Always trust your instincts

[mo mo]

I came to this forum for advice for a weird situation. My instincts had been telling me all along that I should just put my foot down and not deal with the nonsense that was coming my way. Some folks here and some friends of mine kept telling me to be patient, to be there for her, to not pressure her.

 

I'm glad I put my foot down. She showed her true colors and she is someone I don't want any part of.

 

Always trust your instincts.

[Anxiety]

I didn't trust my instincts. After my first date with my ex, while I was driving home I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her again. All she did was complain about her ex-husband the entire date. At the time I thought she was to negative and I wasn't sure I wanted to be with someone like that. But then when I got home she had already sent me an email saying how much she enjoyed our date. Since she seemed to like me, I thought I would give her another chance. Everything was wonderful for awhile, and now a year later has ended badly. It was the best time of my life though. Even though I'm miserable now, I'm glad I went out with her again.

[loverofloveandstuff]

Sometimes I find it hard to distinguish instincts from my heart and my head...

[sally4sara]

That sucks that that you didn't find what you'd hoped with that girl. Awesome you caught it before it got messy.

 

The qualities you found that have you no longer interested were not due to her being a single mom so much as it was due to her poor character. But you'll find that to be true of anyone sometimes.

[mo mo]

That sucks that that you didn't find what you'd hoped with that girl. Awesome you caught it before it got messy.

 

The qualities you found that have you no longer interested were not due to her being a single mom so much as it was due to her poor character. But you'll find that to be true of anyone sometimes.

 

Right.

 

Well since you've been following, this is essentially what happened.

 

When I saw her at work on Thursday she gave me a friendly hello. I gave her a quick hi and I told her I needed something she was using. I came back around a few minutes later and she asked if I was mad.. I asked if I looked mad? She didn't say anything.

 

A while later she ran into me again and I told her I was just having a bad day, which was true. Someone didn't show up and I had double the work to do. On top of that I was nursing a bad back. I explained that to her. A little later on she ran into me again and gave me a REALLY weird smile. It seemed forced.

 

At this point I knew she had a guilty conscience. So when I had a chance later in the day, I went to talk to her for a bit about what was going on that day. We made casual convo about the holidays, etc. So in the middle of that convo I asked if she had seen my texts. She said "no, I didn't get anything" I said "that's weird" she said "you know I'd reply even if I was busy" I said "I know, that's why this is so weird" Then she mumbled something about being busy for the past few days.

 

Now let's keep in mind there was a new, relatively handsome guy working with her in that room.

 

I sent her a quick text saying "can you see this?". Then I came back to her and she was red and nearly shivering. I just told her I sent something so to check her phone when she had the chance.

 

She acted kinda weird for the rest of the day. She came back to work near me and the rest of the general populace for a bit. I didn't give her any crap, but she still seemed very uneasy. She eventually left to go back to work with that dude without saying goodbye or anything. She made up some excuse and told the supervisor she was going to help him.

 

Soooo I knew she was lying. How does her phone pick and choose what texts to receive? How do they get lost? The fact that she looked so uneasy all day long was the real giveaway though.

 

On my way out, I noticed they were in a small room working together, with one other girl.

 

So the gears in my head started working. Instead of waiting for her to explain to me what was going on, I trusted my instinct. I called her about an hour after she was supposed to leave work (her facebook status said she left work, so I knew it was safe). No response. I texted her saying "I don't know if you think I am a sucker, but you really need to stop treating me like one"

 

I then sent a message to her on her facebook, continuing the convo, because I know she is always on her fb, and I knew she couldn't make any excuses about "not getting messages".

 

I basically said "in case you're confused, let me summarize the day for you: You expected me to believe your phone magically cannot receive texts from me. Then when you see I was confused about the situation, instead of addressing the issue you chose to go work with some dude that I don't even know in a small room with the door closed".

 

"Now, if you think that I'm not going to question something about that, then you must think I'm a sucker. I'm not. You tell me how you would have reacted if you saw someone you liked doing that. If the guy you want won't question those actions, then you're looking for a sucker, and I'm not that guy. This isn't like you. Stop playing games and come talk to me when you are yourself again. Otherwise, I have nothing to say to you"

 

A little on the harsh side... but like I said, my gut told me something and I listened. Today I said hi to her, she said hi, but wouldn't look at me. She told my co worker that I was coming after her strongly and she was going to report me. He then told me what she had said, and that a bunch of other guys have been in the same situation. I thanked him for the information, and I reassured him that I have nothing to hide. I still have all the text messages and e-mails we exchanged, so if she decides to report me, she will only make herself look bad.

