Ellin Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Back off Ellin. You don't know the relationship her and I have. As you can clearly read from her own posts, she is good with what I wrote. I didn't write it for you to criticize, I wrote it for HER, NOT YOU. So back off. Anyone can comment on anyone else's post, just like you do continuously. So please refrain from speaking to me impolitely, thank you.
desertIslandCactus Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Back off Ellin. You don't know the relationship her and I have. As you can clearly read from her own posts, she is good with what I wrote. I didn't write it for you to criticize, I wrote it for HER, NOT YOU. So back off. )) And yet others do read your tough so-called 'love' material. Those others could be hurting and have a lot on their plate, as well. Your little touch of "hugs" at the bottom is the only laugh. OP didn't deserve it - and Ellin most definitely didn't deserve your meanness. .
flowergirl77 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 The million dollar question....what would I like to change?? I just want 'me' back... xMM once said to me when I told him I felt lonely when we split up 'you don't have to be alone to feel lonely, I feel lonely too'. I never really understood what he meant till now. Depression SUCKS...it sucks the life out of you and makes everything, I mean everything feel AWFUL. I feel for you, as I am going through a major depressive episode due to ending my EA. It has only been a month of NC for me, I hope the feelings go away very soon. A's are very destructive to all involved. At the time we are in it though, all we can imagine is being with the OP, at whatever cost. We are delusional and would give up our families and our souls to be near the OP. The OP begins to fill the empty spot in our souls, something we have been in denial about-unfinished business, childhood stuff perhaps, and someone comes along to fill that void, or numb that pain and we are goners. We are living in this other world, torn between feeling really, really good (when with OP)and really, really bad (when away from OP). It is an emotional roller-coaster. Now that OP has been removed from your life, you have not found something to fill YOU up to fill the void of the OM. I am right there with you,and I understand the depth of depression. I have committed to my own personal growth. I am doing lots of reading and write everyday in my journal. I see friends, exercise and eat healthfully. Take vitamins, and herbs to balance stress...these are all things you must do to to help yourself get back on track. I am of the belief that antidepressant meds are only helpful for a very small group of people, and have chosen not to medicate myself. I am reading and doing IC and trying to nurture myself through this, but you have to do what is right for you. Buy "The Mindful Way Through Depression" and read it. Start doing things for yourself that fill YOU up, and remind yourself how toxic that other R was to still be dragged down a year later. I hope this helps a little.
Hazyhead Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 God bless you for doing the guy 3 nights a week - I am highly impressed. I hope you are rewarding yourself with some nice new clothes for that great bod you are building!! This made me giggle; I thought I must have missed something, 'You mean she has a new guy!' But you mean the gym... hehe. FO, I'm so sorry for your family tragedy... mu thoughts are with you. Hope you guys can have a decent Christmas through it. (((((hugs)))))
Author hopeless4u Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Oh I completely understand. I used to think I was cursed that I couldn't get my XAP out of my head. I thought wow I guess I got what I deserved. It has been a slow and gradual process for me. It will happen, trust yourself and continue having a good time in your life. One day you will wake up and say MM who? Yeah LD I have those thoughts often, that this is my karma and I will spend the rest of my life 'missing him'.... I know eventually I will get past this, well I hope I will but for now I guess this is my 'punishment' for f***ing up so badly!! I'm trying to focus on the positive things in my life right now and hopefully when the holidays are done I can start fresh without the thoughts of 'how I was feeling' this time last year:o
Author hopeless4u Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Back off Ellin. You don't know the relationship her and I have. As you can clearly read from her own posts, she is good with what I wrote. I didn't write it for you to criticize, I wrote it for HER, NOT YOU. So back off. Thanks Hazy ((hugs)) You hit it right on target. I read the post the same as you. As someone who has personally watched 2 parents grieve, any my parents grieve the loss of their youngest grandchild, it is something I wouldn't wish on ANYONE, even people I despise. You are a doll Hazy and I appreciate the support. I haven't been around much lately as I have had a personal family tragedy and only came on tonight for some "entertainment" and to stop the thoughts that have been in my head for 4 days. You are doing great sweetie. I want you to stop beating yourself up for NOT being all chippy and the dating-around woman. Holidays ARE hard, I 100% agree that a lot of what you are feeling right now might be attributed to the time of year it is. But this too shall pass. I am betting once you - YOU - finally let go of the 'hope', that next year at this time, you will be in a different place. Heck, I am about to PROMISE you this Keep doing hat you are doing - but let go of the hope. Truly truly let him go. God bless you for doing the guy 3 nights a week - I am highly impressed. I hope you are rewarding yourself with some nice new clothes for that great bod you are building!! Be kind to yourself my friend. I care about you. I want you around for a long time. I have always felt a "kinship" with you as we are both moms of boys and I can tell you -- heck, I will send you a PM as I don't want to put my personal biz here. Take care of you - LOVE YOU and move forward. REALLY move forward, not just the lip service ((hugs)) The bolded....I WISH I've PM'd you FO but forgot to add the joy of me 'doing the guy' 3 nights a week!! You have made me smile yet again!! ((hugs)) x
Author hopeless4u Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Depression SUCKS...it sucks the life out of you and makes everything, I mean everything feel AWFUL. I feel for you, as I am going through a major depressive episode due to ending my EA. It has only been a month of NC for me, I hope the feelings go away very soon. A's are very destructive to all involved. At the time we are in it though, all we can imagine is being with the OP, at whatever cost. We are delusional and would give up our families and our souls to be near the OP. The OP begins to fill the empty spot in our souls, something we have been in denial about-unfinished business, childhood stuff perhaps, and someone comes along to fill that void, or numb that pain and we are goners. We are living in this other world, torn between feeling really, really good (when with OP)and really, really bad (when away from OP). It is an emotional roller-coaster. Now that OP has been removed from your life, you have not found something to fill YOU up to fill the void of the OM. I am right there with you,and I understand the depth of depression. I have committed to my own personal growth. I am doing lots of reading and write everyday in my journal. I see friends, exercise and eat healthfully. Take vitamins, and herbs to balance stress...these are all things you must do to to help yourself get back on track. I am of the belief that antidepressant meds are only helpful for a very small group of people, and have chosen not to medicate myself. I am reading and doing IC and trying to nurture myself through this, but you have to do what is right for you. Buy "The Mindful Way Through Depression" and read it. Start doing things for yourself that fill YOU up, and remind yourself how toxic that other R was to still be dragged down a year later. I hope this helps a little. All the bolded I am also doing and when I think back to this time last year I am better than I was but I'm also still 'keeping busy' to keep him out of my head and my heart still hurts daily.... I wouldn't say I'm depressed all of the time, I function, pay bills, work is better than ever and I have had a fantastic holiday to Vegas, some great weekends away with my 2 best friends and even (through LS) made a couple of great friends in the US, 1 who I have met up with in Vegas and have plans to visit in the new year, so all in all life is good but like you say, that 'empty' feeling is always there. I guess I just feel tired, this year has been so full on, emotionally I am battered and sometimes it just feels like I am 'treading water', living in some sort of loop. For every good day I have it seems to be followed by a bad one...
