Should have stuck to no contact

[Anxiety]

My story is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=255589&referrerid=93429

 

I should have stuck to no contact, but I didn't listen, though she is the one that broke it by calling me in the mornings again while I'm driving to work.

 

Last night I was reading an article on The Huntington Post about OKcupid, I had never heard of it before so I did a search, in the search came up plentyofish, I was intrigued by the name so I clicked it. Just out of curiosity I did a search for women between 30-40 and her ad popped up on first page. I was heart broken all over again.

 

By her calling me almost daily I was hoping that we would be able to get back together again. I sent her flowers at work on Wednesday. Seeing that she had an ad on a dating site convinced me that it was indeed over. I sent her a nice, heart felt email saying that I guess its over now since she is looking for someone else and that I would love her forever. I was just saying goodbye.

 

She replied calling me a stalker, saying that I'm looking through her stuff, wondering how much other stuff of her's I'm looking through, and that I can't tell her what to do. I've never told her what to do. I've always done whatever she told me to do. I don't understand why see got upset. I wasn't looking for her, or anyone, I found it by accident. She always thinks everyone is after her, and accusing everyone of being controlling, when she is probably the most controlling person I've ever met. She's so messed up from past relationships....compounded by her being a probation officer...she treats everyone like one of her offenders.

 

Even though I will never see her again, I hate it that she is now upset with me. She always would tell everyone how wonderful I am, and now shes going to tell everyone I'm a stalker and its upsetting.

 

I still love her, and now know that she is wrong for me, but if she asked me back..I'd go back in a heart beat. I can't resist her.... I need help.

Edited December 18, 2010 by Anxiety

[homebrew]

No need to worry... EVERYONE is given a break when it comes to what is said or done after a recent break up. Time will fix what she thinks / feels at the moment.

 

You are back to day 1.

 

Question for you:

 

Do you want to stop making mistakes that are preventing you from healing and getting in the way of giving you the best chance for a future reconciliation with your EX?

 

If so, I suggest you read two threads of mine:

 

1. No Contact for Dummies

 

2. The Definitive Guide if you were Dumped (Pocket Edition)

 

Read those and if you want to talk further or have questions... feel free to pm me!

[Capital P]

Have you listened to anything anyone has told you?

Or read any of these forums?

Sending her flowers was a terrible thing to do. Sending her an email professing your love after finding her on a dating site was also a terrible thing to o.

You have been a stalker, you will have been annoying the hell out of her.

 

You have to disappear now. give it 6 months at least. If she hasnt contacted you then you can try initiating small contact.

But for the love of god, no more wussy moves, its just pushing her away

[Anxiety]

I'm sure immediately after I sent her the email she called her sister and everyone telling them that I'm a stalker...and I'm upset about it. I'm not a stalker. When I saw her ad, it upset me so much, my chest actually hurt.

 

When we first started dating she would send me a pic of herself in the mornings along with a little poem or something. She used some of those pics in her ad...those pics are special to me, I can't believe she used them.

 

I wish I never found it...now I'm just as upset as I was when she first broke up with me.

 

Before she dumped me, friends and family have said I should stop seeing her because of the way she treated me sometimes...but I couldn't do it. I knew I would miss her and I didn't want to be alone. I'm not the best at meeting new people, and I don't envision finding anyone I could love as much as I love her.

[mmiller5373]

I feel for you. My ex has always been the kind of person that keeps her personal life to herself, even though she lives with her mother, brother, sister, and brother-in-law. However, my actions after the breakup have apparently created a bit of a stir, as she's no longer keeping things to herself. I was in contact with her brother-in-law and he said there's been a lot of talk about what I've done since the breakup. A lot about my obsessive behavior and how freaked out they are about it.

 

Was it obsessive? Yes? Should they have been scared? No. I've never done anything during the 3 years that I've known her and her family to make any of them believe that I would be able to do harm to another person. I'm not that kind of person.

[Anxiety]

Have you listened to anything anyone has told you?

