virgina gal Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I found out my boyfriend emailed another woman...his msg read "I love you so much! I always have and always will! You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me" he knows I know but he cant give me an explanation of why he wrote it.....I am having a very hard time letting it go,,,,I feel an overwhelming sense of jealousy now and dont know what to do!! any advice or explanantion? he says he loves only me and that if he wanted to be with her he would. thank you for any help offered
poorguy Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Who's thw woman he emailed? How does he know her and is it an ex? How long have you been together and do you live together if so how long?
Author virgina gal Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 been together one year...do not live together yet but planning to in March...she is not an ex....thank you for trying to help me!
poorguy Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 No problem...Who is this woman though? How does he know her and how long has he known her and what was their relationship then? The only woman I've ever loved were exes that were a part of my life which is why I'm asking
Author virgina gal Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 he says they have always just been good friends....he has known her since junior high...never had a relationship with her....and she did not respond with "I love you too"...she just said "awww...thank you"....I asked him to explain why he wrote that to her and he said he couldnt put it into words....said he doesnt know why.....and this email was sent after they had talked on the phone the night before....he says I am the only woman he truly loves.....the rational part of me thinks he is insecure when it comes to women...always has been...and he just for some reason needs feedback from females to boost his ego....I just dont know and he wont open up about it
poorguy Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Hmmm..Tricky one. Ok well all I can think of is that he's always had a thing for her and maybe always will, however if they've known each other for that long and never took it to the next level then they probably never will because she probably doesn't see him the way he sees her. As far as attention goes that could be the case but usually that's what the ladies do with guys. Usually as a guy we don't need extra attention to boost our egos. Maybe he's just really insecure and needs that reassurance or something. I suppose what I would do is ask him where he is with your relationship with him? That's more important then BS emails with her. In all fairness though he shouldn't be emailing anyone but you things like that-it's just not fair
Author virgina gal Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I am going to meet with him tomorrow night....I dont know what I am going to do yet.....I feel like he is playing this off like its not a big deal but it is to me...its dishonest and is this what I may have to deal with in the future.....if he is that insecure do I really want a man like that?.....thank you SO much for taking the time to respond to me....it has helped.....if you have any other ideas or thoughts please msg me back
Feelin Frisky Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Maybe it's his eternal puppy love--only whereas most people I've grown up with didn't have a means to keep communicating their puppy love, today's young folk have FB and all kinds of channels. It is "normal" for us older people to think that getting over puppy love is part of maturing. But if one keeps it alive through technology it's a lot different. It could be like an addiction that one can't get over. The compulsion will be there to pick up a computer or cell phone and try to stay alive in that other person's life. It's complex and I don't think there is much contemporary updated expertise out there on how to deal with this. It's new still (if it happens to be the case).
BellaBellaBella Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 The matter of WHY he said it doesn't matter at all. The fact that he spoke the night before to another woman, told her he loved her and she is the most beautiful woman ever, is the problem. This is not appropriate behavior for a person in a committed relationship. This is not about your being jealous. This is about him not having good boundaries, in your relationship. I would let him know this. Tell him regardless of why, this is not acceptable. The appearance and tone of his communication is that he loves and feels the other woman is above all other women including you and a threat to your relationship. Ask him how he would feel if you spoke to an old friend, and told him he was the hottest guy in the world and that you loved him? Put this back on him so he understands your feelings. I would also consider asking him to cease contact. You need to decide your dealbreakers.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I asked him to explain why he wrote that to her and he said he couldnt put it into words....said he doesnt know why.....and this email was sent after they had talked on the phone the night before Here are the words he cant say: "Ive been after this girl for years and Im still working on it" This is a woman who he WANTED to get with but she doesnt want him. He is still trying, thats why he is emailing her "i love yous" and such. Behind your back. When its behind your back he knows its all wrong. I think you are the interim gf until he finally gets with email gal, or one like her. Not something you want to be invested in. Thats why her email didnt return the I love youtoo. He says if he wanted her he would be with her, but the truth is he cant and she let him know this already. he says I am the only woman he truly loves.....the rational part of me thinks he is insecure when it comes to women: This is what he says to keep the wool over your eyes. he's not insecure, you just have a man with you that has been pining for this women, and he will never stop until he she wants him to stop contacting her. if you tell him to stop, that wont stop his desire for her. He will probably still keep emailing her somehow, she is leading him on, while he still thinks he has a chance with her. Best thing for you to do here is bail out. Let her have him, Youve already invested too much into a man who isnt invested in you.
Author virgina gal Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 thank you all...please keep sending thoughts...this gives me different perspectives to consider
Art_Critic Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 he says he loves only me and that if he wanted to be with her he would. He obviously told her he loved her... Why not email her and get the info form her regarding what they are ?.. could be eye opening. Your BF told another woman he loved her.. sounds to me that you are second choice and his first choice didn't work out for whatever reason and he is still hung up on her..
MzInnocent Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 (edited) He is clearly in love with this woman and has not the guts to confess the truth.He is playing you for a complete fool when he said that it's only you whom he loves.Had he loved you,he wouldn't send such an intimate email to his friend and he is such a jerk in telling you that he didn't know how to write that in word.Why he didn't rather write something like..i love u my friend,,,and besides that the most beautiful woman in world should be you for him and not her.I mean com on whatever he wrote itself is pretty self explanatory and it warrants you to confront him seriously.Let him know that he cannot get away with saying such things to any woman without bringing into your knowledge and iam amazed he has balls to trick you into telling that everything is Ok but yes only at surface.So my advise to u is to tell him straight away that u r not going to tolerate such mischievious behavior and you deserve to know what is going on behind your back.Trust me,you need to ask him to show some respect for you and treat you the way you deserve as a love of his life.(if he actually thinks u r the one which iam highly doubtful abt) Edited December 19, 2010 by MzInnocent
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