ozziegal8 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 i have been dating a single dad for about 7 weeks. he has the child 4-5 days a week and only works 2 days as he has most of the custody. i have met the child on a few occassions and his dad even makes me get into bed with him to read for the child. the dad doesnt have a lot of money. he has shows a few inconsistencies lately i.e. cancelled a date due to his mother being around but then i have arranged to see him the next day. last week he was texting nearly every day to see how my new job was going and how i was. even saying thanks for making so much effort with his child i have bought the child a few gifts. and he text telling me all about his boy's last day at kinder etc. we arranged to see each other on sunday (he had family thing on at 3.30) but he rang me sat arvo to arrange for the next day. he sent me a text sat night being funny. then the next day at 9.30am i get a txt from him saying 'sorry dont feel like catching up today, i need some time on my own'. i tried phoning an hour later as i was upset he didnt answer didnt leave a message. then i phoned 4 hours later no answer so i text asking if he was ok? he said he was and that he need time on his own (he has son a lot). i then asked as im so passive around him if everything was ok with 'us'. he didnt reply. this was yesterday and i haven't heard since, what's going on? im so upset as i put a lot of time into the child and ive had no answers? i dont know what to do?
that girl Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 It isn't unreasonable to tell someone you need time on your own. I think it is a little harassing to call someone repeatedly hours after they say they want to stay out of contact for the day. But then I think it is crappy parenting on his part that he has gotten you so involved with his kid after 7 weeks. That is not fair to the kid.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 hmmm but this isn't the first time he has cancelled, the week before he did the same on that day saying his mum was down from the country we changed until the next day. i did text yesterday and ask if everything ok with him and I ( i never harrass by the way) and he didnt reply. so what does that mean?
that girl Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I think two calls and a text after he said he needed the day to himself is a bit much. Are you worried that he is with someone else?
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 i think he should have rang to cancel not text especially as he did the same the week before. so why did he reply and say nothing was wrong and when i asked if everything ok with us he has never replied? bearing in mind i have never ever put any pressure on him about 'us'.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 ok he is on my facebook and he never adds friends. so overnight i get status update from him saying he is now friends with this absolute 'hot chick'. what does that mean?
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 It means he accepted a friend request from someone who happens to have a vagina. and does that mean it sounds suss?
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 well im not that type but i could be after him letting me down on sunday and not answering his phone. and cancelling on me. he has hardly any friends on fb. what do you think?
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 ok then so why hasnt he replied to my sunday text its not tuesday arvo asking if everything ok with him & i?
phineas Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 probably because he said he needed time to himself & you wouldn't leave him alone is my guess.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 i dont think so, the guys had stuffed me around for a while ive been passive the whole time. he caught his last girlfriend going through his phone i wonder why!
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 ok i rang today from work on work phone he picked the phone up and then hung up on me i didnt even get to say hello, he has not deleted me from facebook. no explanation.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 i wasn't harrassing, harrassing is calling 5 times constantly. i have never hardly even called him apart from the two times on sunday.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 i would of left it if it had happened the once there was constant red flags, left wallet in work car on my b'day so i had to pay. making plans after a 'day date' in the night so we didnt spend time together. never introduced to any of his friends he would go to parties without me. bragging about all these woman who try and pick him up. so how would you feel?
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 i had issues with him yes is that what you meant? i had bad instincts from the start about him everyone of my friends said to get rid of him.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 no i didnt win i got hurt and used by a player.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 so saw my counsellor tonight about the whole thing he said there is no way you pushed too much you were too passive. the guy was a loser and probably a serial internet dater.
refurb Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 This is a little off-topic, but don't get involved with someones child until you know it's long-term. I couldn't imagine how tough it must be on a little kid to have an adult in his life who plays the caregiver and then just disappears because daddy doesn't want to see her anymore. RF
daphne Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Ozzie, It's possible you were passive in other scenarios, but I disagree that in this one you were. I honestly think you pushed too hard. A simple "I understand, hope you're ok" might have been the only text I'd send if someone asked for some time to themselves. Someone who's a single parent probably has a lot going on and just needs a little me time. That's not unreasonable. But you called twice and texted several times and didn't respect his boundaries. I feel like that's what caused the relationship to end (if it has.) I'm not sure if he knew it was you on the phone when you called from work or not. Either way, I would be annoyed if someone kept asking me if things were ok when I was just asking for time. It would be a total turn off. You might want to consider not over analyzing a situation like this until you have enough information to support any theories. It's easier on your nerves and in due time, you will get the information you need. You can't control it either.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 no there were a few signs, he cancelled on me the week before. space well we only caught up once a week for a couple of hours. i dont think that is a lot. he would badmouth the mother of his child to his 5 year old son. if he invited me over he would fall asleep on me and then tell me to go home. on my b'day he said he left his wallet somewhere so i had to pay for him and his son. he deleted me from facebook just after he started adding hot chicks on there. if the space thing had come up 'once' i would have done the 'ok no worries' but it wasnt the only questionable act. everytime i saw him i would never know when i would see him again. he also told me he gets sick of woman easily and has attachment issue's.
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