Or read any of these forums?

Sending her flowers was a terrible thing to do. Sending her an email professing your love after finding her on a dating site was also a terrible thing to o.

You have been a stalker, you will have been annoying the hell out of her.

 

You have to disappear now. give it 6 months at least. If she hasnt contacted you then you can try initiating small contact.

But for the love of god, no more wussy moves, its just pushing her away

 

She liked the flowers, she said it was sweet.

 

I didn't profess my love in the email. I just said that it must really be over if she is looking for someone else. I just said it in a nice loving way. I was saying goodbye.

[mmiller5373]

She liked the flowers, she said it was sweet.

 

I didn't profess my love in the email. I just said that it must really be over if she is looking for someone else. I just said it in a nice loving way. I was saying goodbye.

 

Realize this before you make any more mistakes. You will do more damage if you keep contacting her, even if it's just to say "Goodbye." It looks weak and desperate coming from you. She's just going to think, "Poor him, I told him I don't love him anymore but he doesn't get it."

 

You don't need to say one last thing... you say way more by saying nothing at all... Trust me... I'm learning.

[homebrew]

You go Miller!!!!

 

The more you help out others realize the right thing to do, the easier it becomes for you to believe, trust in doing the right thing for yourself! It's makes you stronger and more passionate about it!

 

Which in turn, helps you grow, heal faster and makes you far more attractive to your EX and everyone else of the opposite sex!

[suddendumpee]

I sent her a nice, heart felt email saying that I guess its over now since she is looking for someone else and that I would love her forever.

 

I didn't profess my love in the email.

 

??????????

 

I don't envision finding anyone I could love as much as I love her.

 

Please stop using "love" in the present tense. You do not love her. You are going through withdraw and hurting because of the rejection, and you're looking for your next "fix".

 

The best definition of love I've ever read is "Love is giving somebody the ability to break your heart, and trusting them not to." She has broken your heart, and seems to care very little about your feelings. It's time to move on and find out what real love is...

Edited December 18, 2010 by suddendumpee

[Anxiety]

I realize now that I shouldn't have said anything. I'm just having a hard time letting go. We were a little family, now I've lost it all. I'm going to try my hardest not to answer her calls or emails, if she tries to contact me again.

 

I was feeling better about the breakup, then last thursday Dec 9 she calls me. It made me feel like she missed me, that's what started everything all over again.

 

Because of the actions she's shown, I know that it would never work...people have told me this before..saying it would only get worse after we were married. I just didn't want to listen. I couldn't think about being without her.

 

My first step needs to be putting away the picture, of us from last christmas, I have sitting here on my desk. I put it away a couple times before, then she would call, give me hope, and I would take it back out again.

[homebrew]

You are a great guy!!! You suffered a tremendous loss so don't be to hard on yourself. All rookie mistake!

 

Before you DO ANYTHING ELSE... I want you to spend the next few days reading through these forums. You will learn everything you need to know and what you can expect from yourself and your ex.

 

The hard part is just following through with deep down you know to be correct but I believe in you!

 

Hang in there champ! You will pull through this and be a better more confident man for it!

 

When you get a chance... I suggest watching 500 days of summer and Swingers!

 

You will be so money before you know it! (Once you watch swingers... that will make more sense to you!)

[paleblue]

she is just upset because she got caught red-handed lying and now she looks like a jerk. which, she is! you were just being used. sorry.

 

dont beat yourself up too bad. that's what happens when an ex comes slithering back around. false hope and more aggravation that sets us back.

 

one shot per person is all we get. if it doesnt work the first time around, its not going to work the second time around. sucks, but that's life.

 

i hope you really do realize for yourself that it would never work at this point. that is a good first step in getting your life back. now you just have to pick yourself up and move on. yes, you should remove the picture and anything else that reminds you of her. put it away in a box and you will start feeling better sooner than later.

