wtf?

[Star Gazer]

You mean I've criticized you in my self defense, and aptly, I might add. OK.

 

Honestly, SG, I really don't think you're in a position to complain about me being overly "harsh" in my commentary about others. I mean, are you for real, or are you just yanking my chain??? Surely the irony there can't fly completely over your head!

 

:lmao: I KNEW you'd say that! Do you think I'd ever post a thread here complaining about a guy getting upset about my harsh commentary and act like I only said one thing EVER to him that may have been tactless to twist it around on him as though he's the one with the problem? No, I suffer from no self-deception. I know I can be harsh and sarcastic in my delivery sometimes. I own it, and work on it - particularly with real relationships with friends and SOs. You don't own it. You put up a shield and deflect and point fingers.

 

If a guy said, "You can be harsh sometimes" after one particular comment, I'd be fully able to admit that he's absolutely right. Unlike you, I would not deny ever saying anything else offensive during the course of knowing the person. Unlike you, I would not wage another character attack against him to justify the mistreatment I dolled out.

 

Again, this isn't about me and how harsh or snarky I am, or how mean and snarky he is. It's about how YOU came across to HIM and his reaction to it.

[Star Gazer]

It's not really fair to expect perfection from me when you did something insensitive that I readily forgave -- that time you blew me off. I hope you can put that in perspective. I didn't want to harp on it at the time' date=' but that DID hurt me. Yet I was willing to forgive you, and I don't regret that. [/b']

 

Again, you're comparing what he did to what you did. You can't do that. You have to take each "incident" as a separate, distinct act, and each person's personality and behavior as their own without comparing it to yours. You can't justify your poor behavior and argue that forgiveness is justified because of what he did in the past. Life and relationships aren't about tit for tat and retribution and being Even Steven and an eye for an eye. "You were mean to me, so why can't I be mean to you back?"

 

And when does that reasoning end? Now? Are you even yet? I don't understand why you think this is okay?

 

Taking that into consideration, I'm surprised you would not want to see me again because I said a few tactless things that I apologized for. My point is if you're not going to be completely sensitive to others, then you should be willing to at least forgive some of their human foibles, or you'll just end up pushing them away.

 

Just because YOU chose to continue seeing him after he hurt you (which EVERYONE counseled you against doing), doesn't mean that HE should continue seeing you after you hurt him. Clearly, his standards for people is a lot more reasonable than yours. If someone hurts him, and he doesn't trust that the person won't hurt him again (which is highly likely here), he moves on. You're incapable of doing that yourself, but just because that's how you are, doesn't mean that's how he should be.

 

You're right that I'm not good at communicating my thoughts -- people often assume I'm standoffish -- but the truth is I'm very warm and caring once you get past the surface, just socially a bit clueless to those who don't know me well.

 

Shouldn't he know this by now, after having known him for so long and having been sleeping together??

[Star Gazer]

Well, Mme is not lying, though. Shadow, you have been pretty consistent in all your threads in playing the victim and villifying others. With the Mexican guy, you were the victim. With the OKC guy you were the victim, even though you were the one who initiated sex. With J you are the victim, time and again. You've said some pretty cruel things about J on here. It's hard to imagine you held that in and didn't elude something to him irl. Before you jump the gun, I'm not saying you're lying. But J said in his email that you lack tact, so I'm guessing you may have put your foot in your mouth quite a few times with him, especially considering the way he exploded on you.

 

Sure he's a drama queen, but so are you. I also concur that you should start a newsgroup for those who will coddle you, as that is what you seem to respond to the best.

 

I'm not saying this to be nasty (as you love to believe... which is in your pattern, btw... dissenter- aggressor, you - victim), but like Mme and a few others I would love to see you take accountability.

 

Personally I'm still not getting what the big deal is. You said so yourself, you wanted his friendship in name only, and only as a business contact. So why all the hubbub? Are you that desperate for his business relationship?

 

Agreed 100%, with Lisa and Chauncer, with special attention to the bolded.

[Star Gazer]

Well, you've said very many negative things here about him - how much you disrespect him, criticized him up, down and sideways for deciding to move to NY or take a spur of the moment trip, you've shared your intention to play games at his expense for "fun", referred to him as a "fly," diagnosed him with Asperger's, said you had no interest in friendship with him but just wanted to use him as a business contact (right) and on, and on, and on, and on.

