He left right after we were married

[vtbrokenhearted]

I'm new here and hoping it will help me out. It's long...

 

My husband and I got married this past August after being together for nine years. The previous three years were incredibly difficult on both of us but especially me. I'd left a job because of corrupt politics and immediately started having health problems which I couldn't take care of because I'd lost my health insurance with the job. I then got a job in an area we both decided we wanted to be, we bought a beautiful home and began trying to have a baby. Unfortunately, I got laid off due to budget cuts and I had a miscarriage after being pregnant for three months- four months before the wedding.

 

I tried to keep my head up and be positive despite everything. I continued to plan the wedding with my stbx, continued looking for a job, and tried to figure out why I'd had the miscarriage. It had been a huge discussion to even have a wedding; I didn't want a big thing, he did, but because he wanted it I helped in the planning too. When I asked to plan a honeymoon, he said no. Like I said, we got married in August, and immediately after he started treating me in a horrific way; ignoring me, not spending any time with me, not eating with me. And then two months after the wedding, he said to me, "I've been unhappy for a long time and I don't want you anymore. I don't want this. I haven't loved you for a long time and I don't ever want children with you." I asked him why, and he told me he didn't know. And then, he just left.

 

I spent the first week crying and completely alone. I took two weeks off from work which he called a vacation. But I picked myself back up pretty quickly. I've been going up and down and up and down. I hit an incredible down when he came home to tell me that he's been having an affair since May, a month after the miscarriage.

 

It's been about three months since he left. I told him that if he wanted a divorce, he'd have to do it because it's what he wanted. He has refused to just sit down and talk with me, so I've filed on my own. Now he's angry and beginning to give people excuses as to why he left me including discussing extremely private matters between the two of us. I'm having a difficult time understanding why he's angry and why he can't even face me to talk about finances and explain to me why he did this to me. I've been told by friends and family that I may never get an answer, but I feel like I need one in order to move on.

 

On top of that, he's left me to take care of everything. The house in mid-winter. Selling the house. Filing and talking to the attorney. Meanwhile, he's living with a co-worker. Last week I came to the great realization that he abandoned me(I know amazing), and I felt like I needed to tell him. When I did, he said we were separated and to get over myself.

 

I want to believe I'm doing the right thing, but on the other hand I feel guilty. I feel like I'm not even pushing to save my marriage, something I've wanted for so long. For the most part I've felt pretty good this week, but I still feel incredibly guilty. Is this normal? I have a difficult time imagining myself staying with him because I'd have to look back on our wedding day as a time when he was spending time with another woman. I don't understand how he could have been living a double life like that, and I can't understand why he went through with all that he did. Should I be waiting and helping him figure out the confusion in his mind?

 

Thanks for any advice-

[Anxiety]

I think its terrible what he did to you. Its so sad, I'm sorry about your baby.

 

But me personally, I could never forgive someone for cheating on me. No matter how much I loved them, that would be it for me. I think you need someone that appreciates you, and he doesn't. He doesn't even care about your feelings.

[sirweasles]

I say get the devorce over with and move on I would contact him only if you have too and ignor his attempts to contact you get as far out and away from him as you can he is a grown man not a child he made his decision and has been very blunt about it now is time for you go live your life and find happiness with another

[wicar1]

I am sorry about your situation. From what you say,

 

this guy is a real loser. get the divorce and leave him. Sooner or later karma's gonna hit him... then he will realize the pain he caused you.

 

Try to move on, spen time with family and friends... you deserve someone better.

[vtbrokenhearted]

I can't completely move on though. That's what's making it difficult. I've emotionally detached enough so that I'm finding some happiness, but he's just angry about everything and not taking care of any of his responsibilities. He's on my insurance and I've been told by my attorney that I can't take him off, but he's not paying for it, and he's misusing it. He's used his old insurance and now I get bill upon bill because he is using a terminated insurance. His medical bills are piling up and I'm just trying to put it out there to him.

 

He also just continues to lie. He's told people he's giving me money for the mortgage and the house bills, and he keeps telling me he'll send it but so far I've only gotten one check in three months.

 

I'm still having a really hard time understanding how he could just up and leave. I supported him throughout everything. Even after he left, he told me he was applying for a new job, and I told him that he was a shoe in, and he'd get it because he did a great job at everything. And I don't understand why he's so angry with me. That's what I'm having the hardest time with right now. I've begun taking care of myself again, loving myself, going places with friends, and then when I talk to him about the issues that need to be taken care of he's just angry.

 

He was never a loser. I really believe that. I don't know what's happened to him, and I've been told, don't try to stand up for him, but he really was never a loser. I guess I am still struggling. Not as much as I was, but I just need some closure. I don't know how, but I do.