2 days later to cancel it and she didnt pick up. I called her around noon to make sure she'd be around. She doesn't work and has 2 classes at uni, yet I can never reach her. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal, but in the first 2 months after she left it was hell, she was calling me all the time and whenever I called back she never picked up. Its like it traumatized me, this anxiety of hearing the phone rings and hoping to hear her voice and getting her voice mail box greeting. That's when I broke down and sent the explicit email and I even feel bad about that and would like to apologize but everytime we talk it messes me up very deeply. The worse thing is that when it ended, we were both kinda out of it, detached emotionally. We ended up both regretting that we didn't save it when it was time I suppose. Its so stupid. Now when I think about her, I know I don't want her back. She's a very secretive person, has a hard time making decisions and can change her mind on a dime. We, for whatever reason, both thought we were the one for each other. I'm just so sad that I have to let it go.
J0N Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Sounds fishy to me, and I do not like fishy. It seems like stuff isn't working out the way she thought so she is just running back. If it were me I wouldn't give her another chance, she already left you once and once the loneliness feeling wears off it is likely she will do it again.
poorguy Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 That is soo shady..Your right though in that she's using you to get over you. F her-let her go and play thoses games with someone else , not you. She's going to meet some douche bag guy that will give her what she deserves
goldenrainbow Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I know it's hard to let someone go when you still have feelings (boy do I know...). But the first step is admitting that you DO NOT want to get her back (well maybe emotionally you do, but stick to rational). Stop being available to talk when she wants. Hard, I know, but the only way I am taking one day at a time.
Author dng Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 I'm not available to talk to her. She is blocked everywhere, even if I think that's bad and it shows her how weak I am at the moment. I had to block her on my phone because for weeks she was calling me at any time of the day or the night, 4-5am. I wasnt picking up but I was certainly worried for her and decided to follow her exemple: ignorance is a bliss. I'm kicking myself for many reason. She told me I was abandoning her in her time of need but she's the one who left. She would send me long emails but when we would speak after, she would say she's feeling differently now. All my friends were telling me it was over and to let it go but I kept on wanting to believe in what she said. Was it really necessary to make this breakup drag on for months like she did?
Graceful Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I'm kicking myself for many reason. She told me I was abandoning her in her time of need but she's the one who left. She would send me long emails but when we would speak after, she would say she's feeling differently now.Stop beating yourself up. This is manipulative behavior (on her part) to get you to be the one who feels badly. She broke up with you. You comply with the breakup, which is a very respectful and mature reaction, even though it is hurting you very much. She then twists it that you abandoned her. Now you can see what's wrong with that picture, can't you? Seriously, she has been playing you. Breaks up with you. Doesn't like the idea you go in NC and don't grovel, beg or plead to get back with her b/c it does not give her the chance to continue to control the situation. So it pisses her off. All my friends were telling me it was over and to let it go but I kept on wanting to believe in what she said. Was it really necessary to make this breakup drag on for months like she did?This is called "the long good-bye" -- that is, when the r/l is really over, and yet, it drags on and on. You have finally put your foot down (YAY!!) and this is what needed to be done. Stand up for yourself. This girl is not "the one" that is for sure. Get through the pain, keep busy, but stay the course and maintain NC, keep her blocked, and don't let anything side track you from making yourself your number one focus. I'm very proud of you for finally putting your foot down. You're feeling hurt, but that's better than being jerked around by someone who clearly does not care about anyone but herself. Stop caring what she thinks. It's her loss that she broke up with you. She's not your problem anymore.
Author dng Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 Stop beating yourself up. This is manipulative behavior (on her part) to get you to be the one who feels badly. She broke up with you. You comply with the breakup, which is a very respectful and mature reaction, even though it is hurting you very much. She then twists it that you abandoned her. Now you can see what's wrong with that picture, can't you? Seriously, she has been playing you. Breaks up with you. Doesn't like the idea you go in NC and don't grovel, beg or plead to get back with her b/c it does not give her the chance to continue to control the situation. So it pisses her off. Yes I can see it. She also twisted around the part where I complied with the breakup. She later told me I should never have left her leave so easily. She basically blamed everything, everything on me and I'm the kind of guy that will kick myself for mistakes and have this spin and spin in my head until I find a way to not ever make the same mistake again, and she knows this. She is more of a clean slate every morning type of person. She told me that regrets are pointless so I guess she's just running forward. I didnt need any of this **** in my life.
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