delajoonal Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Confused, sad, angry, lonely...regular ol' Pitty Party! oh, did i mention it's been 2 years since XH left... why... i don't get it...y am i still so...ack!
JaneDoe35 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Hey Dela! Sad to hear that you are feeling down...... It is a difficult time emotionally for many people....even some that still have their partners with them! We will all be OK....somehow.
tojaz Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Hang in there Dela, the holidays are always a difficult time, so many memories and good times to be remembered. Take some comfort in knowing that at least you had those memories and can look forward to making more of your own. Memories and experiences are what make us who we are, the good, the bad, the Joy and the pain. Its ok to miss what was but be thankful for what is and enthusiastic for what WILL be. :bunny: BIG HUGS!!!!!!! :bunny: TOJAZ
Author delajoonal Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 Thank you Tojaz, Toomuch, and janedoe35... it's nice to know others care and just understand... sometimes that is ALL we need...just to know someone else just 'get's it'. nearly 2 years now...and for some reason, this holiday season is worse than last year...idk, maybe it is just as bad...i just blocked IT out? i am trying desperately to enjoy my NEW home, new community, the rain, which i LOVE so much...but i just can't stop crying this week...ack! i sure hope everyone is having a better time of it than i...this time of year. take care...
skydiveaddict Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 Confused, sad, angry, lonely...regular ol' Pitty Party! oh, did i mention it's been 2 years since XH left... why... i don't get it...y am i still so...ack! Well I feel the same way, I don't know why it takes so long for the pain to go away. But I hope it does for you soon
Author delajoonal Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 skydiveaddict... gosh, i am so sorry..u too huh? i am SO glad we all have each other..just to know we r not really alone... there are truly SO many amazing people here on LS, i wonder why their spouses left them in the first place...really...some incredibly kind souls here... i know i gotta get off this pitty pot...but dang it...i just can't stop crying... y does it seem so hard this year...much more than last? maybe i have had just too many changes in the past 2 years, and it is just now catching up with me..i haven't sat down long enough to really let IT all sink in? idk... again, i am truly sorry for your pain as well... very sincerely...:~)
2.50 a gallon Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 dela, and others I too went through this for over a decade. Even though I decorated, baked cookies, and put up a joyous front, deep inside I was dieing. I used to volunteer to work, everybody thought that I was being a nice guy and giving a family man a chance to be home, actually, it gave me extra money, and it helped me keep my mind from wandering. On Christmas I will get my kisses, and several "ILY's", things I experience every day, but having traveled down the road that you are now traveling down, and remembering those times, reminds me that the kisses and "ILY's" are all I really want for Christmas Have faith, some day it will happen again and don't ever forget
tojaz Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 Promise?............... ya, what jane said??? Well, I'm not there yet, but I have faith, and trust so I will Promise that it will happen. Holidays are hard and there are many things that come out of the woodwork to make them harder. Hell I got a Christmas card from my ex a while back. I wrote return to sender on it, and that card has made several trips back and forth to the mailbox. I haven't opened it though and I honestly don't plan to regardless where it ends up, being filed away with other memories or back to where it came from. BECAUSE I REFUSE TO LET HER SPOIL ANOTHER HOLIDAY! Its hard out there folks and December can seem like the coldest month of the year be it in the great white north or on the beach in LA. Commit to having a wonderful holiday for yourselves, because if you expect anything less, thats exactly what you'll find, and sadly that too is a promise. Have a Merry Christmas for those that love you, not a Bah Humbug for those stupid enough to hurt you. TOJAZ
Author delajoonal Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 thank you Tojaz... u know... ur right...i was going to just let the day pass watching my usual SATC when i am depressed... one dvd and one season after another until my life is caught up in 'their' lives...LOL for as many years as i can remember, i started a tradition...many years back...i had a xmas cookie making party...be it 2 people or 50 people showed up...we ALWAYS had fun...champagne for the adults and cider for the kids...and 100's of cookies to decorate... i have not followed this tradition in 2 years now... and since i am 4 hours from ANY friends and family, i think i will just do the whole cookie thing myself...me and my nena... make my traditional cream cheese frosting and decorate the day away.. the only problem, who will eat them all..LOL thank you tojaz...i think things just might be looking up...or at least what u said...u know, about NOT letting this be a bah hum bug xmas...but a very Merry Christmas...for me!... lv u much!!!
