MrNate's magical solution to all the anger on here!

[Els]

Awesome thread, OP. Sadly, I don't think it's going to work...

[Pyro]

LOVESHACK needs a "like" button.

 

threads can be rated. Look just above the top post on this page in the bar. I will give this thread 5 stars.

[ascendotum]

I tend to agree with SC80. I think these guys are trying, but not where near to the extent of Green's 'ask a girl out a day' protocol. They do post about incidents, they did/do appreciate women. They might only come across a likely candidate once a month or 2, but still their failure to get even get a date let alone a shag or a relationship, just cements all their past lack of success into low self esteem, which just compounds their lower appeal.

 

When I was skinny I admit I didn’t ask out that many girls, but I did strike up conversations with them. I am not going to ask a girl out unless I get some positive vibes from her that she is interested in me. When I was skinny it was really hard to find a friendly/flirty single girl. So many conversations were 80% me 20% them. So many didn't have a sense of humor, so many would get creeped out when I ramped up flirting. I hit the gym and the supplements, but did I think it was my fault for the attitude from the single girls that I approached (in my league), No.F****.Way. Blaming women wasn’t going to get me anywhere though, but these days I don’t have qualms about not cutting slack over things I would not have cared about in the past.

 

As SC80 said some people are just not good looking, and wearing a $300 shirt or using a horoscope chat up routine is not going to turn his love life around. You ugly you gotta go for your league, though if you don't feel passion for the other girl/guy, well then IMO you keep searching, but focus on other things in your life that will help make you happy in the meantime, though its a shame to be single during the prime of your life for anyone.

 

"YOU HAVE TO BE OK WITH YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN BE OK WITH SOMEONE ELSE"

Absolutely. That’s why some people need to maybe drop out of dating scene for a bit.

 

tons of women who just want a boyfriend, to be wanted.

Its just not as simple as that. People want to feel passion for their partner. Also many of those girls are off the market in their early 20s.

 

For shy guys it is not so straight forward as to say you are to blame. You know many many girls date up when it comes to confidence, popularity, dominance, social proof traits. If shy guys desire an outgoing exuberant girl and get no where, then yes it is their fault. If all they are perfectly happy with is shy, introverted, submissive girlfriend and these are the girls they tentatively approach, and they get zero positive feedback from the girls, well, I am not saying these girls are to blame, but neither is the guy. Unfortunately he has to adapt. Someone here said ‘work harder’. I am sure that’s what bugs some guys, women here don’t get told to work harder to find a guy (except for maybe when it comes to unhappy overweight women)

 

 

Cracker Jack – RE social anxiety, no meds or herbs or hypnosis CDs have helped?

[Surrealist]

Pretty good post ^ with the exception of the following.....

 

though its a shame to be single during the prime of your life for anyone.

 

 

There is no shame with being single at any time of life. If anyone feels shame for being single, then it is totally in their own minds.

[Yer_Blues]

There is no shame with being single at any time of life. If anyone feels shame for being single, then it is totally in their own minds.

Why not? I'm horribly ashamed by it. Other people are growing and developing together while I am tragically unable to make the jump for various reasons. To classify it as anything other than a painful waste of time doesn't make sense to me at this point in my life. I feel a huge sense of urgency...

[Surrealist]

First let's look at the definition of shame:

 

 

1. a. A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.

b. Capacity for such a feeling: Have you no shame?

 

2. One that brings dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation.

3. A condition of disgrace or dishonor; ignominy.

4. A great disappointment.

 

There is really no shame in being single in and of itself. However if you feel ashamed to be single, then it is in your own mind. You can't expect others who are single to feel ashamed of themselves because they are single. The judgment is absurd.

[Taramere]

There have been a ton of quite scary threads on here lashing out at women. Some of them were downright scary. But after close observation, I find there is a simple solution to this.

 

Guys, at some point, you're going to have to get over the fear of rejection.

 

Some people spend a lot of time being angry because they enjoy the feeling it gives them. They get a rush from being angry, that is like a drug....and on that basis, anger is their addiction. Like any addiction, it makes them selfish. The impact it has on others around them might trouble them at times, but it's unlikely they're going to sacrifice the rush of adrenalin that anger gives them for the sake of other people. Particularly anonymous strangers on a message board.

 

I think if somebody is filled with anger to the point where they contribute nothing other than vitriol and abuse, that's just anger-spam. Best just deleted and banned along with commercial spam.

[Yer_Blues]

First let's look at the definition of shame:

 

 

1. a. A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.

b. Capacity for such a feeling: Have you no shame?

