yoyoyiggityyo Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Met a guy online at the end of October. We chatted for a bit and I really liked him. We went on our first date and had a blast. We kept texting and chatting and soon were on a second date. He's in the military so he gets called on assignment from time to time. Sounds like a story but we oddly enough know people in common so the story has been verified. Now we're not kids...I'm in my thirties, he's in his forties. We're both divorced and dont want more kids...so far so good. So second date again goes well. We had no plans to sleep with each other but we did. It was great! We chatted afterwards and made it clear that we were going into this with no expectations and the possiblity of something long term was difficult (distance, job..etc) but we left it open to see where things went and he told me there would definitely be a third date. I then did something so dumb. I sent him an email telling him that I liked him. I know, I know but I haven't liked anyone in so long (I was married for nine years and fell out of love with my husband early on)...my emotions just got away from me. He did text me back and told me he liked me too. So off he goes on assignment and I don't hear from him. I didn't think too much of it but he did say he would have his phone with him and was contactable. I texted him twice...he responsed but never initated. He's been back for a week. We've chatted a bit...but snipets...nothing more. I think I may have scared him off...or we slept together to soon or he's just not that into me. This is the part that drives me nuts...Men come on strong and then you give in and they back off...grrr...I've been at this a long time and it still sucks Should I just never text him again. I feel like asking whats up but I'm not sure. I have in the past let things go only to find if I just would have asked I would have gotten and answer...even maybe the one I wanted Suggestions?
Tony T Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 The BEST thing you could possibly do, considering all the damage you have done to this, is LEAVE HIM TOTALLY ALONE AND DO NOT CALL OR CONTACT HIM IN ANY WAY. Yes, you moved way to soon for him...other guys may have responded differently. Your best bet always is to be coy and elusive for a time before you give in to sex or anything else. By leaving him totally alone he's got time to let his imagination run rampant and it will drive him crazy. If you don't give him some mystery he will have absolutely no reason to look you up...unless he's wanting a quickie on the way to some new chicks house.
Jannah Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Uh oh. You told him you liked him right after? Well, I think you can still recover, if you don't do this:
Sarah1977 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I always wonder what goes through people's minds when they are writing these long, intense emails post sex? Do they really think the other person is going to look favorably on that junk? Or is it more like uncontrollable written vomit?
Author yoyoyiggityyo Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 I always wonder what goes through people's minds when they are writing these long, intense emails post sex? Do they really think the other person is going to look favorably on that junk? Or is it more like uncontrollable written vomit? LOL I think its uncontrollable vomit in this case.
Author yoyoyiggityyo Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 Uh oh. You told him you liked him right after? Well, I think you can still recover, if you don't do this: wow...did I come off this way...I'm really out of practice LOL...hey but didn't they end up getting married
Jannah Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 wow...did I come off this way...I'm really out of practice LOL...hey but didn't they end up getting married Oh I don't know that you did. Maybe the "I like you" text following right after sex, made him a little gun shy. But what you wrote doesn't sound all that bad. I've done the uncontrollable vomit thing . It happens.
OnlyJake Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I don't think there is such a thing as sleeping together too soon, when there is a high level of interest.
LondonS Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Its a common theme with guys from online dating sites, strong dates and then dissapear- a Guy pursued me a month before meeting, we had 4 great dates ( no sex but lot of kissing) some small problems happened ( I was low on trusting him due to few things he told me about himself) and we stopped talking- aint heard from him for over 3 weeks... I guess its all about keep moving and meeting more people. I am very new to online dating too....
fishtaco Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Its a common theme with guys from online dating sites, strong dates and then dissapear- a Guy pursued me a month before meeting, we had 4 great dates ( no sex but lot of kissing) some small problems happened ( I was low on trusting him due to few things he told me about himself) and we stopped talking- aint heard from him for over 3 weeks... I guess its all about keep moving and meeting more people. I am very new to online dating too.... LOL, it's a common theme for women I meet in real life (not online dating, I don't do that) to date strong then disappear. My point is... that's dating. That's just how it is. Men, women, online or not. Smoke and mirrors. Everyone is playing games. And to the people that have a supposed aversion to games, or don't want to admit it, they can just say they "changed their minds". Bam! Done in one sentence - 100% legit and unprovable excuse. Judge by action, not words, and not even intention. To the OP, you didn't do anything wrong. The guy probably wasn't all that interested in the first place. Here's the rule. It's all fun and games until the exclusivity talk. So what can you do before that? Have fun. So if it was a nice and fun roller coaster ride, pat yourself on the back and move on to the next guy. I took myself out of the dating scene for a year and a half. I had a hard time getting over my ex. I recently jumped back in to the fray a few months ago. The first batch of women I dated/am dating, are dropping like dead flies. I'm not surprised. What sort of blind luck will it take that I'll suddenly find the right one immediately? Very low possibility. I'm going to have to keep going through women, for a long time, before I can find one that is compatible for an LTR. You said it you haven't done this for a long time. You can't expect it to happen right away. If it did, then you were just plain old lucky. So keep at it. Try to have fun while you're doing it. And be smart about it, which you are already -- you noticed he's dropping off, so move on. If you don't waste time & effort with a dead-ends, then you're being smart. The sex and all that, who cares, I'm sure you had fun too. The interaction and talking and all that date stuff, you're practicing for the next guy. You want to make sure you have what it takes to grab the opportunity when it appears. So think of it this way - he was a practice guy. People think dating is somehow magical. It's not. It's an activity like anything else. The more you do it, the better you'll get at it.
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