akiu Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 So like the title says, I am hoping for people's options and perspectives on my current dating situation. I started going out with this woman 6 weeks ago, in that time we have been on 5 dates, all of them have lasted 6+ hours and as far as I can tell they all went very well, with the only possible downside being that there has been no kissing, hugging, or physical contact of any kind. We have a lot of fun together and when we talk it is about real and oftentimes personal topics. Now before our last date she had brought up the issue of getting physical (in a text) and how she likes me but wants to get to know me better before anything physical happens. Which is fine with me, I am a very patient person, especially if I really like the person. (This isn't about sex either, we are talking simple hand holding and hugging stuff in addition to kissing.) She said she wanted to let me know about this now because she didn't want me to see it as a lack of interest if she rejected a move I may make in the future and that she was telling me this now because she got the feeling on our last couple of dates that I was preparing to make a move. Now before I bring this damn essay to a close ... a little background information that may or may not be needed. We are both 32, she has been married before, I have not. She also has 3 children from her marriage. She has been divorced for about a year and a half and her ex was the only relationship she has ever been in. She was married for 10 years, and she says the problem with that relationship was that they rushed into the physical part of their relationship without getting to know one another and that was the whole basis of their dating relationship prior to getting married. Due to the whole "not getting to know each other" thing their marriage was pretty much doomed from the start, but she stuck it out at first because she hoped he would change (he didn't) and then because of the kids. I also should point out that I am the first person she has dated since being divorced, she hasn't been on so much as a blind date since the divorce was finished. So here are the opinions I have been getting - 1. She is using me as an ego boost. 2. She is using me as a way to get out of the house. and the one I personally believe 3. She is sincere about liking me and wanting to take it slow and get to know me better first because she is paranoid about getting physical because her only other relationship ended badly because she got physical before getting to know the person. Ok, done, so please let loose with your opinions on the situation, I am really curious.
january2010 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 It could be any of those. You said that you're very patient, so I suggest telling her that you'll give her time (if you haven't done so already) and revisit the situation when you feel you need to.
fishtaco Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If after 6 weeks, 5 giant dates, she still doesn't even want to hold hands with you, that's a bad sign. My guess is once she has no more use for you, she'd suddenly "change her mind" and only want you as a friend. Dating should be a compromise. It's not all about what SHE wants only. She should understand what you want, and maybe meet you half way, instead of just going... well, that's my way, deal with it. Even if she wasn't just playing games with you, her fear of anything physical... like you said, it's not even sex... could be a sign that something is wrong. Maybe she's damaged. Maybe she hasn't gotten over her divorce. If you go with her way and be patient, she's in 100% control. Personally, I'm not into that. Either 50-50, or if she wants to give me the control and cooperate with everything my way, hey, I won't complain. My suggestion, if you're not getting what you want, scale back giving her what she wants. I would do the following, but of course, what works for me may or may not work for you, use your own judgment. 1) Tell her I feel like so far we're just friends. But I would like to take this in the romantic direction. See how she responds. 2) Date other women at the same time. This way, you're not cutting her off prematurely, in the off chance that she is genuine... although like I said, it's kind of strange. But at the same time, you'll be developing other options as well. Do a contrast and compare, you may find yourself more attracted to another woman than this one. With the way you described the situation, she sounds more like a platonic friend.
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