 

Conclusion: the BF she dumped was her sugar daddy. She had been messing around behind his back for quite some time. Once the sugar daddy dried up she thought of me.

 

There were only 2 problems: 1) I was taking things really slow with her and I was not going to dive headfirst into a relationship. Since we had been talking for so long, there is a good chance she actually developed some real feelings for me, which is probably what she had not intended. 2) She severely underestimated my intelligence.

 

Even though I did not have any evidence of her terrible behavior up until recently, I was smart the entire time we were talking to each other and remembered important details she had told me. Once I started putting everything together, I took a calculated risk and called her on her BS. Now that she knows I have her back up against a wall, she wants to try to get back at me by throwing out threats. She could be serious about them and try to report me, but she could also be trying to protect her new investment, so she made the threats so I'd shut up.

 

Either way I am staying the hell away from her. If she ever comes to me apologizing for her behavior or asking for some kind of help, I'm just going to recommend she see a psychotherapist.

Edited December 19, 2010 by mo mo

[DuskCrush]

Have you actually been on a date with this girl?

You're coming across as a bit nutty and stalker-ish right now.

Unless you two are actually in a relationship, she doesn't owe you anything...not any explanations, not her time etc.

 

You don't even have the right to be angry.

What you should have done was simply accepted her polite rejections,cut your losses and find someone that is interested in you.

[restart]

Agree on the advice above per Duskcrush. If she's at work with you pal, lay low, you've done all you can, and stop any interaction ie texting etc, you don't want to lose your job do you? You can't assume things (like she went into a room with someone else) and you can't question that, you're at work and get it out of your head now.

[DuskCrush]

Agree on the advice above per Duskcrush. If she's at work with you pal, lay low, you've done all you can, and stop any interaction ie texting etc, you don't want to lose your job do you? You can't assume things (like she went into a room with someone else) and you can't question that, you're at work and get it out of your head now.

 

Hey restart,

 

How have you been? Did you resolve the issue?

Just curious.

[catgotyourtongue]

Hi

 

I generally think it is good to trust your instincts if they are speaking to you loudly and talking to you, telling you "hey wake up, you know this isn't right".

 

 

I do think instincts and fears can be complex, and not quite clear, but generally we all have a good idea when something feels fishy or wrong and is screaming at us. Sometimes though, we may just be paranoid, fatalistic, or have our own issues clouding the path; so I don't think we can exclusively trust them without question, but when the red light goes off, look at it, and see what it is telling you. If it keeps beaming in your face, pay attention to....usually we get a clear sign at some point..not always easy though.

 

good luck

 

 

I came to this forum for advice for a weird situation. My instincts had been telling me all along that I should just put my foot down and not deal with the nonsense that was coming my way. Some folks here and some friends of mine kept telling me to be patient, to be there for her, to not pressure her.

 

I'm glad I put my foot down. She showed her true colors and she is someone I don't want any part of.

 

Always trust your instincts.

[Seamless74]

"LEAVE THE GIRLS AT WORK ALONE FELLAS LET THEM EARN THEIR MONEY IN PEACE"

 

jesus something like this just happened at my work with a girl who was leading a "sucker" on hardcore, of course she didnt think so but he sure as hell did. And when she tried to end their platonic relationship he didnt take it very well and started to "scare" her and she did report him...

 

 

Stop the hitting on the girls at work thing please.

[mo mo]

Right.

 

Well since you've been following, this is essentially what happened.

 

When I saw her at work on Thursday she gave me a friendly hello. I gave her a quick hi and I told her I needed something she was using. I came back around a few minutes later and she asked if I was mad.. I asked if I looked mad? She didn't say anything.

 

A while later she ran into me again and I told her I was just having a bad day, which was true. Someone didn't show up and I had double the work to do. On top of that I was nursing a bad back. I explained that to her. A little later on she ran into me again and gave me a REALLY weird smile. It seemed forced.

 

At this point I knew she had a guilty conscience. So when I had a chance later in the day, I went to talk to her for a bit about what was going on that day. We made casual convo about the holidays, etc. So in the middle of that convo I asked if she had seen my texts. She said "no, I didn't get anything" I said "that's weird" she said "you know I'd reply even if I was busy" I said "I know, that's why this is so weird" Then she mumbled something about being busy for the past few days.

 

Now let's keep in mind there was a new, relatively handsome guy working with her in that room.