 

if you hear from her again, do yourself a favor, ignore it. i know its hard, but its your best bet right now. it shows her you have a set of balls and you are not going to allow her to treat you badly. besides i think its pretty obvious now what's on her mind. she just wants to use you as a crutch until something else comes along. she's not testing you either. she is just using you. and its just going to make you feel even worse if you continue to deal with that.

 

you should be happy you pissed her off. F her

[Anxiety]

 

i hope you really do realize for yourself that it would never work at this point. that is a good first step in getting your life back. now you just have to pick yourself up and move on. yes, you should remove the picture and anything else that reminds you of her. put it away in a box and you will start feeling better sooner than later.

 

It's hard to get rid of the picture, the woman in the picture, was sweet, caring, affectionate and was madly in love with me. And that's how I want to remember her, not the cold, resentful, bitter, and selfish person she has become.

 

She has used me, when I was staying with her I bought all the grocery's ,paid half the electric and water bills. At the end of july, when I wasn't ready to look at wedding rings, she said I would appreciate her more if we didn't spend as much time together, she asked if I would still buy her grocery's. I said I didn't have any food in my house and that I couldn't afford to buy her food and mine. Then she got upset with me and I didn't get to see her for over a week.

 

I spent most of the months of october and november painting her townhouse, (I paid for all the paint) my boss would joke with me saying that she would get rid of me after I was done painting...well 1 week after I finished, she dumped me.

[strangeways]

I spent most of the months of october and november painting her townhouse, (I paid for all the paint) my boss would joke with me saying that she would get rid of me after I was done painting...well 1 week after I finished, she dumped me.

 

WOW. I think this says everything you need to know about her character.

[Anxiety]

Since that time in July I haven't been myself. I've spent this entire time just trying to win back her love. There would be a week or two here and there were it seemed she was in love with me again. Then something at work or her ex husband would upset her and I would be on the receiving end. She's been resentful every since then. I just wasn't ready to look at rings at the time, we were only 9 months into our relationship, how could she get mad at me for that. I just don't understand her, everything was wonderful up until then.

[paleblue]

It's hard to get rid of the picture, the woman in the picture, was sweet, caring, affectionate and was madly in love with me. And that's how I want to remember her, not the cold, resentful, bitter, and selfish person she has become.

 

She has used me, when I was staying with her I bought all the grocery's ,paid half the electric and water bills. At the end of july, when I wasn't ready to look at wedding rings, she said I would appreciate her more if we didn't spend as much time together, she asked if I would still buy her grocery's. I said I didn't have any food in my house and that I couldn't afford to buy her food and mine. Then she got upset with me and I didn't get to see her for over a week.

 

I spent most of the months of october and november painting her townhouse, (I paid for all the paint) my boss would joke with me saying that she would get rid of me after I was done painting...well 1 week after I finished, she dumped me.

 

This is worse than I thought. You are a total tool box to her. She doesnt even respect you. Aiyiyiy. I could go on with this forever here, but won't. Run, just RUN. Get your dignity back and find someone who will respect you. This has become a totally toxic relationship. Not worth it anymore. Sorry.

 

Keep the picture around if you want, that's cool. I think you are just hurting yourself by doing that. I guess when you are ready, you will move it to make room for something else.

Edited December 18, 2010 by paleblue

[mmiller5373]

It's hard to get rid of the picture, the woman in the picture, was sweet, caring, affectionate and was madly in love with me. And that's how I want to remember her, not the cold, resentful, bitter, and selfish person she has become.

 

She has used me, when I was staying with her I bought all the grocery's ,paid half the electric and water bills. At the end of july, when I wasn't ready to look at wedding rings, she said I would appreciate her more if we didn't spend as much time together, she asked if I would still buy her grocery's. I said I didn't have any food in my house and that I couldn't afford to buy her food and mine. Then she got upset with me and I didn't get to see her for over a week.

 

I spent most of the months of october and november painting her townhouse, (I paid for all the paint) my boss would joke with me saying that she would get rid of me after I was done painting...well 1 week after I finished, she dumped me.