 

I would be profoundly surprised if none of this has been used as ammo against him, especially while you've been drinking. After all, he has had the audacity to not be your boyfriend despite all of your ploys.

 

I'm not exactly accusing you of lying, more like dissembling - you said here on LS that you weren't having sex with him - and you were, and that you were going to go no contact with him - and you did not, and that you were not going to be hanging out as "friends" - and you are. So, I venture to guess that there has been a great deal coming from you to him that you have chosen not to share here. I think that you've torqued the tale to try to garner the exact type of attention and responses that you want to receive.

 

That's all fine, and I hope you are enjoying your drama, but I really wonder why it has to culminate in a thread here.

 

I really agree with the above. It's not that anyone is accusing you of lying, Shadow/Sky... it's that if you can be harsh and lack tact, then the way you've talked about him in the past (see bolded above) is surely to have slipped out via tactless comments, of which there are probably more than you're either willing to admit or realize.

[northern_sky]

:lmao: I KNEW you'd say that! Do you think I'd ever post a thread here complaining about a guy getting upset about my harsh commentary and act like I only said one thing EVER to him that may have been tactless to twist it around on him as though he's the one with the problem? No, I suffer from no self-deception. I know I can be harsh and sarcastic in my delivery sometimes. I own it, and work on it - particularly with real relationships with friends and SOs. You don't own it. You put up a shield and deflect and point fingers.

 

If a guy said, "You can be harsh sometimes" after one particular comment, I'd be fully able to admit that he's absolutely right. Unlike you, I would not deny ever saying anything else offensive during the course of knowing the person. Unlike you, I would not wage another character attack against him to justify the mistreatment I dolled out.

 

Again, this isn't about me and how harsh or snarky I am, or how mean and snarky he is. It's about how YOU came across to HIM and his reaction to it.

 

Really? Cause I've never seen you tone that harsh delivery down on LS in consideration for the other person's feelings. And I've seen you hurt a number of posters. I can't imagine you're too different in real life. If you're going to use my behavior on LS as suggestive of how I act in real life, I think that's very fair game.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Really? Cause I've never seen you tone that harsh delivery down on LS in consideration for the other person's feelings. And I've seen you hurt a number of posters. I can't imagine you're too different in real life. If you're going to use my behavior on LS as suggestive of how I act in real life, I think that's very fair game.

 

That's exactly what she just said about herself, NS. And she owns it, and also the consequences of it. She doesn't say stuff like "actually, though I behave harshly, really I'm not! I'm a warm and caring person!"

 

She probably has people close to her IRL who give her plenty of reality checks as well.

 

But, again, she used herself for an example to reach out to you. This thread is not about her character flaws.

[Star Gazer]

Really? Cause I've never seen you tone that harsh delivery down on LS in consideration for the other person's feelings.

 

Oh really? NEVER? Well then, you're willfully blind, Shadow....by your own bias, OR just reading your and OG's threads and no one else's. Why did you thank me for "some of the best advice I've ever given you" just last week, if I've never toned it down in consideration for someone's feelings??

 

You pick and choose, pick and choose. Make someone okay one day when you like what they're doing and have to say, then vilify them when you don't. I'm really not offended, because it's your well-established MO. *shrug*

 

And I've seen you hurt a number of posters. I can't imagine you're too different in real life. If you're going to use my behavior on LS as suggestive of how I act in real life, I think that's very fair game.

 

AGAIN, I didn't start a thread about how my tactlessness hurt someone and their response to it. YOU did. If I had started such a thread, I would fully acknowledge how snarky I can be (online, anyway), and that I very likely said other things to upset them. Can you do the same? CAN YOU?

 

But FWIW, in person you can hear my voice and see my facial expressions and body language. I come across a lot differently in person. I have no problem making and keeping friends. What about you?

[Stockalone]

Can you really control what you find attractive or will yourself into finding something attractive that you don't naturally? This is something with which I've continually struggled.

 

I don't think that you can change who you are attracted to. However, you can learn to control that attraction somewhat.

 

You'll learn to see the red flags and thus be able to act accordingly (or sometimes ignore the flags if that is what you want).

 

I'll go against my own better judgment every one in a while, and even though that never works out for me, I always learn something. About other people but also about myself.

 

I am not sure if you go into certain situations with your eyes wide open, knowing there is a good chance you'll get hurt eventually (which is a calculated risk), or if you simply can't see (or don' want to see) what you are getting yourself into.

