Twos Company Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 (edited) I posted about a month ago that I had met a guy after being single 2 years. At first I though he was attractive and seemed easy to talk to. The second time we met I let him come to my place to watch a film..we had been talking every day so perhaps there was a sense of knowing him at play because I felt comfortable enough to invite him that early on. The eve went well and a bit of kissing and cuddling took place. But during this he opened his flies and clearly wanted to take things further, and revealed he wasnt wearing any underwear...I must admit I found that a turn off, and he was a bit on the small side down there to boot, this would not be an issue for me to that extent, but he was commenting on how his last girlfriend liked him so much because he had a big one! and the fact he doesnt wear underwear.. doesnt feel normal to me somehow, He said he never wears any. I let it go at that. Since then he has been calling and wanting to talk most eves, i have told him I am unsure that we are a match,without telling him the reasons above which would be akward and might hurt his feelings, and I have been going back on the dating site, which he questioned me about and seemed put out by this, but I have told him I am not committed to anyone and wish to meet different people, now every time Im on there I see him, and shortly after that he will text me asking how I am, its like hes watching me on there. I find he just isnt my type after all, conversationally, sense of humour wise, the whole shebang. but now hes saying he will go as slow as I want and is under the impression I just need time. How do I let him know that its not going to happen? I have a really rough few years and really cant cope with this too well, do I have another 'talk' with him? cut him off dead? its only been 2 dates but feels like he has sort of got attached to me...would appreciate any input. Edited December 20, 2010 by Twos Company
Author Twos Company Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Anyone got any input to this? Its somehow left me feeling low, this whole meeting people thing, only to be left disappointed by the followup dates.
melodymatters Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Just E-mail him that or a myriad of reasons you don't feel like you two would be a good long term match, and wish him luck in his search. It was two dates, you don't owe him anything more than polite honesty at this stage. If he gets mean, block him, report him, or even threaten to call the cops.
USCGAviator Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Reading these threads baffles me how many men have no idea how to court women. It does however make me shine even more when I go on dates.
mortensorchid Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 The best thing to do should he call again is to just tell him "Please don't call me again". He sounds a bit clueless to begin with. If he continues to call after you tell him not to, then he really is a psycho. You'll be better off to change your number to get away from him.
fishtaco Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 You know, you don't need ANY reason to lose interest in someone. You just need to know that you lost interest for sure, and won't regret your decision later. Because second chances are luxuries. So tell him you're done. In person, by phone, if you like, but email is fine too. You can use code words such as "I didn't feel the chemistry", "It's not the right timing for me", "It's not you it's me", or plenty others. If he doesn't understand these code words, then he's socially inept. If he insults you in anyway because you hurt his little fragile ego, cut off all contact immediately. That's pretty funny though, watching a movie, then he unzips his fly and takes out his schlong. Sounds like the beginning of a joke, or a porno.
Author Twos Company Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Dear God...I feel a bit sick, I sent him a polite email saying I didnt think we were a match and wished him all the best, only to get a really angry text message back saying I should F****ing delete him and that I was a timewaster and that I should not contact him again Thats really shook me up, I replied and stated I had been honest with him and do not wish to put up with that kind of abuse. What the heck? I never wasted his time, I simply went out with him twice, thats what you do isnt it when dating, to see if theres any potential there. Feel violated now
youngskywalker Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Dear God...I feel a bit sick, I sent him a polite email saying I didnt think we were a match and wished him all the best, only to get a really angry text message back saying I should F****ing delete him and that I was a timewaster and that I should not contact him again Thats really shook me up, I replied and stated I had been honest with him and do not wish to put up with that kind of abuse. What the heck? I never wasted his time, I simply went out with him twice, thats what you do isnt it when dating, to see if theres any potential there. Feel violated now The guy is a freak. Just be glad you got out when you did. Now you can wash your hands and move on. DO NOT respond to anymore messages or phone calls from him. You did your job. Men everywhere on this forum applaud you for being upfront and doing the right thing.
Author Twos Company Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 Thanks for that....thats the very thing, I sent him the email after getting a text from him earlier in the day asking how I was etc, I thought to myself I will have to be straight with him, and didnt want to just ignore him and hope he would get the message that way, Ive had that done to me and know how it feels, so for him to get nasty and make me out to be a timewaster has really knocked me out, I had a conversation with him a matter of days ago and told him I didnt want a relationship but he sort of just carried on texting and calling, and I responded but didnt iniatiate anything, just beggars belief that he could take that attitude with me.
impz Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Thanks for that....thats the very thing, I sent him the email after getting a text from him earlier in the day asking how I was etc, I thought to myself I will have to be straight with him, and didnt want to just ignore him and hope he would get the message that way, Ive had that done to me and know how it feels, so for him to get nasty and make me out to be a timewaster has really knocked me out, I had a conversation with him a matter of days ago and told him I didnt want a relationship but he sort of just carried on texting and calling, and I responded but didnt iniatiate anything, just beggars belief that he could take that attitude with me. At least it happened now. You now know that you won't have to deal with a nutjob anymore. Good for you.
