round1 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Hi. New on here. I have been having an affair for 10 months. It's a situation I both love and hate. I am in love which has taken me aback, as I was not expecting that. The reason I am here is because my affair partner, has just lost a parent. I have pretty much supported him through the shock finding out about cancer, and just last week the parent died. It is heartbreaking to hear him via text how sad he is, how he is not coping, the whole devastating situation. I feel so sad, I can't share that wiv him, I am Tryin to be supportive, normal and just keeping him aware I am here for him. What I am finding tough is, I can't be involved, I can't see him, I can't hold him, I have no idea what is going on and I also respect this is not my place. I just dont know what to do. He has contacted me everyday. Aside today and I feel so so so worried about him. I am also selfish I guess, or maybe just honest, cause I want to see him, I want to hold n kiss him. I want to be the one he can turn to. I also know this is a time for him and his greif, his family. I just struggle, as I have for months been involved in the whole situation and how it was affecting him. I feel selfishly unneeded. I don't know what to do. How to be. I have taken a step back. Just await his text. Its heartbreaking to not be able to love n support someone ur in love with. Thanks for reading. I just need to share this at the moment.
saiveca Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 The issue you described is probably one of the primary reasons why single people eventually opt out of an affair. You just don't feel complete and never will with that person. Being selfish is more than fine but being selfish also means being in touch with your emotions. In this case, the situation is not making you feel great.
Author round1 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Yes this is true. I do not feel great at all. The worst thing being , the day before the death we had agreed to meet to discuss this very fact. I can't have that conversation now, and doubtful I can for a while. So I find myself unsure and cautious of my actions. He off loaded just yesterday, telling me a few things about the funeral , being Christmas eve and other stuff..it's a really strange situation. I am , in the very far background involved and this does upset me.
BB07 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Round, what a terrible position to be in because we all want to comfort the one we love but in an affair situation those things usually aren't possible. I remember something similar happening in my xmm life and it tore me up and well now.........when I think back about it, it makes me mad as hell that I allowed myself to be put in that position. I remember it made me feel less than.......unimportant and insignificant. I regret that I put myself into a position in which I felt like that as that is no way for a person to feel about themselves. At the time I told myself that I was making a sacrifice because I loved him....... but now I look at it like I sacrificed my dignity and my self respect. Not a pretty picture looking at it that way.
Author round1 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 BB07; yes this is it, I want to comfort him because I love him. Sadly he does not me. He told me that he can't allow himself, yet he wants to. Look I know that's a cop out, however I also know he seriously is big time cari g about me. More so last month or so, he has been saying more serious things, so my gut is saying he is falling. However fact is, he is married and I am feeling Like u explain. I am tempted to run at this point and Pick up my sadness and move on, however I don't want to upset him anymore. But it's a great time in a weird way, to leave because he will needs his famy, those that k ow and love him..and are there everyday, to get him through. Lime u said, I am not a significance in his life. Fact!..Urgh!..so so strange. I am trying to be in his shoes, very hard as I have never lost a parent. I can only. As a parent and daughter imagine n feel his pain.
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