 

 

I laughed and teasingly said, "why are you so slutty?" He said that it's because he felt like he hadn't slept with enough women. And then he suddenly got really upset and told me to leave and that he needed to be alone. He says I hit a nerve since his sluttiness is something he is seriously insecure about. He also asked me for a hug after I said this, which I gave him.

 

Sorry, but I am not buying that for a second.

 

 

He's those things, but there are a lot of great qualities that I like about him. It's not black and white. I was hoping we could stay friends, and thought it was worth a shot.

 

I am with Star Gazer on this one. I don't understand why you are so hell-bent on staying friends with him.

 

I understand we all have our own boundaries, and I have done some foolish things, but at this point, I think enough is enough. Sometimes, things are as simple as black and white.

 

 

This is what I think. I believe this whole fit was an excuse to cut of our friendship. Hence why I said he doesn't value me as a friend, and why I don't feel like I should respond.

 

Personally, I think he is a drama queen and doesn't react well to criticism which is why he acted that way. It let's him end friendship without having to reflect on his own behaviour.

 

That said, it's also possible that two people tremendously piss each other off without meaning to do so. It could be small things, like differences in communication styles, or their views about what friendship means. Things like that can create misunderstandings and those misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings and wounded pride, etc. In the end, they may never talk to each other again, and both of them will be feeling misunderstood and wronged.

 

I don't think that is really the case here, but it's worth thinking about it before dismissing the idea. You can be blunt, northern, there is no doubt about that. Some people don't react to that very well. The above scenario is one that you might encounter in the future.

 

 

Just as a sample of how I relate to J, and how nice I am...almost too nice. I'll post my email to him, between his two emails to me.

 

I still have no clue why you would want to salvage the friendship with him, but in general, there is only so much you can do to salvage any friendship.

 

If you always have to be the one who has to apologize, mend the fences and mince words because he is easily offended by your bluntness or your sense of humour, then it's just not worth it.

 

Also, the sometimes bitter truth is that no matter how many things you have done right, no matter how many times you have helped someone, it doesn't give you a "get out of jail free card" that you can cash in when you do something that hurts or offends them. We don't get to decide what someone else should forgive us.

 

All of the good you have done can be undone by one stupid, or simply careless action. In that, a friendship is really no different than a relationship. If he really is offended because you teasingly called him slutty, then that is his right.

 

Certain friendships are worth fighting for, so I can understand why you try, but you should ask yourself if this one really is one of those friendships worth fighting for.

[northern_sky]

I come across a lot differently in person. I have no problem making and keeping friends. What about you?

 

That's a low blow. If you're going to go there, then you might want to consider your own track record at keeping boyfriends. It's easier to keep a friend, since there's a inherent boundary there, then it is to keep somebody who has intimate daily contact with you. I don't buy that your behavior on LS is totally removed from how you act in person, and I can easily understand why you'd run into relationship difficulties with that in mind.

[Star Gazer]

That's a low blow. If you're going to go there, then you might want to consider your own track record at keeping boyfriends. It's easier to keep a friend, since there's a inherent boundary there, then it is to keep somebody who has intimate daily contact with you. I don't buy that your behavior on LS is totally removed from how you act in person, and I can easily understand why you'd run into relationship difficulties with that in mind.

 

Talk about low blows! You can ask yourself the same question, Shadow/Sky. Friends or boyfriends, you haven't been able to keep either for longer than a month or two.

 

And if it's easier to keep friends, then why are you having such trouble in that regard?

[Yer_Blues]

That's a low blow. If you're going to go there, then you might want to consider your own track record at keeping boyfriends. It's easier to keep a friend, since there's a inherent boundary there, then it is to keep somebody who has intimate daily contact with you. I don't buy that your behavior on LS is totally removed from how you act in person, and I can easily understand why you'd run into relationship difficulties with that in mind.

 

Why are you throwing barbs at each other over an Internet forum? Don't you see the drama surrounding everything going on here? I understand you are defensive because people are making judgements about your situations without actually being there/knowing all the details, but that is the limitation of this kind of communication. There's no need for it to get so hostile

[northern_sky]

Talk about low blows! You can ask yourself the same question, Shadow/Sky. Friends or boyfriends, you haven't been able to keep either for longer than a month or two.

 

And if it's easier to keep friends, then why are you having such trouble in that regard?