 

I sent her a quick text saying "can you see this?". Then I came back to her and she was red and nearly shivering. I just told her I sent something so to check her phone when she had the chance.

 

She acted kinda weird for the rest of the day. She came back to work near me and the rest of the general populace for a bit. I didn't give her any crap, but she still seemed very uneasy. She eventually left to go back to work with that dude without saying goodbye or anything. She made up some excuse and told the supervisor she was going to help him.

 

Soooo I knew she was lying. How does her phone pick and choose what texts to receive? How do they get lost? The fact that she looked so uneasy all day long was the real giveaway though.

 

On my way out, I noticed they were in a small room working together, with one other girl.

 

So the gears in my head started working. Instead of waiting for her to explain to me what was going on, I trusted my instinct. I called her about an hour after she was supposed to leave work (her facebook status said she left work, so I knew it was safe). No response. I texted her saying "I don't know if you think I am a sucker, but you really need to stop treating me like one"

 

I then sent a message to her on her facebook, continuing the convo, because I know she is always on her fb, and I knew she couldn't make any excuses about "not getting messages".

 

I basically said "in case you're confused, let me summarize the day for you: You expected me to believe your phone magically cannot receive texts from me. Then when you see I was confused about the situation, instead of addressing the issue you chose to go work with some dude that I don't even know in a small room with the door closed".

 

"Now, if you think that I'm not going to question something about that, then you must think I'm a sucker. I'm not. You tell me how you would have reacted if you saw someone you liked doing that. If the guy you want won't question those actions, then you're looking for a sucker, and I'm not that guy. This isn't like you. Stop playing games and come talk to me when you are yourself again. Otherwise, I have nothing to say to you"

 

A little on the harsh side... but like I said, my gut told me something and I listened. Today I said hi to her, she said hi, but wouldn't look at me. She told my co worker that I was coming after her strongly and she was going to report me. He then told me what she had said, and that a bunch of other guys have been in the same situation. I thanked him for the information, and I reassured him that I have nothing to hide. I still have all the text messages and e-mails we exchanged, so if she decides to report me, she will only make herself look bad.

 

Conclusion: the BF she dumped was her sugar daddy. She had been messing around behind his back for quite some time. Once the sugar daddy dried up she thought of me.

 

There were only 2 problems: 1) I was taking things really slow with her and I was not going to dive headfirst into a relationship. Since we had been talking for so long, there is a good chance she actually developed some real feelings for me, which is probably what she had not intended. 2) She severely underestimated my intelligence.

 

Even though I did not have any evidence of her terrible behavior up until recently, I was smart the entire time we were talking to each other and remembered important details she had told me. Once I started putting everything together, I took a calculated risk and called her on her BS. Now that she knows I have her back up against a wall, she wants to try to get back at me by throwing out threats. She could be serious about them and try to report me, but she could also be trying to protect her new investment, so she made the threats so I'd shut up.

 

Either way I am staying the hell away from her. If she ever comes to me apologizing for her behavior or asking for some kind of help, I'm just going to recommend she see a psychotherapist.

 

Have you actually been on a date with this girl?

You're coming across as a bit nutty and stalker-ish right now.

Unless you two are actually in a relationship, she doesn't owe you anything...not any explanations, not her time etc.

 

You don't even have the right to be angry.

What you should have done was simply accepted her polite rejections,cut your losses and find someone that is interested in you.

 

You don't know the whole story. I was NOT stalking this girl. At all.

 

We had become really good friends since she started working there back in September. It was obvious from the beginning there was an attraction. I brought it up to her a while back, she said she did really like me and thought I was a fantastic guy, but she was in a relationship at the time.

 

A month later she came to me telling me she was considering dumping the guy. There was a day where she didn't have anything to do for about 2 hours so she came to me and talked my ear off.. asking questions like where do i live, what do I do for fun? What car do I drive? Am I seeing anyone? She implied that we should go out. I didn't take the bait, knowing she was still in that relationship, rocky as it was. For about 2 weeks after that incident we were inseperable at work. We literally did everything together. The day she told me she was going to officially dump her man was the day I finally asked her for her number. I told her there were some things I wanted to talk about, and that work wasn't really the place.

 

She responded to my calls and texts.... for about a week and a half. She was always really busy (apparently), so we never had the chance to have our convo. I basically wanted to tell her that even though I had said some stuff in the past that I wasn't going to swoop in and take her away like that. I also wanted to get a feel of what she wanted for her future, and a bunch of other things before I took that plunge.