 

2. One that brings dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation.

3. A condition of disgrace or dishonor; ignominy.

4. A great disappointment.

 

There is really no shame in being single in and of itself. However if you feel ashamed to be single, then it is in your own mind. You can't expect others who are single to feel ashamed of themselves because they are single. The judgment is absurd.

Well yeah, there are no universal emotions. In and of itself, nothing is shameful or wrong. You need that thing between the ears to make such a judgement.

 

Disappointing, with a bit of embarrassment and unworthiness mixed in? Sounds like exactly what it feels like to be perpetually single... I'm just one person, but I didn't really decide to feel this way. There is a lot of societal pressure, evolutionary urges etc. It wouldn't surprise me if these thought patterns were common given the common circumstances in society that would lead to them. Obviously, not in everyone, as individual differences and differences in circumstances changes things. But still, the idea makes complete sense.

Edited December 19, 2010 by Yer_Blues

[ascendotum]

Pretty good post ^ with the exception of the following.....

There is no shame with being single at any time of life. If anyone feels shame for being single, then it is totally in their own minds.

 

I mostly agree with you on that, though some long-term single people do get judged harshly by some (ie: loser for guy anyway) though generally not to their face. Sometimes I felt shame in this respect but mostly not. I didn't mean shame as in feeling bad or disgrace about how you are perceived by other people. I used shame as in, personal disappointment.

 

ie: Having lots of post menopausal women flirt with you when you are over 50 does not offset not having girls reciprocate your flirting when you are in your 20s, not by a loooong shot.

[ascendotum]

Some people spend a lot of time being angry because they enjoy the feeling it gives them. They get a rush from being angry,

Anger is a passionate emotion. Its a substitute emotion for the lack of sexual passion in their life for sure.

[zengirl]

Some people spend a lot of time being angry because they enjoy the feeling it gives them. They get a rush from being angry, that is like a drug....and on that basis, anger is their addiction. Like any addiction, it makes them selfish. The impact it has on others around them might trouble them at times, but it's unlikely they're going to sacrifice the rush of adrenalin that anger gives them for the sake of other people. Particularly anonymous strangers on a message board.

 

I think if somebody is filled with anger to the point where they contribute nothing other than vitriol and abuse, that's just anger-spam. Best just deleted and banned along with commercial spam.

 

Anger is absolutely addictive. Neurological research shows that the brain patterns activated and repeated with anger are powerful and follow similar trends as do brain patterns with some highly addictive drugs.

 

Other, good feelings are absolutely addictive as well, such as gratitude, for instance. However, once you're entrenched in an anger pattern, getting out of it takes similar work as getting off drugs.

[Yer_Blues]

Anger is absolutely addictive. Neurological research shows that the brain patterns activated and repeated with anger are powerful and follow similar trends as do brain patterns with some highly addictive drugs.

 

Other, good feelings are absolutely addictive as well, such as gratitude, for instance. However, once you're entrenched in an anger pattern, getting out of it takes similar work as getting off drugs.

Drugs and anger probably interact as well. When one is off drugs or something addicting, anger is a typical replacement.

[Seamless74]

Why not? I'm horribly ashamed by it. Other people are growing and developing together while I am tragically unable to make the jump for various reasons. To classify it as anything other than a painful waste of time doesn't make sense to me at this point in my life. I feel a huge sense of urgency...

Sorry Surrealist I gotta agree with Yer Blues (great song by the way lol... I think its what alot of us perpetually single people feel like on a daily basis)..

 

 

Shame yeah i think thats appropriate I mean what else do you call it maybe its just social shame. U know what they say a life without love well........

 

Put it to you like this say you get invited to go to a wedding or dinner party or something societal like that and yup thats right you show up SINGLE I know for alot of us the first thing we feel is like shame or embarassment for having to go by ourself or we just flat out try to ditch the engagement all together..

 

Hey single has some pluses and relationships have pluses but overall being single can be a HUGE detriment to ones social and mental development. Its like a negative feedback loop you get caught up in and it becomes increasingly difficult to escape..

 

More to the point of this thread...Those of us who feel this only have ourselves to blame for the predicament, the choices we've made the positions weve put ourselves in... it is what it is. And we only have ourselves to dig us out.

Edited December 19, 2010 by Seamless74

[Yer_Blues]

Sorry Surrealist I gotta agree with Yer Blues (great song by the way lol... I think its what alot of us perpetually single people feel like on a daily basis)..

 

 

Shame yeah i think thats appropriate I mean what else do you call it maybe its just social shame. U know what they say a life without love well........