 

Not true. All of my actual relationships have ranged from several months to several years. I am still best friends with my first boyfriend who I have known for 8 years now, who I was with for two years, and still friends with all of my exes except for one (my last).

 

I have trouble making friends, because I'm socially awkward. Not keeping them, unless you count when I was a kid or a teenager.

Edited December 18, 2010 by northern_sky

[Star Gazer]

I am not sure if you go into certain situations with your eyes wide open, knowing there is a good chance you'll get hurt eventually (which is a calculated risk), or if you simply can't see (or don' want to see) what you are getting yourself into.

 

That's what J is doing here. He knows there's a good chance she'll cut him down again, and he's evaluating whether that's a risk worth taking.

 

Personally, I think he is a drama queen and doesn't react well to criticism which is why he acted that way. It let's him end friendship without having to reflect on his own behaviour.

 

They're equally guilty.

 

That said, it's also possible that two people tremendously piss each other off without meaning to do so. It could be small things, like differences in communication styles, or their views about what friendship means. Things like that can create misunderstandings and those misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings and wounded pride, etc. In the end, they may never talk to each other again, and both of them will be feeling misunderstood and wronged.

 

I don't think that is really the case here, but it's worth thinking about it before dismissing the idea. You can be blunt, northern, there is no doubt about that. Some people don't react to that very well. The above scenario is one that you might encounter in the future.

 

All very true. And because she's likely to encounter it in the future, it's worth working on.

 

Also, the sometimes bitter truth is that no matter how many things you have done right, no matter how many times you have helped someone, it doesn't give you a "get out of jail free card" that you can cash in when you do something that hurts or offends them. We don't get to decide what someone else should forgive us.

 

All of the good you have done can be undone by one stupid, or simply careless action. In that, a friendship is really no different than a relationship. If he really is offended because you teasingly called him slutty, then that is his right.

 

EXACTLY!!!

 

Certain friendships are worth fighting for, so I can understand why you try, but you should ask yourself if this one really is one of those friendships worth fighting for.

 

Loss of control, nothing more.

[sweetjasmine]

Sky, it seems like whenever someone points out something negative about your actions, you get very defensive and turn it around on them, pointing out their behavior in an attempt to distract from your own. Why? Everyone has weaknesses, and, yes, it is weird to have someone who may have their own faults pointing out your faults, but you're never going to get anywhere if you put more energy into tit-for-tat "but mom, s/he did this" than you do into owning up to your faults and working to do something differently next time.

 

Whether Star or Lisa or Mme Chaucer think x, y, z or do a, b, c has no bearing on your situation, your thoughts, your feelings, and your behaviors. That other people might do things and have other problems doesn't help you work on yours one bit.

[Ariadne]

And if it's easier to keep friends, then why are you having such trouble in that regard?

 

Well, she made some good friends here in LS for what I've seen.

 

And NS, seems like this guy is not too keen on hanging out anymore, sort of can't see eye to eye with you.

[Star Gazer]

Not true. All of my actual relationships have ranged from several months to several years. I am still best friends with my first boyfriend who I have known for 8 years now, who I was with for two years, and still friends with all of my exes except for one (my last).

 

I have trouble making friends, because I'm socially awkward. Not keeping them, unless you count when I was a kid or a teenager.

 

First time we're hearing about this, conveniently.

 

Regardless, I have lost any remaining smidgen of desire to engage with you after that incredibly heartless and cruel low blow. I'd rather be snarky in my attempts to help open your eyes and help you grow, than to be intentionally malicious to cut someone down who's try to do so, anyday.

 

Best of luck to you, Shadow/Sky. I believe you're going to need it. Take care.

[Star Gazer]

Sky, it seems like whenever someone points out something negative about your actions, you get very defensive and turn it around on them, pointing out their behavior in an attempt to distract from your own. Why?

 

Because it would really suck to have to take responsibility and ownership of her wrongdoing. It's easier to point fingers.

 

Everyone has weaknesses, and, yes, it is weird to have someone who may have their own faults pointing out your faults, but you're never going to get anywhere if you put more energy into tit-for-tat "but mom, s/he did this" than you do into owning up to your faults and working to do something differently next time.

 

Whether Star or Lisa or Mme Chaucer think x, y, z or do a, b, c has no bearing on your situation, your thoughts, your feelings, and your behaviors. That other people might do things and have other problems doesn't help you work on yours one bit.

 

Yup, yup, and yup.