tojaz Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 thank you Tojaz... u know... ur right...i was going to just let the day pass watching my usual SATC when i am depressed... one dvd and one season after another until my life is caught up in 'their' lives...LOL for as many years as i can remember, i started a tradition...many years back...i had a xmas cookie making party...be it 2 people or 50 people showed up...we ALWAYS had fun...champagne for the adults and cider for the kids...and 100's of cookies to decorate... i have not followed this tradition in 2 years now... and since i am 4 hours from ANY friends and family, i think i will just do the whole cookie thing myself...me and my nena... make my traditional cream cheese frosting and decorate the day away.. the only problem, who will eat them all..LOL thank you tojaz...i think things just might be looking up...or at least what u said...u know, about NOT letting this be a bah hum bug xmas...but a very Merry Christmas...for me!... lv u much!!! Hmmmm, I could use some Christmas cookies. Glad your feeling better Dela, keep up the positive thinking. TOJAZ
Author delajoonal Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 Hmmmm, I could use some Christmas cookies. Glad your feeling better Dela, keep up the positive thinking. TOJAZ oh i am trying, believe me...and thanks to U...the idea of actually trying to enjoy this holiday instead of letting my xh and his OW destroy yet another holiday or take IT away from me...ya, i think i will head on down to the market tomorrow and get all the cookie making stuff... p.s. now, what us your address, cause i am NOT going to gain 50 lbs eating all these dang cookies by myself...LOL:eek:
controlledchaos Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 when i get in a 'mood' i bake. or clean, but i usually bake. but, i don't want to eat it when i'm done. this is fine w somethings, because i have kids that will eat it or i can freeze it for another time. however, cookies and holiday treats are just too many in number for the freezer or the kids. so, starting last year ( when life just totally and completely sucked!!) i decided to keep on baking, but donate what i made. we dropped stuff off at the police station and the fire/ rescue station. i had made like 6-7 dozen cookies for them. this year, i made 3 dozen just for our 3 adopted service men. PLUS, chocolate covered pretzels and peppermint bark. then i also made some stuff for the police dept and the fire/ rescue dept. i mailed some to a firefighter/ paramedic friend back in chicago too. i feel better for 2 reason, i am baking ( and not eatting it) and 2. i get to make someone else smile. i am hoping to finish this stuff up by tomorrow. then friday my kids and i are going to make holiday decorations/ ornaments/ treats from 6 different countries. when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. sure, this year nothing is the same. i won't see my kids christmas day. for the firs time in their lives i won't be there to see them open presents. but, this is my future, this is my reality. i can either sit and dwell, or i can try and make things different and better. all i know, is that at the end of the day i wanted to be married, but i wasn't married to someone that felt the same way........... that is HIS choice. my kids and i suffer the consequences, but i know in my heart that this is the better path for us. why spend my life with someone that doesn't love and respect me? what kind of message does that send ME and my kids?? (((HUGS))) and smile if you can!
Author delajoonal Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 when i get in a 'mood' i bake. or clean, but i usually bake. but, i don't want to eat it when i'm done. this is fine w somethings, because i have kids that will eat it or i can freeze it for another time. however, cookies and holiday treats are just too many in number for the freezer or the kids. so, starting last year ( when life just totally and completely sucked!!) i decided to keep on baking, but donate what i made. we dropped stuff off at the police station and the fire/ rescue station. i had made like 6-7 dozen cookies for them. this year, i made 3 dozen just for our 3 adopted service men. PLUS, chocolate covered pretzels and peppermint bark. then i also made some stuff for the police dept and the fire/ rescue dept. i mailed some to a firefighter/ paramedic friend back in chicago too. i feel better for 2 reason, i am baking ( and not eatting it) and 2. i get to make someone else smile. i am hoping to finish this stuff up by tomorrow. then friday my kids and i are going to make holiday decorations/ ornaments/ treats from 6 different countries. when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. sure, this year nothing is the same. i won't see my kids christmas day. for the firs time in their lives i won't be there to see them open presents. but, this is my future, this is my reality. i can either sit and dwell, or i can try and make things different and better. all i know, is that at the end of the day i wanted to be married, but i wasn't married to someone that felt the same way........... that is HIS choice. my kids and i suffer the consequences, but i know in my heart that this is the better path for us. why spend my life with someone that doesn't love and respect me? what kind of message does that send ME and my kids?? (((HUGS))) and smile if you can! well, i am crying enough for u now too...gosh, i am SO VERY sorry... we all, here on LS, really do have it bad...but u have such a fabulous outlook on it all..i truly wish u well... your idea of donating the cookies might be a good idea... i am new to this community and really have no friends up here yet.. i was going to join my local church in january... anyway...u gave me some great ideas, thank you. again, i am sorry for your pain, i do know how it hurts so badly... although i would not get back together with my xh, i do miss the holidays with our family and OH so much more... ok, before i go on and on... take care and thank you for sharing and also your great gift ideas.
