Author tiny_tot Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 So simply give the guy a break and leave him be. Go find yourself like every other woman says and have a good life. That is what I am trying to do. I am all for leaving him BE. It is rather difficult to walk out the door when he is saying that he might hurt himself and definitely if he ever runs into me out with anyone..or hears that I have been out with any male..that he will kill them. Excuse me for being a little afraid that he would actually do one or the other..or both. As for finding myself? Well yeah everyone has to 'find' themselves after divorcing or they simply become bitter and stay angry and never can be happy. I understand people are bitter and hurt because some people for what ever reason don't stay married..but seriously stop throwing stones. Jeeze. At least I give a damn about his well being. I don't hate this man, I care about him. I just don't want to be called to the hospital or the morgue to identify his body nor do I want some innocent male who might happen to be in my company some day to be hurt or worse..killed because of his insane jealousy which he has admitted he has a problem with. I am not looking for sympathy, I am not without fault that our marriage is over. I am trying to do this as best as I can, trying to keep it civil and safe for myself, my kids..and him. I work in a mental hospital, Ive been an EMT..okay? I have seen the devistation that happens when someone tries to leave a marriage. Everyone who is faced with the end of their marriage is NOT reasonable. People get killed over this. I just don't want him,myself or anyone else to be another statistic of domestic violence.
habs53 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 So simply give the guy a break and leave him be. Go find yourself like every other woman says and have a good life. That is what I am trying to do. I am all for leaving him BE. It is rather difficult to walk out the door when he is saying that he might hurt himself and definitely if he ever runs into me out with anyone..or hears that I have been out with any male..that he will kill them. Excuse me for being a little afraid that he would actually do one or the other..or both. As for finding myself? Well yeah everyone has to 'find' themselves after divorcing or they simply become bitter and stay angry and never can be happy. I understand people are bitter and hurt because some people for what ever reason don't stay married..but seriously stop throwing stones. Jeeze. At least I give a damn about his well being. I don't hate this man, I care about him. I just don't want to be called to the hospital or the morgue to identify his body nor do I want some innocent male who might happen to be in my company some day to be hurt or worse..killed because of his insane jealousy which he has admitted he has a problem with. I am not looking for sympathy, I am not without fault that our marriage is over. I am trying to do this as best as I can, trying to keep it civil and safe for myself, my kids..and him. I work in a mental hospital, Ive been an EMT..okay? I have seen the devistation that happens when someone tries to leave a marriage. Everyone who is faced with the end of their marriage is NOT reasonable. People get killed over this. I just don't want him,myself or anyone else to be another statistic of domestic violence. Hmmm so your selfishness has caused a huge amount of problems. Remember your vows...... for better or for worst till death do you part. Guess that doesnt mean anything to you but i does to him. I wont post anymore, dont worry
habs53 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Actually i wont post anymore on this site. People like you totally depress me. Have a nice life.
robf1971 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 it's been 15 mos. and it's not getting any better. I've come to the conclusion that women are out of their minds. and every day I hope I get cancer, but with my luck I'll live till I'm ninety. Dude, time to work on yourself now. Your behaviour is only justifying her new guy. Get happy on your own, fake it till you make it. In time you'll be the happy, secure one and she will be living her life like a train wreck
hopesndreams Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Actually i wont post anymore on this site. People like you totally depress me. Have a nice life. I'm sorry to hear this Habs. Some people don't really want advice and are just looking for support. Their minds are made up! Others are conflicted and are in turmoil. Not the case with this OP. OP, you have mentioned your H is a good guy, works hard but tends to be a bit possessive because of an A you had years ago. It's been really painful for your H all these years to stay married to you because you have shown no remorse. Oh sure, you're sorry but from what I've read, you didn't deal with the issues and the aftermath of that A. Your depression could be clouding your judgment. You have mentioned quite a few times in your thread about your H going nuts if he were to find you with another man, even after you leave him. Well, if/when you leave, it will take time and grieving with the end of your M so don't be too quick to jump into another relationship until you are ready emotionally. A month for every year you were together, to heal and come to terms with what happened. Besides, getting yourself a bf isn't as easy as picking up a loaf of bread. Check out the dating forum on here when you get chance. I hope for your sake and your H's there isn't another fella in the picture already. Good luck! You will need it.
just_some_guy Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 If he is threatening suicide, then ask him to get his will in order first. Then tell him that if he wants to kill himself, that is his problem alone and that kind of selfishness will not endear him to those he has left behind. If the threats become more real, call the authorities. Just went through an attempt, a credible one, by my stbx. At some point, we, the non-crazy ones, just have to come to accept the idea that they might really kill themselves and that's not our problem.
plowguy1 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 "Besides, getting yourself a bf isn't as easy as picking up a loaf of bread. Check out the dating forum on here when you get chance." Who are you kidding? if that is a picture of her in her avatar, she's had many opportunities already. my wife lost thirty lbs and looks better now than she ever has. if she had gained thirty lbs, I woulds have still been here, and she wouldn't have wanted to find herself. Rob 1971 and OP I know you're right, I do have to get my act together,I have 3 kids, 2 teenage boys at home with me, Thank God they could make the choice of where they wanted to live. I'm sure shes fine with that though, it makes it way easier to be someones girlfriend...
Author tiny_tot Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 whoa! okay..who are we talking about getting a bf?! If it's me (and yes, that is me in the pic)...I am so NOT even ready to think about another man in my life. I have my life to get together..sons..hopefully some more education and making a life for myself.
plowguy1 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Tot, My wife said the same thing, and I mean no disrespect, but you will have a bf within 6 mos. tops. It's the ones left behind and rejected who it takes years if ever to recover. Once you get away from him your energy will triple, you will just glow, and guys will notice. you will say I deserve this I spent my time in hell. Life is too short, and maybe you're right, but as bad as you leaving him is gonna be, when you do find someone it will be a pain like no other for your husband. I think he already knows that, and is dreading that day.
Author tiny_tot Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Tot, My wife said the same thing, and I mean no disrespect, but you will have a bf within 6 mos. tops. It's the ones left behind and rejected who it takes years if ever to recover. Once you get away from him your energy will triple, you will just glow, and guys will notice. you will say I deserve this I spent my time in hell. Life is too short, and maybe you're right, but as bad as you leaving him is gonna be, when you do find someone it will be a pain like no other for your husband. I think he already knows that, and is dreading that day. I know he is scared that I will find someone else. It is truly NOT my intention and I really don't think in six months that will be happening. It's going to take all my energy to support myself and my kids..and to try to keep things civil as possible with the stbx. Add to that..his threats to kill anyone Im with..you know, I am not ready to risk that either. His pain is real, it's deep...and I am not dismissing that by any means. I can't afford to ignore it.
plowguy1 Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Tot, I believe you when you say it's not your intention (mostly) but he knows in the back of his mind that the only reason someone causes so much turmoil in everyone involveds lives (barring addiction abuse or adultery) is because they DO want a new partner. He also knows when an attractive lonely woman like yourself starts to get hit on and complimented by other men you will come alive again the way you did for him all those years ago. It's a chemical thing. It will feel so right it couldn't be wrong, until a few years down the road. Right now getting away from him and having this possibility is worth everything, even losing your kids respect, and you don't even want to try counseling. Within a few months you'll find yourself saying " I wasn't even looking for it" and " it just happened" Your stbx and I will know better.
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