 

Put it to you like this say you get invited to go to a wedding or dinner party or something societal like that and yup thats right you show up SINGLE I know for alot of us the first thing we feel is like shame or embarassment for having to go by ourself or we just flat out try to ditch the engagement all together..

 

Hey single has some pluses and relationships have pluses but overall being single can be a HUGE detriment to ones social and mental development. Its like a negative feedback loop you get caught up in and it becomes increasingly difficult to escape..

 

More to the point of this thread...Those of us who feel this only have ourselves to blame for the predicament, the choices we've made the positions weve put ourselves in... it is what it is. And we only have ourselves to dig us out.

Great post. I feel the same way about everything you mentioned. This negative feedback loop is the common problem I see in a lot of people like me, so it's where I am focusing my attention. Trying to break the cycle and what causes it.

 

"If I ain't dead already, girl you know the reason why"...

[MrNate]

Sorry Surrealist I gotta agree with Yer Blues (great song by the way lol... I think its what alot of us perpetually single people feel like on a daily basis)..

 

 

Shame yeah i think thats appropriate I mean what else do you call it maybe its just social shame. U know what they say a life without love well........

 

Put it to you like this say you get invited to go to a wedding or dinner party or something societal like that and yup thats right you show up SINGLE I know for alot of us the first thing we feel is like shame or embarassment for having to go by ourself or we just flat out try to ditch the engagement all together..

 

Hey single has some pluses and relationships have pluses but overall being single can be a HUGE detriment to ones social and mental development. Its like a negative feedback loop you get caught up in and it becomes increasingly difficult to escape..

 

More to the point of this thread...Those of us who feel this only have ourselves to blame for the predicament, the choices we've made the positions weve put ourselves in... it is what it is. And we only have ourselves to dig us out.

 

Yes. I agree with some of your post. But in the end, regardless of what hands we've been dealt, it's up to us to dig ourselves out.

 

I agree that yes, women have it easier in some areas we would like it easier in, but to get worked up over that (as some men in here do) is a waste of time. I feel that energy is better spent as an inspiration to better yourself, instead of going on about how horrible women are.

[somedude81]

If you're having trouble attracting women, it's your fault.

Oh it is?

 

Is it my fault that I'm the shortest out of all the men in my family? I'm 5'6, the next shortest man, my father is 5'10

Is it my fault that I'm merely average in looks?

Is it my fault that I developed low self esteem and poor confidence even as a child.

Is it my fault that I often have trouble speaking clearly in "difficult" situations?

Is it my fault that every girl I have ever been attracted to since I was 13 has rejected me?

Is it my fault that I quickly fall for girls even though I DON'T want to?

 

If anybody is to blame it's a combination of God/fate, my genetics and my parents.

 

Because of the cards I've been dealt, I need to work extremely hard just to catch up to a normal person.

 

So no I don't blame women. The problem is that it is hard not to be resentful after repeated rejection. The blame needs to go somewhere and what usually happens is that I turn it inward and start hating myself.

 

Guys, at some point, you're going to have to get over the fear of rejection. The only reason why I say this is because, if this wasn't a problem, then there wouldn't be such anger directed to women, and most would probably be with a nice partner by now.

I actually don't have a fear of rejection. That doesn't mean I'm going to go up to some random girl and ask her out. I need to feel something for somebody before I'd ask them out. That doesn't happen at the first meeting.

 

I also disagree that you have to be a certain height to attract women.

How tall are you?

 

If you are 5'8+ you have no experience.

The world is filled with desperate women who just. want. a. boyfriend and a long term relationship.

 

If you are a desperate man looking for a woman, consider desperate women.

Considering that most woman can get sex and or have a relationship with whomever they want, whenever they want (excluding taken men and celebs) a woman who is desperate needs to be far below average to have trouble getting men.

 

I have been constantly lowering my standards. If they go any lower it's going to reach the point where I'm going to have to pursue women who actually turn me off.

 

Would any women be happy with a man who is disappointed whenever he looks at her?

Edited December 19, 2010 by somedude81

[MrNate]

Oh it is?

 

Is it my fault that I'm the shortest out of all the men in my family? I'm 5'6, the next shortest man, my father is 5'10

Is it my fault that I'm merely average in looks?

Is it my fault that I developed low self esteem and poor confidence even as a child.

Is it my fault that I often have trouble speaking clearly in "difficult" situations?

Is it my fault that every girl I have ever been attracted to since I was 13 has rejected me?

Is it my fault that I quickly fall for girls even though I DON'T want to?

 

If anybody is to blame it's a combination of God/fate, my genetics and my parents.