controlledchaos Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 no problem. :-) i didn't have many friends til this past year. we've lived her almost 5 yrs but it wasn't until my H moved out that i started to get to know anyone well. that's why i chose the fire dept and police dept to give my stuff to. and they seemed please to receive it. i do try to have an optimistic attitude. most people who know me tell me they think i'm so strong. inside i'm a crushed little girl still, but on the outside you'd never see that unless i make the choice to let you see. and to date i think there have been maybe 3 people to see that............. inside, i'm lonely and terrified. i don't trust anyone. here it's a bit better because it's all so anonymous. but i feel if i open up too much, or share too much the walls are all going to come crashing down. when things went from bad to worse i get more involved in my church. in the fall i got involved in 2 bible study groups and i have plans to join another in january. not saying it's the answer, but for me it seems to help some. maybe it's just the ability to focus on something else?? i do try my best and i do try to show people my strong, resilient (sp??) side. i think we're all lonely and scared though. how could we not be??
2.50 a gallon Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 dela & jane Trust me it will happen. If it could happen to me, I was worse than the Grinch, after the breakup of my marriage, I despised love, saw it as a weakness. Daily when I started my car, the first thing I did was turn on the tape player, and the first song on the tape, "I am a rock, I am an island". I wanted nothing to do with love. I ran from love. I was happy in my own little world. Why bring anybody in who would rock the boat. I lasted for 15 years and dated many many ladies. I was a couple of years from 50, and was still dating 30 year olds, and under. I had no plans to give up my life style. And still love bit me when I least suspected it.
2.50 a gallon Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Cookies, definitly go with cookies. That was a tradition I started the first Christmas after my break up. I did for the little boy in me, and it turned my life around. I discovered that the ladies appreciated my cookies, and they came over to help, with champagne, or wine. It helped me reclaim the holidays. Best part is 15 years later I began dating my current GF, she stirred things in me that I thought were long dead and forgotten. I found myself in love with a woman who had been just as hurt as myself. She had no interest in ever trusting another man. We had only been dating a couple of months when our first holiday came around, and my tradition of baking cookies, started the process of bringing her down off of her fence. One of her first presents to me was a large container to put all of the cookie cutters in.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Since you can't rewind time, to enhance your mood and perspective to one of a more productive and enjoyable level, do your best to think about all of the things you're thankful for. It's impossible to think and focus on what we're thankful for without experiencing a happy state of mind. Do what you can to reach an attitude of gratitude. I'm sure there's a lot more in your life to be thankful for than sad about!
Author delajoonal Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 controlledchaos.. oh boy, u and i...r the same...i have been just recently i kinda opened up to a few close friends...they said, "OMG, we had NO idea u have gone thru so much in the past 2 years!, Y did u not tell us???" they went on to say how well i hide IT ALL...not sure if that is good either tho... anyway, i am like u, LS is safe and i can let IT ALL OUT !!.. gallon...how r u darlin'...u know, everytime i think of xmas cookies, i think of u...that is the honest truth..i remembered your story from way back when...so to that, i bought ALL the cookie makings today...so here is TO YOUR tradition and TO mine!.. breakupguy12... yep, u bet i have so much to be grateful for...i have a roof over my head, actually a very nice place to live, safe, wondeful community, etc...i have my doggie, which has a wound at this time, so i am kinda freaked out about that...but we r doing all we can...she is my ANGEL...GOd gave her to me, i think, He knew, what h*ll i was going to be going thru this past few years, so he Blessed me with this mini me Angel...LOL... my son is thriving, healthy happy a great career...my health, it is was it is...so be it...but, yes, i am grateful for so much..especially after seeing what is happening in our country right now..so much devastation and loss..and come to find out those that lost their homes in these floods, have NO flood insurance..OMG!...so i am going to be looking to do what i can for them...one charity at a time...as best i can, right ok, so i have rambled on and on...but i am actually feeling perty good today...got out and for a LONG walk and fresh mountain air...shopped for some goodies for the holiday...and looking forward to a long talk with my big bro tonight when he gets back from vaca... Merry Christmas to u all...very truly...dela:love:
