Do you think that I may get with this girl someday?

[Kain Highwind]

The title of the post tells me enough to know that you're not going to get this girl. Just for kicks I read through some of it, and now it has been confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you will not get her "someday". First and foremost, your mentality is all wrong; you're asking the wrong question. Your question should be "How do i get this girl that has a b/f?", not "Do you think I may get with this girl someday?" You have no confidence, which is why you never asked her out or made a move on her. Back way off of this girl, do not initiate any contact with her. Start moving on and bettering yourself and she it's possible she'll come see what you're up to if this relationship doesn't work out. The best thing you can do to help yourself is disappear.

Well, the first was a matter of wording and I made the topic when I was really upset. I feel a bit better now so.. yeah

 

And I've been working on bettering myself. While we were talking, I didn't have a car, no job, and I looked really shaggy (really needed a haircut)

 

Got a car, looking for a job, got a decent haircut, etc

[Kain Highwind]

Nah I don't think that would be a good idea. Please just let her go. If you want to be friends, fine, but right now, no you may not get with this girl someday, especially if you don't respect her while she is dating another guy. Please show some respect and let off. If it doesn't work out with her and that other guy, then maybe you can talk to her then, but if you push her, you'll move out of the friend zone into a zone you might not want to be in (which would not be "with" her in any way.)

 

Totally agree with Backuporgetstung,

 

You really need to respect her and her boyfriend. How would you like it if you were dating someone and another guy was wanting to date your girlfriend and didn't respect ya'lls relationship hmm? Not cool! Just be her friend. If it's meant to be, it'll work out naturally. Don't force it or you'll end up really upsetting her, and she won't want you as a boyfriend at all in the future if it doesn't work out between her and him, or her and any other men she's interested in. To me it sounds like you should find someone who is more interested in you than she is. That's not bad that she's not interested in you. People are all different and are interested in different traits. if you want, just be her friend and move on, or don't be her friend and move on.

I'm trying to respect her relationship. I respect her too much to go between them. I just wish I could hang out or talk with her like we used too...

 

And I want tos ay that I know we'll get together. I seriously think we will, as does everyone I know that I've talked to. I would have said that in the topic title but people would have said I'm overconfident >_>

Edited December 20, 2010 by Kain Highwind

[griffinchicken53]

I have to ask you to ask yourself to step into her shoes. If you had a gf, would you want a girl you are friends with to tell you she likes you and "knows" y'all will get together?

 

I don't know how this will turn out. You came to the conclusion she is perfect on your own, you can't MAKE her feel the same about you. She has to figure it out on her own.

Did she get you a Christmas present?

[elaina]

I'm trying to respect her relationship. I respect her too much to go between them. I just wish I could hang out or talk with her like we used too...

 

And I want tos ay that I know we'll get together. I seriously think we will, as does everyone I know that I've talked to. I would have said that in the topic title but people would have said I'm overconfident >_>

 

Cool.

 

Just be careful please. It would be sad if you got heartbroken, or if you and her no longer were friends. Just let things move naturally please, and if it doesn't happen, consider that there will be another girl who will be on the same page as you.

[Kain Highwind]

Cool.

 

Just be careful please. It would be sad if you got heartbroken, or if you and her no longer were friends. Just let things move naturally please, and if it doesn't happen, consider that there will be another girl who will be on the same page as you.

I've already been heartbroken. Knowing that she's with him has done that to me but since I think that we will get together, its worth it in the long run. Darkest before dawn, etc

 

And there was a few month span where we pretty much weren't friends. I hated that so much :/

 

And I wouldn't do anything to cause them to split up, I was just thinking that if I let her know that I care for her and that I'd always be there for her, it may make her rethink me, so even if things between them may turn even slightly bad, she'll know that I'd be there

[Kain Highwind]

I have to ask you to ask yourself to step into her shoes. If you had a gf, would you want a girl you are friends with to tell you she likes you and "knows" y'all will get together?

 

I don't know how this will turn out. You came to the conclusion she is perfect on your own, you can't MAKE her feel the same about you. She has to figure it out on her own.

Did she get you a Christmas present?

I wouldn't say that I know we'd get together to her. That's just how I feel.

 

I know I can't make her but I think she did like me... i think that letter her know that I truly do care for her may help her realize that

 

And no, but she did get me a birthday present like three months after my birthday (...yeah)

[elaina]

I've already been heartbroken. Knowing that she's with him has done that to me but since I think that we will get together, its worth it in the long run. Darkest before dawn, etc

 

And there was a few month span where we pretty much weren't friends. I hated that so much :/

 

And I wouldn't do anything to cause them to split up, I was just thinking that if I let her know that I care for her and that I'd always be there for her, it may make her rethink me, so even if things between them may turn even slightly bad, she'll know that I'd be there

 

I am so sorry you are heartbroken. I understand.

 

The thing is, not everyone always thinks the same, so even if her friends and you think that she and you are perfect for each other, it means nothing if she herself doesn't think that too, you know?

