kaygato Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I hear a lot of talk about how a lot of time needs to pass before trying to reconcile a relationship. What if the break up was do to petty fights and misunderstandings but there are outside factors making it more difficult? My ex broke up with me because I'd been stressed and it was affecting our relationships. My ex actually called me 5 days after we broke up and said he wanted to try and work things out, and that he'd drive up to my college in 3 weeks to talk thing out (and if all went well) get back together. Then he learned his parents were separating and likely to divorce, and so he told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now. We're in a sort-ldr (colleges an hour apart) so I don't see him on a reagular basis anymore. I'm trying to give him space and we're being friends now, but I don't want to lose him. I'm letting him initiate all contact (with a few slip ups so far). Reconciliation seems possible at this point, but I need to get him warmed up to me as a friend first. I'm just wondering how long do you think I should wait before trying to reconcile? I'm not sure he would bring it up even if he wanted to, and I'm thinking of giving reconciliation one final, romantic last try on valentines day. I'm scared if I wait too long to see if he starts to have a change of heart I'll never get over him. Also, x-mas break for the both of us is 3 weeks long. This is the first day of it and we live in the same town. I asked him if he'd be interested in hanging as friends, and he said he'd be interested. Should I follow what i've been doing and wait for him to contact me to set something up, or should I contact him about it? I'm really scared with his parent's separation/divorce he'll start talking to some girl at his school and get with her. That's why I want to keep up the emotional connection by hanging out in person once over break...and gauging his interest better from that. One details I forgot to mention- we've been broken up for 8 weeks so far. So 2 questions- What is usually the most ideal time to be separated before reconciling? And do you think I should initiate contact about hanging out or should I just see if he does or not?
Mrlonelyone Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I personally feel that the ideal time is however long it takes for the second chance to be a real second chance. You have to have had enough time apart to have somewhat forgotten the original relationship. You need to have moved on, moved up, grown changed... it has to be this way so that you can fall in love again. I remember being that old. Then 8 weeks apart felt like eternity. The person I have been apart from and who's contact has brought me here... She and I would be on chance number 3 (if that's what this is). We hadn't had any contact for three years, and hadn't dated in 6! Before then we had a break of almost two years! Compare that to a famous historical couple.. John and Abbigail Adams. They were technically married for 50 years or so and only lived together half of that time with John overseas, acting as an ambassador, most of that time. Their whole relationship was one long second, thrid, fourth, fifth, chance. TLDR:I know at your age 8 weeks feels like a long time. Really this is more like s short hiccup in the first chance you have. Contact him, meet him. Seeing you may brighten his day.... which if you and him have a chance it will.
Don_da_Ho Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I don't think hanging out as friends is going to work as a strategy. Also, there's nothing you can do if he finds or meets a local girl. If it's going to work, it's going to work. But since he's an LDR, his parents are separating and he broke up with you, sorry to say, but I think you're just prolonging the inevitable, that you will not reconcile. IMO, you should start looking around at local guys at your college and start making steps to move forward so you're not left miserable and lonely in a few months when it doesn't work out.
nice-easy-day Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I personally feel that the ideal time is however long it takes for the second chance to be a real second chance. You have to have had enough time apart to have somewhat forgotten the original relationship. You need to have moved on, moved up, grown changed... it has to be this way so that you can fall in love again. That's exactly right. The original relationship needs to be forgotten or healed. OP. I think you're making some wrong moves by being friends. Your chances are better to completely back off if you want to get him back. Let him make contact and when he does keep it short and casual.
NeNinja Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 As a guy I have a few words of advice for you: Be there for him, but don't be his friend. Show him the most positive aspects of your relationship. Have a good time, relive some of your happy memories in your hometown. Take his mind off of his family drama. Don't add more drama. If you tell him youre going out as friends youre going to get stuck in the friend zone. And there's no escape from that. It sounds like 90% of the hard work is done. You just have to show him youre worth it.
pandagirl Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Anytime between now and... forever? haha. But really, if it's going to happen, it has to when feelings of the breakup (hurt, anger, sadness, resentment, etc) have been dealt with and addressed.
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