My Story...

[dconway8484]

So, here it is:

First off, I am 26 and my gf is 22.

My girlfriend of a year and a half were living together. I have always had cuckold fantasy (something I never wanted, nor have control of), and she always said that she was cool with it. This fantasy is where you like to fantasize about your girlfriend/wife with other people. She would dirty talk about it, never had a problem with it, and up until our break-up said she was very happy. Then, her friend was getting married. My girlfriend was too cheap to fork over the money for a hotel room, so I went, had fun (dinner, drinks, stayed for a few dances with her), then left. She had to stay because she was a bridesmaid. Apparently, she hit it off with one of the groomsmen, and since the roads had gotten icy, he offered a room to stay in, which she accepted. She stayed in bed with him, clothes on, and they talked and eventually cuddled together. Something that I never said that she could do, despite my fantasies. The next day, she comes back and tells me about it, we have sex, and then starts acting funny. Need to work on herself, not sure about us, etc. I told her that I think what we have is great and I would support her in working through whatever she needs to.

She keeps on with it for a week, and I get fed up, tell her that we should just be done so that she can figure her stuff out. She then calls me that night and wants to get back together. I was drunk at the time, so I took her back and we had sex. The next day, she starts back up again. I deal with it for the day, she says "I'm just being dumb", etc. Then, the next day, she is on her way back when I realize that she added this guy as a friend on facebook the day we broke up. I freak out, partially because I've been cheated on before and I was scared that it was going to happen again. She said that he's just a friend, and that he'd delete him if I wanted. I told her that she needs to work through what she needs to, and we agree for her to stay at her sister's for a couple days to work things out. I give her some space, she attends therapy, and sends me an e-mail saying that "things are going well", and that "we should talk soon." I call her, and she tells me that she's going on a date with this guy, in order to "get him out of her head" to make sure that we were right for each other. I say, "do whatever you want", but am obviously upset. The next day I text her and tell her that she has to get all of her stuff out of our place by the end of the weekend, we talk, I freak out, "how could you stab me in the heart like this??", along those lines. She texts me and says that she canceled the date because of how much it was hurting me...I don't text back, but I talked to her the next day when she was moving things out and she said that we broke up because of my fantasies, which she never told me that she wasn't okay with. I pretty much broke down at this point, because of the amount of heartache that I have suffered in my life over something that I've never wanted and that God decided to curse me with. To have my girlfriend, that I loved, stripped away from me because of this, it felt even worse. That night, I seriously contemplated suicide, finding out how many of my student loans were co-signed on, calling my family and telling them that I love them, etc. The worst day of my life.

The next day, I send her a general break-up e-mail, saying thanks for our time together, and that I hope to hear from her in a few years to see how she is progressing on achieving her goals, and not to contact me. She doesn't reply, obviously. The next day, I send her an e-mail saying that I've been doing some introspection and that I'm sorry for pushing her away, making her feel unloved, that there might be a chance for us in the future, and I cracked some jokes, which she liked. She didn't respond the next day, I had a class presentation, and I freaked out. I couldn't prepare, my presentation sucked, and I left class early. I called her several times, she finally called me back -- and she came over to talk. I told her that I didn't think I could get through finals like this, and that if she could give us a chance to start over, hang out as friends, and promise not to see anyone until after finals were over, that I would appreciate it very much, even if she left afterwards. She thought about it, saying that she really wanted to make me happy, but she "needed to do this". She told me that if we ever got back together it would be "for the long haul, and that we would get married and have babies." She told me that she loved me, and we kissed, and that "love was never the problem." She didn't give me a "i love you but I'm not in love with you", or anything along those lines. She said that she just needed to get her "fantasies about this guy out of her head", and that if we got back together it would be for the long haul, marriage, babies, etc. She also told me that she had signed a lease for another apartment. The next morning I woke up, and I realized that it was over. I sent her an e-mail saying that I was sorry for causing her hurt over the past few weeks, thanks for coming over last night because it gave me a lot of closure, and that I hope things work out with the other guy because she deserves to be happy. I haven't talked to her since. Things have been up and down since then. I've started going to therapy to try and get rid of my fantasies, have lost 15 lbs in two weeks, doing what I need to do, but it's just not enough. I feel like a part of me is missing. Her friend came over this morning to our old apartment and picked up some of the stuff she left, and she just looked at me like I was a pity case, asking "are you okay?". Out of emotion I said, "Well, I've been cheated on and dumped for someone else before, so you get used to it."

I need advice, anything. Please. I have a final on Monday, that I can't study for. I am way stressed out and I'm not sure I can make it much longer. It seems like I will never be happy. Is she suffering from GIGS? What actions should I take? Even though I know that I shouldn't want her back, our relationship was great until all this. We never fought, we were always happy, etc. She was a beautiful, nice girl and everything she told me made me feel like it was my fault. I feel like if I have some sort of "plan", even if it doesn't result in us back together, I will have something to hope for and I will be able to work.

Please.

Edited December 18, 2010 by dconway8484

[homebrew]

Moral of the story... she is 22!

 

She doesn't know who she is or what she wants!

 

She has a lot of growing up to do before she is ready or able to be in the type of relationship you want!

 

It really is that simple!

[dconway8484]

Yeah, I know. It's still hard to take. She was mature for her age. She was the one who wanted to move in together. I guess she just wanted to "play house", and didn't realize the commitment of it.