[northern_sky]

First time we're hearing about this, conveniently.

 

Regardless, I have lost any remaining smidgen of desire to engage with you after that incredibly heartless and cruel low blow. I'd rather be snarky in my attempts to help open your eyes and help you grow, than to be intentionally malicious to cut someone down who's try to do so, anyday.

 

Best of luck to you, Shadow/Sky. I believe you're going to need it. Take care.

 

Right... I've just posted about this on LS about a million times, including the first post on my thread about Myers Briggs where I mention the length of my various relationships.

 

Good, nothing positive comes out of your contributions to my threads.

[Star Gazer]

You should change your definition of positive from everyone agreeing with and validating you to actually improving yourself and focusing on eliminating your flaws and not focusing on everybody elses.

 

If you are doing nothing wrong and are completely excused in everything, than just continue to do exactly the same thing and let everyone know the results. I don't claim to know anything about your situation, but I see your approach in this thread as counterproductive in every sense of the word.

 

You don't need to know everything about the situation to see this, YB. You just have to have at least one eye, which you apparently have!

[threebyfate]

Except ... they did not "split," they were not ever a couple. She is not his "ex," they were not a couple. They were having casual sex. People who have casual sex might be quite comfortable talking about other casual sex.

 

He probably showed some vulnerability and then NS pounced on it to "teach him a lesson" for rejecting her.

 

Maybe he is a drama queen. So what.

Hence why I used the term split rather than breaking up. An FWB is a relationship of sorts, just not an emotionally exclusive one.

 

Do you talk about sex with your exes, regardless of FWB or relationship partner? I don't. Pretty tacky shyte.

[northern_sky]

I don't think that you can change who you are attracted to. However, you can learn to control that attraction somewhat.

 

You'll learn to see the red flags and thus be able to act accordingly (or sometimes ignore the flags if that is what you want).

 

I'll go against my own better judgment every one in a while, and even though that never works out for me, I always learn something. About other people but also about myself.

 

I am not sure if you go into certain situations with your eyes wide open, knowing there is a good chance you'll get hurt eventually (which is a calculated risk), or if you simply can't see (or don' want to see) what you are getting yourself into.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, but I am not buying that for a second.

 

 

 

 

I am with Star Gazer on this one. I don't understand why you are so hell-bent on staying friends with him.

 

I understand we all have our own boundaries, and I have done some foolish things, but at this point, I think enough is enough. Sometimes, things are as simple as black and white.

 

 

 

 

Personally, I think he is a drama queen and doesn't react well to criticism which is why he acted that way. It let's him end friendship without having to reflect on his own behaviour.

 

That said, it's also possible that two people tremendously piss each other off without meaning to do so. It could be small things, like differences in communication styles, or their views about what friendship means. Things like that can create misunderstandings and those misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings and wounded pride, etc. In the end, they may never talk to each other again, and both of them will be feeling misunderstood and wronged.

 

I don't think that is really the case here, but it's worth thinking about it before dismissing the idea. You can be blunt, northern, there is no doubt about that. Some people don't react to that very well. The above scenario is one that you might encounter in the future.

 

 

 

 

I still have no clue why you would want to salvage the friendship with him, but in general, there is only so much you can do to salvage any friendship.

 

If you always have to be the one who has to apologize, mend the fences and mince words because he is easily offended by your bluntness or your sense of humour, then it's just not worth it.

 

Also, the sometimes bitter truth is that no matter how many things you have done right, no matter how many times you have helped someone, it doesn't give you a "get out of jail free card" that you can cash in when you do something that hurts or offends them. We don't get to decide what someone else should forgive us.

 

All of the good you have done can be undone by one stupid, or simply careless action. In that, a friendship is really no different than a relationship. If he really is offended because you teasingly called him slutty, then that is his right.

 

Certain friendships are worth fighting for, so I can understand why you try, but you should ask yourself if this one really is one of those friendships worth fighting for.

 

Thanks, that's good advice, and I pretty much agree with everything you said.

 

I wanted to keep him as a friend party because it's rare for me to find someone I connect with intellectually, and I feel pretty lonely here. But it obviously isn't working.

 

At first I was seriously confused by his response, but now I see, as you said, that it was just an excuse to end our friendship guilt-free. I wish I hadn't let it get to me. I actually thought he valued our friendship, so it did hurt. But it's better to know now rather than later.

