Hold fast Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I haven't posted for a while but I am still seeing my MM,he's still living away from his wife and things have been really good lately but he still doesn't say he loves me. Last night he went out but his mate didn't turn up and he sadi he stayed on his own and a woman approached him and they spent time playing cards. I don't get why he told me,was he seeing if I'd be jealous,sending me a message that he's not mine,letting me know he's attractive. I was speechless and didn't know what to say so jsut said oh,shame youf friend didn't turn up. I am meant to see him tonight and said well it doesnt look like I'll see you tonight anyway and there was a really long pause and he said why and said because of the snow and he said don't worry,it'll be fine,you'll get here. I honestly don't feel like it,is he jsut messing me about or maybe building something. Just can't see why he told me,if he told me that is there more he didn't tell me and what kind of reaction he wanted from me.
OpenBook Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Oh, I know this animal. He is not treating you well. He is taking you for granted. He's testing the waters to see how much crap you will take from him. He doesn't respect you, and he doesn't have your best interests at heart. Get away from this guy before he REALLY hurts you!!!
Author Hold fast Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Maybe I am reading too much into it? I was out myself last night with three male friends but that different to 'chatting up' someone. I don't know what to do. If I raise it with him i look insecure and contriolling. Beyind down now.
jennie-jennie Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Maybe I am reading too much into it? I was out myself last night with three male friends but that different to 'chatting up' someone. I don't know what to do. If I raise it with him i look insecure and contriolling. Beyind down now. It's impossible for us to make any kind of real judgment of your situation. How long have you been together? How come you do not know whether or not to trust him? Do you not have open communication? You should be able to know in your heart what the truth is. Unless you are still getting to know the guy?
jennie-jennie Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Maybe I am reading too much into it? I was out myself last night with three male friends but that different to 'chatting up' someone. I don't know what to do. If I raise it with him i look insecure and contriolling. Beyind down now. I just saw the above sentence. Do you not have a relationship where you can show your true self, even if it looks "insecure and controlling"? IMO you should have a relationship where you can talk about everything, where you can "look" any way, and still be accepted and loved.
Author Hold fast Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 We've been together sven months,known him for longer though. He used to say he loved me till he left his wife then it stopped. His wife was controlling and insecure so I don't want to be. He is under a lot of pressure and I can't be more pressure beecause I know he will let me go as me easier to get rid off than anything else. I just don't get why he told me about last night. He didn't have to.
Author Hold fast Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I don't exactly feel I walk on eggshells,he only left home a couple of months ago and is feeling guilty,especailly with it being Christmas and his son. I won't put up with this forver but I'm struggling to understand why he told me what he did and what I should have said.
seren Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 We've been together sven months,known him for longer though. He used to say he loved me till he left his wife then it stopped. His wife was controlling and insecure so I don't want to be. He is under a lot of pressure and I can't be more pressure beecause I know he will let me go as me easier to get rid off than anything else. I just don't get why he told me about last night. He didn't have to. Hold fast - if he is like this with you after 7 months, it is no wonder his wife was insecure and controlling (if indeed she was). You should never, ever feel you are pressure to the person who you love and loves you back. As for getting rid of you - it sounds like you are trying to be everything you think he wants you to be. relationships are a two way street, not give, give from one with the other doing all the taking. Be yourself, trying to be someone who you are not is unsustainable, he should accept you for who you are, not only that, should love you for who you are. It sounds like he is out of a marriage and doesn't want to settle, I don't mean this to hurt you and only you know what it's like, but guard your heart. Love isn't meant to hurt so much.
Carrot2000 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 To me it sounds like he was just telling you about his evening, nothing more, nothing less. Your response is more indicative of your own issues and insecurities in this relationship, especially considering how you ended up with this man in the first place. Maybe your fears stem from the realization that you can easily be replaced. This man was capable of leaving his family, after all.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I think considering he left his wife it is possible that he has taken a vow to be honest from here on out and the 1) not saying I love you is his honest way of saying I'm in that discovery place of just needing to find out what it is I want right now and I'm not going to mislead you until I know, and 2) the fact he spent the evening hanging out with another woman is something you deserved to know, something you he wouldn't have wanted you hearing through the grapevine and questioning him and therefore felt being forthcoming was the best policy. But then again u may need to consider he is a master at manipulation and lies and by giving u half truths and downplaying the situation you won't waste your efforts thinking more of it if u were to hear about it through the grapevine. Only you know your smm and what sounds more like his character. I wont pass judgment. Either way I think you could have at least addressed it...he put it out there for you to do so. Your reaction could have remained light-hearted without coming off like a jealous freak but still drilling down to more facts. I would have probably joked about it and been "oh yea, was she cute?" or "them damn cougars trying to steal my man again." he would have taken the queue and told you how it really was.
fooled once Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Oh, I know this animal. He is not treating you well. He is taking you for granted. He's testing the waters to see how much crap you will take from him. He doesn't respect you, and he doesn't have your best interests at heart. Get away from this guy before he REALLY hurts you!!! Agree Hold fast - if he is like this with you after 7 months, it is no wonder his wife was insecure and controlling (if indeed she was). You should never, ever feel you are pressure to the person who you love and loves you back. As for getting rid of you - it sounds like you are trying to be everything you think he wants you to be. relationships are a two way street, not give, give from one with the other doing all the taking. Be yourself, trying to be someone who you are not is unsustainable, he should accept you for who you are, not only that, should love you for who you are. It sounds like he is out of a marriage and doesn't want to settle, I don't mean this to hurt you and only you know what it's like, but guard your heart. Love isn't meant to hurt so much. Agree too. If you can't have open and honest communication, what is left? Sounds like he is playing games with you, to test your reaction. Why do you have to go to HIM? Why isn't he coming to you?
half_ofa_heart Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 We've been together sven months,known him for longer though. He used to say he loved me till he left his wife then it stopped. His wife was controlling and insecure so I don't want to be. He is under a lot of pressure and I can't be more pressure beecause I know he will let me go as me easier to get rid off than anything else. I just don't get why he told me about last night. He didn't have to. The only thing you can ever be is yourself. Don't ever apologize for being you. If you start trying to be someone else to please another person, you'll lose sight of who you are then find yourself resenting him for it. Besides, talking about your feelings isn't a sign of insecurity, its called communication. Without communication, that's where jumping to conclusions begins and that's a no win situation.
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