 

When she started going cold on me is when I started looking for some advice here. At no point did I become her stalker. It was weird because even during the cold period, she would act like nothing was going on and she'd still act like she was super-interested in me. She even dropped some heavy hints about us being together. Like one time a guy was checking her out, I jokingly pointed it out to her and she said "oh.. you don't need to worry about that guy, I don't really talk to/flirt with just anyone.. etc." I simply responded with : "I'm pretty sure you don't even know his name, why should I worry?"

 

Sooo yea. I know I gave a very detailed explanation of her actions and my reactions to them, but that's because I have a really good memory. That's why she wasn't going to get away with her shenanigans.

 

I wasn't stalking her, I was just filling in the blanks from what I was noticing, and not just what she was saying.

[mo mo]

Hi

 

I generally think it is good to trust your instincts if they are speaking to you loudly and talking to you, telling you "hey wake up, you know this isn't right".

 

 

I do think instincts and fears can be complex, and not quite clear, but generally we all have a good idea when something feels fishy or wrong and is screaming at us. Sometimes though, we may just be paranoid, fatalistic, or have our own issues clouding the path; so I don't think we can exclusively trust them without question, but when the red light goes off, look at it, and see what it is telling you. If it keeps beaming in your face, pay attention to....usually we get a clear sign at some point..not always easy though.

 

good luck

 

I agree 100%. Red lights started going off the day she approached me telling me she was going to dump her bf. Now get this: the reason she was dumping him was because he didn't pay enough attention to her. He never responded to texts and he'd only pick up the phone sometimes. She felt there was a lack of communication and commitment on his part, so she let him go.

 

When she willingly gave me her number and started being kind of weird about responding to my texts or calls, that was when I started thinking, "ok, didn't you JUST break up with a dude over this?" I didn't act on the issue right away but I kept it in mind until the signs were too obvious that she was trying to play me.

[mo mo]

Have you actually been on a date with this girl?

You're coming across as a bit nutty and stalker-ish right now.

Unless you two are actually in a relationship, she doesn't owe you anything...not any explanations, not her time etc.

 

You don't even have the right to be angry.

What you should have done was simply accepted her polite rejections,cut your losses and find someone that is interested in you.

 

One last thing. I'm not even angry. It is what it is and I'm glad I saw what was going on before things went further. She wasn't politely rejecting me, there were several times where she was busy and she told me she was interested in hearing what I had to say later on, and that I shouldn't worry because she wasn't trying to avoid me. It's funny because I never said or implied that she was avoiding me.

 

I casually watched her actions for a bit, because even though she was clearly showing interest, I still knew from experience that I should never be too trusting.

[sally4sara]

I still don't understand what part of your story had you discovering she was looking for a sugar daddy. It just sounds like she sucks at communication and you got suspicious - to which she got bugged out.

 

If her ex was valued simply as a sugar daddy, why would she drop him over not enough attention?

[mo mo]

I still don't understand what part of your story had you discovering she was looking for a sugar daddy. It just sounds like she sucks at communication and you got suspicious - to which she got bugged out.

 

If her ex was valued simply as a sugar daddy, why would she drop him over not enough attention?

 

My co-worker filled me in in all the details.

 

Here's the thing, and I left this out, so that's why it may seem a little weird, but since she started working there a bunch of guys were after her. I wasn't after her right away, but I did start to notice that guys stopped trying to kick it to her after a while. One of these guys that was initially after her is the co worker she complained to about me. She was with the sugar daddy the entire time this was all happening. The sugar daddy was a cop that is much older than she is, and supposedly she didn't see him very often.

 

When my co-worker saw that we were hanging out together a lot, he had warned me to be careful with her because she isn't what she seems. He started saying all this stuff about how she basically drained guys for money, and she tries to collect as many suckers as possible, etc. etc.

 

Now, I still wasn't that involved with her at that point, and I also knew that he tried (and supposedly failed) to get with her before. While I listened to him, I still saw something else about her, so I took everything he said with a grain of salt. I basically had an "I'll have to see for myself" attitude.

 

So yea.. I had been warned. Not just by him, but there were some weird rumors floating around about her.. like that her father that works there supposedly tried to molest her. This is the guy that took her and her child into his home on short notice.

[mo mo]

I still don't understand what part of your story had you discovering she was looking for a sugar daddy. It just sounds like she sucks at communication and you got suspicious - to which she got bugged out.

