JamesMay Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Hi everyone, I've been single a little over a year now and I'm definitely hoping to find someone who I can care about again. I've had some flirts and picked up some girls but I'm finding it hard not to look at it all as one big meaningless game. Like when a girl talks to me I'm always analyzing how she's trying to make a move and I'm thinking about a witty remark to get back at her but in the end I find it very hard to feel something. It flatters me but it doesn't seem to touch me. Also I don't really like the whole flirting thing. I was together with a pretty girl who dumped me because she wanted to do more of it. Everytime a girl tries it on me now I imagine my ex doing exactly the same meaningless, silly things an I somehow hate the girl in front of me for it. I'm a very outgoing and social type but there are very few people I share my true feelings with. Maybe I'm a little impatient?
Gypsy_Soul Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Hi everyone, I've been single a little over a year now and I'm definitely hoping to find someone who I can care about again. I've had some flirts and picked up some girls but I'm finding it hard not to look at it all as one big meaningless game. Like when a girl talks to me I'm always analyzing how she's trying to make a move and I'm thinking about a witty remark to get back at her but in the end I find it very hard to feel something. It flatters me but it doesn't seem to touch me. Also I don't really like the whole flirting thing. I was together with a pretty girl who dumped me because she wanted to do more of it. Everytime a girl tries it on me now I imagine my ex doing exactly the same meaningless, silly things an I somehow hate the girl in front of me for it. I'm a very outgoing and social type but there are very few people I share my true feelings with. Maybe I'm a little impatient? I hope you do find love. I'm looking for love too and so far no success. As far as girls flirting with you I think everyone deserves a clean slate don't you? I mean they're not her, right?
Author JamesMay Posted December 25, 2010 Author Posted December 25, 2010 Sure but it seems to turn me off... It's maybe my age as well (last year of college) but everyone seems so desperate to find a (new) girl/boyfriend or at least some sex before they graduate. I hope someone can tell me things get better. Teenage love could be irrational and disproportionate but at least it was somewhat real and uncalulated. Now I see people rationalizing themseves into relationships with people they 'admire' and 'have a lot of potential' and 'are actually really sweet'. And you can just read on their faces the sex sucks. Maybe it's just me... But whatever it is, it's really annoying and boring.
Ross PK Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I have a hard time even finding someone who is sexually interested in me. In fact, in the whole 35 years in my life, no woman has ever been interested in me.
industrie Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Its the worse being single around this time of the year, as when you go to as X-MAS party with freinds and family, you seem to feel left out because everyone is in a relationship, getting married or having a baby. And then there is you, trying to make ends meat, while there is a person you constantly think of day in and day out. You may be looking for that girl freind, but the thing i have noticed. Is that it dosent matter how many great jokes you can crack. Or how attractive the person may be. It all falls on how you feel about yourself as a person, if you want to have a serious relationship, you need to make that change to yourself. Where you are willing to take that next step, and look at yourself in the mirror and say "Hey this person is all kinds of awsome, and i feel alot better about myself, just thinking of her"
shayan Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 have any of you guys tried not looking for a new girlfriend. And just allowing it to happen, this doesn't mean socially isolating yourself or not going out on dates. It just means you aren't consumed with finding someone, more so you are trusting that it is going to happen and just enjoying your life otherwise. Also have any of you tried a dating website they are decent I mean I've got some pretty decent dates on them.
Author JamesMay Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Well, I'll admit I don't really like being single and I have been kind of prudent in opening myself up to a girl the past year. It's just something I kind of closed myself off to for the past 6 years because that's what I feel you're supposed to do when you're together with someone. It's a little hard making that switch in your head after so long... Plus everyone knew you as x's boyfriend and is kind of prudent as well. But I guess you're right, it shouldn't be all that serious from the start. But it's the seriousness I miss the most and I went through a lot of pain a couple of months ago and maybe still so it's hard trying to be all playful about it.
Ross PK Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 have any of you guys tried not looking for a new girlfriend. And just allowing it to happen, this doesn't mean socially isolating yourself or not going out on dates. It just means you aren't consumed with finding someone, more so you are trusting that it is going to happen and just enjoying your life otherwise. Also have any of you tried a dating website they are decent I mean I've got some pretty decent dates on them. Yes, I've not bothered trying and that doesn't work either. As for dating websites I've tried those too but no one is ever interested.
Nightsky Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I consider it flirting to have fun and excitement in the conversation as opposed to keeping it transactional. That doesn’t mean you have to do or say unnatural things. It’s better if you just be yourself when you are flirting. Don’t put yourself on a time line either, that’s just pressure.
Movingthrough Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I think I see what your saying. Especially for guys there are certain "ways" you are supposed to act. A lot of it to me is a bunch of games, I'm in the dating world again and I'm starting to see that you really have to chill and be yourself. Its only been a few months for mebut after a couple of failed attempts, I just feel like it needs to happen naturally, just work out. I would probably just relax for a minute and go from there..
google_girl Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Hello james I think most of the people are scare to get hurt so they dont open up.It takes lot of time to take guards down so i would say just be friendly with people for some reason and when you have sense of security ,trust it will be easier to open up.
Trinity2 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Hi everyone, I've been single a little over a year now and I'm definitely hoping to find someone who I can care about again. I've had some flirts and picked up some girls but I'm finding it hard not to look at it all as one big meaningless game. Like when a girl talks to me I'm always analyzing how she's trying to make a move and I'm thinking about a witty remark to get back at her but in the end I find it very hard to feel something. It flatters me but it doesn't seem to touch me. Also I don't really like the whole flirting thing. I was together with a pretty girl who dumped me because she wanted to do more of it. Everytime a girl tries it on me now I imagine my ex doing exactly the same meaningless, silly things an I somehow hate the girl in front of me for it. I'm a very outgoing and social type but there are very few people I share my true feelings with. Maybe I'm a little impatient? I would suggest waiting for the right one that does give you that spark. Certainly it is flattering to be hit, yet there has to be the spark.
DuskCrush Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hi James, Well...don't worry...magic will happen at some point. Don't rush it and don't fake it. If you currently find the dating/pick up scene meaningless don't bother to be a part of it. You'll be graduating soon and then you'll be in a new social circle. So good luck.
Sw3etdev1L Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I guess... it would do you good to be lonely for a while just to heel the wound of your exgirlfriend, until you start looking at women a healthy way... you need to be feeling good with yourself and open about women, and love.. if you are not open, how do you expect love to go inside ur heart?
Author JamesMay Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone. I consider myself very lucky for what love I've had but I guess I still have to get used to the fact that everyone is ultimately alone and responsible for his own happiness. Maybe this alone time is not so unhealthy. I only wish I would have had it a little earlier. It would have made my previous relationship more valueable and worht fighting for. I'll take it there's still lots of time for it to happen again but I doubt starting my career will augment chances of meeting someone or having the time and energy I've invested before. All the couples in my parents enviroment that I've known and that have not split up before their mid-life crises have known eachother from high school or college. Partners in crime, like that. With all due respect but the idea of meeting my wife on a dating site is exactly the sort of thing that shivers me testes.
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