lovefiction Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Hi. THis is my first time in a forum but I've been reading some of the discussions and would appreciate some advice. I met a guy a couple of months ago and we've taken things really slowly... He is a nice guy but I am not sure if he is emotionally available. When we first started "dating" he would call every night to talk for a bit. The conversations have always been somewhat short but pleasant. Over the last few weeks the calls have become less frequent but he still makes sure to call and/or see me at least once a week. I have a little boy so it is not easy to get together; he nver seems bothered when I have plans but he also doesn't try very hard to make plans ahead of time. I am really confused b/c he could just stop calling if he wasn't interested (I usually only call when he calls first); yet if he was really interested I would think he would be calling more and trying harder to get together. Do some guys just enjoy the possibility of something (we've only made out with clothers); he has always been very gentlemanly about not going fast. ANyway, if anyone can help me understand what he might be doing/thinking; I woud appreciate it. Thanks:confused:
joeLove Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Have you let him know (directly or indirectly), that he should be calling more? i.e. instead of waiting for him to call ... maybe you surprise him with a call and maybe you suggest things to do and see what he says ...
Str8noChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Hi. THis is my first time in a forum but I've been reading some of the discussions and would appreciate some advice. I met a guy a couple of months ago and we've taken things really slowly... He is a nice guy but I am not sure if he is emotionally available. When we first started "dating" he would call every night to talk for a bit. The conversations have always been somewhat short but pleasant. That's the getting to know you stage. Over the last few weeks the calls have become less frequent but he still makes sure to call and/or see me at least once a week. I am really confused b/c he could just stop calling if he wasn't interested (I usually only call when he calls first); yet if he was really interested I would think he would be calling more and trying harder to get together. He could be seeing other women and just downgraded the effort he puts into you, but still has you in his rotation, hence the weekly check in call. You said you've already made out, has he tried to take things to the next level (clothes off?) and have you been out on dates?
Author lovefiction Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 We've gone to the movies a couple of times, he's met me for coffee and hung out with my son a few times (my son met him before we actually started dating and have never said anything otherwise)... I have mentioned that I am confused by the way things are going and asked if perhaps we should call it quits... I also said that as things are I need to keep my options open. He said he was definitely still interested but that he understood (but would not be happy) if I needed to date other people. I have forced myself to go out with a few other guys to remind myself that this is not exclusive but I still find I like him best. He seems sincere and yet it doesn't make sense to me... Am I being played? If so what is he getting out of it?
Str8noChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 We've gone to the movies a couple of times, he's met me for coffee and hung out with my son a few times (my son met him before we actually started dating and have never said anything otherwise)... I have mentioned that I am confused by the way things are going and asked if perhaps we should call it quits... I also said that as things are I need to keep my options open. He said he was definitely still interested but that he understood (but would not be happy) if I needed to date other people. I have forced myself to go out with a few other guys to remind myself that this is not exclusive but I still find I like him best. He seems sincere and yet it doesn't make sense to me... Am I being played? If so what is he getting out of it? If he told you he understood you keeping your options open (a sign that he himself is may be doing the same thing) then you aren't being played, he was honest. I get that you are emotionally attached to him, but it's still an early enough stage where you don't have too much invested in him. Have you let him know the frequency of communication you like and/or how you are feeling since it's dropping or have you asked him if he's busy or told him you've noticed things cooling off from his end?
Author lovefiction Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 If he told you he understood you keeping your options open (a sign that he himself is may be doing the same thing) then you aren't being played, he was honest. I get that you are emotionally attached to him, but it's still an early enough stage where you don't have too much invested in him. Have you let him know the frequency of communication you like and/or how you are feeling since it's dropping or have you asked him if he's busy or told him you've noticed things cooling off from his end? Thanks for the insight... You are probably right and intuitively I think I know that this is not worth my time but everytime I convince myself to let it go, he calls and sounds so interested and sweet. I have spoken to him about it and he insists that he wants to spend more time but that it's just a bad time and he has said he is busy with work... but IDK...from my perspective I am always busy but I make time for the things I want... I kind of feel like he just figures I will make time when he wants, so he doesn't need to... So I guess I should just cut my losses... Why is that so hard to do?
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