What have you learned in 2010?

[Sanman]

So, as the year comes to a close, I have been looking at my relationships and seeing what I have learned over the past 12 months. Overall, the year has been pretty good for me. For the first time in my life, I managed to slow the pace of my career and make more time for having relationships. Though, I will continue to struggle to find a balance as my career picks again in the coming year, I continue to help sick/aging parents, and navigate the zoo that the NY dating life. I have graduated from dating many women for short periods in 2009 to having two 5-6 month relationships. Through those experiences, I have seen a few trends:

 

- While I am a very liberal minded, my values when it comes to a life partner/wife are more conservative the women I have been dating. I think I am going to stay away from bisexual/polyamourous women for starters as well as those women who are not commitment minded.

 

- While I love independent career women, I need to find someone who is willing to strike a balance between career and relationship and I also need someone who is willing to compromise. Having two hectic careers competing with each other leads to a lack of time and resentment from both partners. A commitment means little if both partners are not happy in the relationship.

 

- I like spending regular alone time with my partner and need to find a woman who wants the same.

 

- I tend to be a giver, a nerd/intellectual, and prefer a low drama life and need to find the same in a woman.

 

- I have more of a downtown tastes (hole in the wall thai food and corner pub are fun) and it may be difficult to date uptown women(I hate spending $200 and leaving a place hungry).

 

Well, that's a start for me and hopefully 2011 will bring more relationship success and personal growth. What all the other loveshackers? What have you learned?

 

Happy Holidays!

[musemaj11]

In 2010 I learned that men in reality r just manipulated puppets. But I also learned that ignorance is indeed a bliss.

[Anxiety]

I learned that if a woman doesn't seem to love me anymore, that telling her 'I love you' 50 times in a day isn't going to make her love me again. That giving her space, and just hope she realizes what shes missing before I drive her away is a better approach.

[loverofloveandstuff]

I learned that just like you can't make somebody love you, you can't make somebody respect you either. And if somebody doesn't respect you, they will never really love you.

[phineas]

A woman saying "I want to take it slow" Means your good enough to give me attention while I find someone I really want to be with.

[Mad Max]

If you find out a woman you're dating is sleeping with someone, RUN.

[soulm8]

I learned that actions always speak louder than words, and that giving someone the benefit of the doubt can be detrimental. If someone cares about you and claims to love you, they will not play games, deceive or test you. You have to be assertive with your feelings and never ignore your gut. If the other person dismisses your feelings, they're not "right" for you.

 

I learned that giving someone the freedom and space to miss you doesn't guarantee that they actually missed you when they return. Some people are just selfish and love the chase.

[catgotyourtongue]

Good insight, helpful words.

 

I learned that actions always speak louder than words, and that giving someone the benefit of the doubt can be detrimental. If someone cares about you and claims to love you, they will not play games, deceive or test you. You have to be assertive with your feelings and never ignore your gut. If the other person dismisses your feelings, they're not "right" for you.

 

I learned that giving someone the freedom and space to miss you doesn't guarantee that they actually missed you when they return. Some people are just selfish and love the chase.

[Titania22]

I learned that I don't have enough sex drive to satisfy any man.

[youngskywalker]

I learned texting and long talks on the phone in the very early stages of dating can ruin a potential relationship. If a girl is interested in me then she has to see me in person. Damn TEXTING!

[Hopeful30]

Relationship wise?

 

Men are stupid. Women are crazy.

[creighton0123]

I learned that I am a very beautiful person.

I learned that for me, no relationship ever ends in failure. They're just relationships that end successfully.

I learned that true love has no boundaries.

I learned that I LOVE steamed rapini

I learned the difference between being alone and being lonely.

I learned that working hard is meaningless unless you have fun in life.

 

2010 was a GREAT year. 2011 will be even better

 

EDIT:

 

I learned through others that I am extremely optimistic.

[soulm8]

I learned texting and long talks on the phone in the very early stages of dating can ruin a potential relationship. If a girl is interested in me then she has to see me in person. Damn TEXTING!

 

Yes... texting is such a double edged sword. I've cancelled many first and second dates based on texting styles. If I'm rolling my eyes and feel obligated to reply... yuck. I only go on the date if I still want to and look forward to his texts...

 

Awww great post Creighton!

[sb129]

I learned that you really do have to work at making a marriage successful, especially if you have kids.

[chloe56]

I have had to learn to let go, if you really love someone you need to respect their wishes/wants.

I have to get a social life, and most importantly have some things for me only.

Best things to have realised this year is that I am stronger than I thought, I know exactly what I want.

[Yer_Blues]

I like your sentiments here. I too found way more strength and capability than I realized I had, and I'm finding a swagger of sorts. I have not yet defined my goals, but I'm looking forward to doing it in writing soon. I feel like the hard part is realizing that with ability and time, achieving goals can be looked at as a decision, not a possibility.

 

Self-fulfilling prophecy = where it's at

[OceanGirl]

I have significantly improved my kissing style in 2010.

[loverofloveandstuff]

I have learned that most people are passive aggressive both men and women.

 

 

Agree with this. I learned that I can be passive aggressive.

[OceanGirl]

I learned that I come across as a lot more aggressive than I thought I did.

[catgotyourtongue]

I learned that:

 

-Even though I often do think I am a pretty decent communicator and open, that I have major issues in this category still-especially when dealing with people who are not great communicators

 

-I learned that I talk too much, push to much for others to express or explain themselves

 

-I learned that it's very important to hold my tongue more often than I do, way more often, and go easier on some people

 

-I learned that others see I am a very loving, but intense person

 

-I learned that people play martyr and use lots of excuses for their behavior and not growing

 

-I learned that my ex boyfriend is my biggest and strongest support, friend and cheerleader for me, he saw things in me others don't. (in a good way)

 

-I learned that what i thought I knew, I did not, and that coming to places like this and therapy, are really important, it is not helpful to keep talking to myself over and over again and try to approach things differently without the insight, help of others sometimes.

 

-I learned that inspite of myself, I still am making progress -good progress

 

-I learned that we are all so friggin f*kd up it's no wonder we are on a relationship forum

 

-I learned that I am way stronger than i think in many ways

 

- i learned that I TALK AND write to much....

 

- I am grateful for opinions of others and I sure dont know it all

[Sarah1977]

I learned that my deepest fear about divorce (That no one would want me because I'm 'damaged goods') was completely unfounded. I learned that there are plenty of men out there who think I'm beautiful and sexy and a great catch after all.

 

I learned that my initial goal of getting remarried within 5 years is not unrealistic.

 

Unfortunately, right after realizing that, I learned that I don't really want to get remarried. I learned that being single is crazy fun!

[yoyoyiggityyo]

I've learned that through it all I'm a good person...I just may not make the best choices