tojaz Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 p.s. now, what us your address, cause i am NOT going to gain 50 lbs eating all these dang cookies by myself...LOL:eek: PM sent!!!!!! controlledchaos.. oh boy, u and i...r the same...i have been just recently i kinda opened up to a few close friends...they said, "OMG, we had NO idea u have gone thru so much in the past 2 years!, Y did u not tell us???" they went on to say how well i hide IT ALL...not sure if that is good either tho... anyway, i am like u, LS is safe and i can let IT ALL OUT !!.. gallon...how r u darlin'...u know, everytime i think of xmas cookies, i think of u...that is the honest truth..i remembered your story from way back when...so to that, i bought ALL the cookie makings today...so here is TO YOUR tradition and TO mine!.. breakupguy12... yep, u bet i have so much to be grateful for...i have a roof over my head, actually a very nice place to live, safe, wondeful community, etc...i have my doggie, which has a wound at this time, so i am kinda freaked out about that...but we r doing all we can...she is my ANGEL...GOd gave her to me, i think, He knew, what h*ll i was going to be going thru this past few years, so he Blessed me with this mini me Angel...LOL... my son is thriving, healthy happy a great career...my health, it is was it is...so be it...but, yes, i am grateful for so much..especially after seeing what is happening in our country right now..so much devastation and loss..and come to find out those that lost their homes in these floods, have NO flood insurance..OMG!...so i am going to be looking to do what i can for them...one charity at a time...as best i can, right ok, so i have rambled on and on...but i am actually feeling perty good today...got out and for a LONG walk and fresh mountain air...shopped for some goodies for the holiday...and looking forward to a long talk with my big bro tonight when he gets back from vaca... Merry Christmas to u all...very truly...dela:love: Dela, its not always good to be able to hide things so well. Its very easy to be strong just to find that we our selves are not getting what we need from those we care about. Sometimes its them and sometimes its just that we hide it so well. You cant hide from your troubles, be it in a new relationship, throwing yourself into charity work, or some of the more harmful vices. These things can help, but too much can do just as much damage, or more. TOJAZ
Author delajoonal Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 PM sent!!!!!! Dela, its not always good to be able to hide things so well. Its very easy to be strong just to find that we our selves are not getting what we need from those we care about. Sometimes its them and sometimes its just that we hide it so well. You cant hide from your troubles, be it in a new relationship, throwing yourself into charity work, or some of the more harmful vices. These things can help, but too much can do just as much damage, or more. TOJAZ really tojaz...i thought u knew ME better than this? 'throwing myself into charities", yes, i would like to help, BUT not make IT my life... as for hiding my 'private' life, yes, i don't think that ALL friends and family members should know ALL my business...that is why i come to LS, as we all do...understanding with anonymity. as for harmful vices, i am not sure what that means...booze, drugs, and you know i DO NOT do ANY of those..ever, not even casually...me and my life are RAW, no nothing to numb it..any of it... as for my past R, i was not hiding from anything..i truly care for this man..it maybe a rebound R...but never the less...he is important to me..not a hiding place... i am working the best i can, daily with my life, what my xh did to me, coping with a recent break up as well...it's all very raw right now... i have to say, i am kinda surprised at your respone to ME...since u know me so well...especially how sensitive i am..u had to know i was going to take this hard :~( but, thank you...as always, i know it comes from your heart...just thought u knew me better than this...and maybe could have been a bit more diplomatic with your harsh words??? lv ya tho... talk later.. dela;)
wrencn Posted December 24, 2010 Posted December 24, 2010 I feel your pain. I am struggling with the holidays and the cold weather. I had been doing well for a while. It sucks!
Author delajoonal Posted December 24, 2010 Author Posted December 24, 2010 I feel your pain. I am struggling with the holidays and the cold weather. I had been doing well for a while. It sucks! i am sorry sweetie...truly...the holidays have a way of bringing up the old stuff we thought we had dealt with way back when, huh... try to have a good day tho. do u celebrate Christmas? will u be with friends or family this year? try to emerse yourself in the fun, food, convo's and laughter... i will be spending this year, alone...just me and my Girl Em's (chihuahua). my family is 4 hours away and both my Em and i have been a bit under the weather, so no traveling either... but i bought stuff to make cookies and some yummy ham and scalloped potatoes...and a list of xmas movies/dvd's to help get into the spirit of it all... if the above fails, i have my good ol' SATC (sex and the city) dvd's...which NEVER fail me...always put me in another place and a better mood..LOL i am sorry for your pain as well...it's perty sucky...for us all here on LS... Merry Christmas...try too, OK;) take care, dela:love:
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