andrew23 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 My girlfriend suddenly told me she needs some time for herself and some time apart, she says she still loves me but doubting whether she is "in love" - although we are very close and there have been nothing but sweet words between us, I have decided to go NC. This was about 2 months ago and I have heared nothing, which is devastating. What does this mean? Seems like its a permanent think, which is tragic, but I still have hopes and was wandering if at some point NC should be broken? Should I at least send her some christmas or New years text or something? I know the ball is in her court, but shouldn't someone start some communication? Perhaps she is to scared to start, as she is unsure. Doesn't she need to know I am open to communication and not biter? This is tough, any advice?
PegNosePete Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Sorry to say dude it sounds like she was trying to break up with you "gently". If she has not contacted you in 2 months to say that her "time for herself" is finished then most likely it is permanent. You could send her a text to ask what is going on. Don't be soppy or beg, just ask have you done thinking yet, what is your decision, please let me know if it's over so I can move on. If you get no reply or she's still thinking or just BS's you, then it is over. Don't bother with any of the Christmas stuff just ask what you need to know and you will know from her reply (or lack of) what's going on.
Author andrew23 Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Do you think asking her if shes made up her mind or demanding reasons etc is a good idea? I think that might put pressure on her and may push her away.
PegNosePete Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 She's had 2 months already. That should be plenty of time. I don't think it's possible at this point to push her any further away! You need to know what's going on, you can't be expected to put your life on hold indefinitely.
GreenPolicy Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Her silence unfortunately is all the answer you need. It sucks, I'm in the same boat. I know what you're going through. Focus on grieving and moving on. You're going to feel worse if you break NC and she doesn't respond, or if she does and it's not the answer you're looking for. If she wants to be with you again, she will let you know.
rhonian Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Andrew, look at the facts. 1) She said she wanted a break (we all know what that means). 2) She has allowed 2mos of NC. 3) You have heard nothing. Im sorry, but this relationship is over as I see it. She knows how to contact you and she hasnt. She has moved on. Classic case, of let someone go and if they come back to you.......Focus on ANDREW and move on. If she surprises you and you hear from her down the road then you can decide your options. Im not a woman but have been with a few and what I have learned is if they want the relationship they will do what they need to do to keep it in tact.
PegNosePete Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 You're going to feel worse if you break NC and she doesn't respond, or if she does and it's not the answer you're looking for. If she wants to be with you again, she will let you know. Yes but IMO it's better to find out for sure rather than be stuck in limbo, unable to move on because you're clinging to a faint hope that she might still come back. If you break NC and get either bad news or no reply, then you can begin the grieving process and eventually move on.
GreenPolicy Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Yes but IMO it's better to find out for sure rather than be stuck in limbo, unable to move on because you're clinging to a faint hope that she might still come back. If you break NC and get either bad news or no reply, then you can begin the grieving process and eventually move on. Her silence says everything. I hate it, as I am in the middle of a very similar situation. There are questions I have that I'll never get the answers to. How she can go from wanting to get married to wanting out of my life in a relatively short span of time, I'll never know. But I am doing my best to grieve and move on. I hate that she had time to plan her escape and move on with her life, and I am left trying to pick up the pieces while struggling to move on with mine. I hate that she never expressed fears, doubts or concerns about getting married. Looking back, I can see signs of her beginning to detach in the month before we broke up, signs that I should have paid more attention to. But they were balanced out by other good signals. I still don't think I had any reason to anticipate a breakup. Just read all the "I broke NC" threads. Nothing good can come out of breaking it. My silence sends a message to her that I am strong and can live without her, whether she cares or not. The work I did was in the relationship, not afterwards. The relationship we had speaks to her on my behalf.
PegNosePete Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Yes but your situation is different to the OP of this thread. For you, it's pretty clear that it's over. Breaking NC to ask your questions which you know will never be answered, is pointless, and will cause hurt. Your ex bailed and broke up with you, and you're not putting your life on hold for her to come back. OP here doesn't know what's going on. Yes most of us think that 2 months silence from her says a lot. But in this case I do think sending a message asking what's going on (not asking "all those questions", just literally "yes or no") will help.
stevesknees Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 The relationship we had speaks to her on my behalf. Excellent statement. The best thing we can all hope for.
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