 

Because of the cards I've been dealt, I need to work extremely hard just to catch up to a normal person.

 

So no I don't blame women. The problem is that it is hard not to be resentful after repeated rejection. The blame needs to go somewhere and what usually happens is that I turn it inward and start hating myself.

 

I actually don't have a fear of rejection. That doesn't mean I'm going to go up to some random girl and ask her out. I need to feel something for somebody before I'd ask them out. That doesn't happen at the first meeting.

 

How tall are you?

 

If you are 5'8+ you have no experience.

 

Considering that most woman can get sex and or have a relationship with whomever they want, whenever they want (excluding taken men and celebs) a woman who is desperate needs to be far below average to have trouble getting men.

 

I have been constantly lowering my standards. If they go any lower it's going to reach the point where I'm going to have to pursue women who actually turn me off.

 

Would any women be happy with a man who is disappointed whenever he looks at her?

 

Why worry about those things man? You are who you are. And you can definitely become whatever kind of person you want to be, and I think it starts first by accepting what you can't change. I've also red some of your prior posts and it looks like you're really trying to accomplish that man. I believe women will find you attractive if you just keep working at it.

 

Just keep your head up bud. Sure women have a ton of advantages, I'll admit. But I feel like despite those, you can achieve everything you want bud, and NOT have to lower your standards in the process.

 

I am by no means perfect in anyway lol. I guess, just when it comes to me, when I have trouble with something, it motivates me to work harder. I think everything is going to work out for the best man, if you just keep making yourself more awesome.

[somedude81]

Why worry about those things man? You are who you are.

I worry about those things, because those combined are the reason why women aren't attracted to me and make me who I am.

 

I look at what I have and see that I don't have a chance at happiness, and never did. Of course I'm being excessively negative, that's who I am....

 

And you can definitely become whatever kind of person you want to be, and I think it starts first by accepting what you can't change.

Whether I accept who I am or not, is irrelevant. It doesn't matter that I'm OK with being 5'6, if women are not OK with my height.

 

Only a fool can accept who he is when nobody else does.

 

I've also red some of your prior posts and it looks like you're really trying to accomplish that man. I believe women will find you attractive if you just keep working at it.

 

Just keep your head up bud. Sure women have a ton of advantages, I'll admit. But I feel like despite those, you can achieve everything you want bud, and NOT have to lower your standards in the process.

 

I am by no means perfect in anyway lol. I guess, just when it comes to me, when I have trouble with something, it motivates me to work harder. I think everything is going to work out for the best man, if you just keep making yourself more awesome.

Thank you for the encouraging words.

[Jynxx]

This thread is wrong on so many levels.

 

Guys, at some point, you're going to have to get over the fear of rejection. The only reason why I say this is because, if this wasn't a problem, then there wouldn't be such anger directed to women, and most would probably be with a nice partner by now.

No. Getting over fear of rejection is a first step, but not even close to a way to get a great girlfriend. While every guy should try to get over his fear of rejection (or any person should try to get over any fear he or she has) saying getting over it will make you live happily ever after is wrong.

 

I also disagree that you have to be a certain height to attract women. Nor are they only attracted to bad boys. In many cases in these threads the few bad women are enough to speak for all women. Why apply these labels to the MANY good women when it's clearly NOT true?

Women are attracted to some characteristics. Period. If one guy is tall and the other one short, the shorter one will have to "score" better in other characteristics to be found more attractive. I do agree that there are no or extremely little unovercomeable handicaps. If you're overweight, 5 ft and have a bad skin disease you still have a shot.

If you're having trouble attracting women, it's your fault.

Then by the same logic, if you can get a woman attracted to you it's your accomplishment. Attraction becomes a game, with skills and tricks to learn. Did anyone say PUA?

 

To put the blame on women, is a pure waste of time.

The one thing I completely agree with. Trying to judge people and putting blame on someone are things you should try to avoid, as I believe that makes you a better person.

We're all capable of attracting women, it's a matter of you doing the work to improve yourself, and everything else will follow.

The problem is that in order to have a better chance to attract woman you need to change yourself in a way that could be different than what you would think would be best.

[MrNate]

Anger is absolutely addictive. Neurological research shows that the brain patterns activated and repeated with anger are powerful and follow similar trends as do brain patterns with some highly addictive drugs.

 

Other, good feelings are absolutely addictive as well, such as gratitude, for instance. However, once you're entrenched in an anger pattern, getting out of it takes similar work as getting off drugs.

 

Indeed. Emotions are highly addictive chemicals.