alex1960 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 A man and a woman who work together have dinner once a month. They go out late and have long conversations. Nothing physical ever happened. They are both attracted to each other but agreed that nothing would ever happened because he or she is married. Would you say these two go on dates or not?
Madgick1 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Does the spouse of the married one know? Does the spouse of the married one think it's a date? IMO, it's not a date, but it is cheating for one, and stupid for the other.
Author alex1960 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Does the spouse of the married one know? Does the spouse of the married one think it's a date? IMO, it's not a date, but it is cheating for one, and stupid for the other. I like your answer. The married spouse is aware of everything and is supposed to accept it.
befreckled Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I wouldn't consider it a date but, it makes one wonder the point of it all. There are very few friendships that are worth giving up a marriage for. If the spouse isn't comfortable, has this discomfort been voiced?
GolferGirl123 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 A man and a woman who work together have dinner once a month. They go out late and have long conversations. Nothing physical ever happened. They are both attracted to each other but agreed that nothing would ever happened because he or she is married. Would you say these two go on dates or not? Yup, those are dates.
Author alex1960 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I wouldn't consider it a date but, it makes one wonder the point of it all. There are very few friendships that are worth giving up a marriage for. If the spouse isn't comfortable, has this discomfort been voiced? I'm not thrilled about it but we did talk it out extensively and I said she should ok if she wants to. Like you, I do wonder the point of it all.
OnlyJake Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 If it sounds like a date, and it looks like a date...
Seamless74 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I think its great if you think thats ok and you gave permission to wifey to do such a thing. Whats even more cool is if one day your wife either tells you or you bust her having sex with someone else and then you come to find out its actually her friend that you gave her permission to date... Man think about how cool youll be with that... This is a totally unacceptable situation bro... Unless the guy shes meeting with is gay...
Author alex1960 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I think its great if you think thats ok and you gave permission to wifey to do such a thing. Whats even more cool is if one day your wife either tells you or you bust her having sex with someone else and then you come to find out its actually her friend that you gave her permission to date... Man think about how cool youll be with that... This is a totally unacceptable situation bro... Unless the guy shes meeting with is gay... The guy's far from gay. I think he has strong feelings for my wife. My wife said they made things very clear that it wasn't a date. So that's where I stand for now.
Seamless74 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 well Alex then you know what you have to do right??
Author alex1960 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 well Alex then you know what you have to do right?? I guess my stoopid question of the day is, what if she truly wants to just be friends with him because they have a long history of being actual friends? Is that reasonable?
Seamless74 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 damnit lol... Alex listen to yourself... I mean forget your wife and what she said think about your self just Alex for a minute. You know "HE'S" interested. She knows hes interested. why on earth would she want to do that? Does it makes sense to you to actively promote your wifes belief that its ok to lead a man on?? Does any of this make any sense to you at all?? But i say forget all that (even though logically you should be concerned) I suggest you do likewise. either find a female friend you could do something similar with.. Make up an imaginary friend to go out with once a month or just go with the guys to the strip club.. something to even the scales. And see how she feels about that? Sometimes thats the only way people can realize how their own behaviour effects others is when its thrown in their face.. I think since weve already gone over the fact that it makes no sense to go out on whatever these occasions are with a man shes not interested in but that is obviously interested in her that we must conclude that something more serious is going on here.. Just like most times when women make subtle hints, suggestions, complaints, or whatever theres something much more deeper going on and how you handle the former greatly affects the latter.. Maybe shes saying she doesnt think you find her attractive enough, not enough sex, not spending enough time together, testing you because youve become a doormat, needing more excitement etc.etc.. theres no telling but this whole question your asking us is probably not the real question that needs answering. But I can tell you one thing for sure so far how your handling it (you giving your ok for your wife to see another man whos interested in her unsupervised) is totally wrong.. And your probably losing face and status in here eyes already ...
Madgick1 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 This is the problem with it: ... They are both attracted to each other... She's supposed to reserve her attraction for you. I know that people are always and continually attracted to other people, that can't be helped. But it's attraction in passing. You see a pretty girl on the street or she notices a hot guy at work; of course the thought will be "If I wasn't committed, I'd ____". But that passing fancy is not nurtured and thus doesn't matter. This is an attraction that's being nurtured with monthly dinners and emotional investment. The energy she's putting into him, the emotional investment, the nurturing of a relationship is not going to you--and it should. If things are dull or difficult between you, the answer isn't to feed her ego with another man's attention, the answer is to reignite things with you--or move on. She's nurturing a backup plan if you don't work out, and with that the power shifts in your marriage; she doesn't need to work at getting her needs met through you or herself, and you have to work harder to compete with that guy. This is not a good situation.
Author alex1960 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 You know "HE'S" interested. She knows hes interested. why on earth would she want to do that? Does it makes sense to you to actively promote your wifes belief that its ok to lead a man on?? Does any of this make any sense to you at all?? No it doesn't but the justification is that she is not leading him on since she clearly told him nothing is going to happen. She says it's important for her to get along with him because of work and also because he was nice and considerate to her (wonder why). I think since weve already gone over the fact that it makes no sense to go out on whatever these occasions are with a man shes not interested in but that is obviously interested in her that we must conclude that something more serious is going on here.. Well, I wonder if she isn't more attracted to him than she'll admit.
Recommended Posts