I want to be his gf!

[soulm8]

You keep playing games with the guy here. We men don't like to wait for a woman to stop playing games. Tell us how you feel so we can get the ball rolling. I'm not going to date a woman 8 to 20 times and not feel something. If you want him to be your boyfriend, tell him how you feel, what you want and let him have his say, and it's obvious he feels the same way for you. Stop holding it over his head and hesitating. He isn't going to wait freaking 5 years for you to make a decision. You say you want him, then go get him.

 

Just because you've had to wait "8 to 20 times" or "5 years" doesn't mean I'm playing games. Before 11 days ago... I did not even know this man. And we have been discussing how we feel about everything. I just simply need to get a better feel for his ability/desire to be exclusive with me.

Edited December 19, 2010 by soulm8

[2sunny]

Just because you've had to wait "8 to 20 times" or "5 years" doesn't mean I'm playing games. Before 11 days ago... I did not even know this man. And we have been discussing how we feel about everything. I just simply need to get a better feel for his ability/desire to be exclusive with me.

 

for these reasons you listed - i wouldn't consider having him spend the night.

 

slow down. let him spend time with you - get to know him - find out things about his life. let time show you how he reacts to situations. meet his friends and family - THEN, after a while - after you have built some sense of intimacy - then get passionate IF you still like a million things about what you've come to know about him.

 

let him allow you to understand him before moving forward. after 11 days - he's still a complete stranger to you... he can TELL you anything he wants you to HEAR... wait - and watch - THAT will tell you what more you need to know.

 

let him make an effort to date you - take you out... meet his family etc.

 

how old are you? you seem a bit anxious and needy... step back and relax.

[Distant78]

Just because you've had to wait "8 to 20 times" or "5 years" doesn't mean I'm playing games. Before 11 days ago... I did not even know this man. And we have been discussing how we feel about everything. I just simply need to get a better feel for his ability/desire to be exclusive with me.

 

I didn't say I had to wait 8 to 20 times or 5 years. You are playing games. You already laid up in bed with the man, and you said you knew him only 11 days? Just ask him point blank how he feels about you. No need to duck and dodge.

[soulm8]

I'm not ducking and dodging anything. I'm wondering how I appear to be playing games by what I've shared.

 

I just got off the phone with him and he doesn't feel like I'm playing any games. In fact, we had a great conversation reviewing how everything is going so fast and it's best if we just meet up tomorrow rather than hanging out tonight... because the chemistry is there, even on the phone. We're dangerous!

 

He totally understands my wanting to ease his presence with my kids and we're both looking forward to exploring this further once my kids are at their father's. I guess you'd have to be a divorced, single parent with shared custody to understand.

[soulm8]

[/b]

 

for these reasons you listed - i wouldn't consider having him spend the night.

 

slow down. let him spend time with you - get to know him - find out things about his life. let time show you how he reacts to situations. meet his friends and family - THEN, after a while - after you have built some sense of intimacy - then get passionate IF you still like a million things about what you've come to know about him.

 

let him allow you to understand him before moving forward. after 11 days - he's still a complete stranger to you... he can TELL you anything he wants you to HEAR... wait - and watch - THAT will tell you what more you need to know.

 

let him make an effort to date you - take you out... meet his family etc.

 

how old are you? you seem a bit anxious and needy... step back and relax.

 

I missed this post somehow. Needy? Nope... I'm not needy and I'm trying to step back.

[2sunny]

I missed this post somehow. Needy? Nope... I'm not needy and I'm trying to step back.

 

so what's wrong with having him court you? take you out? make an effort? spend some time and money on/with you away from your home?

 

have you been to his house? know where he lives? have you met his friends and family? you never answered. seriously - i knew and was ready to date an amazing man... then when i did a background check on him he had been found guilty of 97 counts of felony burglary... the man was an attractive con artist... had all the talk and walk. thank god i didn't allow him to understand where i lived... much less come to my house before i found out more about him instead of believing the lies he wanted me to believe... he was good, too! start finding out! and stop moving so fast.

 

you seriously couldn't possibly know much about him - only what he tells you.

 

 

he needs to make more effort.

 

how old are you? you never answered.

[that girl]

The real question is, if you slept with him and you never saw him again or things slowly fizzled out, would you be upset?

 

If so, you should wait until you're in an established relationship. It has nothing to do with forcing him to wait or somehow upping your value. You should wait until you feel confident that things will continue in a way that will make you happy.

[soulm8]

so what's wrong with having him court you? take you out? make an effort? spend some time and money on/with you away from your home?

 

have you been to his house? know where he lives? have you met his friends and family? you never answered. seriously - i knew and was ready to date an amazing man... then when i did a background check on him he had been found guilty of 97 counts of felony burglary... the man was an attractive con artist... had all the talk and walk. thank god i didn't allow him to understand where i lived... much less come to my house before i found out more about him instead of believing the lies he wanted me to believe... he was good, too! start finding out! and stop moving so fast.

 

you seriously couldn't possibly know much about him - only what he tells you.

 

he needs to make more effort.

 

how old are you? you never answered.

 

How old are you? What does it really matter? I'm in my late 30s... a divorced, single parent... and consenting adult.

 

Of course I want to get to know him better, meet and introduce friends and family. I know where he lives, works and how to get in touch with his Mom. But you're quite right, I know very little about this man. I appreciate your concern and totally understand where you're coming from... which is why I decided to post my question.

 

This is what I was referring to when I said advice is confusing. It's obviously a personal decision. I just really hoped I could get some down-to-earth perspectives.

 

The real question is, if you slept with him and you never saw him again or things slowly fizzled out, would you be upset?

 

If so, you should wait until you're in an established relationship. It has nothing to do with forcing him to wait or somehow upping your value. You should wait until you feel confident that things will continue in a way that will make you happy.

 

You put that really, really well. Thank you!

 

I think too many people interpret going slowly as "forcing him to wait or somehow upping your value" or even playing games. It's amazing how black and white it is.

[2sunny]

How old are you? What does it really matter? I'm in my late 30s... a divorced, single parent... and consenting adult.

 

Of course I want to get to know him better, meet and introduce friends and family. I know where he lives, works and how to get in touch with his Mom. But you're quite right, I know very little about this man. I appreciate your concern and totally understand where you're coming from... which is why I decided to post my question.

 

This is what I was referring to when I said advice is confusing. It's obviously a personal decision. I just really hoped I could get some down-to-earth perspectives.

 

 

You put that really, really well. Thank you!

 

I think too many people interpret going slowly as "forcing him to wait or somehow upping your value" or even playing games. It's amazing how black and white it is.

 

 

i think you are getting some down to earth perspectives... based upon others experience and their perspective.

 

what you do with what others have willingly offered is up to you. choose wisely - in your best interest for long term as well as your child's...

 

make decisions based without all that emotion. if you wonder... step back and wait - decide later... that alone helps with clarity and decisions in the best interest of all.

[soulm8]

Well, I'm glad I didn't do anything I'd regret... he split. I suspected he was just lonely and looking for some action.

[DuskCrush]

it was good you waited...sorry to hear he split.

Better luck tomorrow.