 

If her ex was valued simply as a sugar daddy, why would she drop him over not enough attention?

 

She probably dropped him because he wasn't giving her much attention AND he started refusing to take her out, buy her things, etc. She told me that after a while it was all about the sex between them.

[mo mo]

I still don't understand what part of your story had you discovering she was looking for a sugar daddy. It just sounds like she sucks at communication and you got suspicious - to which she got bugged out.

 

If her ex was valued simply as a sugar daddy, why would she drop him over not enough attention?

 

Also keep in mind that I did leave the door open for her to come talk to me. I didn't call her names or anything like that, I just said that this whole thing seems suspicious and it doesn't seem like something she would do. I said she should come talk to me when she starts acting like herself again.

[DuskCrush]

Mo mo -- you have not actually dated this girl. You can talk all about the assumptions and 'hints' in conversation but you and her have zero relationship. Sounds like your just seeing what you want to and applying way to much thought to simply conversation.

You are acting jealous and bitter when you have no reason to be and you're listen to another co-worker that's bitter too. Now your trashing this girl and she has not done anything to you.

All it sounds like is that you and her have a co-worker relationship. Not even something I would call a friendship.

Leave her alone. Stop being her friend. Find something real.

[sally4sara]

She probably dropped him because he wasn't giving her much attention AND he started refusing to take her out, buy her things, etc. She told me that after a while it was all about the sex between them.

 

So you don't actually know and now, that things didn't move along at the pace you wanted and she didn't reciprocate in the manner you hoped - you prefer to assume she was looking for a sugar daddy. Unless she told you she dropped him because she wasn't getting $$$, you're running on assumptions.

 

Perhaps you don't like your own economic situation? So when a woman doesn't respond as fast or in the manner you hoped for, the first reason you jump to is your economic situation because YOU believe it to be your weakest quality out of what you believe you have to offer?

 

Pretty much all I can tell from what you've shared is she didn't know how or feel comfortable enough to respond to the texts you sent. She clammed up. You felt rejected and got in a mood, began to find any guy she interacted with to be more interesting to her than you and confronted her on it. Now she is bugged out and avoiding you. I would think if she was just looking for a sugar daddy - she'd welcome heavy attention in the hopes of getting at the money faster. Instead, she didn't warm to your attention as fast as you'd wanted.

Maybe its just down to an incompatibility in courting styles. Maybe the timing was off. I told you simply finding her appealing wouldn't guarantee compatibility between you and her. And I told you you'd need to be real patient. Being less patient and having different courting styles isn't something to be ashamed of but it can mean you're not right for her situation and she isn't right for yours.

 

What is something to be ashamed of tho is taking your disappointment and using it to justify turning her into some false anecdote about gold diggers. She is holding down a job and that is her source of gold - not your pocket; she got nothing from you to earn your scorn in this way.

[mo mo]

So you don't actually know and now, that things didn't move along at the pace you wanted and she didn't reciprocate in the manner you hoped - you prefer to assume she was looking for a sugar daddy. Unless she told you she dropped him because she wasn't getting $$$, you're running on assumptions.

 

Perhaps you don't like your own economic situation? So when a woman doesn't respond as fast or in the manner you hoped for, the first reason you jump to is your economic situation because YOU believe it to be your weakest quality out of what you believe you have to offer?

 

Pretty much all I can tell from what you've shared is she didn't know how or feel comfortable enough to respond to the texts you sent. She clammed up. You felt rejected and got in a mood, began to find any guy she interacted with to be more interesting to her than you and confronted her on it. Now she is bugged out and avoiding you. I would think if she was just looking for a sugar daddy - she'd welcome heavy attention in the hopes of getting at the money faster. Instead, she didn't warm to your attention as fast as you'd wanted.

Maybe its just down to an incompatibility in courting styles. Maybe the timing was off. I told you simply finding her appealing wouldn't guarantee compatibility between you and her. And I told you you'd need to be real patient. Being less patient and having different courting styles isn't something to be ashamed of but it can mean you're not right for her situation and she isn't right for yours.

 

What is something to be ashamed of tho is taking your disappointment and using it to justify turning her into some false anecdote about gold diggers. She is holding down a job and that is her source of gold - not your pocket; she got nothing from you to earn your scorn in this way.

 

1) I know I said probably, but she did indeed tell me she wasnt happy that he was no longer affectionate, he stopped taking her out, and it was all about the sex. There is no guesswork

 

2) I am perfectly comfortable with my economic situation

 

3) Did you not read about the rumors going around? She accused her father of molesting her. They no longer hang around each other at work. There are at least 3 other guys that stay the heck away from her because she tried to cause trouble.