 

One think that you can do while you are waiting for her (which it seems like you are doing) is have fun, grow as a person, and achieve other goals in your life: studies/career... have fun with friends, and as hard as it is, don't worry about what will happen between you and this girl. I wish you the best and I hope it naturally comes to be, but sometimes it doesn't. I don't mean to be negative, but I do know how it hurts to have hope that something will work out, and it doesn't. That's not your fault or her fault. That's just how some things go, but whether she ends up with you or not, I wish you the best. If it doesn't work out, then I'm sure another girl and you will fall in love with each other.

[griffinchicken53]

I understand, didn't mean to sound harsh.

[nice-easy-day]

So Kain, I hope you've noticed the trend in here. Basically everyone has said you need to back off except one person (surrealist). I actually really like his advice but I think it's a long shot. I know you're going to go for it with everything you got but just be ready to move on if it doesn't work out. The truth is you can only pursue a girl so much before you become a stalker. Don't let that happen. You'll never have her in your life again if she perceives you as such.

 

Somehow I get the impression you believe she isn't truly happy with this guy because you (and her friends) don't think they're a good match. Be careful, she might really like this guy A LOT and be with him for a very LONG time. How you perceive it as a third party doesn't mean a whole lot. I know many couples who I didn't think would be together for very long but they're still going strong. Do you see the reason it's best to move on sooner rather than later? Why waste years of your life for a maybe, what if, hope so?

 

Like I said, I too have a crush on a girl that I can't have right now but I'm still dating and trying to find someone else. You really need to consider it.

[BackUpOrGetStung]

Well, the first was a matter of wording and I made the topic when I was really upset. I feel a bit better now so.. yeah

 

And I've been working on bettering myself. While we were talking, I didn't have a car, no job, and I looked really shaggy (really needed a haircut)

 

Got a car, looking for a job, got a decent haircut, etc

 

Doesn't matter how you were feeling when you said it, that doesn't change anything. It still shows an incredible lack of confidence, which you've reinforced throughout this thread.

 

The car and the haircut are both superficial things, and she clearly didn't have a problem with you not having a car. The haircut, doesn't matter, and the fact that you think it has any bearing shows where your head is at...you're reaching for anything. She's just not interested. Doesn't matter how good her friends think you would be together, they're not the ones you should have been asking. When I say change yourself for the better, I mean change your outlook and your mindset. Do you have any goals, any ambition, even any direction in life right now?

[Kain Highwind]

I am so sorry you are heartbroken. I understand.

 

The thing is, not everyone always thinks the same, so even if her friends and you think that she and you are perfect for each other, it means nothing if she herself doesn't think that too, you know?

 

One think that you can do while you are waiting for her (which it seems like you are doing) is have fun, grow as a person, and achieve other goals in your life: studies/career... have fun with friends, and as hard as it is, don't worry about what will happen between you and this girl. I wish you the best and I hope it naturally comes to be, but sometimes it doesn't. I don't mean to be negative, but I do know how it hurts to have hope that something will work out, and it doesn't. That's not your fault or her fault. That's just how some things go, but whether she ends up with you or not, I wish you the best. If it doesn't work out, then I'm sure another girl and you will fall in love with each other.

I know that not everyone thinks the same. She's happy with him now (which is why I'm not doing anything), I just see them splitting up really soon, and if she gievs me a chance then, I know I'll treat her better than he would.

 

And I think it'll work out. Waiting is just so hard :/

[Kain Highwind]

So Kain, I hope you've noticed the trend in here. Basically everyone has said you need to back off except one person (surrealist). I actually really like his advice but I think it's a long shot. I know you're going to go for it with everything you got but just be ready to move on if it doesn't work out. The truth is you can only pursue a girl so much before you become a stalker. Don't let that happen. You'll never have her in your life again if she perceives you as such.

 

Somehow I get the impression you believe she isn't truly happy with this guy because you (and her friends) don't think they're a good match. Be careful, she might really like this guy A LOT and be with him for a very LONG time. How you perceive it as a third party doesn't mean a whole lot. I know many couples who I didn't think would be together for very long but they're still going strong. Do you see the reason it's best to move on sooner rather than later? Why waste years of your life for a maybe, what if, hope so?

 

Like I said, I too have a crush on a girl that I can't have right now but I'm still dating and trying to find someone else. You really need to consider it.

I thought I've been backing off? We've barely talked at all and we've only seen each other for like more than five minutes like once.

 

I still want her to be in my life but I've cut back alot

[nice-easy-day]

I thought I've been backing off? We've barely talked at all and we've only seen each other for like more than five minutes like once.

 

I still want her to be in my life but I've cut back alot

 

Fair enough. Now you should let go with your heart. I know it's the most painful thing to go through in life but at least make a start at it. Don't be afraid to detach her from your mind. Why would you want to think about her all day long if you can't even see her? You can't be with her right now so at least let go enough so you can enjoy life without her. Just begin taking the steps now.

[Kain Highwind]

Fair enough. Now you should let go with your heart. I know it's the most painful thing to go through in life but at least make a start at it. Don't be afraid to detach her from your mind. Why would you want to think about her all day long if you can't even see her? You can't be with her right now so at least let go enough so you can enjoy life without her. Just begin taking the steps now.