fishtaco Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Thanks for that....thats the very thing, I sent him the email after getting a text from him earlier in the day asking how I was etc, I thought to myself I will have to be straight with him, and didnt want to just ignore him and hope he would get the message that way, Ive had that done to me and know how it feels, so for him to get nasty and make me out to be a timewaster has really knocked me out, I had a conversation with him a matter of days ago and told him I didnt want a relationship but he sort of just carried on texting and calling, and I responded but didnt iniatiate anything, just beggars belief that he could take that attitude with me. LOL, you hurt his fragile ego that's why. But it's his problem not yours. You didn't do anything wrong. Guys like that make my life difficult. I don't freak out when women turn me down, but a lot of women assume I would. And that makes things complicated. In this case you did everything right. But sometimes women would preemptively take the defensive stance, expecting me to react badly like this dude. So I'm paying the price for losers like that. Anyway, like everyone said, cut him off. Don't get freaked out by this, he's the jerk. Bullet dodged, and now you have a funny story to tell your friends - about the guy with the small penis that busted it out during movie night, and his even smaller ego.
mortensorchid Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Dear God...I feel a bit sick, I sent him a polite email saying I didnt think we were a match and wished him all the best, only to get a really angry text message back saying I should F****ing delete him and that I was a timewaster and that I should not contact him again Thats really shook me up, I replied and stated I had been honest with him and do not wish to put up with that kind of abuse. What the heck? I never wasted his time, I simply went out with him twice, thats what you do isnt it when dating, to see if theres any potential there. Feel violated now That's horrible. That's happened to me as well. Those people are just freaks if they come out of nowhere and just abuse you like that (I don't care how it is, face or face, email, text, etc.). You dodged a bullet here, he's a real psycho with a tremendous opinion of himself. Imagine what would have happened if you were attracted to him! Even worse!
BobSacamento Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I'd start the paperwork for the restraining order sooner rather than later.
dispatch3d Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 People's egos are on the line when dating, and when they are rejected it definitely hurts the ego. So in short, expect guys to get pissed at you if you directly state you don't like them.
Author Twos Company Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 People's egos are on the line when dating, and when they are rejected it definitely hurts the ego. So in short, expect guys to get pissed at you if you directly state you don't like them. Then whats the solution? If you're honest and gentle and do the rejecting without being personal...like I approached it, and you still get a nasty response?...then would it be better to just ignore the person? do you mean no matter how delicately its phrased, the guy will be offended and get pissed? My rule of thumb is that if Ive met someone face to face, and I dont want to take it any further, then the least I can do is say Im not interested if they want to go out again, Ive had guys fade on me, but Ive never badgered them, Ive just let it go. One thing Ive realised tho is the guys who took any rejection from me with good grace are the ones I would now have the most time for, and see it as a mark of their manners and maturity, this current guy has dropped to zero in my opinion now for acting like a spoiled nasty brat.
fishtaco Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 People's egos are on the line when dating, and when they are rejected it definitely hurts the ego. So in short, expect guys to get pissed at you if you directly state you don't like them. WTF? I prefer when women tell me directly they're not interested. As long as they didn't put it in a way that's insulting. My most recent rejection, her excuse was she doesn't "date within the scene". But in fact I know she does, because I know the guy that she was making out with a couple of months ago, and who knows what else they did. I knew it was BS, but I didn't call her on it, because it was unnecessary. I got my answer, she's not interested, so I moved on. Second most recent rejection, she was probably afraid I would react badly, so instead of telling me, she just kept flaking and dodging me, until I managed to track her down and say let's be friends. So technically I rejected her, but really she lost interest in me first. I lost a lot of respect for her. I respect the first girl more for having the courage to tell me face to face she's not interested. They're both in the don't care category now, but I'm still acquaintances with them, because I didn't flip out.
creighton0123 Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Dear God...I feel a bit sick, I sent him a polite email saying I didnt think we were a match and wished him all the best, only to get a really angry text message back saying I should F****ing delete him and that I was a timewaster and that I should not contact him again Thats really shook me up, I replied and stated I had been honest with him and do not wish to put up with that kind of abuse. What the heck? I never wasted his time, I simply went out with him twice, thats what you do isnt it when dating, to see if theres any potential there. Feel violated now Yeah... I'd not respond anymore. Most people who exhibit odd behavior like this tend to go away. If he keeps contacting you, say once that he needs to stop calling and you're not interested. If he doesn't stop calling, change your number. Block his email, etc. etc. If that doesn't stop, get the police involved. Guys like this tend to think they're awesome when they're most definitely not. You hurt his feelers and he got angry.
dispatch3d Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Then whats the solution? If you're honest and gentle and do the rejecting without being personal...like I approached it, and you still get a nasty response?...then would it be better to just ignore the person? do you mean no matter how delicately its phrased, the guy will be offended and get pissed? My rule of thumb is that if Ive met someone face to face, and I dont want to take it any further, then the least I can do is say Im not interested if they want to go out again, Ive had guys fade on me, but Ive never badgered them, Ive just let it go. One thing Ive realised tho is the guys who took any rejection from me with good grace are the ones I would now have the most time for, and see it as a mark of their manners and maturity, this current guy has dropped to zero in my opinion now for acting like a spoiled nasty brat. Just don't be so direct. Don't directly reject who they are. Just say "I don't date in the scene" or "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" or something like that. The guy who protested above gave some examples, the first one seemed decent (the I don't date in the scene).
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