 

While your story is a bit more extreme than mine is, I understand what you're going through; feeling like you've been used and strung along for weeks. My ex played with my emotions from May till August. Going back and forth; one week feeling love, the next feeling nothing at all. After finding out about her new guy and how serious they were just 2 weeks after she ended it with me, makes me feel even more used. And then to find out he's been around (as a friend?) since April and I knew nothing about him.

 

Move on, brother. This girl is not worth it, Trust me.

[helovesmeyes]

Yea dude she doesn't appreciate you right now. Cut her OFF.

[Anxiety]

I've taken one baby step, I've turned the picture face down so I can't look it. Its still within arms reach though. Its tough not looking at it, she's the most beautiful woman in the world to me, its hard to resist. Today I'm feeling just as bad as when she first broke up with me. Maybe tomorrow, I'll be feeling better and I can at least move it out of the room.

[homebrew]

I've taken one baby step, I've turned the picture face down so I can't look it. Its still within arms reach though. Its tough not looking at it, she's the most beautiful woman in the world to me, its hard to resist. Today I'm feeling just as bad as when she first broke up with me. Maybe tomorrow, I'll be feeling better and I can at least move it out of the room.

 

Dude... We are professionals so listen to us!

 

You are making matters worse for yourself and driving her further away!

 

Is that your desired outcome?

 

If not, You had better start listening to us and do exactly what we say!

[Anxiety]

Dude... We are professionals so listen to us!

 

You are making matters worse for yourself and driving her further away!

 

Is that your desired outcome?

 

If not, You had better start listening to us and do exactly what we say!

 

I am listening, I don't plan on talking to her again. I don't care if I'm driving her away, I know she's not for me, this has helped me realize it. I still feel an emptiness inside that I hope will eventually go away.

[paleblue]

I am listening, I don't plan on talking to her again. I don't care if I'm driving her away, I know she's not for me, this has helped me realize it. I still feel an emptiness inside that I hope will eventually go away.

 

 

hey, you put yourself out there for someone and they took advantage of it. it happens. time to move on. the emptiness will eventually go away. just gotta get out there and start living. it helps with things.

[Anxiety]

hey, you put yourself out there for someone and they took advantage of it. it happens. time to move on. the emptiness will eventually go away. just gotta get out there and start living. it helps with things.

 

Its going to take a long time. She was my only friend, now I'm alone. I also miss her daughter that I loved as if she were my own. I really lost 3 people, my best friend, my lover, and a daughter.

 

Before last night, today I was planning on mailing her the Pandora charm for her and the Toy Story 3 DVD for her daughter that I had already bought as christmas presents. I'm not now, maybe I can sell the Pandora charm on ebay, I don't know if it would be right to give it to someone else. I'll either keep the DVD for myself, or give it to one of my cousins instead.

[homebrew]

Well now you learned your valuable lesson that you need to solve.

 

It's called life balance!

 

No women wants a man to solely depend on them for their identity and for them to make them happy! It's a major turn off!

 

Work, friends, family, hobbies, etc.

 

You should have all of these in your life at all times... It's healthy, it's normal, it's good for you!

 

That way, if one or more of them go away or is having issues... You don't lose your mind!

 

A women wants to take part and be a partner in your life (adventure)... They don't want to be the adventure!

 

Sounds to me like you have a lot of personal growth to do! You are not "healthy" and co-dependent.

 

Spend a lot of time reading in the forums and in the mean time... GO GET A LIFE so you HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER other than yourself!

[paleblue]

I hear ya, ive dated women with kids, it always sucks extra when kids are involved cause you get attached. been there, done that, got the t-shirt -don't need another one.

 

ya see i will never allow myself to wind up in a situation like that again... her being my only friend. then all her friends are your friends, until the bottom drops out. then her friends are still her friends, but not yours anymore. and either is she. my beer drinking buddies are important to me. a guy should always have a few beer drinking buddies.