I've tried and... I just can't

 

And I think about her all day because even though it makes me upset, it makes me happy at the same time. I can just see us getting together soon and it just makes me so happy and even just thinking of her (not him) just makes me happy :/

[nice-easy-day]

I've tried and... I just can't

 

And I think about her all day because even though it makes me upset, it makes me happy at the same time. I can just see us getting together soon and it just makes me so happy and even just thinking of her (not him) just makes me happy :/

 

It's not healthy to think of someone like that who doesn't love you back. You're setting yourself up for a fall. Begin to take steps now to get her off your mind. It's one step at a time my friend, I know because I've been there. I've had woman take away almost a year of happiness from my life. It's not worth it. Her on your mind might make you feel happy now but someday that will change into pain.

[Kain Highwind]

It's not healthy to think of someone like that who doesn't love you back. You're setting yourself up for a fall. Begin to take steps now to get her off your mind. It's one step at a time my friend, I know because I've been there. I've had woman take away almost a year of happiness from my life. It's not worth it. Her on your mind might make you feel happy now but someday that will change into pain.

I know that for any other girl, it'd be unhealthy but... We were just too close. I seriously do think she liked me and if they split up, I'll still be there and since I can see them splitting up soon (just from what I know about the guy. I know alot of people that know him and I know how she is)

[BackUpOrGetStung]

I didn't realize how deeply you felt. You should just go over to her place and pour your heart out to her. Bring flowers too and if you're any good at writing, you should give her a poem that also expresses your love, so she can always cherish it.

[Kain Highwind]

I didn't realize how deeply you felt. You should just go over to her place and pour your heart out to her. Bring flowers too and if you're any good at writing, you should give her a poem that also expresses your love, so she can always cherish it.

...I can realize sarcasm

[Kain Highwind]

Just thinking of htem together, having fun and enjoying each other's presence on Christmas is enough to make me tear up :/

[Surrealist]

Just thinking of htem together, having fun and enjoying each other's presence on Christmas is enough to make me tear up :/

 

Yeah. Have you considered sending her another Christmas Card as a kind of surprise, wishing her a Merry Christmas and hope she has a great New Year and all, and then just in small print, as a Post Script you could write:

 

'P.S. I'm really thinking of you over this festive season and sometimes I feel a tear well up thinking of what could of been.'

 

It's sweet, not overly-dramatic and she may feel endeared to you for holding her in such engaging manner of thought.

[youngskywalker]

Knowing Surrealist, he's being sarcastic... are you?

 

Anyway, once I fell in love with this girl who took a job in another state. Before she left I wrote her a poem on how much I loved her. Didn't do any good! She still left. But, everyone has to take a shot in life and that's what I did. I live with no regrets on how I lost that girl. I have perfect peace that it was never meant to be.

 

So do you want to sit on the sidelines and let this girl destroy her life with some other guy when you know she can only be happy with you? Maybe you should tell her that. Your mind is in an unhealthy state and I'm afraid I'm going to read about you in the newspaper someday. Love is a powerful thing and needs to be handled carefully. Let this girl go or go get her. One or the other. Just keep us posted.

[Kain Highwind]

Yeah. Have you considered sending her another Christmas Card as a kind of surprise, wishing her a Merry Christmas and hope she has a great New Year and all, and then just in small print, as a Post Script you could write:

 

'P.S. I'm really thinking of you over this festive season and sometimes I feel a tear well up thinking of what could of been.'

 

It's sweet, not overly-dramatic and she may feel endeared to you for holding her in such engaging manner of thought.

yeah, but if that happened to me, I thought it'd come off as sort of clingy or stalkery though >_>

[Kain Highwind]

Knowing Surrealist, he's being sarcastic... are you?

 

Anyway, once I fell in love with this girl who took a job in another state. Before she left I wrote her a poem on how much I loved her. Didn't do any good! She still left. But, everyone has to take a shot in life and that's what I did. I live with no regrets on how I lost that girl. I have perfect peace that it was never meant to be.

 

So do you want to sit on the sidelines and let this girl destroy her life with some other guy when you know she can only be happy with you? Maybe you should tell her that. Your mind is in an unhealthy state and I'm afraid I'm going to read about you in the newspaper someday. Love is a powerful thing and needs to be handled carefully. Let this girl go or go get her. One or the other. Just keep us posted.

I do wanna get with her but I just can't help that my chances owuld be MUCH better if I waited :/

[youngskywalker]

or stalkery though >_>

 

I understand you're in love with this girl..... BUT you're borderline stalking as it is. If you start to chase this girl when she has a b/f I would say that's almost stalking. I hope you don't have pictures of her hanging around your room.

[Kain Highwind]

I understand you're in love with this girl..... BUT you're borderline stalking as it is. If you start to chase this girl when she has a b/f I would say that's almost stalking. I hope you don't have pictures of her hanging around your room.

nope lol

 

and how am I borderline stalking? I've always been under the assumption that's like following them wherever they go or something