fooled once Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 He he..Freudian slip?? Anyway, it gave me a good chuckle. :laugh: Anyone can comment on anyone else's post, just like you do continuously. So please refrain from speaking to me impolitely, thank you. And please refrain from making accusations, thank you. OP didn't deserve it - and Ellin most definitely didn't deserve your meanness. . Not really interested DiC or whichever one of your names you are using this week in your thoughts or opinions. Thanks anyway Ellin loves to give it out, so she needs to be able to receive it back. The only person who could be offended by my original post would be Hopeless, but if you notice, she knows me well enough, and we share enough, that she is perfectly okay with what I wrote. HFU, maybe you need the 3 guys a week
jthorne Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Considering there are a couple of OW who offer nothing to this forum but to tell people who and where they can post, I think they should extend others the same courtesy. If they have nothing of value to offer the OP, perhaps they should choose another thread. I don't recall Tony or Paul making an open request for Hall Monitors. That being said, H4U, I pray that you continue moving forward in the New Year.
Ellin Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Considering there are a couple of OW who offer nothing to this forum but to tell people who and where they can post, I think they should extend others the same courtesy. If they have nothing of value to offer the OP, perhaps they should choose another thread. I don't recall Tony or Paul making an open request for Hall Monitors. That being said, H4U, I pray that you continue moving forward in the New Year. Recently a day doesn't seem to go by without you posting this exact thing over and over.
flowergirl77 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 All the bolded I am also doing and when I think back to this time last year I am better than I was but I'm also still 'keeping busy' to keep him out of my head and my heart still hurts daily.... I wouldn't say I'm depressed all of the time, I function, pay bills, work is better than ever and I have had a fantastic holiday to Vegas, some great weekends away with my 2 best friends and even (through LS) made a couple of great friends in the US, 1 who I have met up with in Vegas and have plans to visit in the new year, so all in all life is good but like you say, that 'empty' feeling is always there. I guess I just feel tired, this year has been so full on, emotionally I am battered and sometimes it just feels like I am 'treading water', living in some sort of loop. For every good day I have it seems to be followed by a bad one... I do feel for you. It is so difficult to have to stay away from something that you know can only cause more pain..but at the same time all you want to do, and all you can think about is see the OM again! My situation was a little different-my OM is divorcing his W, and was fully interested in picking up with me. I am the one who has had to remain on the right path and stay away-and this has made me hit my rock bottom let me tell you. Very, very difficult thing to do, as we had a special friendship as well that I miss deeply. Good for you for taking care of yourself, and carrying on with life, as I think that is all we can do. If only we could shut our brains off and forget HIM!!!
White Flower Posted December 25, 2010 Posted December 25, 2010 H4U (((((((hugs))))))) It is probably perfectly normal. One year out I experienced a new and sudden and scary rage that came up from my toes out of nowhere.....or a same ole'same ole' damn-this-is driving=me=crazy=So bored! It is also known as emotionally as reaching "the plain of lethal flatness" where you do not feel joy or pain. You just exist and every day seems exactly the same as the day before. Shake it up! Take a class, join the gym, start volunteering somewhere. Enrich yourself and enrich your life. Don't wait for someone to do it for you. If you need an antidepressent, go get one. Join a gym or just start walking. The mental health benefits of exercise for women are well documented. Get going, please, for your sake. You got one shot at this life. Make it count. Make it the best it can be for you.Hey girly, I'm back from a three month hiatus. I was only going to post something quick on the Happy Thread until I saw your thread. Spark gives excellent advice and it goes for anyone, not just OW or BS. It goes for everyone. I have seen you put on a happy face and know you can do that, but please take this advice to heart and really really try. I felt just as you a few months ago, and I mourned him like he was dead. Once he was 'dead' to me, I was able to move on and actually enjoy so much in my life. Ironically, he came back. But had he never done that I KNOW I'd still be in a good place. More to come, but please mourn him like he is dead. That will be the only way you'll get beyond him. That doesn't mean he won't come back but you can't count on that. Do what you need to do babe. xoxo, WF.
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