 

I know since I told this huge story it sounds like I am all emotional about this but I am really not. In fact, I am starting to believe she may not have actually done all of this intentionally. In another thread someone said something about consistency of personality, and how people try to hide it or do crazy things when they feel they are about to show that other side.

 

She also told me that she really appreciates me because I made her feel really good about herself with the things I said and did for her. Perhaps this whole thing was too much for her and she got into a really weird emotional state. There really wasn't anything crazy in the texts I sent, just simple good mornings, how u doing, etc.

[mo mo]

Mo mo -- you have not actually dated this girl. You can talk all about the assumptions and 'hints' in conversation but you and her have zero relationship. Sounds like your just seeing what you want to and applying way to much thought to simply conversation.

You are acting jealous and bitter when you have no reason to be and you're listen to another co-worker that's bitter too. Now your trashing this girl and she has not done anything to you.

All it sounds like is that you and her have a co-worker relationship. Not even something I would call a friendship.

Leave her alone. Stop being her friend. Find something real.

 

Wow, I like how you're attacking me over all of this.

 

I already know I have to leave her alone.

 

For the record, there weren't just hints in conversations, she told me that I was unlike any guy I ever met and she really appreciated the things I did for her. I dunno how much more clear she could have been about something like that. When she was considering dumping the BF, she came to me and hung out with me for hours, and talked/flirted my ear off.

 

I'm not imagining anything. In fact, when things were super between us and shortly after I got her number I told her frankly that I wanted to be there for her and share the joys of life with her. She thanked me and said she would like to as well.

 

So yea, no dates, but lots of talking. It was perfectly natural of me to start wondering why she started going cold if all I was doing is sending messages that said hello, or whats going on.

[OceanGirl]

You kind of sound delusional.

 

She was never your girlfriend.

 

You never went on a single date with her.

 

You never even kissed her.

 

She doesn't owe you anything.

 

People (guys and girls) flirt all the time and say things they don't really mean for fun. It doesn't sound like she was ever interested in you beyond having someone to talk to when her R ended.

[sally4sara]

You kind of sound delusional.

 

She was never your girlfriend.

 

You never went on a single date with her.

 

You never even kissed her.

 

She doesn't owe you anything.

 

People (guys and girls) flirt all the time and say things they don't really mean for fun. It doesn't sound like she was ever interested in you beyond having someone to talk to when her R ended.

 

Ahh, mostly true, but I think he had reason to believe she had at least some romantic interest in him when she began questioning his own relationship status.

 

Now he is just running on gossip and assumption. He will calm down and may change his opinion, but I think his behavior might have screwed any chance he had.

[mo mo]

You kind of sound delusional.

 

She was never your girlfriend.

 

You never went on a single date with her.

 

You never even kissed her.

 

She doesn't owe you anything.

 

People (guys and girls) flirt all the time and say things they don't really mean for fun. It doesn't sound like she was ever interested in you beyond having someone to talk to when her R ended.

 

Wow once again, someone thinks I imagined stuff. I mean, calling me delusional? Really?

 

I had been talking to her for months. She knew I liked her for months, in fact, when I originally told her I liked her she only got closer to me. She looked me up on fb and willingly gave me her number. We talked about things we would like to do together. I didn't imagine any of this stuff.

 

All I really wanted was to tell her I wanted to keep in touch with her and get to know her better. The holidays are here and it would be a little weird for us to start dating at the moment. Plus, she had just gotten out of a relationship. That's why I never even bothered to ask her out, it's not because she wasn't showing interest.

 

I will admit that when I originally posted this yesterday, I was still processing everything. I chose to accept my co-worker's explanation and ran with it because it seemed like the most logical explanation for everything at the time. I mean, I know there were issues between her and other guys and her father, so it wasn't too too hard to believe.

 

There probably is a whole other side to the story that I am not aware of, but realistically, I have to look at all of this and say that is isn't for me. I didn't curse her out or scream at her or anything, and I'll be open to resolving any issues we have, but I'd do it only as a friend. This isn't entirely out of the question since I haven't told anyone at work about the situation, other than the co-worker who approached me after she approached him, and I didn't even tell him much of anything.

[zengirl]

Why are you still involving yourself mentally with this? You are right that the situation doesn't sound good for you. But who cares about gossip then?