Edited December 18, 2010 by northern_sky

[Chocolat]

It's pretty clear from what he wrote that J was hurt by things (plural) you said. You may believe his reaction was unwarranted or that his prior insensitivity to you should render him immune to any harsh words or tone from you, but he does not see it this way. He is hurt and he is taking time to reassess. No one, and especially no man, would bare himself as he did in his emails to you, just as a way of getting out of a friendship.

 

Have you considered that the "dismissiveness" that you mentioned (and dismissed!) earlier in this thread was something J perceived from the start? Something that perhaps prevented him from developing the feelings for you that you wanted so much? I think that the vulnerability you feel inside is not what comes across outside and that you may be playing a large but unwitting role in your own lack of success.

[northern_sky]

It's pretty clear from what he wrote that J was hurt by things (plural) you said. You may believe his reaction was unwarranted or that his prior insensitivity to you should render him immune to any harsh words or tone from you, but he does not see it this way. He is hurt and he is taking time to reassess. No one, and especially no man, would bare himself as he did in his emails to you, just as a way of getting out of a friendship.

 

Have you considered that the "dismissiveness" that you mentioned (and dismissed!) earlier in this thread was something J perceived from the start? Something that perhaps prevented him from developing the feelings for you that you wanted so much? I think that the vulnerability you feel inside is not what comes across outside and that you may be playing a large but unwitting role in your own lack of success.

 

actually one of the first things he said about me was that he really likes me and how "opinionated" I am. And how strong I state my opinions. That's why this whole thing threw me for a loop.

[catgotyourtongue]

Hi

I was reading these threads and although a lot of it is harsh which initally had me a little at bay, I learned a lot through the comments posted to OP and her comments as I can see hints of my behavior and others within the nuggets of these posts.

 

Wow it's pretty amazing to see someone else go through and do, say and defend things and see them in such a diff. way for the first time. I thought I was fairly aware abt my own motives, behaviors, issues and reasons for how and why i react, but boy was there a wallop of context and content in here to learn a lifetime of lessons.

 

mme chaucer and star gazer, your responses left a lot of stuff swirling in my head and truly hit some chords with me, both in how I would respond if you were saying them to me, and in how you expressed your points. They are great food for thought and I am sorry that things get heated and harsh on here, but often it is through brutal honesty that people can learn and see and hear. I appreciate your input.

 

As for OP, I did not read the entire letter from J but parts of me were very much impressed that this man could and wound take the time to express himself with clarity and depth, opening himself up to a lot. I realize there is a lot of things I don't know, and I am not sticking up for him or putting you down at all, the whole thing seems heavy and drama, but I do respect that he took the time to say what he was feeling and moreso to say that when you said x,y,z it felt like x,y,z to him. He seemed to express that with tact and thought rather than lashing and saying YOU ARE THIS AND THAT. Lots of peeps who have had therapy or read books have heard that is a good way to address something. For ex. a general example "when you make comments to belittle me, it makes me feel like you don't respect me, or ..."

 

That's pretty open and men often have a hard time expressing themselves that way. I wish you both the best of luck and hope that you find some peace this holiday season......he may be a drama queen (dont know) but if u get in a constant battle of words and defenses and blame and getting in the last word, it is never going to go well, someone has to be the change-at least one of u.

 

peace out

[harmfulsweetz]

Unless you start to take control of yourself, and your actions, you'll be acting as a passenger in your own life-things happen to you, people keep doing this, that or the other, whilst never connecting the dots. You DO have a habit of blaming other people for everything, and never reflecting back on yourself, to understand your part. If you aren't honest with yourself, and don't make any attempt to change, ultimately, you'll choose to be in the same situations again and again.

 

We all make choices in life, some good, some bad, and things do not just happen to us. (Ok, sometimes they do like getting cancer, or such) but most times, our own decisions lead us to the consequences, and we need to double back on those roads and find out where we went wrong.

 

I don't doubt for a second that he has been an a$$ at times, but I also think you've made some poor choices, namely continuing contact with a guy after finding out that A) he didn't want a relationship b) when you "split" (for lack of a better term). You come across as snarky, tactless and defensive in your posts, when people are trying to be of help to you. Is there a point in posting if you already know the answer? The only acceptable answer to you is that he is all to blame and you are a victim. You aren't, and the moment you take responsibility for yourself and stop playing the V-card is the moment the pattern ends, and you can find yourself in better situations.